Life is good!

I had a great night's sleep and awoke refreshed this morning.  My coffee and cat are by my side and I hesitate to get out of bed, afraid to break the spell.
The POUS (Pill Of Unusual Size for all you fellow Princess Bride fans) went down easily after dinner last night and if there were any side-effects during the night, I slept right through them, thankfully.
My friend, Jon, always the encourager, sent me the following verse yesterday as I approached the first day of the next phase of my treatment:  "Now may The Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way..."-2 Thessalonians 3:16, and again I thankfully marvel at the sense of peace I have been allowed on this uninvited journey.  There have been scary times, for sure, but the intensity of those memories has faded, perhaps due to my age but most likely due to God's goodness.
This morning I'll spare you from further ruminations.  Suffice it to say that, as of 7 a.m. on Thursday, January 31, 2013, life is good.....very good!

Greetings from Command Central, USS Enterprise

Two thirds of the "first day of Xeloda/Radiation" are behind me and I have survived to pen yet another post.  The worst part so far was getting up the nerve to swallow my Xeloda super-sized oral chemo pill this morning. Aside from slight dizziness and very mild, temporary stomach cramping, I feel fine.  This will change, but for the moment I am wildly thankful. The final one-third of this day will be the swallowing of another horse-pill, but that will be a fact of life for the next six weeks so I may as well get used to it.
My first radiation treatment took longer than usual since initial placement verifications and more picture taking of my mapping markers had to take place before the actual treatment started. Again, two sweet young ladies made the experience as pleasant as it could be.  Once started, the actual radiation made me think that I had stumbled onto a set from Star Trek.  Large circular and rectangular steel panels passed over and around me, whirring and softly clunking as they went.  My table moved up and down on an as-needed basis and the whole thing was quite fascinating, actually.  At this point there is no physical sensation but as the radiation increases I know I will experience burning and possible blistering of the radiated areas. Once the treatment was completed I received my lollipop which took the form of three small tattoos which replaced the ugly ink markers.  I walked out a free woman...well, until tomorrow and for six weeks after that, anyway.
Casual humor aside, I am so grateful that I am doing this now rather than fifteen or twenty years ago.
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you."-Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV).  This verse came to me with love this morning from my forever friend, Pat.  Thank you, sweet friend, for always having the right thing to say.

Positive mental pictures

I didn't sleep well last night.  Somewhere there must have been a meeting of Insomniacs Anonymous (thanks, Beth for that name) and it had been called to order.
At first I attributed my wakefulness to apprehension about today but I soon realized that there were many friends and family members who could use some prayer support similar to the support I have so generously received, and those long minutes were put to positive use.
I wish I could say that apprehension has been permanently booted as a result of that time in prayer for others but here it is again as I drink my coffee and face the day ahead.  My time with God has given me much to chew on, as usual, but nothing has struck me as strongly as the words of my friend, Beth, whose walk on the cancer journey ahead of me has yielded much of the wisdom than encourages me now.
Beth is strong...not one to stand by hopelessly and let fear and apprehension get a grip on her spirit.  She wrote yesterday, "Tomorrow will be a wonderful day in so many ways-despite how your body might 'feel'.  I am so grateful you have a great medical oncologist that knows the perfect combo of chemicals to help your body show cancer who's in charge and that you have a good radiation oncologist that knows the perfect placement of beams to get those photons in there destroying the cancer.  Hooray for modern medicine!"
Thanks, Beth, for changing what could be apprehension to optimism this morning.  Your encouragement and the encouragement of my California friend, Barb, who coined the term "Chemo Marines", have given me the gift of visualizing great and positive mental pictures as I face whatever awaits me!
"Trust in The Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path."-(KJV)

Thanks once again, Lord

I'm spoiled.  I have taken good health for granted and even since my cancer diagnosis I have not experienced anything entirely unpredictable or uncomfortable.
On Sunday morning I woke up with an old-fashioned stomach ache, accompanied by an unpleasant side effect that will remain unmentioned.  Monday didn't bring much improvement.  Under ordinary circumstances I would have simply put up with the inconvenience and not have given it another thought, but thanks to my Whipple surgery and my newly designed digestive system I'm not sure whether to be concerned or not, given that tomorrow the big guns will come out and my stomach will most likely take another hit.  Do I call the doctor?  Do I just let nature take its course?  My prayer for today is that God will speak to me one way or another about resting in Him, trusting Him for the peace that will abolish anxiety.  So...let's see what He has in store for me this morning.
"You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You."-2 Corinthians 26:3.
"In My radiant light, anxious thoughts shrink and shrivel away....Confused ideas are untangled while you rest in the simplicity of My peace."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
"May we....cherish a grateful and cheerful disposition, not murmuring or repining if our wishes are not indulged, or because some trials are blended with our enjoyment...."-The Valley of Vision.
"Can it be possible that we, who are so easily moved by the things of this earth, can arrive at a place where nothing can upset us or disturb our calm?  Yes, it is possible.....  And we, if we will but let God have His way with us, may come to the same place, so that neither the fret nor tear of little things in life, nor the great and heavy trials, can have power to move us from the peace that passeth understanding, which is declared to be the portion of those who have learned to rest only on God."-Hannah Whitall Smith (Streams in the Desert).
"Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks."-Philippians 4:6 (NCV).
And now that I think of it, my stomach discomfort is a bit improved over yesterday. I think I'll give myself a little time before I make that call to the doctor :)
Thanks once again, Lord!

Please pray

I am apprehensive as I face the reality that the next phase of my treatment begins on Wednesday.  I am praying, along with the Puritan of old who penned this prayer:
"O Lord God...
Quieten our (my) soul(s) to call upon Thy name...
Detach us (me) from the influence of the flesh and the senses...
Impress us (me) with the power of faith...
Bring us (me) into that state which attracts Thine eye, and prepare us (me) to receive the proofs of Thy love...
Show us (me) our (my) danger, that we (I) may fly to Thee for refuge...
When we (I) droop, revive us (me)...
May we (I) be rich in faith, be strong in faith, live by faith, walk by faith, experience the joy of faith, do the work of faith, hope through faith..."  (The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)
Please pray with me this week.

Mixed messages?

As previously mentioned, my husband brings coffee and my quiet time materials to me before my feet even hit the floor each morning.  This morning as he deposited the Bibles and books onto the bed he remarked, "This pile gets higher every time I pick it up!"  I can't seem to help that.  There's just so much good stuff out there!  However, there is what appears on the surface to be a down side to that as well.  Am I getting mixed messages from reading too much?
On the one hand my sources encourage me to "wait".  I am not to run ahead of God.  I am not to be concerned about providing for my own needs for the day.  I am to trust God....to wait.  "If God so clothes the grass of the field...will He not much more clothe you...?" (Matthew 6:30)
"Sit in the Light of My Presence, and receive My Peace.  These quiet moments with Me transcend time, accomplishing far more than you can imagine." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)  More "wait".
Then I read that there is such a thing as "over-waiting".  "A great deal is said in the Bible about waiting for God....We easily grow impatient of God's delays.....We cannot wait for the answers to our prayers.  But there is another phase of the lesson.  God often waits for us.  We fail many times to receive the lesson He has for us because we do not go forward with Him." (J.R. Miller in Streams in the Desert)
Miller goes on to point out that while waiting is an important part of my walk with God, there are times when it falls upon me to "go forward with a firm step".  He, or she, points to Abraham of the Old Testament.  God made great promises to Abraham, but those promises were contingent upon Abraham leaving home, friends, country and going off into the unknown in order to receive those blessings.
So...what's a girl to believe?  Do I "wait upon the Lord" or do I "Go forward (into the unknown) with a firm step"?  The answer is a resounding Yes!
I receive wonderful encouragement from family and friends about how they are inspired by a particular blog and while I treasure this encouragement I must point out that these are not original observations.  They are available to everyone and are there for the taking.  Isn't that just the greatest reality?  I can't possibly stumble and fall in my journey if I simply trust and obey.
"Help us not only to receive Him but to walk in Him, depend on Him, commune with Him, follow Him as dear children, imperfect, but still pressing forward, not complaining of labour, but valuing rest, not murmuring under trials, but thankful for our state." (The Valley of Vision)
So, there it is: Wait...and Move Forward!

Re-examining Psalm 23

In 1981 Stephen Freemantle gathered together the collection of beautifully illustrated psalms that his father, James, had painted for his mother, Clara, throughout the years of their marriage.  Stephen took this collection to a publisher and in 1982 The Psalms of David, Illuminated by James S. Freemantle was shared with the world.
In his foreword Stephen says of his father, "James was not a religious man, but he poured all the skills he possessed into his renderings of the psalms.  Because they are such beautiful love poetry he saw his illumination of them as a testament to his love for Mother."
I have always considered the psalms of David to be David's love story to his God, whether the psalm be a questioning of his own existence, a cry for help or an expression of his love and praise to his Creator.
Psalm 23 may have been written by David, for David, but in its short six verses I find all the comfort I need at this time in my life just as surely as did David.  I wonder if he ever thought about how many would be impacted by his beautiful words.
Re-examining Psalm 23:
Am I walking this journey alone?  No!  I am being led as a well-loved sheep by a Shepherd Whose love is focused on me.
Will I be left wanting for anything?  No!  Everything is already in place for my well-being.
Will I be unbearably uncomfortable?  No!  Soft green grass is waiting for me for rest when I need it.
Will I be immersed in chaos?  No!  The waters around me will be still.
Will I lose hope?  No!  My Shepherd will not let that happen.
Will I make disastrous choices as I examine my situation?  No!  He promises to lead me along the correct path.
Is impending death a possibility?  Yes!  But there will be no fear in this for me because I will be comforted by my Shepherd as I face that possibility.
Will I be overcome with fear and hopelessness?  No!  Everything I need in order to face my enemies, known or unknown, has been laid out for me already....in fact more than I will ever need.
Is there anything positive in this uninvited journey?  Yes!  God has reached down in His indescribable way to soothe me and He has given me more blessings than I can count.
Who could possibly ask for more than this?
Thank you, David!

Hiatus

Hiatus:  "A break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc." (Dictionary.com)
I promised myself that I wouldn't blog on the days that I was not inspired. I thought today might be one of those days since there didn't seem to be a common thread running through my quiet time reading this morning and I didn't wake up with a burning issue on my mind that needed to be addressed immediately  Of course I was wrong.
I believe that God grants each of us hiatuses along our journey of life.  Some hiatuses occur at great times, some occur at the not so great times.  I am currently being granted a hiatus since I am between phases of treatment and I don't want to waste it. I don't want to let the important lessons pass me by as I revel in the absence of yucky things.  So....here goes:
More notes to self:
Don't miss the reality that true peace can occur anywhere along our way through life, whether we are being challenged or not. Sarah Young reminded me this morning that I can receive this gift in the midst of life's storms by trusting Him.  She points out that adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world.  Thanks, Sarah, for that timely reminder!  (Jesus Calling)
Max Lucado reminded me that God's love does not hinge on mine.  God loves me simply because He chose to.  Thanks, Max, for that timely reminder!  (A Love Worth Giving)
Oswald Chambers reminded me that I have nothing to accomplish in my life on this earth that is more important than to give evidence that I am a child of God:  "You did not choose Me, I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit...".-John 15:16 (NKJV)  Thanks, Oswald, for that timely reminder! (My Utmost for His Highest)
C.G. Trumbull reminded me that God knows just when to withhold from me any visible sign of encouragement and when to give me visible signs of His presence. My trust in Him needn't depend on "signs and wonders".  I can, and will, trust Him at all times.  Thanks, C.G., for that timely reminder! (Streams in the Desert)
And, finally, the apostle Paul reminds me, in 1 Thessalonians 5:16, 18: "Be joyful always.... give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  Thanks, Paul, Silvanus and Timothy, for that timely reminder!
No inspiration today?  I don't think so :)

PS.  If your prayer list could use a few more names, please include Dale and Ron.

Miracles of modern science

Yesterday I entered the world of radiation, sort of.  Before treatment can begin, my body must be "mapped" in order to enable the radiation to hit its intended target.
I was ushered into a semi-intimidating room and met by two friendly and competent young women (is everyone in the world young except me?) who guided me through this new experience.
First I had my mugshot taken.  Yes...I actually held a name card to my chest and smiled for the camera.  I decided that if it avoids my getting treatment intended for the next person in line, it's probably not a bad thing.
Following the photo shoot I was placed on the scanner table, resting on a semi-inflated pillow of sorts with my arms holding two posts behind my head....an unfamiliar and pretty uncomfortable position, actually.  Some of the air was then released from my pillow, forming a mold which will be used for further placement when my treatments start.  I was then passed back and forth under the scanner while my trouble spots were photographed.  I was marked with three large Xs and told that I would not receive my reward (the tattoos) until my first radiation treatment.  Bummer!  The whole process took about twenty minutes and I was released from the room.  Efficiency personified!
I was expecting that treatments would begin on the 24th but was told that they will not begin until the 30th...a bit of a disappointment since I am already looking forward to the end of this phase of my adventure..
My oral chemo, Xeloda, was delivered to our door on schedule in the afternoon, accompanied by written information and a DVD explaining the correct use and possible side effects of the meds.  I started looking at the material after dinner and quickly decided that it probably would not be my best choice for bedtime reading!  Since I won't begin oral chemo until the 30th I am allowing myself a few days of denial before attempting to read it again.
All in all it was a pretty interesting day and I am grateful to be taking this journey now rather than twenty years ago.  I know that I am held firmly in the hands of The Master and I am not afraid.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."-Psalm 46:1 (NKJV)

Blog #2 for today

I don't often do this, so bear with me as I share an entire message with which I was confronted this morning.  It is from Streams in the Desert (and thank you for the hundredth time, Geri!). It talks about "rest".  Initially the "rest" in this message is the rest found in the vocabulary of music...a break, a pause or an ending to the melody.  The application of the musical rest to our physical rest in this short devotion is too good not to share.
"There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it."  In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by "rests,"  and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune.  God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives; and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator.  How does the musician read the "rest"?  See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.
Not without design does God write the music of our lives.  Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the "rests".  They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote.  If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us.  With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear.  If we sadly say to ourselves, "There is no music in a 'rest,' " let us not forget  "there is the making of music in it."  The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life.  How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson!  (Ruskin)
Wonderful.