Mission Accomplished

Yesterday's PET scan is a thing of the past.  I was struck by how time seems to crawl while we're waiting for something, then within the blink of an eye it's over.

The experience could not have gone more smoothly.  Initially I had hoped to write something clever and profound about how the scan applied to my journey through cancer but this morning there is only one thing I want to do.  I want to attempt to find a way to express my awareness of the power of prayer and the peace that accompanied it and how it filled every moment of the procedure, from the infusion of the sugar that rendered me temporarily radioactive to the moment the radiologist pronounced me free to go. No racing heart, no dry mouth, no apprehension...just an incredible, indescribable sense of peace.  And there is not the shadow of a doubt that it's because so many people have been praying on my behalf. How can I ever thank you all?

I'm devoting this post solely to expressing how much I appreciate the many, many times I have been blessed by the outpouring of love from so many.  My wish is that I could have the privilege of returning those blessings over and over again.

"........and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."-James 5:16 (The Message).

" Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."-.John 14:27 (The Message).

On the health front:

My head will be planted firmly in the ground until next Monday😄

Joy, Peace and Hope

In a few hours I'll be fed into a man-made machine made up of steel and who knows what else that will take pictures of my future.  I'm experiencing several emotions thinking about it.  

If I'm remembering the first PET scan correctly, it's preceded by 45 minutes in a cold, darkened room in which I'm hooked up to a line that feeds some kind of a sugar solution into me that will illuminate any rogue cancer cells that might have escaped the chemotherapy and the radiation.  After that it's a trip through the machine that will offer up the big reveal.  I hope the machine is having a good day. The fewer times I have to do this, the better!

I'm reading Sarah Young's paraphrase of Jesus' words again today and am so grateful that my trust needn't be solely in a steel contraption guided by human hands.  My trust is in something, or rather Someone, much bigger and more trustworthy.

"Let Me fill you with My joy and peace.  They flow into you as you sit quietly in My presence, trusting Me in the depths of your being.....Remember that I am the God of hope."-Sarah Young (Jesus Today).

Such perfect words, not only for today but every day.

So, alongside excitement and impatience I will hold on to joy, peace and hope. And away we go😊

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of The Holy Spirit."-Romans 15:13 (NIV).

On the health front:

Butterflies!

Gratitude....again

I learned a new word this morning.  While reading a reflection from Brennan Manning I came upon the word "lagniappe".  The word has its roots in New Orleans creole and it means "a bonus, gratuity, tip, an unexpected or indirect benefit". (Dictionary.com)

Manning was an ex-priest, author and philosopher who died a rough death this past April, plagued by his addiction to alcohol but still holding on to his faith.  I can't say that I fully embrace everything he wrote but there are enough gems in his work to keep me coming back.

Today he talks about the need for the awareness of our innate poverty. Coming from the foundation of his faith he writes, "......that we were created from the clay of the earth and the kiss of God's mouth, that we came from dust and shall return to dust, pulls away the mask of prestige, of knowledge, of social class, or of strength- whatever it is we use to command attention and respect". That statement could be a real downer and it flies in the face of today's strong focus on our inflated (in my opinion) need for self-esteem, but I have learned the tough lesson through this journey that total dependence on self and trust in the "I can do anything on my own" philosophy just doesn't work at all times and in all situations. Cancer has shown me my absolute inability to handle this burden by myself and it has only strengthened my hold on God's hand.  He has not failed me....not once.

So, it's back to "lagniappe".  "Life is lagniappe.  We are faced with the possibility of genuine humility. I am convinced that without a gut-level experience of our profound spiritual emptiness, it is not possible to encounter the living God."-Brennan Manning (Reflections for Ragamuffins)

I heartily agree.

On the health front:

Let the countdown begin!  In slightly more than 24 hours I'll be having my PET scan.

Please pray that everyone concerned will be amazed by the fact that there is no sign of cancer😊

Blessings of the Storm

After so many years in Arizona one would think that the sudden, fierce storms that occur at this time of year would have become a matter of routine and would be endured with the safe expectation of the clear skies that would follow, as they usually do.  It took an exceptionally fierce rainstorm in Payson not long ago to focus my attention on the storm itself and not on what would follow it.

That storm was spectacular in its fury and spectacularly frightening at the same time.  We realized our utter helplessness in the face of it, but it served again as an example of God's involvement in my life this past year.

Again I realized that while clear skies 100% of the time might seem attractive on the surface, they could have easily dulled me into complacency and I would have missed so many life lessons that have challenged me to expand.  Those storms have taught me to embrace whatever I am given regardless of the comfort level I am experiencing.

"The heavens were filled with blackness and the earth was shaken by the voice of thunder.  It seemed as though that fair landscape was utterly changed and its beauty gone, never to return.....(but) if I had sat in the same place on the following day and said,'Where is that terrible storm, with all its terrible blackness?', the grass would have said, 'Part of it is in me', and the daisy would have said,'Part of it is in me', and the fruits and flowers and everything that grows out of the ground would have said, 'Part of the storm is incandescent in me.'"-Henry Ward Beecher (Streams in the Desert-Classic Edition).

I have experienced those powerful, daunting storms and can now say, with gratitude, "Part of the storm is in me".

"A blessing is in the storm, and there will be the rich fruitage in the 'afterward'."-Henry Ward Beecher.

"The Lord is slow to anger and great in power...His way is in the whirlwind and the storm....."-Nahum 1:3 (NIV).

On the health front:

Energy level seems to be improving and I have no complaints at all.

I'm really looking forward to the phone call telling me that my blood numbers are where they need to be and that I can eliminate the weekly blood draws and re-enter society.  Hopefully that's just a few weeks away😊

Hope

"Hope is the glorious cord connecting you to heaven.  This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you.......Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).

How could we have come through this journey without hope?  It's hope that has brought us through the muck through which we've trudged and it's hope that has propelled us forward when the road has been smooth.  

Hope for what?  I must say that my immediate hope is that we will hear the words "All clear" at our meeting with Dr. Polowy on August 5, but should that not be the case, our hope will continue, even if it takes a different direction.  Regardless of the outcome, one hope has not changed, nor will it ever. It's the hope that the indescribable, continuous, faithful presence of God throughout our journey has been made evident through my words.  

And best of all, I have the confident, already secured hope that I will meet Him face to face in heaven.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."-Romans 12:12 (NIV).

On the health front:

Occasional odd sensitivities in the digestive area but the scan on Tuesday should reveal whether or not they have a basis in reality.

Reasons for peacefulness

I woke up this morning with a strong inclination to head for Psalms.  After searching several that had great truths but didn't quite hit the mark, I was ready to head in another direction for inspiration.  Just before abandoning the original plan, however, up popped Psalm 91 and Bingo!  There it was.  

Perhaps it's because the sky is pleasantly overcast, perhaps it's because my home seems especially comfy or perhaps it's because Carson just appeared with a Starbuck's Chai Latte, but whatever the reason, it's a peaceful morning and the words of Psalm 91 are ringing especially true.

I am re-visiting the peace that I have been afforded throughout this journey, regardless of the stage in which I found myself.  At times peace was on the surface, easily reachable, and at times I had to dig a little deeper to find it, but it was always there.  I was, and am, profoundly grateful for that gift and there is no doubt in my mind from Whom the gift came.  For that reason I especially thank the writer of this psalm for some special verses:

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty."-Verse 1.

"For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.  He will cover you with His feathers.  He will shelter you with His wings......."-Verses 3,4.

"Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at mid-day."-Verse 6.

"For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go.  They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone."-Verses 11,12.

This entire psalm shows me many reasons to claim peace throughout and beyond our journey through cancer.  Just what I needed this morning😊

"The promises of Psalm 91 are meant to engender trust, not  presumption.  Like all genuine prayer, their purpose is not for us to get God to give us what we want but for us to trust Him to give us what He wants- and in the manner He wants to give.  Those who trust The Lord will be cared for in all the ways the psalm says, but not always in the ways we think.  His ways are not our ways."-Ben Patterson (God's Prayer Book:  The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms).  All verses are from The New Living Translation.

On the health front:

Four more days until my PET scan!

Give Thanks

I learned a long time ago to heed the counsel found in 1 Thessalonians 5:18; that I didn't have to thank God for all circumstances, but I needed to develop the mindset of thanking Him in all circumstances. Whew!!  I didn't have to thank Him for cancer but I needed to find ways to thank Him as I went through cancer.  Who in their right mind could be thankful for cancer??  And then, just as I got my brain around that issue, along comes Ephesians 5:20, telling me to give thanks always for cancer!  (Well.... sort of. It says to give thanks for all things, and cancer is certainly a "thing".) So...which one to heed?

C.H.P., whoever he or she was, helped me to understand my dilemma this morning.  "Therefore you can thank God for everything that comes, not for the sin of it, but for what God will bring out of it and through it.......There are many black dots and black spots in our lives and we cannot understand why they are there or why God permitted them to come.  But if we let God come into our lives and adjust the dots in the proper way, and draw the lines He wants, and separate this from that, and put in the rests at the proper places; out of the black dots and spots in our lives He will make a glorious harmony....."-C.H.P. (Streams in the Desert-Classic Edition).  I get it!

Splitting hairs?  Maybe, but each instruction has its place in the circumstances of my life.  I needn't attempt to combine the two smaller gems into one large gem; I can let each gem shine on its own merit. I can, from my heart, give thanks both in and for our journey through cancer.

"....Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."-1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV).

"...always giving thanks to God for everything, in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ."-Ephesians 5:20 (The Message).

On the health front:

No news is good news😊

The Excellence of Contentment

Why I pick up Rare Jewel of Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs at 6:45 in the morning, I'll never understand.  His thoughts are so far above mine that I have to take him in bits and pieces and read everything three times before I get it.  But, here I am and off we go!

"There is, indeed, a great deal of excellence in contentment; that is, as it were, another lesson for us to learn." (Italics mine.)  If there is one overall truth that I have taken to heart through this journey, it's that contentment must be learned.  It does not flow continually, nor does it always flow naturally.

I considered myself a generally contented person in my life BC, but looking back I see that my life, while certainly having its challenges, was fairly crisis free.  The larger challenges ebbed and flowed but there was enough space between them that contentment was present much of the time.  Then came the crash.

After the diagnosis came the surgery.  The pain and its accompanying side effects didn't leave any time for even the consideration of contentment.  It was a matter of getting through the days in one piece.  Only when things started to stabilize did the contentment issue arise, and I must confess that I didn't always do well in that department.  I wondered if I could ever again reach the level of contentment that I once enjoyed.  Step by step I was led into what God had to say about the subject and my hard heart was softened and instructed.

Contentment exists and is there for the taking not only in the good times.  In fact, I found it to be especially sweet when I looked for and found it in the bad times. Contentment was modeled for me time and time again in the chemo room during my infusion treatments.  It was modeled early on by my smiling temporary friend, Bea, who was in her 90s and shared the radiation waiting room with me during my radiation treatments.  It was modeled many times in the Bible where ordinary people endured far more than I will ever endure, yet learned to be content with their lot.

The choice is mine.  Do I choose contentment or do I allow myself to wallow in self-pity and discontentment?   Stated that way, it should be an easy choice, but there are still days when it isn't.

Fortunately there are many more days of contentment than discontentment, and today is one of them. For that I am grateful😊

On the health front:

All is as well as it could possibly be.

Reconstruction

For years I've read a small daily devotional called Our Daily Bread.  The contributors are just everyday folks, no recognizable names among them, but I often come away encouraged by the simple parallels drawn to life that I find there.

Today's contributor, Julie Ackerman Link, comes from Michigan and jokes that there are two seasons in her home state:  Winter and road construction.  She writes that the roads are continually damaged by the harsh winters and the repair and reconstruction begins as soon as the ice melts and the roads thaw. "Although we call this work 'construction', much of what they (the workers) do looks more like 'destruction'.  In some cases just patching the hole is not an option.  Workers have to replace the whole road with a new one."

I'm applying Mrs. Link's example of reconstruction this morning to how I have been reconstructed through our journey through cancer. Cancer caused the damage to my "road" and paving the way to a new one surely did seem at times like destruction. Just "patching the hole" was not an option. But along with the reconstruction process not only was my body repaired and strengthened, so was my heart and mind.  

Soon we will discover whether or not my road has been successfully reconstructed for another season but regardless of the result, I have the Master Contractor by my side and whatever needs reconstructing will be reconstructed perfectly.  I have nothing to fear.

"But God isn't destroying anything; He is building a better way.  And we can be confident that the end result will be smoother relationships with others and a closer relationship with Him."-Julie Ackerman Link.

Good thoughts to start the day.

"Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew (reconstruct) a right spirit within me."-Psalm 51:10 (ESV)

On the health front:

Blood draw today with prayers for good results.

Waiting

Another beautiful morning in the pines.  Rain from last night still sits on the deck and the temperature was 58 degrees when we got up.  It's just so easy to see God's hand everywhere in these surroundings.

It's back to the subject of waiting in today's reading in Streams in the Desert.  With my PET scan rapidly approaching it's difficult to keep from mentally running ahead of God's plan.  A part of me wants to do it NOW and get on with the plan, whatever it is, but I know that the days between now and then are meant to be endured and enjoyed with patience.

I often ask God why there is so much waiting involved in this journey through cancer, really knowing the answer but still not finding it an easy task.  "God knows that He cannot gather the fruit until it is ripe, and He knows precisely when we are spiritually ready to receive blessings for our gain and His glory. And waiting in the sunshine of His love is what will ripen our souls for His blessings.  Also, waiting under the clouds of trials is as important, for they will ultimately produce showers of blessings.  Rest assured that if God waits longer than we desire, it's only to make the blessings doubly precious."-Andrew Murray.

Good thoughts to ponder

"Be patient, then, brothers and sisters....see how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the Autumn and Spring rains."-James 5:7 (NIV).

On the health front:

No complaints😊