Appointment day with the oncologist continues to bring with it a degree of apprehension, to be honest. It's not the chemo treatment; it's wondering what my most recent tests might show, if there have been any changes in my plan, if there will be any news that is not welcome. And, as usual, my morning quiet time brings me just what I need to hear.
Join me for some samplings from Sarah Young's Jesus Calling on the subject of Trust:
"Try to view each day as an adventure, carefully planned out by your Guide."
"Thank Me for this day of life, recognizing that it is a precious, unrepeatable gift."
"Trust that I am with you each moment, whether you sense My presence or not."
"A life lived close to Me will never be dull or predictable. Expect each day to contain surprises!"
"Resist your tendency to search for the easiest route through the day."
Just what I needed! Don't you love it when that happens?
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
"It's a beautiful morning....." (sung to its happy little tune)
"I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustained me."-Psalm 3:5 (NKJV)
"I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8 (NKJV)
Thank You for another day of life.
Today begins with a trip to "Dr. Dracula" for my weekly blood draw, as my forever friend, Pat, so aptly calls it:) Then it's off to my hairdresser to get one step closer to seeing my real hair color. I suspect a delicious nap under a warm blanket will round out my morning....a beautiful morning, indeed!
"I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8 (NKJV)
Thank You for another day of life.
Today begins with a trip to "Dr. Dracula" for my weekly blood draw, as my forever friend, Pat, so aptly calls it:) Then it's off to my hairdresser to get one step closer to seeing my real hair color. I suspect a delicious nap under a warm blanket will round out my morning....a beautiful morning, indeed!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Paradigm Shift
"Paradigm Shift"-"A radical change in underlying beliefs or theory." (Dictionary.com)
Wikipedia tells me that this term was originally coined by Thomas Kuhn in the early '60s to apply specifically to the field of Science, but it seems to me that the term has evolved to having relevance in other fields as well, fields such as the field of Life.
My home is over 30 years old and it's getting a bit gray around the edges. About five years ago I began to daydream about remodeling my bathroom. I dreamily envisioned a lovely spa bathtub, a sleek, low toilet and perhaps a new privacy door. That bathroom never came to fruition and today I'm glad it didn't. That dreamy new bathroom vision resulted from the underlying belief that I would cruise into old age with all the ease I have experienced up until now. I would never have to face struggling over the edge of that beautiful spa tub or pushing myself up effortlessly from that sleek, low toilet. I would never have to face getting a wheelchair through that stylish privacy door.
The good news, however, is that I AM getting a new bathroom! Today my daughter, two of my granddaughters and I went shopping for my new bathtub....a walk-in tub with a safety bar for balance. We chose my new toilet, not low and sleek but high and approved by the American Disabilities Act. And the new privacy door? Sorry....no door. In fact the walk-in tub couldn't fit through it for installation, never mind the wheelchair that might be needed in the future.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Absolutely not! In fact I'm smiling as I write this entry. How silly I am to think that things will never change. How vain to think that I will not be touched by the negatives of this life. And how grateful I am to the forward thinking man or woman whose inspiration led to the walk-in tub and the high toilet! This life is so full of wonderful things. Bring on the paradigm shifts!
"Even to your old age I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you."-Isaiah 46:4.
Wikipedia tells me that this term was originally coined by Thomas Kuhn in the early '60s to apply specifically to the field of Science, but it seems to me that the term has evolved to having relevance in other fields as well, fields such as the field of Life.
My home is over 30 years old and it's getting a bit gray around the edges. About five years ago I began to daydream about remodeling my bathroom. I dreamily envisioned a lovely spa bathtub, a sleek, low toilet and perhaps a new privacy door. That bathroom never came to fruition and today I'm glad it didn't. That dreamy new bathroom vision resulted from the underlying belief that I would cruise into old age with all the ease I have experienced up until now. I would never have to face struggling over the edge of that beautiful spa tub or pushing myself up effortlessly from that sleek, low toilet. I would never have to face getting a wheelchair through that stylish privacy door.
The good news, however, is that I AM getting a new bathroom! Today my daughter, two of my granddaughters and I went shopping for my new bathtub....a walk-in tub with a safety bar for balance. We chose my new toilet, not low and sleek but high and approved by the American Disabilities Act. And the new privacy door? Sorry....no door. In fact the walk-in tub couldn't fit through it for installation, never mind the wheelchair that might be needed in the future.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Absolutely not! In fact I'm smiling as I write this entry. How silly I am to think that things will never change. How vain to think that I will not be touched by the negatives of this life. And how grateful I am to the forward thinking man or woman whose inspiration led to the walk-in tub and the high toilet! This life is so full of wonderful things. Bring on the paradigm shifts!
"Even to your old age I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you."-Isaiah 46:4.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Mini-revelations
Having been raised in the Midwest I'm often drawn back to that area in memory. While reading the latest issue of Midwest Living yesterday I spotted an enticing article advertising a lazy summertime cruise along the Great Lakes from Chicago to Toronto with multiple stops along the way. Since the onset of cancer I find myself responding to possibilities for future activities such as these with an instinctive "but what if...?" and again I become aware of how casually I have taken for granted my life and my future. This journey is re-shaping my appreciation for every minute of the gift of life and for my family and friends who inhabit it, and again I thank God.
"A man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps."-Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)
On the health front, things are looking good. My energy level has allowed for some good walks and with a nap during the day I end the day in pretty good shape, all things considered.
I'm looking forward to Thursday and the wrap-up appointment with my medical oncologist and last infusion chemotherapy in preparation for the next leg of the journey. Please continue in prayer...I'm definitely not looking forward to the next step!
"A man's heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps."-Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)
On the health front, things are looking good. My energy level has allowed for some good walks and with a nap during the day I end the day in pretty good shape, all things considered.
I'm looking forward to Thursday and the wrap-up appointment with my medical oncologist and last infusion chemotherapy in preparation for the next leg of the journey. Please continue in prayer...I'm definitely not looking forward to the next step!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Thoughts on a Sunday morning
I wonder if Mrs. Charles Cowman gave any thought to how many times her readers would be blessed by her little volume, Streams in the Desert. Each morning a new blessing jumps off the page and I have the encouragement I need for the day! Today she quotes a source, identified only as J.R.M., who eloquently brings to my attention again that I am not traveling this path alone. Listen to his, or her, words:
"God does not open paths for us in advance of our coming. He does not promise help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are on the edge of our need, God's hand is stretched out." There's more on this subject here, but the take-away for me today is that when we forget that we are not alone in our battle, we forever worry about the difficulties that are waiting for us down the road. I am learning from hard, personal experience that fear and worry just don't have a place in this walk. I will choose my battles, and these won't be among them!
I think it is appropriate at this time to quote the words of the great philosopher, Bobby McFerrin:
"Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no place to lay your head?
Somebody came and took your bed?
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late?
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.
Look at me, I'm happy.
Chorus
Give you my phone number
Call me, I make you happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style?
Ain't got no gal to make you smile?
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cuz when you worry, your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Now there's a little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note by note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy.
Listen to what I say
In your life, expect some trouble
When you worry, you make it double
Don't worry, be happy!"
Or something like that :)
"God does not open paths for us in advance of our coming. He does not promise help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are on the edge of our need, God's hand is stretched out." There's more on this subject here, but the take-away for me today is that when we forget that we are not alone in our battle, we forever worry about the difficulties that are waiting for us down the road. I am learning from hard, personal experience that fear and worry just don't have a place in this walk. I will choose my battles, and these won't be among them!
I think it is appropriate at this time to quote the words of the great philosopher, Bobby McFerrin:
"Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no place to lay your head?
Somebody came and took your bed?
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late?
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.
Look at me, I'm happy.
Chorus
Give you my phone number
Call me, I make you happy.
Chorus
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style?
Ain't got no gal to make you smile?
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cuz when you worry, your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.
Chorus
Now there's a little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note by note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy.
Listen to what I say
In your life, expect some trouble
When you worry, you make it double
Don't worry, be happy!"
Or something like that :)
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Early morning ponderings
Funny thing, this business of answered prayer. It seems so plain when reading verses like Matthew 21:22, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." And John 14:13,14 promises, "I will do whatever you ask in My name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask anything in My name and I will do it." OK...I'll take "cancer-free", please, preferably immediately. Should I be upset when my lab reports show that God must not have been listening since my numbers still don't look good? Or when I don't get a call from the doctor's office telling me there is no trace of cancer on my latest scan? On the surface, instant remission might sound good, but is it truly the best plan for me? Would I be leaning on God like I am now if my cancer would mysteriously disappear? I think not. The greatest truth I have learned about prayer is that it's not about my changing God's mind, but rather His changing mine.
Jody and I were talking recently about how prayers are often answered in completely unexpected ways. For many years I have prayed that I could be bolder in sharing my faith. There's a small part of me that is pretty impressed by the person who can strike up a conversation in line at the grocery store and by the time the stranger's groceries have been bagged, he or she has been hit with The Four Spiritual Laws. I can't do that. That's not my gift. But through this cancer journey God has given me the desire to share my faith through seeing Him in every step. Answered prayer....YES!
I smile inwardly each time I see another of my prayers answered in a totally unexpected way.
Funny thing, this business of answered prayer!
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."-Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
PS. Health report...really quite amazing. Aside from the now usual lack of energy, I have had almost no side effects from this last round of chemo so far, and for that I am truly grateful. Answered prayer? Of course!
Jody and I were talking recently about how prayers are often answered in completely unexpected ways. For many years I have prayed that I could be bolder in sharing my faith. There's a small part of me that is pretty impressed by the person who can strike up a conversation in line at the grocery store and by the time the stranger's groceries have been bagged, he or she has been hit with The Four Spiritual Laws. I can't do that. That's not my gift. But through this cancer journey God has given me the desire to share my faith through seeing Him in every step. Answered prayer....YES!
I smile inwardly each time I see another of my prayers answered in a totally unexpected way.
Funny thing, this business of answered prayer!
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."-Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
PS. Health report...really quite amazing. Aside from the now usual lack of energy, I have had almost no side effects from this last round of chemo so far, and for that I am truly grateful. Answered prayer? Of course!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Good Morning
One of the benefits of writing early in the morning, especially on the day after chemo, is that any side effects that are going to surface usually show themselves as the day progresses. As of this moment all is well.
Yesterday morning I received a text message from my friend, Geri. Many years ago, when our lives were particularly stressful, she sent me a small hardcover book titled Streams in the Desert, by Mrs. Charles Cowman (rather appropriate name, don't you think?). This book had served Geri well as she went through her own challenges and she was so thoughtful in sending a copy to me.
The book, a collection of both personal observations and quotes from other strong men and women of faith, has been updated but Geri and I share an appreciation of unabridged work and she was able to find this beautiful old volume which she sent to me. As with other unique devotionals, the daily message hit just what met our needs for that day those many years ago and the collection continues to do the same today.
Geri texted that the message for that day, January 3, had brought me to her mind. The Scripture verse was Genesis 33:14-"I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children are able to endure." It is a beautiful picture of Jacob's thoughtfulness as he led the children and cattle on their journey. He knew just how much they could take for the day and when they needed to stop and rest and he planned the marches accordingly. What a perfect example of God's care for us. My journey is not Jacob's journey but I can have confidence that God is watching me, just as Jacob watched his charges, to see how much I am able to endure and He has already planned my journey accordingly.
Mrs. Cowman quoted Frances Ridley Havergal. "The steep bits that take away our breath, the stony bits that make our feet ache so, the hot shadeless stretches that make us feel so exhausted, the rushing rivers that we have to pass through-Jesus has gone through it all before us......'He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.' He is remembering all the time, and not one step will He make you take beyond what your foot is able to endure." I take great comfort in that knowledge.
Many thanks, Geri, for that timely text.
Yesterday morning I received a text message from my friend, Geri. Many years ago, when our lives were particularly stressful, she sent me a small hardcover book titled Streams in the Desert, by Mrs. Charles Cowman (rather appropriate name, don't you think?). This book had served Geri well as she went through her own challenges and she was so thoughtful in sending a copy to me.
The book, a collection of both personal observations and quotes from other strong men and women of faith, has been updated but Geri and I share an appreciation of unabridged work and she was able to find this beautiful old volume which she sent to me. As with other unique devotionals, the daily message hit just what met our needs for that day those many years ago and the collection continues to do the same today.
Geri texted that the message for that day, January 3, had brought me to her mind. The Scripture verse was Genesis 33:14-"I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children are able to endure." It is a beautiful picture of Jacob's thoughtfulness as he led the children and cattle on their journey. He knew just how much they could take for the day and when they needed to stop and rest and he planned the marches accordingly. What a perfect example of God's care for us. My journey is not Jacob's journey but I can have confidence that God is watching me, just as Jacob watched his charges, to see how much I am able to endure and He has already planned my journey accordingly.
Mrs. Cowman quoted Frances Ridley Havergal. "The steep bits that take away our breath, the stony bits that make our feet ache so, the hot shadeless stretches that make us feel so exhausted, the rushing rivers that we have to pass through-Jesus has gone through it all before us......'He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust.' He is remembering all the time, and not one step will He make you take beyond what your foot is able to endure." I take great comfort in that knowledge.
Many thanks, Geri, for that timely text.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Two down, one to go of this cycle....
I am hooked up to my best friend, Gemzar, and am experiencing some dizziness. I guess I should welcome any reaction since it indicates that at least something is happening. My blood numbers are slightly off but nothing to worry about according to Sue, my oncology nurse. I am very grateful.
Today we officially met a couple we have seen here in the past. The wife is completing her six hour treatment. She will leave with a backpack filled with medicine that will be infused at home, then it's back to the chemo room in a couple of days for a repeat of her six hour infusion....and so go their days. I am so fortunate that I can walk away after only one hour of being attached to my pole and I won't be returning until next week. There are blessings to be found everywhere.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name."-Psalm 103:1 (ESV)
Today we officially met a couple we have seen here in the past. The wife is completing her six hour treatment. She will leave with a backpack filled with medicine that will be infused at home, then it's back to the chemo room in a couple of days for a repeat of her six hour infusion....and so go their days. I am so fortunate that I can walk away after only one hour of being attached to my pole and I won't be returning until next week. There are blessings to be found everywhere.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name."-Psalm 103:1 (ESV)
Don't waste your insomnia
"Intercede: To act or interpose on behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading or petition." "Synonyms: Advocate, intermediate, negotiate." (Dictionary.com)
For the last two nights I have been awakened at around 2 a.m. for no identifiable reason. My first impulse was to be irritated that my precious sleep had been interrupted...a non-productive response, to say the least. It soon became apparent that I had been handed a golden opportunity to give back to others the gift I have been given by so many over the past months. I could use this time for intercessory prayer.
Prayer has no boundaries. I prayed for a friend in Korea, as yet unmet in person, who is walking her cancer journey. I prayed for another as yet unmet friend in Payson who is walking her cancer walk as a young single mom. I prayed for a friend who faces surgery in less than two weeks and for another friend whose adult child struggles with divorce and its aftermath. I prayed for my brother-in-law who leads the way in our family on this uninvited journey and for his wife, my sister, who walks alongside him. I prayed for friends who do not yet know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior....and these are but a few of the many God brought to mind. "What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer", as the grand old hymn proclaims! I am looking forward to exercising this privilege many, many times over as I take this journey, whether it be at 2 a.m. or not.
Allow me a couple of quotes before I close the page on this entry:
"Intercession is the mother tongue of the whole family of Christ."-Dora Greenwell
"Intercession...is love on its knees."-Harry Emerson Fosdick
"In praying for people one dislikes I find it helpful to remember that one is joining in His prayer for them."-C.S. Lewis
And for me, nothing captures the heart of this subject in Scripture as faithfully as the King James Version of James 5:16: ".......the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
Please pray that this afternoon's chemo treatment goes well and that the lab report will show that my blood numbers are holding steady. I experience the benefits of your faithful prayers continually and I thank you sincerely.
For the last two nights I have been awakened at around 2 a.m. for no identifiable reason. My first impulse was to be irritated that my precious sleep had been interrupted...a non-productive response, to say the least. It soon became apparent that I had been handed a golden opportunity to give back to others the gift I have been given by so many over the past months. I could use this time for intercessory prayer.
Prayer has no boundaries. I prayed for a friend in Korea, as yet unmet in person, who is walking her cancer journey. I prayed for another as yet unmet friend in Payson who is walking her cancer walk as a young single mom. I prayed for a friend who faces surgery in less than two weeks and for another friend whose adult child struggles with divorce and its aftermath. I prayed for my brother-in-law who leads the way in our family on this uninvited journey and for his wife, my sister, who walks alongside him. I prayed for friends who do not yet know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior....and these are but a few of the many God brought to mind. "What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer", as the grand old hymn proclaims! I am looking forward to exercising this privilege many, many times over as I take this journey, whether it be at 2 a.m. or not.
Allow me a couple of quotes before I close the page on this entry:
"Intercession is the mother tongue of the whole family of Christ."-Dora Greenwell
"Intercession...is love on its knees."-Harry Emerson Fosdick
"In praying for people one dislikes I find it helpful to remember that one is joining in His prayer for them."-C.S. Lewis
And for me, nothing captures the heart of this subject in Scripture as faithfully as the King James Version of James 5:16: ".......the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
Please pray that this afternoon's chemo treatment goes well and that the lab report will show that my blood numbers are holding steady. I experience the benefits of your faithful prayers continually and I thank you sincerely.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year
Off with the old, on with the new! I resolve to continue subscribing to this declaration in both the physical and spiritual senses throughout 2013.
Hardly a day goes by that I don't receive a card from my faithful California friend, Barb. Yesterday's card nailed it for me and gave me the inspiration for my most important New Year's resolution. The sentiment? "Chemo Sucks....but if it sucks the cancer right out of you, then 'yay, chemo!' " The resolution? I resolve to finish 2013 both chemo and cancer free, specifically in the physical realm. "...With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 (ESV) (OK...so I took this out of context, but the inherent truth remains true in every context, thankfully.)
Check out Ephesians 4:22-24 and Revelation 21:5 on the subject of "old vs. new".
We wish you a blessed 2013.
Hardly a day goes by that I don't receive a card from my faithful California friend, Barb. Yesterday's card nailed it for me and gave me the inspiration for my most important New Year's resolution. The sentiment? "Chemo Sucks....but if it sucks the cancer right out of you, then 'yay, chemo!' " The resolution? I resolve to finish 2013 both chemo and cancer free, specifically in the physical realm. "...With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 (ESV) (OK...so I took this out of context, but the inherent truth remains true in every context, thankfully.)
Check out Ephesians 4:22-24 and Revelation 21:5 on the subject of "old vs. new".
We wish you a blessed 2013.
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