I had a great night's sleep and awoke refreshed this morning. My coffee and cat are by my side and I hesitate to get out of bed, afraid to break the spell.
The POUS (Pill Of Unusual Size for all you fellow Princess Bride fans) went down easily after dinner last night and if there were any side-effects during the night, I slept right through them, thankfully.
My friend, Jon, always the encourager, sent me the following verse yesterday as I approached the first day of the next phase of my treatment: "Now may The Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way..."-2 Thessalonians 3:16, and again I thankfully marvel at the sense of peace I have been allowed on this uninvited journey. There have been scary times, for sure, but the intensity of those memories has faded, perhaps due to my age but most likely due to God's goodness.
This morning I'll spare you from further ruminations. Suffice it to say that, as of 7 a.m. on Thursday, January 31, 2013, life is good.....very good!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Greetings from Command Central, USS Enterprise
Two thirds of the "first day of Xeloda/Radiation" are behind me and I have survived to pen yet another post. The worst part so far was getting up the nerve to swallow my Xeloda super-sized oral chemo pill this morning. Aside from slight dizziness and very mild, temporary stomach cramping, I feel fine. This will change, but for the moment I am wildly thankful. The final one-third of this day will be the swallowing of another horse-pill, but that will be a fact of life for the next six weeks so I may as well get used to it.
My first radiation treatment took longer than usual since initial placement verifications and more picture taking of my mapping markers had to take place before the actual treatment started. Again, two sweet young ladies made the experience as pleasant as it could be. Once started, the actual radiation made me think that I had stumbled onto a set from Star Trek. Large circular and rectangular steel panels passed over and around me, whirring and softly clunking as they went. My table moved up and down on an as-needed basis and the whole thing was quite fascinating, actually. At this point there is no physical sensation but as the radiation increases I know I will experience burning and possible blistering of the radiated areas. Once the treatment was completed I received my lollipop which took the form of three small tattoos which replaced the ugly ink markers. I walked out a free woman...well, until tomorrow and for six weeks after that, anyway.
Casual humor aside, I am so grateful that I am doing this now rather than fifteen or twenty years ago.
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you."-Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV). This verse came to me with love this morning from my forever friend, Pat. Thank you, sweet friend, for always having the right thing to say.
My first radiation treatment took longer than usual since initial placement verifications and more picture taking of my mapping markers had to take place before the actual treatment started. Again, two sweet young ladies made the experience as pleasant as it could be. Once started, the actual radiation made me think that I had stumbled onto a set from Star Trek. Large circular and rectangular steel panels passed over and around me, whirring and softly clunking as they went. My table moved up and down on an as-needed basis and the whole thing was quite fascinating, actually. At this point there is no physical sensation but as the radiation increases I know I will experience burning and possible blistering of the radiated areas. Once the treatment was completed I received my lollipop which took the form of three small tattoos which replaced the ugly ink markers. I walked out a free woman...well, until tomorrow and for six weeks after that, anyway.
Casual humor aside, I am so grateful that I am doing this now rather than fifteen or twenty years ago.
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you."-Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV). This verse came to me with love this morning from my forever friend, Pat. Thank you, sweet friend, for always having the right thing to say.
Positive mental pictures
I didn't sleep well last night. Somewhere there must have been a meeting of Insomniacs Anonymous (thanks, Beth for that name) and it had been called to order.
At first I attributed my wakefulness to apprehension about today but I soon realized that there were many friends and family members who could use some prayer support similar to the support I have so generously received, and those long minutes were put to positive use.
I wish I could say that apprehension has been permanently booted as a result of that time in prayer for others but here it is again as I drink my coffee and face the day ahead. My time with God has given me much to chew on, as usual, but nothing has struck me as strongly as the words of my friend, Beth, whose walk on the cancer journey ahead of me has yielded much of the wisdom than encourages me now.
Beth is strong...not one to stand by hopelessly and let fear and apprehension get a grip on her spirit. She wrote yesterday, "Tomorrow will be a wonderful day in so many ways-despite how your body might 'feel'. I am so grateful you have a great medical oncologist that knows the perfect combo of chemicals to help your body show cancer who's in charge and that you have a good radiation oncologist that knows the perfect placement of beams to get those photons in there destroying the cancer. Hooray for modern medicine!"
Thanks, Beth, for changing what could be apprehension to optimism this morning. Your encouragement and the encouragement of my California friend, Barb, who coined the term "Chemo Marines", have given me the gift of visualizing great and positive mental pictures as I face whatever awaits me!
"Trust in The Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path."-(KJV)
At first I attributed my wakefulness to apprehension about today but I soon realized that there were many friends and family members who could use some prayer support similar to the support I have so generously received, and those long minutes were put to positive use.
I wish I could say that apprehension has been permanently booted as a result of that time in prayer for others but here it is again as I drink my coffee and face the day ahead. My time with God has given me much to chew on, as usual, but nothing has struck me as strongly as the words of my friend, Beth, whose walk on the cancer journey ahead of me has yielded much of the wisdom than encourages me now.
Beth is strong...not one to stand by hopelessly and let fear and apprehension get a grip on her spirit. She wrote yesterday, "Tomorrow will be a wonderful day in so many ways-despite how your body might 'feel'. I am so grateful you have a great medical oncologist that knows the perfect combo of chemicals to help your body show cancer who's in charge and that you have a good radiation oncologist that knows the perfect placement of beams to get those photons in there destroying the cancer. Hooray for modern medicine!"
Thanks, Beth, for changing what could be apprehension to optimism this morning. Your encouragement and the encouragement of my California friend, Barb, who coined the term "Chemo Marines", have given me the gift of visualizing great and positive mental pictures as I face whatever awaits me!
"Trust in The Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path."-(KJV)
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Thanks once again, Lord
I'm spoiled. I have taken good health for granted and even since my cancer diagnosis I have not experienced anything entirely unpredictable or uncomfortable.
On Sunday morning I woke up with an old-fashioned stomach ache, accompanied by an unpleasant side effect that will remain unmentioned. Monday didn't bring much improvement. Under ordinary circumstances I would have simply put up with the inconvenience and not have given it another thought, but thanks to my Whipple surgery and my newly designed digestive system I'm not sure whether to be concerned or not, given that tomorrow the big guns will come out and my stomach will most likely take another hit. Do I call the doctor? Do I just let nature take its course? My prayer for today is that God will speak to me one way or another about resting in Him, trusting Him for the peace that will abolish anxiety. So...let's see what He has in store for me this morning.
"You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You."-2 Corinthians 26:3.
"In My radiant light, anxious thoughts shrink and shrivel away....Confused ideas are untangled while you rest in the simplicity of My peace."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
"May we....cherish a grateful and cheerful disposition, not murmuring or repining if our wishes are not indulged, or because some trials are blended with our enjoyment...."-The Valley of Vision.
"Can it be possible that we, who are so easily moved by the things of this earth, can arrive at a place where nothing can upset us or disturb our calm? Yes, it is possible..... And we, if we will but let God have His way with us, may come to the same place, so that neither the fret nor tear of little things in life, nor the great and heavy trials, can have power to move us from the peace that passeth understanding, which is declared to be the portion of those who have learned to rest only on God."-Hannah Whitall Smith (Streams in the Desert).
"Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks."-Philippians 4:6 (NCV).
And now that I think of it, my stomach discomfort is a bit improved over yesterday. I think I'll give myself a little time before I make that call to the doctor :)
Thanks once again, Lord!
On Sunday morning I woke up with an old-fashioned stomach ache, accompanied by an unpleasant side effect that will remain unmentioned. Monday didn't bring much improvement. Under ordinary circumstances I would have simply put up with the inconvenience and not have given it another thought, but thanks to my Whipple surgery and my newly designed digestive system I'm not sure whether to be concerned or not, given that tomorrow the big guns will come out and my stomach will most likely take another hit. Do I call the doctor? Do I just let nature take its course? My prayer for today is that God will speak to me one way or another about resting in Him, trusting Him for the peace that will abolish anxiety. So...let's see what He has in store for me this morning.
"You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You."-2 Corinthians 26:3.
"In My radiant light, anxious thoughts shrink and shrivel away....Confused ideas are untangled while you rest in the simplicity of My peace."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
"May we....cherish a grateful and cheerful disposition, not murmuring or repining if our wishes are not indulged, or because some trials are blended with our enjoyment...."-The Valley of Vision.
"Can it be possible that we, who are so easily moved by the things of this earth, can arrive at a place where nothing can upset us or disturb our calm? Yes, it is possible..... And we, if we will but let God have His way with us, may come to the same place, so that neither the fret nor tear of little things in life, nor the great and heavy trials, can have power to move us from the peace that passeth understanding, which is declared to be the portion of those who have learned to rest only on God."-Hannah Whitall Smith (Streams in the Desert).
"Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks."-Philippians 4:6 (NCV).
And now that I think of it, my stomach discomfort is a bit improved over yesterday. I think I'll give myself a little time before I make that call to the doctor :)
Thanks once again, Lord!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Please pray
I am apprehensive as I face the reality that the next phase of my treatment begins on Wednesday. I am praying, along with the Puritan of old who penned this prayer:
"O Lord God...
Quieten our (my) soul(s) to call upon Thy name...
Detach us (me) from the influence of the flesh and the senses...
Impress us (me) with the power of faith...
Bring us (me) into that state which attracts Thine eye, and prepare us (me) to receive the proofs of Thy love...
Show us (me) our (my) danger, that we (I) may fly to Thee for refuge...
When we (I) droop, revive us (me)...
May we (I) be rich in faith, be strong in faith, live by faith, walk by faith, experience the joy of faith, do the work of faith, hope through faith..." (The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)
Please pray with me this week.
"O Lord God...
Quieten our (my) soul(s) to call upon Thy name...
Detach us (me) from the influence of the flesh and the senses...
Impress us (me) with the power of faith...
Bring us (me) into that state which attracts Thine eye, and prepare us (me) to receive the proofs of Thy love...
Show us (me) our (my) danger, that we (I) may fly to Thee for refuge...
When we (I) droop, revive us (me)...
May we (I) be rich in faith, be strong in faith, live by faith, walk by faith, experience the joy of faith, do the work of faith, hope through faith..." (The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)
Please pray with me this week.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Mixed messages?
As previously mentioned, my husband brings coffee and my quiet time materials to me before my feet even hit the floor each morning. This morning as he deposited the Bibles and books onto the bed he remarked, "This pile gets higher every time I pick it up!" I can't seem to help that. There's just so much good stuff out there! However, there is what appears on the surface to be a down side to that as well. Am I getting mixed messages from reading too much?
On the one hand my sources encourage me to "wait". I am not to run ahead of God. I am not to be concerned about providing for my own needs for the day. I am to trust God....to wait. "If God so clothes the grass of the field...will He not much more clothe you...?" (Matthew 6:30)
"Sit in the Light of My Presence, and receive My Peace. These quiet moments with Me transcend time, accomplishing far more than you can imagine." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) More "wait".
Then I read that there is such a thing as "over-waiting". "A great deal is said in the Bible about waiting for God....We easily grow impatient of God's delays.....We cannot wait for the answers to our prayers. But there is another phase of the lesson. God often waits for us. We fail many times to receive the lesson He has for us because we do not go forward with Him." (J.R. Miller in Streams in the Desert)
Miller goes on to point out that while waiting is an important part of my walk with God, there are times when it falls upon me to "go forward with a firm step". He, or she, points to Abraham of the Old Testament. God made great promises to Abraham, but those promises were contingent upon Abraham leaving home, friends, country and going off into the unknown in order to receive those blessings.
So...what's a girl to believe? Do I "wait upon the Lord" or do I "Go forward (into the unknown) with a firm step"? The answer is a resounding Yes!
I receive wonderful encouragement from family and friends about how they are inspired by a particular blog and while I treasure this encouragement I must point out that these are not original observations. They are available to everyone and are there for the taking. Isn't that just the greatest reality? I can't possibly stumble and fall in my journey if I simply trust and obey.
"Help us not only to receive Him but to walk in Him, depend on Him, commune with Him, follow Him as dear children, imperfect, but still pressing forward, not complaining of labour, but valuing rest, not murmuring under trials, but thankful for our state." (The Valley of Vision)
So, there it is: Wait...and Move Forward!
On the one hand my sources encourage me to "wait". I am not to run ahead of God. I am not to be concerned about providing for my own needs for the day. I am to trust God....to wait. "If God so clothes the grass of the field...will He not much more clothe you...?" (Matthew 6:30)
"Sit in the Light of My Presence, and receive My Peace. These quiet moments with Me transcend time, accomplishing far more than you can imagine." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) More "wait".
Then I read that there is such a thing as "over-waiting". "A great deal is said in the Bible about waiting for God....We easily grow impatient of God's delays.....We cannot wait for the answers to our prayers. But there is another phase of the lesson. God often waits for us. We fail many times to receive the lesson He has for us because we do not go forward with Him." (J.R. Miller in Streams in the Desert)
Miller goes on to point out that while waiting is an important part of my walk with God, there are times when it falls upon me to "go forward with a firm step". He, or she, points to Abraham of the Old Testament. God made great promises to Abraham, but those promises were contingent upon Abraham leaving home, friends, country and going off into the unknown in order to receive those blessings.
So...what's a girl to believe? Do I "wait upon the Lord" or do I "Go forward (into the unknown) with a firm step"? The answer is a resounding Yes!
I receive wonderful encouragement from family and friends about how they are inspired by a particular blog and while I treasure this encouragement I must point out that these are not original observations. They are available to everyone and are there for the taking. Isn't that just the greatest reality? I can't possibly stumble and fall in my journey if I simply trust and obey.
"Help us not only to receive Him but to walk in Him, depend on Him, commune with Him, follow Him as dear children, imperfect, but still pressing forward, not complaining of labour, but valuing rest, not murmuring under trials, but thankful for our state." (The Valley of Vision)
So, there it is: Wait...and Move Forward!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Re-examining Psalm 23
In 1981 Stephen Freemantle gathered together the collection of beautifully illustrated psalms that his father, James, had painted for his mother, Clara, throughout the years of their marriage. Stephen took this collection to a publisher and in 1982 The Psalms of David, Illuminated by James S. Freemantle was shared with the world.
In his foreword Stephen says of his father, "James was not a religious man, but he poured all the skills he possessed into his renderings of the psalms. Because they are such beautiful love poetry he saw his illumination of them as a testament to his love for Mother."
I have always considered the psalms of David to be David's love story to his God, whether the psalm be a questioning of his own existence, a cry for help or an expression of his love and praise to his Creator.
Psalm 23 may have been written by David, for David, but in its short six verses I find all the comfort I need at this time in my life just as surely as did David. I wonder if he ever thought about how many would be impacted by his beautiful words.
Re-examining Psalm 23:
Am I walking this journey alone? No! I am being led as a well-loved sheep by a Shepherd Whose love is focused on me.
Will I be left wanting for anything? No! Everything is already in place for my well-being.
Will I be unbearably uncomfortable? No! Soft green grass is waiting for me for rest when I need it.
Will I be immersed in chaos? No! The waters around me will be still.
Will I lose hope? No! My Shepherd will not let that happen.
Will I make disastrous choices as I examine my situation? No! He promises to lead me along the correct path.
Is impending death a possibility? Yes! But there will be no fear in this for me because I will be comforted by my Shepherd as I face that possibility.
Will I be overcome with fear and hopelessness? No! Everything I need in order to face my enemies, known or unknown, has been laid out for me already....in fact more than I will ever need.
Is there anything positive in this uninvited journey? Yes! God has reached down in His indescribable way to soothe me and He has given me more blessings than I can count.
Who could possibly ask for more than this?
Thank you, David!
In his foreword Stephen says of his father, "James was not a religious man, but he poured all the skills he possessed into his renderings of the psalms. Because they are such beautiful love poetry he saw his illumination of them as a testament to his love for Mother."
I have always considered the psalms of David to be David's love story to his God, whether the psalm be a questioning of his own existence, a cry for help or an expression of his love and praise to his Creator.
Psalm 23 may have been written by David, for David, but in its short six verses I find all the comfort I need at this time in my life just as surely as did David. I wonder if he ever thought about how many would be impacted by his beautiful words.
Re-examining Psalm 23:
Am I walking this journey alone? No! I am being led as a well-loved sheep by a Shepherd Whose love is focused on me.
Will I be left wanting for anything? No! Everything is already in place for my well-being.
Will I be unbearably uncomfortable? No! Soft green grass is waiting for me for rest when I need it.
Will I be immersed in chaos? No! The waters around me will be still.
Will I lose hope? No! My Shepherd will not let that happen.
Will I make disastrous choices as I examine my situation? No! He promises to lead me along the correct path.
Is impending death a possibility? Yes! But there will be no fear in this for me because I will be comforted by my Shepherd as I face that possibility.
Will I be overcome with fear and hopelessness? No! Everything I need in order to face my enemies, known or unknown, has been laid out for me already....in fact more than I will ever need.
Is there anything positive in this uninvited journey? Yes! God has reached down in His indescribable way to soothe me and He has given me more blessings than I can count.
Who could possibly ask for more than this?
Thank you, David!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Hiatus
Hiatus: "A break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc." (Dictionary.com)
I promised myself that I wouldn't blog on the days that I was not inspired. I thought today might be one of those days since there didn't seem to be a common thread running through my quiet time reading this morning and I didn't wake up with a burning issue on my mind that needed to be addressed immediately Of course I was wrong.
I believe that God grants each of us hiatuses along our journey of life. Some hiatuses occur at great times, some occur at the not so great times. I am currently being granted a hiatus since I am between phases of treatment and I don't want to waste it. I don't want to let the important lessons pass me by as I revel in the absence of yucky things. So....here goes:
More notes to self:
Don't miss the reality that true peace can occur anywhere along our way through life, whether we are being challenged or not. Sarah Young reminded me this morning that I can receive this gift in the midst of life's storms by trusting Him. She points out that adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world. Thanks, Sarah, for that timely reminder! (Jesus Calling)
Max Lucado reminded me that God's love does not hinge on mine. God loves me simply because He chose to. Thanks, Max, for that timely reminder! (A Love Worth Giving)
Oswald Chambers reminded me that I have nothing to accomplish in my life on this earth that is more important than to give evidence that I am a child of God: "You did not choose Me, I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit...".-John 15:16 (NKJV) Thanks, Oswald, for that timely reminder! (My Utmost for His Highest)
C.G. Trumbull reminded me that God knows just when to withhold from me any visible sign of encouragement and when to give me visible signs of His presence. My trust in Him needn't depend on "signs and wonders". I can, and will, trust Him at all times. Thanks, C.G., for that timely reminder! (Streams in the Desert)
And, finally, the apostle Paul reminds me, in 1 Thessalonians 5:16, 18: "Be joyful always.... give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Thanks, Paul, Silvanus and Timothy, for that timely reminder!
No inspiration today? I don't think so :)
PS. If your prayer list could use a few more names, please include Dale and Ron.
I promised myself that I wouldn't blog on the days that I was not inspired. I thought today might be one of those days since there didn't seem to be a common thread running through my quiet time reading this morning and I didn't wake up with a burning issue on my mind that needed to be addressed immediately Of course I was wrong.
I believe that God grants each of us hiatuses along our journey of life. Some hiatuses occur at great times, some occur at the not so great times. I am currently being granted a hiatus since I am between phases of treatment and I don't want to waste it. I don't want to let the important lessons pass me by as I revel in the absence of yucky things. So....here goes:
More notes to self:
Don't miss the reality that true peace can occur anywhere along our way through life, whether we are being challenged or not. Sarah Young reminded me this morning that I can receive this gift in the midst of life's storms by trusting Him. She points out that adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world. Thanks, Sarah, for that timely reminder! (Jesus Calling)
Max Lucado reminded me that God's love does not hinge on mine. God loves me simply because He chose to. Thanks, Max, for that timely reminder! (A Love Worth Giving)
Oswald Chambers reminded me that I have nothing to accomplish in my life on this earth that is more important than to give evidence that I am a child of God: "You did not choose Me, I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit...".-John 15:16 (NKJV) Thanks, Oswald, for that timely reminder! (My Utmost for His Highest)
C.G. Trumbull reminded me that God knows just when to withhold from me any visible sign of encouragement and when to give me visible signs of His presence. My trust in Him needn't depend on "signs and wonders". I can, and will, trust Him at all times. Thanks, C.G., for that timely reminder! (Streams in the Desert)
And, finally, the apostle Paul reminds me, in 1 Thessalonians 5:16, 18: "Be joyful always.... give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Thanks, Paul, Silvanus and Timothy, for that timely reminder!
No inspiration today? I don't think so :)
PS. If your prayer list could use a few more names, please include Dale and Ron.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Miracles of modern science
Yesterday I entered the world of radiation, sort of. Before treatment can begin, my body must be "mapped" in order to enable the radiation to hit its intended target.
I was ushered into a semi-intimidating room and met by two friendly and competent young women (is everyone in the world young except me?) who guided me through this new experience.
First I had my mugshot taken. Yes...I actually held a name card to my chest and smiled for the camera. I decided that if it avoids my getting treatment intended for the next person in line, it's probably not a bad thing.
Following the photo shoot I was placed on the scanner table, resting on a semi-inflated pillow of sorts with my arms holding two posts behind my head....an unfamiliar and pretty uncomfortable position, actually. Some of the air was then released from my pillow, forming a mold which will be used for further placement when my treatments start. I was then passed back and forth under the scanner while my trouble spots were photographed. I was marked with three large Xs and told that I would not receive my reward (the tattoos) until my first radiation treatment. Bummer! The whole process took about twenty minutes and I was released from the room. Efficiency personified!
I was expecting that treatments would begin on the 24th but was told that they will not begin until the 30th...a bit of a disappointment since I am already looking forward to the end of this phase of my adventure..
My oral chemo, Xeloda, was delivered to our door on schedule in the afternoon, accompanied by written information and a DVD explaining the correct use and possible side effects of the meds. I started looking at the material after dinner and quickly decided that it probably would not be my best choice for bedtime reading! Since I won't begin oral chemo until the 30th I am allowing myself a few days of denial before attempting to read it again.
All in all it was a pretty interesting day and I am grateful to be taking this journey now rather than twenty years ago. I know that I am held firmly in the hands of The Master and I am not afraid.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."-Psalm 46:1 (NKJV)
I was ushered into a semi-intimidating room and met by two friendly and competent young women (is everyone in the world young except me?) who guided me through this new experience.
First I had my mugshot taken. Yes...I actually held a name card to my chest and smiled for the camera. I decided that if it avoids my getting treatment intended for the next person in line, it's probably not a bad thing.
Following the photo shoot I was placed on the scanner table, resting on a semi-inflated pillow of sorts with my arms holding two posts behind my head....an unfamiliar and pretty uncomfortable position, actually. Some of the air was then released from my pillow, forming a mold which will be used for further placement when my treatments start. I was then passed back and forth under the scanner while my trouble spots were photographed. I was marked with three large Xs and told that I would not receive my reward (the tattoos) until my first radiation treatment. Bummer! The whole process took about twenty minutes and I was released from the room. Efficiency personified!
I was expecting that treatments would begin on the 24th but was told that they will not begin until the 30th...a bit of a disappointment since I am already looking forward to the end of this phase of my adventure..
My oral chemo, Xeloda, was delivered to our door on schedule in the afternoon, accompanied by written information and a DVD explaining the correct use and possible side effects of the meds. I started looking at the material after dinner and quickly decided that it probably would not be my best choice for bedtime reading! Since I won't begin oral chemo until the 30th I am allowing myself a few days of denial before attempting to read it again.
All in all it was a pretty interesting day and I am grateful to be taking this journey now rather than twenty years ago. I know that I am held firmly in the hands of The Master and I am not afraid.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."-Psalm 46:1 (NKJV)
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Blog #2 for today
I don't often do this, so bear with me as I share an entire message with which I was confronted this morning. It is from Streams in the Desert (and thank you for the hundredth time, Geri!). It talks about "rest". Initially the "rest" in this message is the rest found in the vocabulary of music...a break, a pause or an ending to the melody. The application of the musical rest to our physical rest in this short devotion is too good not to share.
"There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it." In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by "rests," and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives; and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the "rest"? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.
Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the "rests". They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves, "There is no music in a 'rest,' " let us not forget "there is the making of music in it." The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson! (Ruskin)
Wonderful.
"There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it." In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by "rests," and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives; and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the "rest"? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.
Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the "rests". They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves, "There is no music in a 'rest,' " let us not forget "there is the making of music in it." The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson! (Ruskin)
Wonderful.
New day, new adventure
Today I will be "mapped" and tattooed in preparation for the next leg of our journey. I will also meet my new best friend, Xeloda, my oral chemo pill. In an attempt to identify how I'm feeling about all of this, I would have to say "curious" more than anything.
Life is full of unexpected surprises and experiences. I will relax and enjoy the ride for what it teaches me!
"We have around us so many people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up."-Hebrews 1:1 (New Century Version)
Life is full of unexpected surprises and experiences. I will relax and enjoy the ride for what it teaches me!
"We have around us so many people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up."-Hebrews 1:1 (New Century Version)
Monday, January 21, 2013
All good things...
We pack up today to leave sunny California. It has been five days of pure pleasure shared with friends and family. We are so grateful for this break from treatment and are again ready to meet the enemy head on.
The prophet Jeremiah, in Chapter 2:2, tells the people what God has told him to say; "Go and proclaim in the ears of Jerusalem, saying, 'Thus says the Lord, I remember concerning you, the love of your betrothals, your following Me in the wilderness through a land not sown'." Since I'm getting pretty good at finding comfort in Scripture even when I take it out of context, I am choosing to read into those words God's promise to me that He has not forgotten me as I walk through my own personal wilderness, my "land not sown". If I choose to let go of His hand to chart my own path, I cheat myself out of His blessings. When I walk close to Him, He guides me at every fork in the road.
So, bring on the radiation and the new chemotherapy! I am ready....we are ready! The sooner it starts, the sooner it will end.
All good things...and, thankfully, all the not so good things....must come to an end.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ"-Romans 8:35
The prophet Jeremiah, in Chapter 2:2, tells the people what God has told him to say; "Go and proclaim in the ears of Jerusalem, saying, 'Thus says the Lord, I remember concerning you, the love of your betrothals, your following Me in the wilderness through a land not sown'." Since I'm getting pretty good at finding comfort in Scripture even when I take it out of context, I am choosing to read into those words God's promise to me that He has not forgotten me as I walk through my own personal wilderness, my "land not sown". If I choose to let go of His hand to chart my own path, I cheat myself out of His blessings. When I walk close to Him, He guides me at every fork in the road.
So, bring on the radiation and the new chemotherapy! I am ready....we are ready! The sooner it starts, the sooner it will end.
All good things...and, thankfully, all the not so good things....must come to an end.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ"-Romans 8:35
Saturday, January 19, 2013
"Have mercy on my foolishness..."
Today I awoke to a beautiful letter from someone who is very precious to me. She reminded me again, with her perfect words, how dear is life and all it holds here on earth. I realized once more that I am not ready to give up this life I have loved and hope to love for a while more.
In the early '90s I came upon a CD titled City of Gold, produced in the UK. It's a collection of music, poetry and prose. Track 14 is simply titled Heaven. On this track Adrian Plass reflects, in his perfect English accent, on what he loves on earth and hopes to find in heaven. "Tell me there will be kites to fly, the kites they say you can control, although I never did for long." "Tell me there will be friends to meet....and summer evenings lapping lazily against familiar shores of sweet familiar lands, inhabited by silence or nonsenses.."
He speaks of his love for season changes..."Autumn's burning sadness that has always made me cry for things that have to end." But the words with which he closes his reflections are what always impact me the most; "Have mercy on my foolishness, Dear Lord. I love this world You made. It's all I know."
I echo those words this morning.
In the early '90s I came upon a CD titled City of Gold, produced in the UK. It's a collection of music, poetry and prose. Track 14 is simply titled Heaven. On this track Adrian Plass reflects, in his perfect English accent, on what he loves on earth and hopes to find in heaven. "Tell me there will be kites to fly, the kites they say you can control, although I never did for long." "Tell me there will be friends to meet....and summer evenings lapping lazily against familiar shores of sweet familiar lands, inhabited by silence or nonsenses.."
He speaks of his love for season changes..."Autumn's burning sadness that has always made me cry for things that have to end." But the words with which he closes his reflections are what always impact me the most; "Have mercy on my foolishness, Dear Lord. I love this world You made. It's all I know."
I echo those words this morning.
Friday, January 18, 2013
It's beautiful here
We have spent time with great friends and I'm not wiped out, no virus has reared its ugly head so far, I was not arrested in the airport because of my mask, my positive attitude must be giving testimony to God's goodness because heaven knows I couldn't have conjured it up on my own and I have been able to talk about the next phase of treatment without getting a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, so it appears that prayers are being answered. Thank you!
Today's early morning time with God led me to a great verse found in Habakkuk in the Old Testament. It reminded me of a little book I read many years ago titled Hinds' Feet on High Places by English author Hannah Hurnard. (A hind is a female deer, in case you were wondering.)
In her book Mrs. Hurnard chronicles the journey of her main character, Much-Afraid. Much-Afraid is called by the Shepherd to do some pretty frightening things, among them to undertake a journey over ground where her footing would be seriously challenged. As she stumbles along the beginning of the path she cries out, "O Shepherd. You said you would make my feet like hinds' feet and set me upon High Places."
"Well", he answered, "the only way to develop hinds' feet is to go by the paths which the hinds use."
So, I remind myself again, this cancer journey must be the high places to which The Shepherd is calling me and I, like little Much-Afraid, can be confident that my feet will not slip while The Shepherd leads the way.
"The Lord is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on my high places."
Habakkuk 3:19 (NAS)
Today's early morning time with God led me to a great verse found in Habakkuk in the Old Testament. It reminded me of a little book I read many years ago titled Hinds' Feet on High Places by English author Hannah Hurnard. (A hind is a female deer, in case you were wondering.)
In her book Mrs. Hurnard chronicles the journey of her main character, Much-Afraid. Much-Afraid is called by the Shepherd to do some pretty frightening things, among them to undertake a journey over ground where her footing would be seriously challenged. As she stumbles along the beginning of the path she cries out, "O Shepherd. You said you would make my feet like hinds' feet and set me upon High Places."
"Well", he answered, "the only way to develop hinds' feet is to go by the paths which the hinds use."
So, I remind myself again, this cancer journey must be the high places to which The Shepherd is calling me and I, like little Much-Afraid, can be confident that my feet will not slip while The Shepherd leads the way.
"The Lord is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on my high places."
Habakkuk 3:19 (NAS)
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Running away from home
Today we will run away from home....for five days, anyway. All appears well on the health front in the eyes of Drs. Charles and Barbara Feenstra so we will fly the friendly skies westward this morning.
Please pray:
1. That I will be a good enough steward of self that I will not get carried away in the social department (we have wonderful friends there with whom we will be spending quality time).
2. That there will be no viruses around me awaiting a new home in my body.
3. That I will not be mistaken for a terrorist as I walk through the airport and onto the plane wearing a mask.
4. That I will have many opportunities to share the innumerable ways that God has shown Himself to us through this journey.
5. That I will not dwell on the next phase of treatment that awaits me when we return home.
Jesus Calling reminds me this morning that this is the day that God has given me. I am to rejoice in it, refusing to worry about tomorrow. That's a tall order but entirely possible with His help.
Your prayers are precious to me.
"This is the day the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it."-Psalm 118:24 (NKJV)
Please pray:
1. That I will be a good enough steward of self that I will not get carried away in the social department (we have wonderful friends there with whom we will be spending quality time).
2. That there will be no viruses around me awaiting a new home in my body.
3. That I will not be mistaken for a terrorist as I walk through the airport and onto the plane wearing a mask.
4. That I will have many opportunities to share the innumerable ways that God has shown Himself to us through this journey.
5. That I will not dwell on the next phase of treatment that awaits me when we return home.
Jesus Calling reminds me this morning that this is the day that God has given me. I am to rejoice in it, refusing to worry about tomorrow. That's a tall order but entirely possible with His help.
Your prayers are precious to me.
"This is the day the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it."-Psalm 118:24 (NKJV)
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Contentment
I'm crabby today. I didn't sleep particularly well and I had to get my own coffee this morning. My slave (Chuck) was occupied with other things, it seems. I would rather spend the day wrapped in my blanket watching reruns of Seasons 1 and 2 of Downton Abbey but it's the day for my blood draw and other duties call as well. I am living in my own selfish moment and feeling sorry for myself. After all, I have cancer. Shouldn't I be cut a little slack here?
I wonder how long I will get away with this mindset before I'm confronted with evidence for a much needed attitude change that needs to occur. And, as expected, here it comes:
"Grant us always to know that to walk with Jesus makes other interests a shadow and a dream."-Valley of Vision
"Yet it is in the storms of life that God equips us for service."-Streams in the Desert
"The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves. And we cannot hear anything God says. But to be brought to the place where we can hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed."-My Utmost for His Highest
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."-Philippians 4:11 (NKJV)
Oh, and before signing off, let me recap yesterday:
My friend's surgery was a success, and just before going into the OR she texted, "I am experiencing 'the peace that passes understanding'."
I received a card from a young woman who has been dear to my heart since she was a child that touched me beyond words.
We spent several hours with great friends, experiencing the best of food and fellowship.
And I re-read an email from a friend who is facing some monumental decisions, yet she writes, "My heart is quiet and full of thanks."
Shame on me!
I wonder how long I will get away with this mindset before I'm confronted with evidence for a much needed attitude change that needs to occur. And, as expected, here it comes:
"Grant us always to know that to walk with Jesus makes other interests a shadow and a dream."-Valley of Vision
"Yet it is in the storms of life that God equips us for service."-Streams in the Desert
"The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves. And we cannot hear anything God says. But to be brought to the place where we can hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed."-My Utmost for His Highest
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."-Philippians 4:11 (NKJV)
Oh, and before signing off, let me recap yesterday:
My friend's surgery was a success, and just before going into the OR she texted, "I am experiencing 'the peace that passes understanding'."
I received a card from a young woman who has been dear to my heart since she was a child that touched me beyond words.
We spent several hours with great friends, experiencing the best of food and fellowship.
And I re-read an email from a friend who is facing some monumental decisions, yet she writes, "My heart is quiet and full of thanks."
Shame on me!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Peace
My friend faces surgery today and as I searched for verses and thoughts on the subject of peace with which to encourage her I realized that I was being addressed as well.
At no point in this cancer journey has there been an absence of peace. It may appear in the form of a Bible verse, a short meditation, an expression of love from a family member, an encouraging call from a friend. I am greeted nearly every morning with a text message from my forever friend, Pat, who shares a thought (or five or six) from her beautiful mind. How could I not experience peace?
"You must be clear about one thing above all else: You are most assuredly the one The Lord loves! I love you so much that I carry you through your toughest times. Beloved, you can even rest between My shoulders like a lamb being tenderly carried by its shepherd." (From Sarah Young's Jesus Lives) What a picture!
Joshua 1:9 reminds me, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for The Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (NKJV)
Have a blissfully peaceful day.
At no point in this cancer journey has there been an absence of peace. It may appear in the form of a Bible verse, a short meditation, an expression of love from a family member, an encouraging call from a friend. I am greeted nearly every morning with a text message from my forever friend, Pat, who shares a thought (or five or six) from her beautiful mind. How could I not experience peace?
"You must be clear about one thing above all else: You are most assuredly the one The Lord loves! I love you so much that I carry you through your toughest times. Beloved, you can even rest between My shoulders like a lamb being tenderly carried by its shepherd." (From Sarah Young's Jesus Lives) What a picture!
Joshua 1:9 reminds me, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for The Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (NKJV)
Have a blissfully peaceful day.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Doonesbury
In this morning's Doonesbury comic strip, aspiring writer, Jeff, asks his professional writer dad, "Dad, what do you do when you have nothing to say?" Dad responds, "I say it anyway......". Humor aside, I don't ever want to do that. Each of these blog entries depends on inspiration from God and He faithfully writes the words. I am honest enough to know that if I were to take the reins there could be trouble!
Today it's not so much that I am not inspired but rather that the health report is unchanged, thankfully. I am isolating myself at home in order to keep well enough for a last shot at traveling before the "big guns" come out at the end of January. Please pray for no surprises where our cancer is concerned and please pray also for many opportunities to tell of God's goodness through trials.
Before signing off I would like to share from the consistent encouragement received from our friend, Jon, in Washington state. The verse he sent yesterday was 2 Kings 20:5, "...I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will heal you." Thank you, Jon, for that reminder of the wonderful promises to be found in God's Word. I wish I could quote Jon's entire email here but suffice it to say, Jon could be writing his own blog. His words never fail to hit home.
Today it's not so much that I am not inspired but rather that the health report is unchanged, thankfully. I am isolating myself at home in order to keep well enough for a last shot at traveling before the "big guns" come out at the end of January. Please pray for no surprises where our cancer is concerned and please pray also for many opportunities to tell of God's goodness through trials.
Before signing off I would like to share from the consistent encouragement received from our friend, Jon, in Washington state. The verse he sent yesterday was 2 Kings 20:5, "...I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will heal you." Thank you, Jon, for that reminder of the wonderful promises to be found in God's Word. I wish I could quote Jon's entire email here but suffice it to say, Jon could be writing his own blog. His words never fail to hit home.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Kindness
Yesterday was not the best day on the health front for me. I suspect that the beginnings of my cold can be blamed on a suppressed immune system, but the reason for it is immaterial. My major disappointment yesterday morning was the thought that I might have to cancel two activities for the day to which I was really looking forward. My granddaughter was taking me to lunch, then later in the afternoon we had friends coming bearing edible gifts and offering excellent company.
Not being one to wallow in self-pity I popped a Tylenol and soldiered on, the result being a day of supreme enjoyment. Sitting across the table from a precious granddaughter eating a Joe's Farm Grill hotdog, then later in the day spending a few hours over delicious pasta soup and excellent conversation.....priceless! And the reason for "priceless"? It's kindness. From the onset of our journey I (we) have been the recipient(s) of innumerable kindnesses, expressed in so many ways that I couldn't possibly list the many examples here. There would not be room on the page.
My prayer is that we, my family and I, will have the opportunity to express our thanks in words and actions to you all when I am well. And my equally important prayer is that I may have the privilege of modeling to others the kindness that has been modeled so graciously for me.
Many, many thanks.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness."-Galatians 5:22 (ESV)
"Thus says the Lord of hosts, 'Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another'."-Zechariah 7:9 (ESV)
Not being one to wallow in self-pity I popped a Tylenol and soldiered on, the result being a day of supreme enjoyment. Sitting across the table from a precious granddaughter eating a Joe's Farm Grill hotdog, then later in the day spending a few hours over delicious pasta soup and excellent conversation.....priceless! And the reason for "priceless"? It's kindness. From the onset of our journey I (we) have been the recipient(s) of innumerable kindnesses, expressed in so many ways that I couldn't possibly list the many examples here. There would not be room on the page.
My prayer is that we, my family and I, will have the opportunity to express our thanks in words and actions to you all when I am well. And my equally important prayer is that I may have the privilege of modeling to others the kindness that has been modeled so graciously for me.
Many, many thanks.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness."-Galatians 5:22 (ESV)
"Thus says the Lord of hosts, 'Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another'."-Zechariah 7:9 (ESV)
Friday, January 11, 2013
Insomniacs rule!
Judging from the responses of several friends to my blog on insomnia, I didn't invent this idea of using awake time at night for praying for others. My friend, Beth, suggested that perhaps we ought to form an Insomniacs Anonymous support group with a meeting time of 2 a.m. My friend, Mary, a potential member of the above mentioned club, says, tongue in cheek, that when she prays for me (in the middle of the night, of course), she is conflicted as to whether to pray for or against my insomnia.
I am writing this entry at 3:01 a.m. Out of consideration for my soundly sleeping husband I won't transfer it to my computer until a more reasonable hour, but please know that if you woke up this morning especially refreshed and feeling loved, you were prayed for during the night :)
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."-Colossians 4:2 (NKJV)
I am writing this entry at 3:01 a.m. Out of consideration for my soundly sleeping husband I won't transfer it to my computer until a more reasonable hour, but please know that if you woke up this morning especially refreshed and feeling loved, you were prayed for during the night :)
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."-Colossians 4:2 (NKJV)
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Today's mission accomplished
We had an encouraging visit with our oncologist, Dr. Polowy, and his Physicians' Assistant, Jenna, this morning. My blood results were very positive, all things considered, and there seems to be no reason to be overly concerned with anything at this juncture. The best news of all.....it appears that there might be the possibility of a short vacation before radiation and oral chemotherapy start.
Thank you again, Tami, for your willingness to put pen to paper to wrap up our appointments in your concise words. Thank you again, Jody, for faithfully sitting next to me in the chemo room, attending not only to my needs but to the needs of surrounding patients as well. Thank you, Lee Ann, for the perfect Bible verse to serve me well on this day.
There is such beauty in this chemotherapy room, such a sense of camaraderie between nurses, patients and accompanying family members and/or friends. I have not often experienced the spirit of mutual care and concern that is found here. What a gift we can be to one another when we take the focus off ourselves.
Thank you again, Tami, for your willingness to put pen to paper to wrap up our appointments in your concise words. Thank you again, Jody, for faithfully sitting next to me in the chemo room, attending not only to my needs but to the needs of surrounding patients as well. Thank you, Lee Ann, for the perfect Bible verse to serve me well on this day.
There is such beauty in this chemotherapy room, such a sense of camaraderie between nurses, patients and accompanying family members and/or friends. I have not often experienced the spirit of mutual care and concern that is found here. What a gift we can be to one another when we take the focus off ourselves.
Thanks! I needed that!
Appointment day with the oncologist continues to bring with it a degree of apprehension, to be honest. It's not the chemo treatment; it's wondering what my most recent tests might show, if there have been any changes in my plan, if there will be any news that is not welcome. And, as usual, my morning quiet time brings me just what I need to hear.
Join me for some samplings from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling on the subject of Trust:
"Try to view each day as an adventure, carefully planned out by your Guide."
"Thank Me for this day of life, recognizing that it is a precious, unrepeatable gift."
"Trust that I am with you each moment, whether you sense My presence or not."
"A life lived close to Me will never be dull or predictable. Expect each day to contain surprises!"
"Resist your tendency to search for the easiest route through the day."
Just what I needed! Don't you love it when that happens?
Join me for some samplings from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling on the subject of Trust:
"Try to view each day as an adventure, carefully planned out by your Guide."
"Thank Me for this day of life, recognizing that it is a precious, unrepeatable gift."
"Trust that I am with you each moment, whether you sense My presence or not."
"A life lived close to Me will never be dull or predictable. Expect each day to contain surprises!"
"Resist your tendency to search for the easiest route through the day."
Just what I needed! Don't you love it when that happens?
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
"It's a beautiful morning....." (sung to its happy little tune)
"I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustained me."-Psalm 3:5 (NKJV)
"I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8 (NKJV)
Thank You for another day of life.
Today begins with a trip to "Dr. Dracula" for my weekly blood draw, as my forever friend, Pat, so aptly calls it:) Then it's off to my hairdresser to get one step closer to seeing my real hair color. I suspect a delicious nap under a warm blanket will round out my morning....a beautiful morning, indeed!
"I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8 (NKJV)
Thank You for another day of life.
Today begins with a trip to "Dr. Dracula" for my weekly blood draw, as my forever friend, Pat, so aptly calls it:) Then it's off to my hairdresser to get one step closer to seeing my real hair color. I suspect a delicious nap under a warm blanket will round out my morning....a beautiful morning, indeed!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Paradigm Shift
"Paradigm Shift"-"A radical change in underlying beliefs or theory." (Dictionary.com)
Wikipedia tells me that this term was originally coined by Thomas Kuhn in the early '60s to apply specifically to the field of Science, but it seems to me that the term has evolved to having relevance in other fields as well, fields such as the field of Life.
My home is over 30 years old and it's getting a bit gray around the edges. About five years ago I began to daydream about remodeling my bathroom. I dreamily envisioned a lovely spa bathtub, a sleek, low toilet and perhaps a new privacy door. That bathroom never came to fruition and today I'm glad it didn't. That dreamy new bathroom vision resulted from the underlying belief that I would cruise into old age with all the ease I have experienced up until now. I would never have to face struggling over the edge of that beautiful spa tub or pushing myself up effortlessly from that sleek, low toilet. I would never have to face getting a wheelchair through that stylish privacy door.
The good news, however, is that I AM getting a new bathroom! Today my daughter, two of my granddaughters and I went shopping for my new bathtub....a walk-in tub with a safety bar for balance. We chose my new toilet, not low and sleek but high and approved by the American Disabilities Act. And the new privacy door? Sorry....no door. In fact the walk-in tub couldn't fit through it for installation, never mind the wheelchair that might be needed in the future.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Absolutely not! In fact I'm smiling as I write this entry. How silly I am to think that things will never change. How vain to think that I will not be touched by the negatives of this life. And how grateful I am to the forward thinking man or woman whose inspiration led to the walk-in tub and the high toilet! This life is so full of wonderful things. Bring on the paradigm shifts!
"Even to your old age I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you."-Isaiah 46:4.
Wikipedia tells me that this term was originally coined by Thomas Kuhn in the early '60s to apply specifically to the field of Science, but it seems to me that the term has evolved to having relevance in other fields as well, fields such as the field of Life.
My home is over 30 years old and it's getting a bit gray around the edges. About five years ago I began to daydream about remodeling my bathroom. I dreamily envisioned a lovely spa bathtub, a sleek, low toilet and perhaps a new privacy door. That bathroom never came to fruition and today I'm glad it didn't. That dreamy new bathroom vision resulted from the underlying belief that I would cruise into old age with all the ease I have experienced up until now. I would never have to face struggling over the edge of that beautiful spa tub or pushing myself up effortlessly from that sleek, low toilet. I would never have to face getting a wheelchair through that stylish privacy door.
The good news, however, is that I AM getting a new bathroom! Today my daughter, two of my granddaughters and I went shopping for my new bathtub....a walk-in tub with a safety bar for balance. We chose my new toilet, not low and sleek but high and approved by the American Disabilities Act. And the new privacy door? Sorry....no door. In fact the walk-in tub couldn't fit through it for installation, never mind the wheelchair that might be needed in the future.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Absolutely not! In fact I'm smiling as I write this entry. How silly I am to think that things will never change. How vain to think that I will not be touched by the negatives of this life. And how grateful I am to the forward thinking man or woman whose inspiration led to the walk-in tub and the high toilet! This life is so full of wonderful things. Bring on the paradigm shifts!
"Even to your old age I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you."-Isaiah 46:4.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Mini-revelations
Having been raised in the Midwest I'm often drawn back to that area in memory. While reading the latest issue of Midwest Living yesterday I spotted an enticing article advertising a lazy summertime cruise along the Great Lakes from Chicago to Toronto with multiple stops along the way. Since the onset of cancer I find myself responding to possibilities for future activities such as these with an instinctive "but what if...?" and again I become aware of how casually I have taken for granted my life and my future. This journey is re-shaping my appreciation for every minute of the gift of life and for my family and friends who inhabit it, and again I thank God.
"A man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps."-Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)
On the health front, things are looking good. My energy level has allowed for some good walks and with a nap during the day I end the day in pretty good shape, all things considered.
I'm looking forward to Thursday and the wrap-up appointment with my medical oncologist and last infusion chemotherapy in preparation for the next leg of the journey. Please continue in prayer...I'm definitely not looking forward to the next step!
"A man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps."-Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)
On the health front, things are looking good. My energy level has allowed for some good walks and with a nap during the day I end the day in pretty good shape, all things considered.
I'm looking forward to Thursday and the wrap-up appointment with my medical oncologist and last infusion chemotherapy in preparation for the next leg of the journey. Please continue in prayer...I'm definitely not looking forward to the next step!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Thoughts on a Sunday morning
I wonder if Mrs. Charles Cowman gave any thought to how many times her readers would be blessed by her little volume, Streams in the Desert. Each morning a new blessing jumps off the page and I have the encouragement I need for the day! Today she quotes a source, identified only as J.R.M., who eloquently brings to my attention again that I am not traveling this path alone. Listen to his, or her, words:
"God does not open paths for us in advance of our coming. He does not promise help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are on the edge of our need, God's hand is stretched out." There's more on this subject here, but the take-away for me today is that when we forget that we are not alone in our battle, we forever worry about the difficulties that are waiting for us down the road. I am learning from hard, personal experience that fear and worry just don't have a place in this walk. I will choose my battles, and these won't be among them!
I think it is appropriate at this time to quote the words of the great philosopher, Bobby McFerrin:
"Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no place to lay your head?
Somebody came and took your bed?
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late?
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.
Look at me, I'm happy.
Chorus
Give you my phone number
Call me, I make you happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style?
Ain't got no gal to make you smile?
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cuz when you worry, your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Now there's a little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note by note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy.
Listen to what I say
In your life, expect some trouble
When you worry, you make it double
Don't worry, be happy!"
Or something like that :)
"God does not open paths for us in advance of our coming. He does not promise help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are on the edge of our need, God's hand is stretched out." There's more on this subject here, but the take-away for me today is that when we forget that we are not alone in our battle, we forever worry about the difficulties that are waiting for us down the road. I am learning from hard, personal experience that fear and worry just don't have a place in this walk. I will choose my battles, and these won't be among them!
I think it is appropriate at this time to quote the words of the great philosopher, Bobby McFerrin:
"Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no place to lay your head?
Somebody came and took your bed?
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late?
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.
Look at me, I'm happy.
Chorus
Give you my phone number
Call me, I make you happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style?
Ain't got no gal to make you smile?
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cuz when you worry, your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Now there's a little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note by note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy.
Listen to what I say
In your life, expect some trouble
When you worry, you make it double
Don't worry, be happy!"
Or something like that :)
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Early morning ponderings
Funny thing, this business of answered prayer. It seems so plain when reading verses like Matthew 21:22, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." And John 14:13,14 promises, "I will do whatever you ask in My name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask anything in My name and I will do it." OK...I'll take "cancer-free", please, preferably immediately. Should I be upset when my lab reports show that God must not have been listening since my numbers still don't look good? Or when I don't get a call from the doctor's office telling me there is no trace of cancer on my latest scan? On the surface, instant remission might sound good, but is it truly the best plan for me? Would I be leaning on God like I am now if my cancer would mysteriously disappear? I think not. The greatest truth I have learned about prayer is that it's not about my changing God's mind, but rather His changing mine.
Jody and I were talking recently about how prayers are often answered in completely unexpected ways. For many years I have prayed that I could be bolder in sharing my faith. There's a small part of me that is pretty impressed by the person who can strike up a conversation in line at the grocery store and by the time the stranger's groceries have been bagged, he or she has been hit with The Four Spiritual Laws. I can't do that. That's not my gift. But through this cancer journey God has given me the desire to share my faith through seeing Him in every step. Answered prayer....YES!
I smile inwardly each time I see another of my prayers answered in a totally unexpected way.
Funny thing, this business of answered prayer!
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."-Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
PS. Health report...really quite amazing. Aside from the now usual lack of energy, I have had almost no side effects from this last round of chemo so far, and for that I am truly grateful. Answered prayer? Of course!
Jody and I were talking recently about how prayers are often answered in completely unexpected ways. For many years I have prayed that I could be bolder in sharing my faith. There's a small part of me that is pretty impressed by the person who can strike up a conversation in line at the grocery store and by the time the stranger's groceries have been bagged, he or she has been hit with The Four Spiritual Laws. I can't do that. That's not my gift. But through this cancer journey God has given me the desire to share my faith through seeing Him in every step. Answered prayer....YES!
I smile inwardly each time I see another of my prayers answered in a totally unexpected way.
Funny thing, this business of answered prayer!
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."-Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
PS. Health report...really quite amazing. Aside from the now usual lack of energy, I have had almost no side effects from this last round of chemo so far, and for that I am truly grateful. Answered prayer? Of course!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Good Morning
One of the benefits of writing early in the morning, especially on the day after chemo, is that any side effects that are going to surface usually show themselves as the day progresses. As of this moment all is well.
Yesterday morning I received a text message from my friend, Geri. Many years ago, when our lives were particularly stressful, she sent me a small hardcover book titled Streams in the Desert, by Mrs. Charles Cowman (rather appropriate name, don't you think?). This book had served Geri well as she went through her own challenges and she was so thoughtful in sending a copy to me.
The book, a collection of both personal observations and quotes from other strong men and women of faith, has been updated but Geri and I share an appreciation of unabridged work and she was able to find this beautiful old volume which she sent to me. As with other unique devotionals, the daily message hit just what met our needs for that day those many years ago and the collection continues to do the same today.
Geri texted that the message for that day, January 3, had brought me to her mind. The Scripture verse was Genesis 33:14-"I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children are able to endure." It is a beautiful picture of Jacob's thoughtfulness as he led the children and cattle on their journey. He knew just how much they could take for the day and when they needed to stop and rest and he planned the marches accordingly. What a perfect example of God's care for us. My journey is not Jacob's journey but I can have confidence that God is watching me, just as Jacob watched his charges, to see how much I am able to endure and He has already planned my journey accordingly.
Mrs. Cowman quoted Frances Ridley Havergal. "The steep bits that take away our breath, the stony bits that make our feet ache so, the hot shadeless stretches that make us feel so exhausted, the rushing rivers that we have to pass through-Jesus has gone through it all before us......'He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.' He is remembering all the time, and not one step will He make you take beyond what your foot is able to endure." I take great comfort in that knowledge.
Many thanks, Geri, for that timely text.
Yesterday morning I received a text message from my friend, Geri. Many years ago, when our lives were particularly stressful, she sent me a small hardcover book titled Streams in the Desert, by Mrs. Charles Cowman (rather appropriate name, don't you think?). This book had served Geri well as she went through her own challenges and she was so thoughtful in sending a copy to me.
The book, a collection of both personal observations and quotes from other strong men and women of faith, has been updated but Geri and I share an appreciation of unabridged work and she was able to find this beautiful old volume which she sent to me. As with other unique devotionals, the daily message hit just what met our needs for that day those many years ago and the collection continues to do the same today.
Geri texted that the message for that day, January 3, had brought me to her mind. The Scripture verse was Genesis 33:14-"I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children are able to endure." It is a beautiful picture of Jacob's thoughtfulness as he led the children and cattle on their journey. He knew just how much they could take for the day and when they needed to stop and rest and he planned the marches accordingly. What a perfect example of God's care for us. My journey is not Jacob's journey but I can have confidence that God is watching me, just as Jacob watched his charges, to see how much I am able to endure and He has already planned my journey accordingly.
Mrs. Cowman quoted Frances Ridley Havergal. "The steep bits that take away our breath, the stony bits that make our feet ache so, the hot shadeless stretches that make us feel so exhausted, the rushing rivers that we have to pass through-Jesus has gone through it all before us......'He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.' He is remembering all the time, and not one step will He make you take beyond what your foot is able to endure." I take great comfort in that knowledge.
Many thanks, Geri, for that timely text.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Two down, one to go of this cycle....
I am hooked up to my best friend, Gemzar, and am experiencing some dizziness. I guess I should welcome any reaction since it indicates that at least something is happening. My blood numbers are slightly off but nothing to worry about according to Sue, my oncology nurse. I am very grateful.
Today we officially met a couple we have seen here in the past. The wife is completing her six hour treatment. She will leave with a backpack filled with medicine that will be infused at home, then it's back to the chemo room in a couple of days for a repeat of her six hour infusion....and so go their days. I am so fortunate that I can walk away after only one hour of being attached to my pole and I won't be returning until next week. There are blessings to be found everywhere.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name."-Psalm 103:1 (ESV)
Today we officially met a couple we have seen here in the past. The wife is completing her six hour treatment. She will leave with a backpack filled with medicine that will be infused at home, then it's back to the chemo room in a couple of days for a repeat of her six hour infusion....and so go their days. I am so fortunate that I can walk away after only one hour of being attached to my pole and I won't be returning until next week. There are blessings to be found everywhere.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name."-Psalm 103:1 (ESV)
Don't waste your insomnia
"Intercede: To act or interpose on behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading or petition." "Synonyms: Advocate, intermediate, negotiate." (Dictionary.com)
For the last two nights I have been awakened at around 2 a.m. for no identifiable reason. My first impulse was to be irritated that my precious sleep had been interrupted...a non-productive response, to say the least. It soon became apparent that I had been handed a golden opportunity to give back to others the gift I have been given by so many over the past months. I could use this time for intercessory prayer.
Prayer has no boundaries. I prayed for a friend in Korea, as yet unmet in person, who is walking her cancer journey. I prayed for another as yet unmet friend in Payson who is walking her cancer walk as a young single mom. I prayed for a friend who faces surgery in less than two weeks and for another friend whose adult child struggles with divorce and its aftermath. I prayed for my brother-in-law who leads the way in our family on this uninvited journey and for his wife, my sister, who walks alongside him. I prayed for friends who do not yet know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior....and these are but a few of the many God brought to mind. "What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer", as the grand old hymn proclaims! I am looking forward to exercising this privilege many, many times over as I take this journey, whether it be at 2 a.m. or not.
Allow me a couple of quotes before I close the page on this entry:
"Intercession is the mother tongue of the whole family of Christ."-Dora Greenwell
"Intercession...is love on its knees."-Harry Emerson Fosdick
"In praying for people one dislikes I find it helpful to remember that one is joining in His prayer for them."-C.S. Lewis
And for me, nothing captures the heart of this subject in Scripture as faithfully as the King James Version of James 5:16: ".......the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
Please pray that this afternoon's chemo treatment goes well and that the lab report will show that my blood numbers are holding steady. I experience the benefits of your faithful prayers continually and I thank you sincerely.
For the last two nights I have been awakened at around 2 a.m. for no identifiable reason. My first impulse was to be irritated that my precious sleep had been interrupted...a non-productive response, to say the least. It soon became apparent that I had been handed a golden opportunity to give back to others the gift I have been given by so many over the past months. I could use this time for intercessory prayer.
Prayer has no boundaries. I prayed for a friend in Korea, as yet unmet in person, who is walking her cancer journey. I prayed for another as yet unmet friend in Payson who is walking her cancer walk as a young single mom. I prayed for a friend who faces surgery in less than two weeks and for another friend whose adult child struggles with divorce and its aftermath. I prayed for my brother-in-law who leads the way in our family on this uninvited journey and for his wife, my sister, who walks alongside him. I prayed for friends who do not yet know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior....and these are but a few of the many God brought to mind. "What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer", as the grand old hymn proclaims! I am looking forward to exercising this privilege many, many times over as I take this journey, whether it be at 2 a.m. or not.
Allow me a couple of quotes before I close the page on this entry:
"Intercession is the mother tongue of the whole family of Christ."-Dora Greenwell
"Intercession...is love on its knees."-Harry Emerson Fosdick
"In praying for people one dislikes I find it helpful to remember that one is joining in His prayer for them."-C.S. Lewis
And for me, nothing captures the heart of this subject in Scripture as faithfully as the King James Version of James 5:16: ".......the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
Please pray that this afternoon's chemo treatment goes well and that the lab report will show that my blood numbers are holding steady. I experience the benefits of your faithful prayers continually and I thank you sincerely.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year
Off with the old, on with the new! I resolve to continue subscribing to this declaration in both the physical and spiritual senses throughout 2013.
Hardly a day goes by that I don't receive a card from my faithful California friend, Barb. Yesterday's card nailed it for me and gave me the inspiration for my most important New Year's resolution. The sentiment? "Chemo Sucks....but if it sucks the cancer right out of you, then 'yay, chemo!' " The resolution? I resolve to finish 2013 both chemo and cancer free, specifically in the physical realm. "...With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 (ESV) (OK...so I took this out of context, but the inherent truth remains true in every context, thankfully.)
Check out Ephesians 4:22-24 and Revelation 21:5 on the subject of "old vs. new".
We wish you a blessed 2013.
Hardly a day goes by that I don't receive a card from my faithful California friend, Barb. Yesterday's card nailed it for me and gave me the inspiration for my most important New Year's resolution. The sentiment? "Chemo Sucks....but if it sucks the cancer right out of you, then 'yay, chemo!' " The resolution? I resolve to finish 2013 both chemo and cancer free, specifically in the physical realm. "...With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 (ESV) (OK...so I took this out of context, but the inherent truth remains true in every context, thankfully.)
Check out Ephesians 4:22-24 and Revelation 21:5 on the subject of "old vs. new".
We wish you a blessed 2013.
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