I am surrounded by angels. My Willow Tree angels have names. Lavender Grace reminds me daily of God's grace, especially in times of challenge. Angel of Prayer reminds me that God has no "Hours of Business" sign hanging on the Pearly Gates. He is available 24/7. Angel of the Heart encourages me to treasure the heart bonds of my earthly angels who have been so faithful in prayer, in calls, in delicious food and in every conceivable act and offer of service. Angel of Hope reminds me that the word Hopelessness need not be a word in my vocabulary. And I have just met my latest angel.
My dear brother-in-law, Dale, my companion on this journey through cancer, gave me a beautiful alabaster angel for my birthday. I have decided not to name her, or rather I should say she will have a new name each day as I seek encouragement for that particular day.
I have realized that God's angels appear in many forms. Some have feet, some do not. Some are recognizable, some work in the background. All work to God's glory.
Thank you to all who provide the many gifts that could only come from angels and that encourage me at all times and in so many ways.
"For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways."-Psalm 91:11 (NKJV).
On the health front:
Ten more radiation treatments, ten more POUS. I am more than ready to be finished with this phase.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Time alone
So much inspiration, so few words with which to express it!
Some mornings bring strong themes to mind, some offer small bites of many delicious themes. On these "buffet" mornings I try to find a common thread in what I read and today I'm sensing that my encouragement is to look for more opportunities to spend time alone with God and to listen carefully to what He is saying to me.
"Left alone! What different sensations these words conjure up in each of us. To some they spell loneliness and desolation and to others rest and quiet. To be left alone without God would be too awful for words, but to be left alone with Him is a foretaste of Heaven!"-Streams in the Desert (Author Unknown).
My alone times can occur in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night and I find myself looking forward to them. It's at those times that I most clearly experience the comfort and confidence in truths such as those expressed by Asaph of the Old Testament as he ponders why so often it seems like the people who are walking in their own strength, satisfying only their own needs, serving their own agendas, seemingly without a care in the world are the ones who seem to be free from the burdens of the world. But it's not long before his thoughts return to the blessings he receives as he walks with his God: "Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You will hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterwards receive me to glory."-Psalm 73:21-24 (NKJV)
Thanks, Lord, that You continue to refocus my attention onto Yourself as I experience these lovingly enforced times alone with You.
On the health front:
The cumulative effects of radiation and oral chemo are becoming more pronounced. I've been well counseled to expect this. My energy level continues to decrease and I have ongoing discomfort in the target area of my digestive system. However, I am on the home stretch of this phase of treatment so I'm claiming the words of Philippians 4:13 which give me fresh confidence: "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Some mornings bring strong themes to mind, some offer small bites of many delicious themes. On these "buffet" mornings I try to find a common thread in what I read and today I'm sensing that my encouragement is to look for more opportunities to spend time alone with God and to listen carefully to what He is saying to me.
"Left alone! What different sensations these words conjure up in each of us. To some they spell loneliness and desolation and to others rest and quiet. To be left alone without God would be too awful for words, but to be left alone with Him is a foretaste of Heaven!"-Streams in the Desert (Author Unknown).
My alone times can occur in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night and I find myself looking forward to them. It's at those times that I most clearly experience the comfort and confidence in truths such as those expressed by Asaph of the Old Testament as he ponders why so often it seems like the people who are walking in their own strength, satisfying only their own needs, serving their own agendas, seemingly without a care in the world are the ones who seem to be free from the burdens of the world. But it's not long before his thoughts return to the blessings he receives as he walks with his God: "Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You will hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterwards receive me to glory."-Psalm 73:21-24 (NKJV)
Thanks, Lord, that You continue to refocus my attention onto Yourself as I experience these lovingly enforced times alone with You.
On the health front:
The cumulative effects of radiation and oral chemo are becoming more pronounced. I've been well counseled to expect this. My energy level continues to decrease and I have ongoing discomfort in the target area of my digestive system. However, I am on the home stretch of this phase of treatment so I'm claiming the words of Philippians 4:13 which give me fresh confidence: "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Gratitude
If you have six minutes and ten seconds to spare, preferably before you start your day, go to YouTube and find Gratitude by Louie Schwartzberg. My brother, Hap, gave me the heads up on this beautiful short film and it impacted me greatly.
My journey through cancer has a way of distracting me these days and I realize that this doesn't happen without my permission. It's too easy to choose to let the things that are wrong dictate my outlook rather than the many, many things that are right.
"Help me to see how good Thy will is in all, and even when it crosses mine teach me to be pleased with it. Grant me to feel Thee in fire, in food and every providence, and to see that Thy many gifts and creatures are but Thy hands and fingers taking hold of me."-The Valley of Vision.
"The Lord strengthens and protects me; I trust in Him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to Him in gratitude."-Psalm 28:7 (NET).
I am grateful beyond words for the marvelous gift of each moment.
On the health front:
We had a short meeting with Dr. Ambrad after radiation yesterday and once again I am grateful to report that he found no reason for concern.
I'm not experiencing any side effects that can't be lessened by a pill or a nap so Gratitude is my choice for today...and beyond!
My journey through cancer has a way of distracting me these days and I realize that this doesn't happen without my permission. It's too easy to choose to let the things that are wrong dictate my outlook rather than the many, many things that are right.
"Help me to see how good Thy will is in all, and even when it crosses mine teach me to be pleased with it. Grant me to feel Thee in fire, in food and every providence, and to see that Thy many gifts and creatures are but Thy hands and fingers taking hold of me."-The Valley of Vision.
"The Lord strengthens and protects me; I trust in Him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to Him in gratitude."-Psalm 28:7 (NET).
I am grateful beyond words for the marvelous gift of each moment.
On the health front:
We had a short meeting with Dr. Ambrad after radiation yesterday and once again I am grateful to report that he found no reason for concern.
I'm not experiencing any side effects that can't be lessened by a pill or a nap so Gratitude is my choice for today...and beyond!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Good Morning
My siblings will be here for only a few more hours and I am holding inspiration at bay so I can enjoy the time with them. If the choice of blogging or sleeping comes up this afternoon, I suspect sleeping will win out.
On the health front:
Radiation and "Dr. Day" today. I expect another short and sweet meeting with Dr. Ambrad.
Seventeen treatments under my belt (both literally and figuratively) so I am pumped!
On the health front:
Radiation and "Dr. Day" today. I expect another short and sweet meeting with Dr. Ambrad.
Seventeen treatments under my belt (both literally and figuratively) so I am pumped!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
"He made the storm be still..."
Praise You In This Storm
Written and performed by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again I say "Amen"' and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are Who You are
No matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You?
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.
(Chorus)
I woke up to this beautiful song this morning and was encouraged. I have yet to reach the depths of despair of the person whose voice inspired this song and I have full confidence that I won't, but the truths of God's faithfulness resonate through these words, regardless.
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and He brought them to their desired haven."-Psalm 107:28-30 (ESV).
Written and performed by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again I say "Amen"' and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are Who You are
No matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You?
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.
(Chorus)
I woke up to this beautiful song this morning and was encouraged. I have yet to reach the depths of despair of the person whose voice inspired this song and I have full confidence that I won't, but the truths of God's faithfulness resonate through these words, regardless.
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and He brought them to their desired haven."-Psalm 107:28-30 (ESV).
Saturday, February 23, 2013
"...and there came a lion..."
One of the benefits of having cancer is that I have been given permission to start the day slowly rather than to hit the ground running as in times past. I have the luxury of spending time being inspired by many resources that have been somewhat neglected in times of good health. There is so much to be learned from others.
This morning I'm invited to view my cancer as a special blessing that has been given to me, as was the lion a gift to the shepherd David of old as he faced and killed it in order to protect his flock. The writer of this short, thought provoking entry saw that lion as a blessing in disguise, an opportunity for David to go the extra step in meeting his challenge and to experience victory rather than defeat had he failed or faltered in taking a positive approach. "The lion was God's opportunity in disguise. Every difficulty that presents itself to us, if we receive it in the right way, is God's opportunity."-C.H.P. (Streams in the Desert). So simple a concept, yet so profound.
Cancer is my "lion" and today I am encouraged by C.H.P. to view it as one more opportunity to share God's love and faithfulness to me in my time of challenge. And once again I thank Him for sending me this lion which can and will be defeated.
"...and there came a lion..."-1 Samuel 17:34.
On the health front:
Add one more side effect. My hair, what there is of it, is thinning. Not only am I discovering my real hair color, I am discovering my scalp color. I read somewhere that my hair will grow back when chemo stops. I sure hope so! I need every hair I can get.
This morning I'm invited to view my cancer as a special blessing that has been given to me, as was the lion a gift to the shepherd David of old as he faced and killed it in order to protect his flock. The writer of this short, thought provoking entry saw that lion as a blessing in disguise, an opportunity for David to go the extra step in meeting his challenge and to experience victory rather than defeat had he failed or faltered in taking a positive approach. "The lion was God's opportunity in disguise. Every difficulty that presents itself to us, if we receive it in the right way, is God's opportunity."-C.H.P. (Streams in the Desert). So simple a concept, yet so profound.
Cancer is my "lion" and today I am encouraged by C.H.P. to view it as one more opportunity to share God's love and faithfulness to me in my time of challenge. And once again I thank Him for sending me this lion which can and will be defeated.
"...and there came a lion..."-1 Samuel 17:34.
On the health front:
Add one more side effect. My hair, what there is of it, is thinning. Not only am I discovering my real hair color, I am discovering my scalp color. I read somewhere that my hair will grow back when chemo stops. I sure hope so! I need every hair I can get.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Insignificant, yet so very insignificant
When our son, David, was a kid, the beauty of Psalm 8 struck him and he asked some pretty significant questions about the truths it contains. "How could God have created everything around us?" "If we can see the moon and the stars, why can't we see heaven?" "If God could make so many big things, why did He make little things like us?"
As a parent I was challenged to condense the awesomeness of that psalm into words that could be understood by a child and I continue to be awed by the immense beauty of those words of the David of the Old Testament. Still today as I read them I try to digest them in a personal way:
"When I (Barb) look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and stars which You have set in place, what is man (what am I) that You are mindful of him (me), the son (daughter), that You care for him (me)?"-Psalm 8:3,4.
My God, in the midst of His indescribable universe, cares for me, Barb. He knows my needs at this very moment and will never let me fall. How significant is that!
And as if I needed more assurance of this truth, I open my Valley of Vision and read, "...Thy presence fills immensity, yet Thou hast of Thy pleasure created life and communicated happiness; Thou hast made me what I am and given me what I have; In Thee I live and move and have my being..."- The Valley of Vision.
Today I will claim the final words of that prayer:
"Impress me with a sense of Thy omnipresence, that Thou art my path, my ways, my lying down, my end."-The Valley of Vision.
On the health front:
Yesterday I celebrated the arrival of my siblings from Seattle, Tucson and Hawi, Hawaii, so while I have them here I have decided that if there are any side effects from my treatment they (the side effects, not the siblings) will be ignored!
And another cause for celebration...I am officially one treatment over the half way mark for this phase of treating the ugly enemy.
Those Chemo Marines are doing their job!
As a parent I was challenged to condense the awesomeness of that psalm into words that could be understood by a child and I continue to be awed by the immense beauty of those words of the David of the Old Testament. Still today as I read them I try to digest them in a personal way:
"When I (Barb) look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and stars which You have set in place, what is man (what am I) that You are mindful of him (me), the son (daughter), that You care for him (me)?"-Psalm 8:3,4.
My God, in the midst of His indescribable universe, cares for me, Barb. He knows my needs at this very moment and will never let me fall. How significant is that!
And as if I needed more assurance of this truth, I open my Valley of Vision and read, "...Thy presence fills immensity, yet Thou hast of Thy pleasure created life and communicated happiness; Thou hast made me what I am and given me what I have; In Thee I live and move and have my being..."- The Valley of Vision.
Today I will claim the final words of that prayer:
"Impress me with a sense of Thy omnipresence, that Thou art my path, my ways, my lying down, my end."-The Valley of Vision.
On the health front:
Yesterday I celebrated the arrival of my siblings from Seattle, Tucson and Hawi, Hawaii, so while I have them here I have decided that if there are any side effects from my treatment they (the side effects, not the siblings) will be ignored!
And another cause for celebration...I am officially one treatment over the half way mark for this phase of treating the ugly enemy.
Those Chemo Marines are doing their job!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Death and Legacy
Last night the 92 year old mom of a good friend earned her wings and this morning my thoughts are filled with her impact on so many of us.
Gramma Annie lived with and was loved by her daughter, Barbie, and her son-in-law, Jim. Whenever and wherever we saw Barbie, we saw Gramma Annie, both of them smiling, both ready with a positive word.
Today I am particularly aware of the legacy we leave when our time comes to leave this earth and our loved ones behind. My prayer is that my life will be a reflection of the One Who created me, nurtured me, challenged me, blessed me and is waiting for me with open arms when I am called home.
I look forward to seeing Gramma Annie again, as I know I will.
Until then, you will be missed by many, dear woman.
"For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: 'Death is swallowed up in victory'. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"-1 Corinthians 15:53-55 (ESV).
Gramma Annie lived with and was loved by her daughter, Barbie, and her son-in-law, Jim. Whenever and wherever we saw Barbie, we saw Gramma Annie, both of them smiling, both ready with a positive word.
Today I am particularly aware of the legacy we leave when our time comes to leave this earth and our loved ones behind. My prayer is that my life will be a reflection of the One Who created me, nurtured me, challenged me, blessed me and is waiting for me with open arms when I am called home.
I look forward to seeing Gramma Annie again, as I know I will.
Until then, you will be missed by many, dear woman.
"For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: 'Death is swallowed up in victory'. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"-1 Corinthians 15:53-55 (ESV).
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
"Recalculating"
We have a GPS in our car whose name is Rita. Because her voice is rather sultry we named her after a rather sultry actress of the '40s, Rita Hayworth. We depend on Rita to get us where we're going when entering unknown territory and she seldom fails us.
This morning Randy Kilgore chose this theme of recalculating, or "rerouting", as he calls it, for his short contribution to Our Daily Bread.
"The GPS not only recognizes when a driver is off course but immediately begins plotting a new path to get back on track."-Randy Kilgore (Our Daily Bread).
It's easy for me to get off track and to fall into the temptation of charting my own course, but my Bible, my trusty GPS, serves me well as it puts me back on track time after time. And the course charted for me by The Word is always far more beautiful than any I could have chosen for myself. I am so grateful that my trustworthy GPS will lovingly guide me through this chapter in my life.
"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.
Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5,6 (NET).
On the health front:
My abdominal area is becoming increasingly tender, my energy level remains low and I get a foul taste in my mouth which has been described, according to my Radiation Oncologist, as eating a cardboard pizza sprinkled with tin foil shavings. I have nothing to complain about, however, when I compare my situation to others who sit with us in the waiting area as we submit ourselves to the miracles of modern medicine. And most of us are smiling and friendly!
There are many things to like about this place.
This morning Randy Kilgore chose this theme of recalculating, or "rerouting", as he calls it, for his short contribution to Our Daily Bread.
"The GPS not only recognizes when a driver is off course but immediately begins plotting a new path to get back on track."-Randy Kilgore (Our Daily Bread).
It's easy for me to get off track and to fall into the temptation of charting my own course, but my Bible, my trusty GPS, serves me well as it puts me back on track time after time. And the course charted for me by The Word is always far more beautiful than any I could have chosen for myself. I am so grateful that my trustworthy GPS will lovingly guide me through this chapter in my life.
"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.
Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5,6 (NET).
On the health front:
My abdominal area is becoming increasingly tender, my energy level remains low and I get a foul taste in my mouth which has been described, according to my Radiation Oncologist, as eating a cardboard pizza sprinkled with tin foil shavings. I have nothing to complain about, however, when I compare my situation to others who sit with us in the waiting area as we submit ourselves to the miracles of modern medicine. And most of us are smiling and friendly!
There are many things to like about this place.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Drudgery
When I was a kid I learned a simple little song that still pops into my head occasionally. Its words encourage me to "Arise...and Shine....and give God the Glory, Glory!" Easy to sing but not always easy to do. "Arising" is a piece of cake. The "Shine" part, not so much.
I have to talk to myself regularly about the impact of my attitude on my sense of well-being, and there are definitely times when my attitude has not benefited my sense of well-being.
Oswald Chambers is my teacher this morning.
"Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character there is. Drudgery is work that is very far removed from anything to do with the ideal-the utterly mean, grubby things; and when we come in contact with them we know instantly whether or not we are spiritually real."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
While I'm not doing much physically in the drudgery department these days, I can easily fall into a negative mindset as I experience the drudgery of sitting still and not accomplishing much of anything. And here, Oswald teaches me again:
"Some people do a certain thing, and the way in which they do it hallows that thing forever afterwards. It may be the most commonplace thing, but after we have seen them do it, becomes different. When The Lord does something through us, He always transfigures it."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
So, today I'll take my cue from these teachings and from Eugene Peterson in his paraphrase of the Bible, tweaking the words a bit to make them speak to me as well as to Israel:
"Get out of bed, Barb! Wake up! Put your face in the sunlight! God's bright glory has risen for you."-Isaiah 60:1-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
On the health front:
Our meeting with Dr. Ambrad was short but only semi-sweet.
My blood numbers are close enough to the normal range that there are no worries but he cautioned me that the more pronounced side effects from radiation would be surfacing soon.
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
I have to talk to myself regularly about the impact of my attitude on my sense of well-being, and there are definitely times when my attitude has not benefited my sense of well-being.
Oswald Chambers is my teacher this morning.
"Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character there is. Drudgery is work that is very far removed from anything to do with the ideal-the utterly mean, grubby things; and when we come in contact with them we know instantly whether or not we are spiritually real."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
While I'm not doing much physically in the drudgery department these days, I can easily fall into a negative mindset as I experience the drudgery of sitting still and not accomplishing much of anything. And here, Oswald teaches me again:
"Some people do a certain thing, and the way in which they do it hallows that thing forever afterwards. It may be the most commonplace thing, but after we have seen them do it, becomes different. When The Lord does something through us, He always transfigures it."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
So, today I'll take my cue from these teachings and from Eugene Peterson in his paraphrase of the Bible, tweaking the words a bit to make them speak to me as well as to Israel:
"Get out of bed, Barb! Wake up! Put your face in the sunlight! God's bright glory has risen for you."-Isaiah 60:1-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
On the health front:
Our meeting with Dr. Ambrad was short but only semi-sweet.
My blood numbers are close enough to the normal range that there are no worries but he cautioned me that the more pronounced side effects from radiation would be surfacing soon.
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
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