Bittersweet

For some reason I found myself humming "The Circle of Life" from the movie The Lion King this morning. I looked up the lyrics and I now know why that song came to mind. The words of the chorus are:
"It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
'Til we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life."
When our older "kids", all now in their 40s, were growing up they participated in 4-H, a wonderful youth development organization that teaches skills and responsibility through various activities, among them raising and showing farm animals. Our youngest would have participated as well were it not for the fact that he was allergic to all things farm related, plant or animal. Those were great times. We'd pack kids, animals, equipment, food for humans and beasts and we'd practically live at the Fair.
We were thrilled to see the tradition continue with grandkids and we have enjoyed many shows with them, but today marks the end of the era. Most of the grandkids are in their teens now with other interests replacing their animals and their lives have moved on, but Meg, the last holdout, has her final show at the Maricopa County Fair this morning. It will be a bittersweet day for all.
I'm not sure how this all relates to our cancer journey. I guess today I am especially aware of how we all have our places in the Circle of Life, an ever-moving and changing entity that is really out of our control. I am ever grateful that God placed me into this circle and He will not forget me when He calls me out of it.
Life..... How very precious it is.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV).

On the health front:
Playtime is over. My temporary treatment vacation ends today and I'll be back in the recliner once a week until mid-July. I'm a tad apprehensive since the memory of the first phase had blessedly dimmed, but it will be what it will be. And through it all, I'm not alone.

Peace, Trust and Contentment

I have found, especially since the start of this journey, that I need daily reminders of God's goodness and those reminders usually come from my time spent with Him early in the mornings. When I squander that time on other things, I usually find that I have cheated myself for the rest of the day. When I am restless and in an unsettled state of mind, I need to be grounded again in what I know to be true.
Today I am unsettled. Perhaps it's because my treatment begins again tomorrow. Perhaps it's because of decisions that need to be made. But whatever the reason, it's not a pleasant state in which to be. I take great comfort knowing that while my mind and mood swing here and there, God's truths remain constant, and today the truth on which I will depend is put so well by Sarah Young:
"Trust Me in every detail of your life. Nothing is random in My kingdom.....
Instead of trying to analyze the intricacies of the pattern, focus your energy on trusting Me and thanking Me at all times..."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
I love it when that happens. An unsettled mind (mine) is settled in a matter of minutes by seeking the mind of another (His).
Simplistic, but oh so profound.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7,8 (NIV).

On the health front:
Please pray for peace, trust and contentment as I begin the final phase of treatment tomorrow.

More ruminations on prayer

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take."
When we were kids my mom would come into my sister's and my room to pray this short prayer with us before we went to sleep and then she went into my brothers' room to pray the prayer with them. As I read Ben Patterson's thoughts this morning on Psalm 31 I can relate when he remembers praying that short prayer with his mother. He recalls not being thrilled about the dying before waking part but realizing pretty quickly that staying awake to avoid that possibility was not a viable plan. I'm guessing that the same thought occurred to us as well.
I'm not ashamed to say that I still pray that little prayer on occasion as I fall asleep, but now I pray with confidence that my soul will rest with God for eternity when that time comes. What a beautiful reality.
David penned this psalm when he was in imminent danger. He realized that his hope would ultimately come only from his God. Ben leads me to verse 5 of Psalm 31 where David cries out, "I entrust my spirit into Your hand...." And again, in verse 15, "My future is in Your hands..."
My desire is to pray those verses with the fervor of David, knowing that whatever challenges I encounter, I can have full confidence that I am firmly in God's grip.
Thank you, Ben Patterson, for these timely reminders this morning. (God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms).

"I will be glad and rejoice in Your unfailing love, for You have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul."-Psalm 31:7 (NLT)

Hmmm...."ruminations". Not a bad choice of words from a dairyman's wife😊

Prayer

Recently I received three beautiful handmade cards from Mr. Redding's 7th and 8th grade Bible classes at Gilbert Christian School, hand delivered with a big smile by my granddaughter, Sarah.
The cards reminded me to stay strong, to trust God, to feel better, to keep the faith. And I can do those very things knowing that I have the prayers of these young people going heavenward on my behalf. These kids don't know me personally but they pray for me. That's pretty special! And what's even more special is that they are learning that there is great power in prayer.
I was very, very encouraged by these short messages and will pray for each name on the cards, confident of the fact that even if I don't know the individual needs of these young folks and their teacher, God does.
Thank you, students and Mr. Redding! Because of your example I will look for ways to encourage others today.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He Who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."-Romans 8:26, 27 (NIV).

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well..."-James 5:15a (NIV).

".....The prayer of a righteous man [student] is powerful and effective."-James 5:16b (NIV).

On the health front:
Three and a half days of freedom from chemo left. Not quite sure how I feel about that.

Be still

We ventured out with friends last night. The evening had a dual purpose...to celebrate a special wedding anniversary and to enjoy an evening whose purpose was to benefit a very worthy cause. It was good to be out with people. It was good to have senses invigorated and to have a shot at the world that's going on around me before I need to withdraw again for a while. It made me grateful that the world outside my walls is an exciting place and at the same time it made me appreciate the opportunities I have had to draw away from that excitement to be quiet, to be still.
God has given me much opportunity to be still in the past year. He has pulled me away from the familiar daily busyness of my life BC and has called me to re-appreciate Him in a clear and unmistakable way. It took an emergency to allow that to happen this time around and when He pronounces me healed from cancer my desire is to allow regular periods of stillness to continue to be an important part of my days.
There is treasure in quiet times with God and while my senses are invigorated by life in the "outside" world, they are invigorated in a very different way in the world of stillness and communion with The Source of my being.

"Be still and know that I am God."-Psalm 46:10 (KJV).

Again...the big picture

Sometimes it's difficult to look at the big picture when involved on a day to day basis with a challenge. My tendency is to become mired in the moment rather than to look at the whole landscape. I'm grateful to have been drawn to Psalm 30 today.....another of David's magnificent psalms.
David experienced pretty much everything in his life that could be experienced in any man's life. His highs had no ceilings, his lows had no floors. He had plenty of opportunities to call on his God, and call he did! "When I was prosperous, I said, 'Nothing can stop me now!' "- (Verse 6). In the same psalm he says, "I cried out to You, O Lord. I begged The Lord for mercy..." -(Verse 8).
But for me today the most significant verses in this psalm of David are verse 5b and verse 11:
"...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning."-Psalm 30:5b (NLT), and
"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy."-Psalm 30:11 (NLT). Even in the depths of discomfort and discouragement God is there, continuing to show me the truths found in these short verses.
While there is no author officially recognized as the author of Ecclesiastes, many Bible scholars attribute its writings to King Solomon, so today I'd like to express my thanks to the old king for the words found in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 which so beautifully point out that there is a time and a season for everything. Nothing stays the same.

On the health front:
I'm looking forward to the launch of Phase Three on Thursday. The sooner it starts, the sooner it will end!

Alone with God

Interesting thoughts to ponder in this morning's Streams in the Desert. The author of today's entry observes that there are times in our lives when God draws us apart from everything familiar. All the "props", as he or she calls them, are temporarily put out of our reach. Nothing that we have been able to rely on in the past....self, other people, human reason...will serve us and we are forced to rely solely on God.
This was my experience, and while it was pretty scary at the time, it has turned out to be pretty wonderful. God took a woman who was accustomed to being able to take care of herself, a woman who didn't like surprises, and lovingly forced her to focus on Him alone. And He was, is and always will be faithful. I can rely on that.

"In the sorest trials God often makes the sweetest discoveries of Himself." (Gems).

"God sometimes shuts the door and shuts us in,
That He may speak, perchance through grief or pain,
And softly, heart to heart, above the din,
May tell some precious thought to us again." (Author Unknown).

On the health front:
Counting down to the start of Phase Three of my treatment.
Please pray that my reaction to Gemzar will be the same as it was during Phase One. The side effects could have been a lot worse.
Thank you for your faithful prayers.

Learning from others

Since my diagnosis I've had occasions to compare "life" with many who have been touched by cancer in one way or another and I've learned so much from them.
One close friend, in particular, has been especially good for me in her honesty regarding her own cancer journey. We have shared and compared challenges and we have both been able to find moments of humor along the way. Recently she passed a book on to me with a lovely inscription inside the cover, with the hope and expectation that it will be inscribed again and passed on to someone else who will appreciate it as we have. The book chronicles the lives of some very special women who have triumphed over their cancers and who have become better people for their experiences. I have been touched by their hope and their courage.
"I've changed my way of looking at life. I don't take things as seriously now. I love making people around me happy. I've lost the need to be in control. I never used to be emotional but now I cry...." (Julia). I think Julia is on the right track.
"Because of the experience, I've gained a lot of peace in my life. I just don't get as worked up about things as I did in the past." (Deirdre). Me, too, Deirdre!
"......let people into your life, let friends help you. Let them get you a cup of tea, even if you don't want one. It will help you feel less isolated and it will help them love you." (Deirdre again.)
"I don't just want to survive cancer. I want to put it behind me." (Kellee). I'll second that, Kellee!
And this one particularly touched me. "An interesting dynamic is that my husband is continually asked about me and I feel it's unfair that my disease has captured the spotlight and so colored his relationship with others. He's a patient person but [I'm sure that] he would rather discuss far more controversial topics [than those that] force him into my shadow." (Jo). I'm a little sad about that , too, Jo.
"So my advice to you is to trust yourself, trust God and let others into your life. Let them take care of you, and this, too, shall pass." (Georgia Ann). So beautifully spoken, Georgia Ann.
And these are only a few of the gems found within the pages of this beautiful book about the hope and courage of a few of many strong women who have met and are meeting their challenges well.
My prayer today is that I will never stop learning from others.

Confidence

I spent some time with a friend yesterday. We've both been around long enough to see life in its dress clothes and in its everyday clothes. We are both facing challenges in our lives and we shared them with each other, as friends do. While our trials appear difficult and saddening now, we both came away from our time together knowing that we see those trials in a far more limited way than God does.
We talked about challenges that came into our lives years ago and how they seemed so devastating at the time. Now, years later, we share with each other how those challenges have borne great fruit, fruit that was invisible to us at the time but were part of God's plan from the outset. How encouraging it is to know that God is not bound by our concept of time. And what a blessing it is to be confident in the knowledge that "....in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."-Romans 8:28 (NIV).

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."-Ecclesiastes 3:11a (NIV)

"The Lord will be your permanent source of light; your time of sorrow will be over."-Isaiah 60:20b (NET).

"It is impossible for you to have a need that I cannot meet. After all, I created you...."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).

On the health front:
Thankfully, nothing more than a bit of minor pain, so no complaints!

Thanking Him

These days I often find myself thinking of my life in two parts; as it was before my cancer diagnosis (BC) and as it is now, after my cancer diagnosis (AC). The now familiar AC self has become accustomed to a lack of energy, aches and pains of a previously unfamiliar nature, occasional bouts of whining and self pity and a serious curtailment of a social life. So yesterday, when I received the unexpected blessing of a day that was unusually similar to the days of my BC life, I was happily surprised, and grateful, and elated, and even a bit giddy at the end of the day from the experience. It was easy to praise and thank God for His good gifts.
It's still early and I don't know yet what the day will bring, but my prayer right at this moment is that I will end this day with that same gratitude, regardless of what transpires. God is with me, holding me tightly every moment, in good times and in trials. Our journey has made this knowledge a reality. And I pray that He will continue to allow trials to enter my life, if only to keep me aware that I am never alone.
I've shared this prayer before, but it bears repeating:

"I bless Thee....for the body Thou hast given me,
for preserving its strength and vigour,
for providing senses to enjoy delights,
for the ease and freedom of my limbs,
for hands, eyes, ears that do Thy bidding,
for Thy royal bounty providing my daily support,
for a full table and overflowing cup,
for appetite, taste, sweetness,
for social joys of relatives and friends,
for ability to serve others,
for a heart that feels sorrows and necessities,
for a mind to care for my fellow-men,
for opportunities of spreading happiness around,
for loved ones in the joys of heaven,
for my own expectation of seeing Thee clearly....."-The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.

Have a GREAT day!