I seem to be drawn to the Puritan preachers of old. This morning the voice of Jeremiah Burroughs speaks to me again through the printed word.
Burroughs lived from 1600 until 1646 and was a Congregationalist Puritan preacher who gained a ton of spiritual insight in his short life. The only writings I have read of his are on the subject of contentment and he seems to have fully understood and attained that sometimes elusive state of being. He saw himself as a traveler through time and space, but he also saw himself as a soldier. Having a son who is a Marine and who has endured the hardships of living in Afghanistan for a period of time has helped me appreciate Burrough's musings this morning.
When life and its demands were more manageable than they are at present, I breezed along enjoying the benefits. Contentment was a built- in component of my days. I am sorry to say that I took much for granted. But when my about-face occurred my contentment foundation faltered and I was asked to establish a new basis for it....to find and embrace a new interpretation of it, much like Burrough's soldier.
The soldier, according to Burroughs, is asked to leave his comfortable home and to adjust to a new life without its comforts. "The very thought of the condition of a soldier is enough to still his disquiet of heart. When he is away he does not enjoy such comforts in his quarters as he has in his own home.........he sometimes has to lie on straw and he thinks to himself, 'I am a soldier and it is suitable to my condition.'"-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment).
The soldier of Burrough's writing actually rejoices in his situation and sees his lack of comforts as only suitable for it. He has been called to his duty and he finds an odd (in my eyes) contentment in his position.
"So it should be with us in respect of this world. What an unseemly thing it would be to see a soldier go whining up and down with his finger in his eye, complaining that he does not have hot meat every meal and his bed warmed as he did at home."-Jeremiah Burroughs.
So today, as I soldier through my battle from a warm bed and among all the comforts of my home, I will be content. I will see this season as one to which I have been called and through which I will pass one way or another. I thank this young man, Jeremiah Burroughs, who was younger than several of my own children when he was called home, for speaking to this old soldier today.
Contentment...it truly is a rare jewel.
"I am a stranger in the earth, do not hide Your commandments from me."-Psalm 119:19.
"You therefore endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ."-2 Timothy 2:3.
On the health front:
Another Nasty Shot yesterday, early lab on Monday to check out the white blood cell situation, then whatever it takes to allow my chemo to take place on Thursday.
Please pray that I can keep the treatment schedule that has been established so we can finish on target.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
The key of the winds
It's windy this morning and I'm struck with how timely that is for today's devotion.
Mark Guy Pearse penned a parable many years ago about a man who was met with a fierce, defiant east wind as he left his house and locked his door. The man began to grumble about the unpleasant wind, wishing it would change.
As he went on his way he was met by an angel holding a key. "My Master sends thee His love and bids me give you this." The man asked the angel, "What is it?" and the angel replied that it was the key of the winds, then disappeared.
The man was happy and hurried up the mountains to the caves from which the winds came. The first thing he did was lock the door to the cave of the troublesome east wind, happy that he would not be plagued by it anymore.
"What shall I choose in its place?", he asked himself. He pictured a gentle south wind with its pleasantness and warmth but as he put the key in the lock to free the south wind, the key began to burn in his hand. "What am I doing!", he asked himself. "How do I know if this is what the fields want?" He thought of the thousands of things that could go wrong if his foolish wish was granted. He prayed that the angel would return and take the key away from him and he promised to never ask for it again.
The Lord Himself appeared at the man's side and the man laid the key into His scarred hand, ashamed that he had ever murmured against the One Who had hung the winds. "Dost Thou keep the key of the winds?", the man asked. "I do, my child.", He answered. "Didst thou not know that My kingdom ruleth over all?"
The Lord reached down to the man and laid His hand on the man's shoulder, tenderly. "My child", He said, "Thy only safety is, in everything, to love and trust and praise."-Mark Guy Pearse (Streams in the Desert).
Wow! As I go through an "east wind" period of my journey, today I am praying that I will never be tempted to ask for "the keys of the winds". The Lord knows which wind I need and when I need it. My job is to heed the words of that parable: "Thy only safety is, in everything, to love and trust and praise."
"The Lord has made the heavens His throne; from there He rules everything."-Psalm 103:19 (NLT).
On the health front:
The latest labs indicate that my white blood cell count is continuing in a downward direction. We returned to the oncologist's office for The Nasty Shot yesterday and will go back for another today.
This is my week off from chemo and the hope is that my cell count will begin to improve during the break. Another blood draw on Monday will determine whether my chemo will resume on Thursday or if there is more Neupogen in the works. "Thy only safety is, in everything, to love and trust and praise."
Mark Guy Pearse penned a parable many years ago about a man who was met with a fierce, defiant east wind as he left his house and locked his door. The man began to grumble about the unpleasant wind, wishing it would change.
As he went on his way he was met by an angel holding a key. "My Master sends thee His love and bids me give you this." The man asked the angel, "What is it?" and the angel replied that it was the key of the winds, then disappeared.
The man was happy and hurried up the mountains to the caves from which the winds came. The first thing he did was lock the door to the cave of the troublesome east wind, happy that he would not be plagued by it anymore.
"What shall I choose in its place?", he asked himself. He pictured a gentle south wind with its pleasantness and warmth but as he put the key in the lock to free the south wind, the key began to burn in his hand. "What am I doing!", he asked himself. "How do I know if this is what the fields want?" He thought of the thousands of things that could go wrong if his foolish wish was granted. He prayed that the angel would return and take the key away from him and he promised to never ask for it again.
The Lord Himself appeared at the man's side and the man laid the key into His scarred hand, ashamed that he had ever murmured against the One Who had hung the winds. "Dost Thou keep the key of the winds?", the man asked. "I do, my child.", He answered. "Didst thou not know that My kingdom ruleth over all?"
The Lord reached down to the man and laid His hand on the man's shoulder, tenderly. "My child", He said, "Thy only safety is, in everything, to love and trust and praise."-Mark Guy Pearse (Streams in the Desert).
Wow! As I go through an "east wind" period of my journey, today I am praying that I will never be tempted to ask for "the keys of the winds". The Lord knows which wind I need and when I need it. My job is to heed the words of that parable: "Thy only safety is, in everything, to love and trust and praise."
"The Lord has made the heavens His throne; from there He rules everything."-Psalm 103:19 (NLT).
On the health front:
The latest labs indicate that my white blood cell count is continuing in a downward direction. We returned to the oncologist's office for The Nasty Shot yesterday and will go back for another today.
This is my week off from chemo and the hope is that my cell count will begin to improve during the break. Another blood draw on Monday will determine whether my chemo will resume on Thursday or if there is more Neupogen in the works. "Thy only safety is, in everything, to love and trust and praise."
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The myth of self-sufficiency
We ran away to Payson on Monday, expecting to have a couple of days of outside work for Chuck and a good opportunity to rest for me. It was ideal in that we are pretty much alone up there, thus eliminating the risk of interaction with potential human-carried germs.
On Monday I was more tired than usual and by Tuesday morning I had a fever that would not break. Our idyllic few days bit the dust and we headed back home in case medical intervention might be required.
Our daughter called my attention to a particularly good daily devotion that provided just the attitude adjustment I needed....a message that my omniscient (all-knowing) God knew that I would be needing at that very moment. I love it when that happens!
Sarah Young called me back to the reality that I need to consider myself blessed when I experience the lack of a basic need....my health at the moment. And how to do that?
My choices are to crumble in defeat and self-pity because I can't take care of the problem myself or to realize that now, as always, self-sufficiency just isn't going to cut it and all I need to do is to hang on to my God Who is already hanging on to me. What a relief it is to know that I don't need to be self- sufficient! God will take care of it for me in His own perfect way. "Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Now that's blessed!
So, today I will veg, with God's permission, confident that my present circumstances are not unknown to my Great Physician.
"....My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness..."-2 Corinthians 11:9 (NIV).
On the health front:
It's been pretty well covered above.
I had an early blood draw yesterday and will find out today whether I need The Nasty Shot (Neupogen) before resuming chemo. Oh well....whatever works😊
On Monday I was more tired than usual and by Tuesday morning I had a fever that would not break. Our idyllic few days bit the dust and we headed back home in case medical intervention might be required.
Our daughter called my attention to a particularly good daily devotion that provided just the attitude adjustment I needed....a message that my omniscient (all-knowing) God knew that I would be needing at that very moment. I love it when that happens!
Sarah Young called me back to the reality that I need to consider myself blessed when I experience the lack of a basic need....my health at the moment. And how to do that?
My choices are to crumble in defeat and self-pity because I can't take care of the problem myself or to realize that now, as always, self-sufficiency just isn't going to cut it and all I need to do is to hang on to my God Who is already hanging on to me. What a relief it is to know that I don't need to be self- sufficient! God will take care of it for me in His own perfect way. "Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Now that's blessed!
So, today I will veg, with God's permission, confident that my present circumstances are not unknown to my Great Physician.
"....My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness..."-2 Corinthians 11:9 (NIV).
On the health front:
It's been pretty well covered above.
I had an early blood draw yesterday and will find out today whether I need The Nasty Shot (Neupogen) before resuming chemo. Oh well....whatever works😊
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Playing Second Fiddle
Richard Wayne "Rich" Mullins. I so appreciated who he was, both as a musician and as a man. I cried on that day back in September of 1997 when, just shy of his 42nd birthday, he died.
It was sad to think that there would be no more of the gifts he so freely gave to us through his words and his music.
Rich was passionate about his God and fully sold out to his Savior, Jesus Christ. After he died I did some research on his writings and in the process came upon a small volume of short pieces he had once written for a college newspaper, collected and published after his death by several of his longtime friends. The volume is titled: The World As I Remember It: Through The Eyes of a Ragamuffin. And through the eyes and the words of that Ragamuffin I have been able to gain inspiration along the path of my journey.
The chapter I am reading today, Playing Second Fiddle, focuses on....you guessed it...the fiddle. Rich writes:
"It is always important that a fiddle should remember (and, who would guess that it could forget?) that it is a fiddle-that it is wood and wire and polish and glue-and not much more than that-except, of course, in the caress of a fiddler. There, in that hand, on that shoulder under that chin-all of its lightness delicately balanced and its strings skillfully bowed, it becomes a voice. There, out of that hollow body and thin skin of this peculiarly shaped little box, the fiddler forges his music. There, in a sense, the word becomes flesh, the fiddler's idea becomes concrete, shimmering concrete reality. And this, of course, is what a fiddle dreams of at night, in the dark of its closet, in the stifling closeness of its case."
Further on in the chapter Rich writes:
"Now although a fiddle may never be fooled by the folly of human thinking, very much like us they have pain. Their necks are stiff and their nerves, their strings, are stretched. They feel the friction of the bow.....Their emptiness is for them (as it is for us) a nearly unbearable ache- an ache that is fitted to the shape that makes its tone. And sometimes a fiddle is tempted to fill that void with rags, or glass, or gold, even knowing that, if it should do that, it would never again resonate the intentions of its fiddler. It would never again be alive with his music. It would dull itself to the exquisite heat of the fiddler's will, the deliberate tenderness of his fingers....."
I want to be like that fiddle. I want to be stretched. I want to always believe that without my
Fiddler's hand, I can never make truly beautiful music. I will simply be a hollow instrument, unable to become a voice. If I stuff myself with the things of the world, I deny myself the privilege of echoing the beautiful song that is the Fiddler's intention for me.
I can visualize the angels enjoying Rich's music as he praises his God in heaven.
On the health front:
I am losing steam, which is not surprising given that my white blood cells are underperforming.
There was a disconcerting fever this morning and we await a call back from the oncologist's office to see if we're in trouble. I am adjusting to, but not enjoying fatigue and general weakness.
I am now one-third of the way through my last phase of treatment, and that's a good thing😊
It was sad to think that there would be no more of the gifts he so freely gave to us through his words and his music.
Rich was passionate about his God and fully sold out to his Savior, Jesus Christ. After he died I did some research on his writings and in the process came upon a small volume of short pieces he had once written for a college newspaper, collected and published after his death by several of his longtime friends. The volume is titled: The World As I Remember It: Through The Eyes of a Ragamuffin. And through the eyes and the words of that Ragamuffin I have been able to gain inspiration along the path of my journey.
The chapter I am reading today, Playing Second Fiddle, focuses on....you guessed it...the fiddle. Rich writes:
"It is always important that a fiddle should remember (and, who would guess that it could forget?) that it is a fiddle-that it is wood and wire and polish and glue-and not much more than that-except, of course, in the caress of a fiddler. There, in that hand, on that shoulder under that chin-all of its lightness delicately balanced and its strings skillfully bowed, it becomes a voice. There, out of that hollow body and thin skin of this peculiarly shaped little box, the fiddler forges his music. There, in a sense, the word becomes flesh, the fiddler's idea becomes concrete, shimmering concrete reality. And this, of course, is what a fiddle dreams of at night, in the dark of its closet, in the stifling closeness of its case."
Further on in the chapter Rich writes:
"Now although a fiddle may never be fooled by the folly of human thinking, very much like us they have pain. Their necks are stiff and their nerves, their strings, are stretched. They feel the friction of the bow.....Their emptiness is for them (as it is for us) a nearly unbearable ache- an ache that is fitted to the shape that makes its tone. And sometimes a fiddle is tempted to fill that void with rags, or glass, or gold, even knowing that, if it should do that, it would never again resonate the intentions of its fiddler. It would never again be alive with his music. It would dull itself to the exquisite heat of the fiddler's will, the deliberate tenderness of his fingers....."
I want to be like that fiddle. I want to be stretched. I want to always believe that without my
Fiddler's hand, I can never make truly beautiful music. I will simply be a hollow instrument, unable to become a voice. If I stuff myself with the things of the world, I deny myself the privilege of echoing the beautiful song that is the Fiddler's intention for me.
I can visualize the angels enjoying Rich's music as he praises his God in heaven.
On the health front:
I am losing steam, which is not surprising given that my white blood cells are underperforming.
There was a disconcerting fever this morning and we await a call back from the oncologist's office to see if we're in trouble. I am adjusting to, but not enjoying fatigue and general weakness.
I am now one-third of the way through my last phase of treatment, and that's a good thing😊
Monday, April 29, 2013
A Warning
"And the ugly, thin cows ate up the seven attractive, plump cows. And Pharaoh awoke....
And the thin ears swallowed up the plump, full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and behold, it was a dream."-Genesis 41:4, 7 (ESV).
If this weird dream had been mine I surely would have needed an interpreter, as did Pharaoh back in Genesis! And there was Joseph, poor guy, who was left to interpret the ominous warning contained in that dream.
In Genesis the warning was that Pharaoh's years of abundance would be followed by an unimaginable period of famine, swallowing up all the former abundance big time. Could this interpretation have any application in my life today? Of course it could😊
My former life, a life of much abundance, is being followed by a period of famine of sorts. It could be very easy to let that abundance of my life B.C. (before cancer) be swallowed up by my current season of famine, or lack of the vitality I formerly enjoyed. How sad it would be if that happened and how unnecessary.
As the author of the past, S. D. Gordon, wisely pointed out, the only way to avoid that black hole is "fresh touch with God" on an ongoing basis. How true.
I am thinking again about the choices I have at my disposal and I am choosing to not permit the famine of today have victory over the abundance of yesterday. Will I see that former abundance again in my lifetime? Only God knows. But with His firm, constant grip on me, I will turn this famine into abundance today, and every day, whatever 'today' may bring. After all, the interpretation of 'abundance' is purely personal.
Thanks, Streams in the Desert. This message is just what I needed.
"Thou Great Three-One,
Author of all blessings I enjoy,
Of all I hope for......
Thou hast shown me
That the sensible effusions of divine love
In the soul are superior to and distinct from
Bodily health,
And that oft-times spiritual comforts are
At their highest when physical well-being
Is at its lowest.....
I bless Thee for tempering every distress with joy;
Too much of the former might weigh me down,
Too much of the latter might puff me up;
Thou art wise to give me a taste of both."-The Valley of Vision (A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.)
Now THAT'S beautiful!
On the health front:
I'm not out of bed yet so I can honestly say that everything's good 😊
And the thin ears swallowed up the plump, full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and behold, it was a dream."-Genesis 41:4, 7 (ESV).
If this weird dream had been mine I surely would have needed an interpreter, as did Pharaoh back in Genesis! And there was Joseph, poor guy, who was left to interpret the ominous warning contained in that dream.
In Genesis the warning was that Pharaoh's years of abundance would be followed by an unimaginable period of famine, swallowing up all the former abundance big time. Could this interpretation have any application in my life today? Of course it could😊
My former life, a life of much abundance, is being followed by a period of famine of sorts. It could be very easy to let that abundance of my life B.C. (before cancer) be swallowed up by my current season of famine, or lack of the vitality I formerly enjoyed. How sad it would be if that happened and how unnecessary.
As the author of the past, S. D. Gordon, wisely pointed out, the only way to avoid that black hole is "fresh touch with God" on an ongoing basis. How true.
I am thinking again about the choices I have at my disposal and I am choosing to not permit the famine of today have victory over the abundance of yesterday. Will I see that former abundance again in my lifetime? Only God knows. But with His firm, constant grip on me, I will turn this famine into abundance today, and every day, whatever 'today' may bring. After all, the interpretation of 'abundance' is purely personal.
Thanks, Streams in the Desert. This message is just what I needed.
"Thou Great Three-One,
Author of all blessings I enjoy,
Of all I hope for......
Thou hast shown me
That the sensible effusions of divine love
In the soul are superior to and distinct from
Bodily health,
And that oft-times spiritual comforts are
At their highest when physical well-being
Is at its lowest.....
I bless Thee for tempering every distress with joy;
Too much of the former might weigh me down,
Too much of the latter might puff me up;
Thou art wise to give me a taste of both."-The Valley of Vision (A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.)
Now THAT'S beautiful!
On the health front:
I'm not out of bed yet so I can honestly say that everything's good 😊
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Could it be?
I'm invited by one of my resources to go into the book of Judges this morning. Truthfully, I was never much good at History in school so I'm not naturally drawn to the history books of the Old Testament, but today there's something here for me.
Israel was misbehaving again. God's chosen people had wandered off the path that had been set for them and it was time once again ask Him for help. (Hmmm....sounds a bit like myself when I try to take over the reins.)
God, being God, heard those cries for help and chose a little known character named Othneil to do the huge job of getting his fellow Israelites out of their self-inflicted unpleasant situation and back on track.
I don't read a lot about Othneil in other places of the Bible, which is actually encouraging to me, because it tells me that God can choose a normal, everyday person and equip him (or her) for some pretty amazing things.
Again, this may be a stretch, but I hope that by God's placing the charge on me of taking this journey through cancer, He may be preparing me to accomplish something important in the long run, and I'm kind of excited about that! And even if I'm 'way off in my thinking, I still have the confidence, as Othneil must have had, that God is not, and will never be far away. He called me to this task and He will see me through it.
So, the adventure continues. I wonder what it will bring next.....
"And when they cried to the Lord, He raised up for them a deliverer, Othneil....Caleb's younger brother, who saved them. The Spirit of The Lord came upon him."-Judges 3:9, 10.
On the health front:
Tired with a slight stomach ache this morning. Note to self: Don't have popcorn for lunch and brown rice for dinner on the same day.
Israel was misbehaving again. God's chosen people had wandered off the path that had been set for them and it was time once again ask Him for help. (Hmmm....sounds a bit like myself when I try to take over the reins.)
God, being God, heard those cries for help and chose a little known character named Othneil to do the huge job of getting his fellow Israelites out of their self-inflicted unpleasant situation and back on track.
I don't read a lot about Othneil in other places of the Bible, which is actually encouraging to me, because it tells me that God can choose a normal, everyday person and equip him (or her) for some pretty amazing things.
Again, this may be a stretch, but I hope that by God's placing the charge on me of taking this journey through cancer, He may be preparing me to accomplish something important in the long run, and I'm kind of excited about that! And even if I'm 'way off in my thinking, I still have the confidence, as Othneil must have had, that God is not, and will never be far away. He called me to this task and He will see me through it.
So, the adventure continues. I wonder what it will bring next.....
"And when they cried to the Lord, He raised up for them a deliverer, Othneil....Caleb's younger brother, who saved them. The Spirit of The Lord came upon him."-Judges 3:9, 10.
On the health front:
Tired with a slight stomach ache this morning. Note to self: Don't have popcorn for lunch and brown rice for dinner on the same day.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Gratitude
I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. It started last night as the move from our temporary quarters back into our home came within reach of completion, resulting in our sleeping in our familiar bed for the first time in over a month. Right on the heels of that reason to be grateful came gratitude for the newly minted renovation of our 34 year old master bath......pure luxury, even if there are still a few kinks to work out.
I move on from these completely worldly reasons for which to be grateful to far more reasons than could possibly be contained on a single page.
My immediate thoughts go to my family. First, my precious Carson who, with the occasional well deserved meltdown, blows me away with his faithful care. My "kids" and their families, ever present emotionally whether physically here or not, never fail. The love shown by them all just can't be expressed adequately. Then to friends, some nearby and some many miles away, who provide both physical and emotional support on an ongoing basis.....what a beautiful reason for gratitude. Thank you all.
I am ever grateful for my medical team who go above and beyond to make me feel like a real person with real challenges, not merely a number or a medical code. I truly believe that the professionals who choose oncology for their life's work are cut from very special cloth.
And above all I am grateful for having been given the privilege of serving a God Who is serving me so well. As strange as it may sound, I am grateful that His plan for me included this journey through cancer. I believe it has taken me to a new level in my life, one that could not have been reached otherwise.
So, what more can I say. I am blessed beyond blessed and today, and always, regardless of what my days bring, I will continue to be grateful.
"Every good action and every perfect gift is from God. These good gifts come down from the Creator of the sun, moon and stars, Who does not change like their shifting shadows."-James 1:17 (NCV).
On the health front:
Yesterday's chemo was blessedly uneventful, even after the two doses of Neupogen. And today promises to be a good one. Even if I am being held captive in my own little world by my underachieving white blood cells, my reward is that I am staying well.
I move on from these completely worldly reasons for which to be grateful to far more reasons than could possibly be contained on a single page.
My immediate thoughts go to my family. First, my precious Carson who, with the occasional well deserved meltdown, blows me away with his faithful care. My "kids" and their families, ever present emotionally whether physically here or not, never fail. The love shown by them all just can't be expressed adequately. Then to friends, some nearby and some many miles away, who provide both physical and emotional support on an ongoing basis.....what a beautiful reason for gratitude. Thank you all.
I am ever grateful for my medical team who go above and beyond to make me feel like a real person with real challenges, not merely a number or a medical code. I truly believe that the professionals who choose oncology for their life's work are cut from very special cloth.
And above all I am grateful for having been given the privilege of serving a God Who is serving me so well. As strange as it may sound, I am grateful that His plan for me included this journey through cancer. I believe it has taken me to a new level in my life, one that could not have been reached otherwise.
So, what more can I say. I am blessed beyond blessed and today, and always, regardless of what my days bring, I will continue to be grateful.
"Every good action and every perfect gift is from God. These good gifts come down from the Creator of the sun, moon and stars, Who does not change like their shifting shadows."-James 1:17 (NCV).
On the health front:
Yesterday's chemo was blessedly uneventful, even after the two doses of Neupogen. And today promises to be a good one. Even if I am being held captive in my own little world by my underachieving white blood cells, my reward is that I am staying well.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Seasons...again
I'm back to thinking about the seasons of our lives, thanks to Joe Stowell writing for Our Daily Bread. There are times when my morning reading presents a great mental challenge with much to chew on and much to strive to understand more fully. Then there are mornings like this one when I read a few gentle paragraphs that only ask me to revisit a simple truth that has already been observed.
Mr. Stowell likens our lives to the weather; ever changing, somewhat predictable at times but fully out of our hands. We are pushed, either gently or forcefully, from one season into the next whether we like it or not. We have nothing to say about the matter.
When I think about that, I realize that this helplessness could be a scary thing, but fear usually works against us rather than for us (with a few exceptions, of course ).
I've said this before but it bears repeating: Throughout this season of my life I have yet to experience fear. Apprehension? Sure. Discomfort? Of course. Lack of control? Absolutely, but never fear. My God has promised to remove the element of fear from my progression through the seasons that have been established for me. His plan for me is far better than any I could have created for myself.
So....my present season does not contain exclusively sunshine, flowers and balmy breezes, but, as Mr. Stowell reminds me, seasons are ever changing and I am being gently carried along into the next one. Whatever that season may bring, I plan to buckle up and to fully appreciate the ride.
"......because God has said, 'Never will I leave you or forsake you'. So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my Helper; I will no be afraid. What can man do to me?'"-Hebrews 13:5b,6 (NIV).
On the health front:
Neupogen injection again yesterday, chemo today. I felt a few of the side effects of the injection this time around but nothing that was unmanageable.
If my energy level allows, we will move back into our bedroom today. Love it!
Mr. Stowell likens our lives to the weather; ever changing, somewhat predictable at times but fully out of our hands. We are pushed, either gently or forcefully, from one season into the next whether we like it or not. We have nothing to say about the matter.
When I think about that, I realize that this helplessness could be a scary thing, but fear usually works against us rather than for us (with a few exceptions, of course ).
I've said this before but it bears repeating: Throughout this season of my life I have yet to experience fear. Apprehension? Sure. Discomfort? Of course. Lack of control? Absolutely, but never fear. My God has promised to remove the element of fear from my progression through the seasons that have been established for me. His plan for me is far better than any I could have created for myself.
So....my present season does not contain exclusively sunshine, flowers and balmy breezes, but, as Mr. Stowell reminds me, seasons are ever changing and I am being gently carried along into the next one. Whatever that season may bring, I plan to buckle up and to fully appreciate the ride.
"......because God has said, 'Never will I leave you or forsake you'. So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my Helper; I will no be afraid. What can man do to me?'"-Hebrews 13:5b,6 (NIV).
On the health front:
Neupogen injection again yesterday, chemo today. I felt a few of the side effects of the injection this time around but nothing that was unmanageable.
If my energy level allows, we will move back into our bedroom today. Love it!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Keeping balance in the dance
My faithful devotional, Jesus Calling, gave me just the fix I needed this morning, as it so often does. I was encouraged to think of the ballerina who must find a fixed focal point as she spins in order to keep her balance as she dances. I, too, need a fixed focal point as my "dance" continues.
I'm here to tell you that there have been many opportunities for my dance to spin out of control, and I fully expect that my balance will be challenged again as it continues. I would be dishonest if I have ever created the impression that I have not hit the floor on occasion, but thanks to my Focal Point, it doesn't happen often.
No need to expound on this simple analogy this morning. I'm going to limit my focus to this mental picture alone as I look forward to a beautiful dance today.
"In the beginning You laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You remain; they will all wear out as a garment ....but You remain the same, and Your years will never end."-Psalm 102:25-27 (NIV).
On the health front:
It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for the body! This morning I'm refreshed and energized (which could be partially attributed to a healthy dose of caffeine).
Another injection this morning, then chemo tomorrow morning. I'm blessedly free of the side effects that often accompany Neupogen so things could be a lot worse.
Best of all, today begins the move back into our bedroom after a very long four and a half weeks of the chaos of the bathroom remodel. Woo Hoo!
I'm here to tell you that there have been many opportunities for my dance to spin out of control, and I fully expect that my balance will be challenged again as it continues. I would be dishonest if I have ever created the impression that I have not hit the floor on occasion, but thanks to my Focal Point, it doesn't happen often.
No need to expound on this simple analogy this morning. I'm going to limit my focus to this mental picture alone as I look forward to a beautiful dance today.
"In the beginning You laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You remain; they will all wear out as a garment ....but You remain the same, and Your years will never end."-Psalm 102:25-27 (NIV).
On the health front:
It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for the body! This morning I'm refreshed and energized (which could be partially attributed to a healthy dose of caffeine).
Another injection this morning, then chemo tomorrow morning. I'm blessedly free of the side effects that often accompany Neupogen so things could be a lot worse.
Best of all, today begins the move back into our bedroom after a very long four and a half weeks of the chaos of the bathroom remodel. Woo Hoo!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
To See or Not to See
Mysterious thing, this business of faith. Left on my own to describe what it is, I couldn't do better than the New Testament book of Hebrews where I read: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."-Hebrews 11:1 (NIV). That's pretty hard to get our heads around, given that we live in a world of "Seeing is Believing". It's a whole new paradigm when we're asked to step off into what we can't see, but faith is just that.
Looking back on my own journey into faith, the scariest thing for me to contemplate was handing the reins of my life over to something or Someone I couldn't see or touch. But it was exactly that exchange that keeps me going today.
At times such as now, when the body fails and the spirit sags, I am so grateful that I am no longer depending upon what I can see, because what I see right now isn't all that great. But my faith, that mysterious thing that I can't see, keeps me going, knowing and trusting that although visible evidence might indicate otherwise, there is an invisible Power at work, forging and implementing just the right plan for me.
I wouldn't want to be taking this journey without faith.
BFF Pat opened my eyes to this beautiful prayer this morning, found in The Valley of Vision. In part it reads:
"Give me large abundance of the supply of the Spirit of Jesus,
That I might be prepared for every duty,
Love Thee in all Thy mercies,
Submit to Thee in every trial,
Trust Thee when walking in darkness,
Have peace in Thee amidst life's changes.
Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief and uncertainties."
On the health front:
It was not good news from the lab yesterday. My white blood cell count was lower than last week so I will require two Neupogen injections before my chemotherapy on Friday.
I'm tired. Really tired.
Looking back on my own journey into faith, the scariest thing for me to contemplate was handing the reins of my life over to something or Someone I couldn't see or touch. But it was exactly that exchange that keeps me going today.
At times such as now, when the body fails and the spirit sags, I am so grateful that I am no longer depending upon what I can see, because what I see right now isn't all that great. But my faith, that mysterious thing that I can't see, keeps me going, knowing and trusting that although visible evidence might indicate otherwise, there is an invisible Power at work, forging and implementing just the right plan for me.
I wouldn't want to be taking this journey without faith.
BFF Pat opened my eyes to this beautiful prayer this morning, found in The Valley of Vision. In part it reads:
"Give me large abundance of the supply of the Spirit of Jesus,
That I might be prepared for every duty,
Love Thee in all Thy mercies,
Submit to Thee in every trial,
Trust Thee when walking in darkness,
Have peace in Thee amidst life's changes.
Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief and uncertainties."
On the health front:
It was not good news from the lab yesterday. My white blood cell count was lower than last week so I will require two Neupogen injections before my chemotherapy on Friday.
I'm tired. Really tired.
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