Good morning

In past blogs I've written about John Piper's great little book, Don't Waste Your Cancer.  Piper points out in Chapter 5 that we waste our cancer if we refuse to think about death.  Maybe I'm supposed to be thinking about death today since today's prayer in my Valley of Vision collection of Puritan prayers and devotions (and thank you, Joe, for the millionth time, for the gift of that book) pretty much lays out my wishes for the time when God calls me home.
The writer of this prayer prays, "Prepare me for death, that I may not die after long affliction or suddenly, but after short illness, with no confusion or disorder, and a quiet discharge in peace, with adieu to brethren.  Let not my days end like lumber in a house, but give me a silent removing from one world to another."
What a way to go!
And, by the way, I'm feeling great this morning :)  Thank you all for your steady, faithful prayers.

More small bites

Today's inspiration comes from David W. Fuller, Editor of the highly intellectual publication, The Costco Connection :)  Every few years Mr. Fuller selects some of his favorite quotations from his collection and shares them with his readers.  A few of them rang true in this unique season of my life and they inspired me to go to my Bible to see if I could find verses that expressed the truths contained in the quotations.  Here's what I found:

Quote:  "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."-Anne Frank
Scripture:  "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness."-Psalm 30:11 (NKJV)

Quote:  "Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."-Plato
Scripture:  "Thus says the Lord of hosts:  'Execute true justice, show mercy and compassion, everyone to his brother.' "-Zechariah 7:9 (NKJV)

Quote:  "Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."-Voltaire
Scripture:  "For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent; He will lift me high upon a rock.  And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy.  I will sing and make melody to The Lord."-Psalm 27:5,6 (ESV)

This week's chemo is starting to take its toll on my energy level.  Please pray that I have enough energy to make myself useful.

As time goes by....

Like many others I find myself reviewing the events of the year that is about to find its way into history and thinking ahead to the brand new, fresh one that is about to appear.  Before tackling the new year head on I want to share some thoughts and verses that have been given to me since the onset of our journey.  They may seem random to the reader but each jewel has taken its place in the beautiful piece of jewelry I wear next to my heart.  You would all stop reading this blog if I included every one at this time so you'll get them in segments as time goes by.
My friend, Mary, who has gone through her share of suffering, wrote in one of her emails, "At least one of the redemptive pieces to suffering/trials is unusual clarity.  A hefty price tag, but still worth noting as a 'good thing' to come out of such soil."  How very true, Mary.
My sister, Janet, whose husband is also on this uninvited cancer journey, wrote in her beautiful Christmas letter, "With Barb's diagnosis I have realized how precious they are who have shared their whole life with us.  Along with Dale (Janet's husband), my siblings provide the glue that holds me together.  Facing the threats to Barb's and Dale's lives I realize how fragile and breakable are the links that join us and how easily those links can be dissolved.  I know as well how powerless we are to hold at bay the loss and death of our loved ones."
I am, along with Jan, treasuring my family, immediate and extended.  Please don't wait for a challenge before appreciating yours.
Proverbs 17:17-"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." (NKJV)

Health report:  Thankfully, no unexpected reactions to chemo so far today.  God is good!

Thanks again, John Piper

I woke up this morning being drawn again to John Piper's small book Don't Waste Your Cancer.  Chapter 4 focuses on our natural bent as humans to be driven to odds, statistics.  A time or two I have found myself instinctively tempted to Google the odds of survival for Cholangiocarcinoma but just as quickly chuckled and realized that as a Christian I know that the number of my days has already been written (Psalm 139:16) regardless of what Wikipedia might tell me.
My (our) cancer is not a curse but rather it is a way that God has chosen for me to lessen my natural tendency to rely on myself and to increase my dependency on Him, and for that I am so grateful.
The apostle, Paul, writes in his letter to the Corinthians, "Indeed we felt that the sentence of death had been passed against us, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God Who raises the dead". (2 Corinthians:1:9-NEV)

On the health front, I am experiencing the usual "first day after chemo" flushed face but no temperature so no worries :)
Thank you, Lord, for life, and thank you, family and friends, for your faithful prayers.

Second installment

Great news....I will have another cycle of Gemzar, my current infusion chemo med, before starting radiation and oral chemotherapy!  (Never in my wildest dreams did I envision getting excited about chemo treatment.)  Another cycle of Gemzar equals one week off at the end of the cycle equals the possibility of getting out of town for a short while before starting my next phase.  I am a happy woman!
Dr. Polowy was very encouraging today.  I was actually praised for gaining weight...never thought I'd see the day!  My blood numbers have risen where they needed to rise and dropped where they needed to drop as a result of my week off last week.  My liver enzymes are normal and there appears to be no reason to suspect abnormal activity within.  Dr. Polowy discussed the physical and psychological benefits of exercise and when I attempted to explain my serious allergy to any form of exercise he didn't buy it, unfortunately.  All in all we think he was very pleased with how I am reacting to my regimen.
Again and again I thank God for His continuing goodness to me.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your prayers.
"But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation."  (Psalm 13:5)

"Fear not....."

Today is our appointment with my medical oncologist, during which I will discover what my everyday life might look like for the next few months.  I love words and this morning I find myself searching for the one that describes my state of mind at this early hour.  I think that word is 'anxious', but it is an anxiety due to my inability to look into the unknown rather than an anxiety born of fear.
Throughout this journey I have asked myself the question, "Am I afraid?" and I thankfully continue to be able to answer that question with a firm, "No!"  Isaiah 41:10 states the reason for that answer: "Fear not, for I am with you.  Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."  My forever friend, Pat, led me to that verse as I faced major surgery and I found myself silently quoting it as the dreaded mask came over my face that time and several times since.  The Bible is filled with this admonition, "Do not fear...", and that's all the reassurance I need for today, tomorrow and always.
Stay tuned...more to follow.

Prayer

"Prayer enlarges the heart until it is capable of containing God's gift of Himself."  (Mother Teresa)
I am both uplifted and humbled by the outpouring of prayers on my behalf by my family and friends.  Consider this blog entry my personal thanks to each one of you.  You can't possibly know how precious they are to me.
As previously mentioned, some time ago a good friend gave me a book entitled The Tremendous Power of Prayer.  Contained within this book are short quotations by people from all walks of life, some names familiar, some not.  These little jewels are worth sharing and today you will get a few of them:
"Pray your way through the day.  You can't see around the turning of life's corners but God can.  When the alarm goes off, don't say 'Good Lord-morning!', say 'Good morning, Lord!' "  (Robert A. Cook)
And here's another good one:  "Prayer should be the key of the morning and the lock of the night."  (Owen Felltham)
And finally: "Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?"  (Corrie Ten Boom)
Sometimes the small bites are the tastiest.

Please keep praying.  Tomorrow I meet with my medical oncologist and will learn if I am to receive another cycle of Gemzar or head straight to radiation and oral chemotherapy.  I will admit that I am not looking forward to this next phase of my plan, but God has been and will continue to be faithful to meet my needs, even if not in the ways I would choose.  Please be specific in your prayers.  I personally pray for complete healing and would be honored if you would join me in this prayer.  If, however, my  healing will not occur in this present life, then please join me in praying for a peaceful, accepting spirit as my treatment advances.

It's going to be a great day!

Chris, Alyssa and their four-legged kids arrived from Oklahoma yesterday, the distant grandkids begin to arrive in a few days and for us the Christmas Season has begun.  Cancer has officially been relegated to the back burner!
For those of you who are inclined, read Psalm 8 today.  It will bless you as it always does me.  And to make it even more special to us, it was our son, David's, favorite psalm when he was a kid.
"Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth!"

Enter Dr. Ambrad

Yesterday we met with the newest addition to the cast of characters in our journey through cancer.
Dr. Aaron Ambrad, MD, Radiation Oncologist, came highly recommended by our Medical Oncologist, Dr. Polowy, and we felt confident that he is our man for this time.  His open and straightforward approach instilled confidence and we are trusting him to make the best decisions for this stage of our journey.
Dr. Ambrad used his computer to give us our first visual exposure to my PET scan.  He took us through my entire body on his screen and showed us exactly where the trouble spots are and more importantly, where they aren't.  We were again gratified to learn that the affected lymph nodes have not traveled far, at least not at the time of the scan.
Dr. Ambrad proceeded to talk to us about the proposed plan for his part in the great sandwich analogy used by Dr. Polowy when he first talked to us about my cancer treatment.
The top slice of my sandwich is Gemzar, my current infusion chemotherapy administered through a port in my chest.  As mentioned earlier, Gemzar attacks the rogue lymph nodes.  The filling portion of the sandwich consists of radiation and oral chemotherapy, occurring concurrently. The radiation/oral chemo attacks the stubborn and potentially lethal cells that are clustered around the original site of my cancer.  The bottom slice is a return to Gemzar, administered by infusion. 
Dr. Ambrad described the technology he will use in the filling portion of the sandwich.  I will receive 32 radiation/oral chemo treatments, one each day for five days of the week, with weekends off.  My side effects may consist of burning in the area of the radiation and a buffet of "itises", as he put it...colitis, gastritis, etc.  He said that some of his patients have side effects almost immediately and some have minimal side effects throughout the treatment.  (I opted for the latter.)
Dr. Ambrad will ink small tattoos in the targeted areas to facilitate accuracy in the radiation.  When I told him that one of my secret wishes was to get a tattoo in an inconspicuous place before I leave this earth, he offered to tattoo "Party Animal" across my back, tastefully, of course.  I declined.
I am gratefully enjoying my week off from Gemzar and the question of the hour is whether I will embark on a second cycle of Gemzar before starting radiation or whether we will get right to the radiation/chemo phase.  We should know that decision soon.
Although the prophet, Jeremiah, wrote the following words in a different place, for a different time, I have always claimed his words for my life.   "For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  (Jeremiah 29:11) ESV
Thank You, Lord, for life.

PS...

I have heard from both friends and family that there has been a problem with leaving comments at the end of the blogs.  I have made some setting adjustments and I hope that the problem is solved.