PS....

It has been exactly two weeks since we heard the words "Cancer-Free" and I am still waking up in the morning relishing the reality.  I officially ended my blog at that time but this morning's reading has prompted me to share the beautiful words I found.  Here they are:

"Sorrow was beautiful, but her beauty was the beauty of the moonlight shining through the leafy branches of the trees in the wood, and making little pools of silver here and there on the soft green moss below.

When Sorrow sang, her notes were like the low sweet call of the nightingale, and in her eyes was the unexpectant gaze of one who has ceased to look for coming gladness.  She could weep in tender sympathy with those who weep, but to rejoice with those who rejoice was unknown to her.

Joy was beautiful, too, but his was the radiant beauty of the summer morning.  His eyes still held the glad laughter of childhood and his hair had the glint of the sunshine's kiss.  When Joy sang, his voice soared upward like the lark's and his step was the step of the conquerer who has never known defeat.  He could rejoice with all who rejoice, but to weep with those who weep was unknown to him.

'But we can never be united.', said Sorrow wistfully. 

'No, never.'  And Joy's eyes shadowed as he spoke.  'My path lies through the sunlit meadows, the sweetest roses bloom for my gathering and the blackbirds and thrushes await my coming to pour forth their most joyous lays.'

'My path', said Sorrow, turning slowly away, 'leads through the darkening woods, with moon-flowers only shall my hands be filled.  Yet the sweetest of all earth songs-the love song of the night- shall be mine; farewell, Joy, farewell.'

Even as she spoke they became conscious of a form standing beside them; dimly seen, but of a Kingly  Presence, and a great and holy awe stole over them as they sank to their knees before Him.

'I see Him as the King of Joy', whispered Sorrow, 'for on His head are many crowns, and the nail prints in His hands and feet are the scars of a great victory. Before Him all my sorrow is melting away into deathless love and gladness, and I give myself to Him forever.'

'Nay, Sorrow,', said Joy softly, 'but I see Him as the King of Sorrow, and the crown on His head is a crown of thorns, and the nail prints in His hands and feet are the scars of a great agony.  I, too, give myself to Him forever, for the sorrow with Him must be sweeter than any joy I have known.'

'Then we are one in Him', they cried in gladness, 'for none but He could unite Joy and Sorrow.'

Hand in hand they passed out into the world to follow Him through storm and sunshine, in the bleakness of winter cold and the warmth of summer gladness, 'as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing' ". -Streams in the Desert- Classic Edition (Author Unknown).

"As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing"-2 Corinthians 6:10

Such is the journey through cancer.

Cancer-Free!

What glorious words!  Those are the words we heard yesterday.  Our daughter, Jody, reminded us that it was exactly ten months ago, on October 5, 2012, that we heard the words, "You have cancer", and it was on August 5, 2013 that we heard the words, "You are cancer-free"! 

"Wowser!"....as friend KK so succinctly phrased it yesterday😊

First, Jenna, the Physician's Assistant, entered the office with a larger than usual smile on her face. She did a quick review of the results of my recent blood tests and then gave us the good news about the PET scan results.  I think we were all stunned for a moment and then the tears came. Thank goodness for daughter-in-law, Tami, who was taking notes, because it's all a blur to me. Poor Jenna!  We were all talking at once and throwing one question after another at her, but she put up with us all and shared in our joy.

Dr. Polowy came in next with an equally wide smile on his face.  He could not have been more pleased to give us further information on the scan.  Since Cholangiocarcinoma is a rare and nasty cancer, there is no established plan of attack that has proven successful in all cases.  At the outset of our journey Dr. Polowy fully explained his plan for my treatment and why he chose what he chose for me.  He told us that he is now treating two more patients who have this particular cancer, so we can imagine that my results encouraged him as well.  He is just the best!

I have been overwhelmed by the response of so many people who share our joy. The love and prayers prayed on our behalf just stagger me and I could not possibly thank you all enough in my lifetime.  It will take a lifetime to fully absorb all that has taken place throughout our journey through cancer and I sincerely pray that my experience can benefit others who are walking this walk.

My greatest thanks go to my God and my Savior, Jesus Christ, without Whom I could never have come through this. There has not been a millisecond when I was not aware of His presence.

I am so grateful to be able to join the psalmist, David, as he prayed:

"I will extol (praise highly) The Lord at all times;

His praise will always be on my lips.

My soul will boast in The Lord;

Let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify The Lord with me;

Let us exalt (honor) His name together.

I sought The Lord and He answered me;

He delivered me from all my fears......

The angel of The Lord encamps around those who fear Him,

And He delivers them.

Taste and see that The Lord is good;

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him....

The Lord is close to the broken hearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,

But The Lord delivers him from them all;

He protects all his bones,

Not one of them will be broken......."-Psalm 34:1-4, 7-8,18-20 (NIV).

This will be my last blog post, at least for the time being.  The purpose of the blog has always been to share God's faithfulness in times of chaos and challenge and hopefully this has been accomplished.

On the health front:

I can expect to experience lack of energy and stamina for a while, but other than that, it's clear sailing😊

Praising God!

CANCER-FREE.....two of the most beautiful words in the English language!  Our feet have yet to hit the ground.
We are praising God for this priceless gift.
Until tomorrow.......

My Rock

Just before bedtime last night I talked to BFF, Pat, telling her how peaceful I was about today and what it might bring.  Then I went to bed and dreamed that I was lost in an unfamiliar city where I knew no one, frantically trying to find the oncologist's office with no information as to where it was.  I had also forgotten where I had parked my car, to finish off the scenario.  So much for "the peace that passes understanding"!

The writer of my reading this morning brings me back to the truth that God is my Rock in good times and bad.  I can trust Him at all times, whether that trust comes easily or not. My life and my emotions may be flying in every direction but He is steady and unmovable.  What a perfect reminder for today.

"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in The Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight and understanding."-Proverbs 3:5 (Amplified Version).

On the health front:

Major butterflies but ready for the suspense to end.

One Day at a Time

Thank you again, Sarah Young, for giving me just what I needed as I get closer to Monday morning at 10:45 when I get the big picture for the next leg of my journey. You reminded me that all I need to do is to hold my Savior's hand and walk with Him joyously through this day.  You reminded me that there is enough beauty all around me at this very moment that there is no need to look ahead.

"Don't worry about what is around the next bend.  Just concentrate on enjoying My Presence and staying in step with Me."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).

Perfect counsel for today.

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful  and thankful."-Colossians 4:2 (NIV).

On the health front:

Headache, slightly crabby disposition.....Common cold?  Nerves in anticipation of tomorrow?  Who knows, and who cares!  This is the day that The Lord has made. I'm rejoicing and being glad in it😊

Borrowed Inspiration

More often than not I read the words of writers far more gifted than I will ever be, then use them as a springboard for application to my first-time journey through cancer.  Today is no exception. Streams in the Desert rang true for me this morning and I will once again shamelessly borrow inspiration from this beautiful book for my morning musings.

"Never pray for an easier life-pray to be a stronger person!  Never pray for tasks equal to your power-pray for power equal to your tasks.  Then doing your work will be no miracle-you will be the miracle."-Phillips Brooks.

I've thought about this often. I think I now really get it that tough times can produce tough people. An easy existence, in my case anyway, could not have opened my eyes to the truly important things of life to the degree that the challenges have, and I am ever so grateful for the lessons learned.  

BC, my natural tendencies were to consistently seek the easy way, the painless way, of "doing life." Only when all my own choices were taken away and stored for a season by God did I find the courage to forge ahead, trusting always, not sometimes, in Him for direction. 

I sense that the gift of making life choices is gradually being returned to me, and now I trust that my choices will come from a more solid foundation.  I want to be pleasing to God.  He did His part and my prayer is that I have been a good student.  I don't think I'll be actively begging Him for more challenges any time soon, but if they come, I am more prepared for them than I was nearly a year ago. In about forty-eight hours I'll find out whether or not that last statement has any merit😊

"Be men of courage; be strong."-1 Corinthians 16:13.

On the health front:

Sitting outside in the cool pines, how could anything be wrong?

"The strain is the strength..."

He had my attention at the first few sentences:

"An average view of the Christian life is that it means deliverance from trouble.  It is deliverance in trouble, which is very different......... There certainly will be troubles to meet, but Jesus says do not be surprised when they come."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest- Classic Edition).

I confess to an unconscious and unrecognized sense that I would probably not ever have to face a "trouble" such as cancer since I had enjoyed 73 years of good health up to that point, but suddenly, there it was.....and I was surprised! Thankfully, the "surprised" state didn't last long and as I walked further into my journey I was able to lock onto the many promises found in my Bible, and they have been my lifeline.

"The strain is the strength.  If there is no strain, there is no strength.........God never gives strength for tomorrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute."-Oswald Chambers.

Good thoughts from old Oswald this morning.  Thanks, BFF Pat, for steering me in his direction.

"......In the world ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."-John 16:33 (KJV).

On the health front:

No strain but ample strength😊

Glance vs. Gaze

Glance-"To look quickly or briefly." (dictionary.com).

Gaze-"To look steadily and intently, as with great curiosity, interest, pleasure or wonder." (dictionary.com).

Sarah Young, paraphrasing Jesus' words, counsels me to do what is counter-intuitive again this morning. When there's a problem, what is my natural reaction? I tend to focus on it, to allow myself to be consumed by it. I gaze at it, often wasting precious time and energy that can never be recaptured. If I paid closer attention I would realize that this is not a productive response.

"Gaze at Me; glance at problems- this is the secret of victorious living.  Your tendency is to gaze at problems for long periods of time, glancing at Me for help....ask Him to help you with difficulties as needed, while reserving the bulk of your attention for Me-your constant companion."-Sarah Young (Jesus Today).

Such a simple truth and after so many years of walking hand in hand with my Lord I would think that this would be the natural reaction to my current problem- cancer.  Not necessarily so.

So this will be my challenge today.  I will give cancer only the attention that it truly needs.  I will occasionally glance at it and then go on to gaze at the One Who really deserves my attention.

"We fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."-2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV).

On the health front:

At a glance, all is well😊

Mission Accomplished

Yesterday's PET scan is a thing of the past.  I was struck by how time seems to crawl while we're waiting for something, then within the blink of an eye it's over.

The experience could not have gone more smoothly.  Initially I had hoped to write something clever and profound about how the scan applied to my journey through cancer but this morning there is only one thing I want to do.  I want to attempt to find a way to express my awareness of the power of prayer and the peace that accompanied it and how it filled every moment of the procedure, from the infusion of the sugar that rendered me temporarily radioactive to the moment the radiologist pronounced me free to go. No racing heart, no dry mouth, no apprehension...just an incredible, indescribable sense of peace.  And there is not the shadow of a doubt that it's because so many people have been praying on my behalf. How can I ever thank you all?

I'm devoting this post solely to expressing how much I appreciate the many, many times I have been blessed by the outpouring of love from so many.  My wish is that I could have the privilege of returning those blessings over and over again.

"........and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."-James 5:16 (The Message).

" Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."-.John 14:27 (The Message).

On the health front:

My head will be planted firmly in the ground until next Monday😄

Joy, Peace and Hope

In a few hours I'll be fed into a man-made machine made up of steel and who knows what else that will take pictures of my future.  I'm experiencing several emotions thinking about it.  

If I'm remembering the first PET scan correctly, it's preceded by 45 minutes in a cold, darkened room in which I'm hooked up to a line that feeds some kind of a sugar solution into me that will illuminate any rogue cancer cells that might have escaped the chemotherapy and the radiation.  After that it's a trip through the machine that will offer up the big reveal.  I hope the machine is having a good day. The fewer times I have to do this, the better!

I'm reading Sarah Young's paraphrase of Jesus' words again today and am so grateful that my trust needn't be solely in a steel contraption guided by human hands.  My trust is in something, or rather Someone, much bigger and more trustworthy.

"Let Me fill you with My joy and peace.  They flow into you as you sit quietly in My presence, trusting Me in the depths of your being.....Remember that I am the God of hope."-Sarah Young (Jesus Today).

Such perfect words, not only for today but every day.

So, alongside excitement and impatience I will hold on to joy, peace and hope. And away we go😊

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of The Holy Spirit."-Romans 15:13 (NIV).

On the health front:

Butterflies!