Mission Accomplished

Yesterday's PET scan is a thing of the past.  I was struck by how time seems to crawl while we're waiting for something, then within the blink of an eye it's over.

The experience could not have gone more smoothly.  Initially I had hoped to write something clever and profound about how the scan applied to my journey through cancer but this morning there is only one thing I want to do.  I want to attempt to find a way to express my awareness of the power of prayer and the peace that accompanied it and how it filled every moment of the procedure, from the infusion of the sugar that rendered me temporarily radioactive to the moment the radiologist pronounced me free to go. No racing heart, no dry mouth, no apprehension...just an incredible, indescribable sense of peace.  And there is not the shadow of a doubt that it's because so many people have been praying on my behalf. How can I ever thank you all?

I'm devoting this post solely to expressing how much I appreciate the many, many times I have been blessed by the outpouring of love from so many.  My wish is that I could have the privilege of returning those blessings over and over again.

"........and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."-James 5:16 (The Message).

" Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."-.John 14:27 (The Message).

On the health front:

My head will be planted firmly in the ground until next Monday😄

Joy, Peace and Hope

In a few hours I'll be fed into a man-made machine made up of steel and who knows what else that will take pictures of my future.  I'm experiencing several emotions thinking about it.  

If I'm remembering the first PET scan correctly, it's preceded by 45 minutes in a cold, darkened room in which I'm hooked up to a line that feeds some kind of a sugar solution into me that will illuminate any rogue cancer cells that might have escaped the chemotherapy and the radiation.  After that it's a trip through the machine that will offer up the big reveal.  I hope the machine is having a good day. The fewer times I have to do this, the better!

I'm reading Sarah Young's paraphrase of Jesus' words again today and am so grateful that my trust needn't be solely in a steel contraption guided by human hands.  My trust is in something, or rather Someone, much bigger and more trustworthy.

"Let Me fill you with My joy and peace.  They flow into you as you sit quietly in My presence, trusting Me in the depths of your being.....Remember that I am the God of hope."-Sarah Young (Jesus Today).

Such perfect words, not only for today but every day.

So, alongside excitement and impatience I will hold on to joy, peace and hope. And away we go😊

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of The Holy Spirit."-Romans 15:13 (NIV).

On the health front:

Butterflies!

Gratitude....again

I learned a new word this morning.  While reading a reflection from Brennan Manning I came upon the word "lagniappe".  The word has its roots in New Orleans creole and it means "a bonus, gratuity, tip, an unexpected or indirect benefit". (Dictionary.com)

Manning was an ex-priest, author and philosopher who died a rough death this past April, plagued by his addiction to alcohol but still holding on to his faith.  I can't say that I fully embrace everything he wrote but there are enough gems in his work to keep me coming back.

Today he talks about the need for the awareness of our innate poverty. Coming from the foundation of his faith he writes, "......that we were created from the clay of the earth and the kiss of God's mouth, that we came from dust and shall return to dust, pulls away the mask of prestige, of knowledge, of social class, or of strength- whatever it is we use to command attention and respect". That statement could be a real downer and it flies in the face of today's strong focus on our inflated (in my opinion) need for self-esteem, but I have learned the tough lesson through this journey that total dependence on self and trust in the "I can do anything on my own" philosophy just doesn't work at all times and in all situations. Cancer has shown me my absolute inability to handle this burden by myself and it has only strengthened my hold on God's hand.  He has not failed me....not once.

So, it's back to "lagniappe".  "Life is lagniappe.  We are faced with the possibility of genuine humility. I am convinced that without a gut-level experience of our profound spiritual emptiness, it is not possible to encounter the living God."-Brennan Manning (Reflections for Ragamuffins)

I heartily agree.

On the health front:

Let the countdown begin!  In slightly more than 24 hours I'll be having my PET scan.

Please pray that everyone concerned will be amazed by the fact that there is no sign of cancer😊

Blessings of the Storm

After so many years in Arizona one would think that the sudden, fierce storms that occur at this time of year would have become a matter of routine and would be endured with the safe expectation of the clear skies that would follow, as they usually do.  It took an exceptionally fierce rainstorm in Payson not long ago to focus my attention on the storm itself and not on what would follow it.

That storm was spectacular in its fury and spectacularly frightening at the same time.  We realized our utter helplessness in the face of it, but it served again as an example of God's involvement in my life this past year.

Again I realized that while clear skies 100% of the time might seem attractive on the surface, they could have easily dulled me into complacency and I would have missed so many life lessons that have challenged me to expand.  Those storms have taught me to embrace whatever I am given regardless of the comfort level I am experiencing.

"The heavens were filled with blackness and the earth was shaken by the voice of thunder.  It seemed as though that fair landscape was utterly changed and its beauty gone, never to return.....(but) if I had sat in the same place on the following day and said,'Where is that terrible storm, with all its terrible blackness?', the grass would have said, 'Part of it is in me', and the daisy would have said,'Part of it is in me', and the fruits and flowers and everything that grows out of the ground would have said, 'Part of the storm is incandescent in me.'"-Henry Ward Beecher (Streams in the Desert-Classic Edition).

I have experienced those powerful, daunting storms and can now say, with gratitude, "Part of the storm is in me".

"A blessing is in the storm, and there will be the rich fruitage in the 'afterward'."-Henry Ward Beecher.

"The Lord is slow to anger and great in power...His way is in the whirlwind and the storm....."-Nahum 1:3 (NIV).

On the health front:

Energy level seems to be improving and I have no complaints at all.

I'm really looking forward to the phone call telling me that my blood numbers are where they need to be and that I can eliminate the weekly blood draws and re-enter society.  Hopefully that's just a few weeks away😊

Hope

"Hope is the glorious cord connecting you to heaven.  This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you.......Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).

How could we have come through this journey without hope?  It's hope that has brought us through the muck through which we've trudged and it's hope that has propelled us forward when the road has been smooth.  

Hope for what?  I must say that my immediate hope is that we will hear the words "All clear" at our meeting with Dr. Polowy on August 5, but should that not be the case, our hope will continue, even if it takes a different direction.  Regardless of the outcome, one hope has not changed, nor will it ever. It's the hope that the indescribable, continuous, faithful presence of God throughout our journey has been made evident through my words.  

And best of all, I have the confident, already secured hope that I will meet Him face to face in heaven.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."-Romans 12:12 (NIV).

On the health front:

Occasional odd sensitivities in the digestive area but the scan on Tuesday should reveal whether or not they have a basis in reality.

Reasons for peacefulness

I woke up this morning with a strong inclination to head for Psalms.  After searching several that had great truths but didn't quite hit the mark, I was ready to head in another direction for inspiration.  Just before abandoning the original plan, however, up popped Psalm 91 and Bingo!  There it was.  

Perhaps it's because the sky is pleasantly overcast, perhaps it's because my home seems especially comfy or perhaps it's because Carson just appeared with a Starbuck's Chai Latte, but whatever the reason, it's a peaceful morning and the words of Psalm 91 are ringing especially true.

I am re-visiting the peace that I have been afforded throughout this journey, regardless of the stage in which I found myself.  At times peace was on the surface, easily reachable, and at times I had to dig a little deeper to find it, but it was always there.  I was, and am, profoundly grateful for that gift and there is no doubt in my mind from Whom the gift came.  For that reason I especially thank the writer of this psalm for some special verses:

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty."-Verse 1.

"For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.  He will cover you with His feathers.  He will shelter you with His wings......."-Verses 3,4.

"Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at mid-day."-Verse 6.

"For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go.  They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone."-Verses 11,12.

This entire psalm shows me many reasons to claim peace throughout and beyond our journey through cancer.  Just what I needed this morning😊

"The promises of Psalm 91 are meant to engender trust, not  presumption.  Like all genuine prayer, their purpose is not for us to get God to give us what we want but for us to trust Him to give us what He wants- and in the manner He wants to give.  Those who trust The Lord will be cared for in all the ways the psalm says, but not always in the ways we think.  His ways are not our ways."-Ben Patterson (God's Prayer Book:  The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms).  All verses are from The New Living Translation.

On the health front:

Four more days until my PET scan!

Give Thanks

I learned a long time ago to heed the counsel found in 1 Thessalonians 5:18; that I didn't have to thank God for all circumstances, but I needed to develop the mindset of thanking Him in all circumstances. Whew!!  I didn't have to thank Him for cancer but I needed to find ways to thank Him as I went through cancer.  Who in their right mind could be thankful for cancer??  And then, just as I got my brain around that issue, along comes Ephesians 5:20, telling me to give thanks always for cancer!  (Well.... sort of. It says to give thanks for all things, and cancer is certainly a "thing".) So...which one to heed?

C.H.P., whoever he or she was, helped me to understand my dilemma this morning.  "Therefore you can thank God for everything that comes, not for the sin of it, but for what God will bring out of it and through it.......There are many black dots and black spots in our lives and we cannot understand why they are there or why God permitted them to come.  But if we let God come into our lives and adjust the dots in the proper way, and draw the lines He wants, and separate this from that, and put in the rests at the proper places; out of the black dots and spots in our lives He will make a glorious harmony....."-C.H.P. (Streams in the Desert-Classic Edition).  I get it!

Splitting hairs?  Maybe, but each instruction has its place in the circumstances of my life.  I needn't attempt to combine the two smaller gems into one large gem; I can let each gem shine on its own merit. I can, from my heart, give thanks both in and for our journey through cancer.

"....Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."-1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV).

"...always giving thanks to God for everything, in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ."-Ephesians 5:20 (The Message).

On the health front:

No news is good news😊

The Excellence of Contentment

Why I pick up Rare Jewel of Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs at 6:45 in the morning, I'll never understand.  His thoughts are so far above mine that I have to take him in bits and pieces and read everything three times before I get it.  But, here I am and off we go!

"There is, indeed, a great deal of excellence in contentment; that is, as it were, another lesson for us to learn." (Italics mine.)  If there is one overall truth that I have taken to heart through this journey, it's that contentment must be learned.  It does not flow continually, nor does it always flow naturally.

I considered myself a generally contented person in my life BC, but looking back I see that my life, while certainly having its challenges, was fairly crisis free.  The larger challenges ebbed and flowed but there was enough space between them that contentment was present much of the time.  Then came the crash.

After the diagnosis came the surgery.  The pain and its accompanying side effects didn't leave any time for even the consideration of contentment.  It was a matter of getting through the days in one piece.  Only when things started to stabilize did the contentment issue arise, and I must confess that I didn't always do well in that department.  I wondered if I could ever again reach the level of contentment that I once enjoyed.  Step by step I was led into what God had to say about the subject and my hard heart was softened and instructed.

Contentment exists and is there for the taking not only in the good times.  In fact, I found it to be especially sweet when I looked for and found it in the bad times. Contentment was modeled for me time and time again in the chemo room during my infusion treatments.  It was modeled early on by my smiling temporary friend, Bea, who was in her 90s and shared the radiation waiting room with me during my radiation treatments.  It was modeled many times in the Bible where ordinary people endured far more than I will ever endure, yet learned to be content with their lot.

The choice is mine.  Do I choose contentment or do I allow myself to wallow in self-pity and discontentment?   Stated that way, it should be an easy choice, but there are still days when it isn't.

Fortunately there are many more days of contentment than discontentment, and today is one of them. For that I am grateful😊

On the health front:

All is as well as it could possibly be.

Reconstruction

For years I've read a small daily devotional called Our Daily Bread.  The contributors are just everyday folks, no recognizable names among them, but I often come away encouraged by the simple parallels drawn to life that I find there.

Today's contributor, Julie Ackerman Link, comes from Michigan and jokes that there are two seasons in her home state:  Winter and road construction.  She writes that the roads are continually damaged by the harsh winters and the repair and reconstruction begins as soon as the ice melts and the roads thaw. "Although we call this work 'construction', much of what they (the workers) do looks more like 'destruction'.  In some cases just patching the hole is not an option.  Workers have to replace the whole road with a new one."

I'm applying Mrs. Link's example of reconstruction this morning to how I have been reconstructed through our journey through cancer. Cancer caused the damage to my "road" and paving the way to a new one surely did seem at times like destruction. Just "patching the hole" was not an option. But along with the reconstruction process not only was my body repaired and strengthened, so was my heart and mind.  

Soon we will discover whether or not my road has been successfully reconstructed for another season but regardless of the result, I have the Master Contractor by my side and whatever needs reconstructing will be reconstructed perfectly.  I have nothing to fear.

"But God isn't destroying anything; He is building a better way.  And we can be confident that the end result will be smoother relationships with others and a closer relationship with Him."-Julie Ackerman Link.

Good thoughts to start the day.

"Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew (reconstruct) a right spirit within me."-Psalm 51:10 (ESV)

On the health front:

Blood draw today with prayers for good results.

Waiting

Another beautiful morning in the pines.  Rain from last night still sits on the deck and the temperature was 58 degrees when we got up.  It's just so easy to see God's hand everywhere in these surroundings.

It's back to the subject of waiting in today's reading in Streams in the Desert.  With my PET scan rapidly approaching it's difficult to keep from mentally running ahead of God's plan.  A part of me wants to do it NOW and get on with the plan, whatever it is, but I know that the days between now and then are meant to be endured and enjoyed with patience.

I often ask God why there is so much waiting involved in this journey through cancer, really knowing the answer but still not finding it an easy task.  "God knows that He cannot gather the fruit until it is ripe, and He knows precisely when we are spiritually ready to receive blessings for our gain and His glory. And waiting in the sunshine of His love is what will ripen our souls for His blessings.  Also, waiting under the clouds of trials is as important, for they will ultimately produce showers of blessings.  Rest assured that if God waits longer than we desire, it's only to make the blessings doubly precious."-Andrew Murray.

Good thoughts to ponder

"Be patient, then, brothers and sisters....see how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the Autumn and Spring rains."-James 5:7 (NIV).

On the health front:

No complaints😊

Thanks

It's Sunday morning and our family (plus a good friend) have just left to return to the valley.  I am sitting outside in the quiet of the forest and in a grateful frame of mind.

This journey through cancer could have taken many turns, but here I am today, absorbing peaceful surroundings and enjoying good health.  It's easy to praise God in times like this moment.  My prayer is that my thanks can be equally forthcoming in the times that are not so perfect.

"Oh give thanks to the Lord,  for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever."-Psalm 107:1 (ESV).

"Great peace have those who love Your law, and nothing can make them stumble."-Psalm 119:165 (NIV). Thank you for this beautiful verse, sister Jan.  I love you.

On the health front:

As promised, no complaints.

God's Power and Majesty

It could have been the 4th of July here outside of Payson last night.  We witnessed a storm that was one of the most spectacular in our memories.  In fact, one of lightning strikes was so close that Carson actually dropped to the ground.....probably a throwback to his Army training.  The rain poured so hard that the gutters overflowed for an hour.  And here we are, just an hour and a half from home in Mesa.  Who'd have thought?

I was impacted  by several things after witnessing this indescribable sight:

God's power is so much greater than my puny little mind could ever comprehend.

I am completely helpless in the face of His power.

This all-powerful God Who made the heavens and the earth also made me.

He had His plan in place for me before I was born.

He has been 100% faithful throughout our journey through cancer.

He will always be by my side.

Nothing is too much for Him.

And, above all, why should He even care?

Amazing, amazing, amazing.

"O Lord, our Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth!  Who has set Thy glory above the heavens..... 

When I consider Thy heavens, the work of Thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which Thou hast ordained; what is man that Thou visitist (care about) him?....

O Lord, our Lord, how excellent is Thy name in all the earth!"-Psalm 8:1,3,4,9 (KJV). (Psalms  just beg to be read in The King James Version.)

(This psalm is for you, David Feenstra.)

On the health front:

All complaints will be suspended until next week😊

Gratitude

We are running away from home for a few days.  The last time we tried this things didn't go as planned and we were home the next day, so we're hoping for a more successful experience this time around.

This morning's readings were reassuring and valuable but didn't point me in a clear direction for a post. I'm viewing that as a reason to just be thankful today for the blessings that are allowing us to look forward to a few days with family in a cooler climate.  Just a month or two ago I wouldn't have been able to do this so I am feeling very fortunate.

I am aware of a sense of peace and confidence that can only come from above. Perhaps that's why Psalm 32 hit the nail on the head today:

I talk to God:

"You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."-Psalm 32:7 (NIV)

He talks to me:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and keep My loving eye on you."-Psalm 32:8 (NIV)

What a lovely conversation.

On the health front:

I had my port flushed yesterday and was able to corral my nurse long enough for her to interpret Tuesday's blood draw results.  There was a slight improvement in my hemoglobin number and everything else is holding steady.  I was hoping for a little more exciting report but I guess I still need a bit more instruction in patience😊

Words of Wisdom

I had a mentor when I was a younger woman with kids still at home.  She didn't know she was my mentor but she would have been amazed at the number of women, and probably men as well, who took her words to heart.  Her name was Erma Bombeck and she died of cancer 'way too soon.

I recently came across some of the observations she recorded after she was diagnosed and they are worth sharing.  As you can guess, there's nothing here of a particularly spiritual nature but Erma's words bear contemplation.  

Here goes:

"I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending that the world would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day."

"I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose instead of letting it melt in storage."

"I would have talked less and listened more."

"I would have invited friends over for dinner even if the carpet was stained or the sofa faded."

"I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace."

"I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth."

"I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband."

"I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life."

"When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later... now go get washed up for dinner'.  There would have been a lot more 'I love you's and more 'I'm sorry's."

"But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it...live it... and never give it back."

Funny how a cancer diagnosis can make a person so wise.

On the health front:

I'll have my port flushed today and find out more about my blood draw results.  

Nothing else to report at the moment😊

Back into the vineyard

Wayne Jacobsen continues his beautiful parallels between my season of cancer and the seasons of the vineyard of his childhood this morning.  We're into the full force of summer in his father's vineyard and Mr. Jacobsen's observations resonate, with one difference.  The grapes in his vineyard are experiencing some mixed blessings as they feel the full force of their stress under the  unrelenting heat of the sun.  My situation differs slightly in that the intense heat of my summer is past.  My treatment is finished and I can look forward to a less stressful season. My intense heat is recent enough, however, that Jacobsen's words continue to give comfort.

The grapes need the sun in order to ripen but at the same time they experience stress under its intense rays.  The grapes' strength can be zapped and the quality of the fruit can be affected.  "This is summer in my father's vineyard, and it models one of the greatest paradoxes of our faith: Fruitfulness rises out of a hostile climate."-Wayne Jacobsen (In My Father's Vineyard).

Jacobsen rightly asks, "Who wants to dwell on suffering when we can talk about prosperity, blessing, and the abundant life?"  And I would have to answer, "I would!"  It truly has been the toughest of times in this journey that have caused my roots to go the deepest.  I would qualify my statement by saying that my intention is not to dwell on the suffering but I never want to forget it since it was a valuable companion for a long time.  I would even go so far as to invite my Great Physician to allow me to go through occasional discomforts as I continue on my way just to keep me aware of my continual need for Him. "We don't rejoice in trouble for trouble's sake, but we do realize that trials can purify our faith and increase our fruitfulness."-Wayne Jacobsen.

So, once again I am encouraged by this beautiful book, a gift from BFF Pat.  And now it's on to another good day!

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."-Romans 5:3,4 (NIV).

On the health front:

No news on blood test results so I will consider that good news.  I have an appointment to have my port flushed tomorrow so I'll get a copy of the results from my nurse and she will interpret them for me. Until then, "Ignorance is bliss."😄

Thanking Him....again

I'm back with Jeremiah Burroughs this morning.  His writings challenge me not only in the truths he highlights but in his writing style.  Since he lived in the 1600s his use of words is obviously going to differ from today's writing style, but that's part of the fun of reading his stuff.

Burroughs reminds me of another of God's mysteries; how He often brings His people into a low condition before He drops a great mercy on them.  I can testify to the truth of this.  I would never have known the degree of God's goodness today had I not been brought into a low condition. But how does this work?

"Usually when God intends the greatest mercy to any of His people He brings them into the lowest condition.  God seems to go quite across and work in a contrary way.......If it is a bodily mercy, an outward mercy, that He intends to bestow, He brings them physically low, and outwardly low.....Usually the people of God, before the greatest comforts, have the greatest afflictions and sorrows."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment).  And as examples he uses Joseph and David, two key figures of the Old Testament:

"When He intended to raise Joseph to be second in the kingdom, God cast him into a dungeon a little before."  And, "So when God intended to raise David and set him upon the throne, He made him to be hunted as a partridge in the mountains."

It appears that I'm in good company even if I'll never be "second in the kingdom" or "set upon the throne", but I have been brought physically low and I thank God often for this.  Life has become even more precious than before and I can attest to the goodness of God in every step of our journey through cancer.  I might have missed so many blessings had God not worked in His seemingly contrary way.

On the health front:

Blood draw this morning and I will be watching those numbers carefully as I inch my way back to good health😊

David's example

A fiction writer looking to write the ultimate novel that would contain sibling rivalry, combat, intrigue, fame, murder, treachery, moral excellence and moral failure would do well to base his main character on David of the Old Testament.  David lived it all and I always have the feeling that I am looking into his  heart and mind when I read the psalms that he penned.  This morning I'm returning to a couple of verses in Psalms 3 and 4 that express my gratitude so well.  I've posted on them in the past but here they are again.

David had a son named Absolom who was a favorite of his father as a younger man but who turned on David  later and caused him much sorrow.  When David wrote Psalm 3 his life was in great danger from the armies of Absolom, yet he (David) could write, "I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for The Lord was watching over me."  (Verse 5-NLT).  What confidence!

And again, in Psalm 4, David praises his God and says, "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, will keep me safe."  (Verse 8-NLT).

If David, in the midst of his challenges, can claim these truths, how much more can I claim them in the midst of my challenges that pale in comparison to his.  

On the health front:

Today promises to be a good day😊

More perfectly timed encouragement

As I have mentioned before, the purpose of this blog has always been to give credit where credit is due in this journey through cancer. My purpose has never been to attempt to sway anyone to my belief system, nor has it been to infer that blessings cannot be recognized without the acceptance of my spiritual foundation, but the hardy souls who follow this blog have recognized that for me, my encouragement and guidance has come from God.
Inspiration does not come easily every morning since many of my reading sources are written specifically to the belief system of Christianity. While those readings strengthen my personal belief system, they do not specifically and obviously lend themselves to an application to these past ten months of my life.  This was the case this morning.  After reading three or four daily thought-provoking writings I was wondering why I couldn't find just the right one for this stage of my game.  And, as often happens, when I am ready to take the day off from posting, the last one is the prize.  It's fairly short and my personal directions from above are so concise in this paraphrase that I will share it in its entirety.

"Keep walking with Me along the path I have chosen for you.  Your desire to live close to Me is a delight to My heart.  I could instantly grant you the spiritual riches you desire, but that is not My way for you. Together we will forge a pathway up the high mountain.  The journey is arduous at times, and you are weak.  Someday you will dance light-footed on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy.  All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction.  Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend.  Stay on the path I have selected for you.  It is truly the path of Life."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
 

This encouragement is perfect for me today since I have been experiencing a few great days followed by a couple of not so great days and I find myself looking forward impatiently to some consistency.  This message is just what I needed.

"...though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand."-Psalm 37:23-24 (NIV).

On the health front:
Pretty much summed up above.  July 30, the date for my PET scan, is just a couple of weeks away and I am ready!

Impatience

Sarah Young to the rescue again today.  As we get closer to the finish line I get more impatient and I need to be re-directed again and again.  I don't know exactly what I'm expecting but whatever it is, I want it now!  Mrs. Young's way of paraphrasing Jesus' words far surpasses mine so this morning's post will utilize quotes that spoke to me this morning regarding my impatience.  All of them are from Jesus Today.

"You seek relief and I make you wait.  Just remember:  There are many different ways to wait, and some are much better than others.  Beneficial waiting involves looking to Me continually-trusting and loving Me." (You'd think I would have learned this by now!)

"Thank Me for this time of neediness, when you must depend on Me more than usual.  Do not miss this opportunity by wishing it away."  (But it's so tempting to wish it away!)

"Don't let your past or present suffering contaminate your future.  I am the Lord of your future and I have good things in store for you." (Hold that thought, Barb!)

And I'll hold on firmly to the truth of the verse in Lamentations that promises, "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."- Lamentations 3:25 (NKJV).

And that's just what I needed this morning😊

On the health front:

It's a good day.

Peace

My day didn't start out particularly well for some reason....a bit of a surprise since I've had a couple of really good days.  I'm sure things will pick up as the day progresses but the up side of having a beginning such as this is that it helped me to relate well to Sarah Young's writing this morning.  Her subject is Peace.

Sarah reminds me that there are a couple of things to consider about the subject of peace.  First, I must recognize the need for it in my life and secondly, I must believe that it is attainable.  I have thoroughly learned through this cancer odyssey that I can't do all things at all times on my own and that life can get upside down in an amazingly short period of time.  I have asked for that elusive peace on more occasions than I can count and have found that it can, indeed, exist in the midst of chaos, as hard to believe as that seems.

"I made it clear that this [Peace] is a gift; something I provide freely and lovingly. So your responsibility is to receive this glorious gift, acknowledging to Me not only your need but also your desire.  Then wait expectantly in My presence, ready to receive My peace in full measure."-Sarah Young (Jesus Today).

There is so much truth in these few thoughts this morning and once again I'm in Sarah Young's debt for bringing them to the forefront at just the right time.

"Now may The Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way....."-2 Thessalonians 3:16-(NIV).  

On the health front:

I got an encouraging report yesterday from the oncologist's office.  Although my white blood cell count and hemoglobin numbers are still below normal, things are moving in the right direction.  Now I think I will re-read my posts on Patience😄

Waiting and Trusting

This morning's inspiration comes from a truth that was brought to my attention through Streams in the Desert, a little book that is practically coming apart at its seams due to constant use.  I'm reading about the prophet Elijah and a situation in which he found himself back in 1 Kings in the Old Testament.

God had directed Elijah to a place where there was a productive stream that served not only the needs of the people but of birds and animals as well.  After a time that brook began to dry up and the birds and wildlife started leaving in search of a better source of water and eventually the stream dried up altogether.  Elijah was confident that he had been directed to that part of the country for a purpose so he waited for further instructions from God.  "Week after week, with unfaltering and steadfast spirit, Elijah watched that dwindling brook; often tempted to stagger through unbelief, but refusing to allow his circumstances to come between himself and God."-F.B. Meyer (Streams in the Desert).  And, as Elijah trusted would happen, God rewarded that patient spirit and guided him forward.

Meyer observed how many of us (and this applied to me more than once!) would have become anxious as our stream , whatever that stream represented, began to dry up and we would begin to devise our own plans for finding a new source of supply.  That truth has a familiar ring as I look back on the earlier period of our journey through cancer.  I wasted so much time running ahead of God until I realized that my plans for myself could never hold a candle to His plans for me. 

I'm not sure if I'll ever get it completely right but until I do I'll continue to follow Meyer's encouragement to "Wait, patiently wait!"-Psalm 27:14.

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever."-1 Chronicles 16:34  (ESV).

On the health front:

It was a good day yesterday.  No news on Tuesday's blood draw results so I guess I'll be calling the oncologist's office today.

Thanks so much for your prayers😊

Praise and Thanksgiving

On a journey such as ours it's easy to get caught up in the moment, therefore missing the benefits of stepping back to take a look at the big picture.  The negatives seem to outweigh the positives at times and it's easy to miss blessings along the way.  For that reason I'm enjoying again the gems found in the book I received from a good friend titled The Tremendous Power of Prayer by Charlie "Tremendous" Jones and Bob Kelly.  This small volume is filled with Bible verses and observations from wise folks on many subjects but this morning I'm looking exclusively at the subjects of praise and thanksgiving. The Bible verses are from the New International Version.

"Be joyful always;...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."-1 Thessalonians 5:16, 18.  At first it was easier to just practice the "in" part of this verse but now I also thank and praise Him for all circumstances as well.  Who would have thought that time would come!

"Too often we forget to thank God for answered prayer.  Praise is the proper punctuation mark for answered prayer."-Cadle Call.  I'm often guilty of this.  May I never take answered prayer for granted.

"The worship most acceptable to God comes from a thankful and cheerful heart."-Plutarch.  I so often catch myself asking in prayer rather than thanking in prayer. This just might be my focal thought for today.

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name."-Psalm 100:4.  I never tire of this verse.

"It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a habit of life."-Elisabeth Elliot.  I've used this quote in a previous post but it's so good I couldn't resist doing it again.

And that's enough to chew on for one day.  

On the health front:

No (blood) news is good news?  One can always hope😊

Weathering the Storms

I was raised in Minnesota, "The Land of 10,000 Lakes", but I never learned to swim well.  (Actually, there are 11,842 lakes according to Wikipedia.)  I was thrown into the deep end of a pool as a kid and was apparently traumatized by it because being in the water has never been a pleasant experience.  Maybe that's why I notice the many references to lakes, water and storms in the Bible.  I can identify with the disciples as they became uncomfortable and fearful during the times they were on lakes during storms, because our journey through cancer has involved storms. 

There is a very real sense of helplessness in a storm, whether the storm is literal or figurative.  There are forces at work far beyond our control.  Job wondered where God was in his distress as he observes, "You snatch me up in the wind and toss me about in the storm".-Job 30:22.  And in Isaiah I read of "the afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted"-Isaiah 54:11.  In Jonah I read, "Then The Lord sent a great wind upon the sea and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up."-Jonah 1:4.  I felt that helplessness in the periods of storm on our journey but God never left me to flounder during those times.  He regularly talked to me through Bible verses that reassured me that I was neither responsible for controlling my own ship nor providing for my own safety through those periods of helplessness.  

"You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in their distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat."-Isaiah 25:4.  I could, and did, count on God for shelter.  

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.  They were glad when it grew calm and He guided them to their desired haven."-Psalm 107:29, 30.  He did and I was!

"Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake so that the waves swept over the boat, but Jesus was sleeping.  The disciples woke Him, saying, 'Lord, save us! We're going to drown!'  ....then He got up and rebuked the waves, and it was completely calm."-Matthew 8:24-26.  And so it was.

So I have nothing to fear when those storms come along, even if I am a lousy swimmer.  I have the very best Life Preserver that anyone could hope for.

"The voyage is long, the waves high, the storms pitiless,

But my helm is held steady,

Thy Word secures safe passage,

Thy grace wafts me onward,

My haven is guaranteed."-The Valley of Vision:  A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.

On the health front:

I had my blood draw this morning so it's wait and see time again.  I'd sure welcome some improvement!

True Wealth

Jeremiah Burroughs, bless his old soul, has the ability to amaze me, to challenge me, to confuse me and to cause me to think outside the box.  And that's a lot, considering he only lived for forty-six short years.  Today his writings address the issue of wealth.
Burroughs uses the example of a man who was once very wealthy but lost it all.  He (Burroughs) hypothetically asks that man what it is that he misses the most about his loss.  The man replies that he misses the wonderful food that his wealth afforded him.  He misses the ability to dress like a prosperous man and he misses the respect his wealth brought him from others.  He misses not being able to store money away for his future and for the futures of his children.  He grieves the loss of his wealth.
Then Burroughs asks the same hypothetical question of another man who has also lost great wealth.  This time the man answers that he misses being able to share his wealth with others less fortunate than himself.  He misses being able to travel to far off places to benefit his distant "brethren", in Burroughs' language of the 1600s.  He admits to missing the creature comforts that his wealth afforded him but he is not grieving the loss of his wealth.  "And now that God has taken this away from me, if He will be pleased to make up the enjoyment of Himself some other way, will call me to honor Him by suffering, and if I may do God as much service now by suffering, that is, by showing forth the grace of His Spirit in my sufferings, as I did in prosperity, I have as much of God as I had before.  So if I may be led to God in my low condition as much as I was in my prosperous condition, I have as much comfort and contentment as I had before."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment).  Burroughs, having lived from 1600-1646, used a very different writing style than that of today but he spoke to me strongly through his words.
I had great health (my"wealth", for today's purposes).  If Jeremiah were to have asked me at the beginning of my journey through cancer what it was that I missed most about my great health I would honestly have had to answer that I missed the comfort and the freedom it afforded me.  I missed the ability to set my own agenda and carry it out.  I missed relying on myself for the comforts I enjoyed.  I was limitless in my choices.  I grieved the loss of my "wealth". 
But today I would answer very differently.  Today I honestly do miss my former health but I no longer grieve the loss of it.  Instead I thank God for it.  It has opened my eyes to needs of those who are less fortunate that those of us who have had the privilege of enjoying good health.  It has stretched my compassion capacity.  It has allowed me to see life through the eyes of those who are suffering.  It has increased immeasurably my dependence on God for all the things of this life.  I depend on Him for life's blessings and, as strange as it may sound, I depend on Him for sprinkling my life liberally with periods of discomfort and challenge, if only to keep me connected to those around me.  And given more time I could come up with more reasons for thanking Him for my present circumstances.
Thank you, Jeremiah Burroughs, for your great insights and for your ability to allow us to see what are the really important things in life through your beautiful words.

On the health front:
This promises to be another great day!

Total frustration

I have spent the last hour reading some exceptional writing by Jeremiah Burroughs and composing my post after applying it to my current situation.  Obviously there was something in that post that was not intended to hit cyberspace because my finger slipped from SAVE to DISCARD and the whole thing is gone!
Please bear with me as I attempt to get over some very non-productive emotions.  The post will appear, but I'm just not sure when.  Right now I need to get away from this computer in order to cool down.

The Bottomless Well

Re-reading a few of my last posts I see that I've overdone it in the whining department.  Before it gets to be a habit I'm going to focus on more positive things.

In My Father's Vineyard by Wayne Jacobsen always encourages me to look for the many parallels between a healthy vineyard and a healthy self, the intent being that sweet wine will result from both.

Mr. Jacobsen has brought me from Winter to Summer in the vineyard and the pressure is on to keep the grapes healthy through the season between promise and harvest.  His boyhood home and the site of his father's vineyard, the San Joaquin Valley, is irrigated desert and from mid- May until November there is little or no rain.  I am encouraged by the author to view myself in this season as the root of the vine with my primary need being the provision of nourishment in order that I may support this plant well.

"In a farmer's way of thinking, if a vine dies for lack of water, it's the farmer's fault. He is responsible to provide sufficient water.  Spiritually, however, the responsibility for how deep our roots plunge belongs to us.  God always provides sufficient water, but we must develop roots that go deep enough to absorb the water, to outlast the heat of summer."-Wayne Jacobsen (In My Father's Vineyard).

I'm reminded that I can expect "arid and brutal times", in the words of Jacobsen, as I proceed through the seasons of my life, but these times are not to be viewed as defeating.  Rather, they are to be considered as simply another necessary season in order to produce fruit.

"Roots that grow deep are not affected by temporal circumstances.  They can weather heat and pressure, drawing from God's life with the same joy as if it were raining in Spring."-Wayne Jacobsen.

So, it appears that the responsibility of drinking from the never-ending source of nourishment is mine.  If the well seems dry, I haven't gone deep enough.  My mandate from Mr. Jacobsen is to develop the deep root structure that results from "an abiding friendship with Jesus". 

Writing this blog has kept me in the abiding friendship to which Mr. Jacobsen refers, and for that I am grateful.  My Source of nourishment is there for the taking, regardless of the season of my journey. God promises that my vineyard need never run out of water.

"It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."-Jeremiah 17:8 (NIV).

"I, The Lord, watch over it; I water it continually."-Isaiah 27:3 (NIV).

On the health front:

It wasn't a great day yesterday but today is new and we'll see what it brings😊

Hands Off

I'm antsy and impatient.  This lull between my last treatment and my getting back to life seems as if it's taking forever.  Apparently I needed the gentle reminder again this morning that time exists only in my world, not God's, and that His plan for me is better than the one I would craft for myself.

A well- meaning Israelite, Uzzah, learned the hard way that God meant business when He told the Israelites to leave the things of God to God.  His instructions were to keep their hands off the ark of God as it was transported from place to place.  The oxen carrying the ark stumbled and well- meaning Uzzah reached out to steady the precious cargo and was dropped on the spot. Personally, I think that was a pretty stiff consequence but God obviously meant business when He said, "Hands off My plan for you!".

Thankfully I haven't been dealt with that sternly when I've attempted to mess with God's plan for me. I'd prefer that this recovery phase would move faster but again I'm reminded , "If we wholly trust an interest to God, we must keep our hands off it; and He will guard it for us better than we can help Him.  Rest in The Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not thyself..."-A.B. Simpson (Streams in the Desert-Classic Edition).  A timely reminder, and much needed.

"It is such a comfort to drop the tangles of life into God's hands and leave them there."-(Streams in the Desert).

I think I'll do just that....again.

On the health front:

I received a mixed report yesterday.  Though my hemoglobin and platelets show improvement, it is only slight.  My white blood cell count still renders me "slightly neutropenic", which means no movie theaters or group activities yet.  

Frustrating but not discouraging.  Things are moving, albeit slowly, in the right direction.

Thanks

It's a Psalms kind of day today. I often go to Ben Patterson's God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms for inspiration and I'm never disappointed.  (Thank you again, George, for the gift of this book.)

Many of the psalms were written by David and what a life he led!  When I'm discouraged I can read of David's challenges and I am ashamed that I complain. When he escapes his enemies, I can thank God that I have never had to face enemies of the magnitude that David faced.  When David thanks and praises his God for safety and victory, he (David) gives me the words with which to thank God for His faithfulness to me.

Today has started well and I will join with David as he gives thanks: 

"Let all that I am praise The Lord; with my whole heart I will praise His holy name.

Let all that I am praise The Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me."-Psalm 103:1,2 (NLT).

Remembering these verses will carry me through, regardless of what the day may bring.

On the health front:

Absolutely no complaints😊

Delayed answers

The message of a small book, Expectation Corner, now out of print, is the subject of today's reading in Streams in the Desert.  (I did find one used hardcover copy available at Amazon for a mere $150, but I opted to pass on it.)  The main character, Adam Slowman, is led into the Lord's treasure houses and sees a room labeled Delayed Blessings Office.  In this room are kept the answers to the prayers of many people that would be answered at the time God deemed appropriate.

I have learned (to a degree) after many years that when my prayers are not answered immediately it doesn't mean that they haven't been heard or that they have been denied.  Have I learned that truth peacefully and acceptingly?  Not always!  

Many times my prayers have gone heavenward as a result of frustration or dissatisfaction and were not God-honoring.  They didn't deserve to be answered immediately. And even now I struggle with prayers of frustration.  

Truthfully, I am ready to be finished with this cancer journey.  I am ready for a body that is as energetic as an old body can be.  I am ready to be able to go out among people whenever I choose and interact once again with friends. But when I look objectively at those prayers, I see Me! Me! Me! at their core.  And it's then that I realize that the answers to those prayers most likely are residing in God's Delayed Blessings Office and will probably stay there until I grow up.

How does He remain so patient with me! 

"The Lord...surrounds me with lovingkindness and tender mercies."-Psalm 103:2,4 (TLB)

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time...though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."-Habakkuk 2:3 (translation unknown)

On the health front:

No call from the oncologist's office regarding Tuesday's blood test results and since the office is closed today I can stay in my chosen state of optimism until I call them tomorrow.

Holding...

Pilots are often put into holding patterns as they wait for permission to land their planes.  I'm guessing that this could be frustrating for the pilot who has completed the hardest part of his journey and is looking forward to getting the plane on the ground and moving on to other things.  But it is the job of the control tower to see that the landing will be a safe one even if it involves keeping the pilot in the air and under its control for a period of time.

I feel as if I am in a holding pattern.  The toughest part of my journey has been completed and I am eager for my safe landing, but I'm still under the command of the control tower and have not yet been given permission to land.  It's not quite safe to settle firmly onto the runway, shut off the plane and walk away to other things.  And there are lessons to be learned here.

If I live my life only looking forward to the next step I will miss the lessons of the moment.  I will miss the comfort of being still, of being quiet, of being teachable. I will miss opportunities to hone my patience skills and I will miss opportunities to focus on the needs of others.

So as I pray for others today I will also thank God for this holding pattern in which He, my ultimate Control Tower, has put me.  And I look forward to my safe landing.

"Be still and know that I am God."-Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

"Indeed, I am composed and quiet, like a young child carried by its mother; I am content like the young child I carry."-Psalm 131:2 (NET)

"Teach me Your way, Lord, that I may rely on Your faithfulness."-Psalm 86:11 (The Message)

"For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."-Galatians 5:22 (ESV)

"My command is this:  Love each other as I have loved you."-John 15:12 (NIV)

On the health front:

No news from the control tower this morning, so I will again enjoy the benefits of an "Ignorance is bliss" mentality until I get more information😊

Faithfulness

As I get closer to stepping back into life I'm concentrating on my need to continue to stay close to The One Who has surrounded me throughout this journey through cancer.  The last couple of days have been less than conducive to sitting quietly to read and to contemplate and appreciate the truths that I have discovered and re- discovered over this past year.  I suspect that these challenges will do nothing but increase as I taste more freedom, and there's a sadness in that.  

Do I wish that I could remain in my limited life? In a way, yes... but that would mean staying up close and personal with cancer, and that's not an option I choose.  So, my assignment is to discover a way to keep myself in both worlds successfully.  And I believe I can accomplish that quite simply by continually remembering God's faithfulness to me throughout my challenges. Did He ever take a day off?  Did He ever say, "I'll get back to you on that"?  Of course not!  He never failed me and in my own limited way I never want to fail Him.  My world will change but God never does.

A simple assignment?  Maybe......and then again, maybe not.

"Know therefore that The Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments."-Deuteronomy 7:9 (NIV)

"I will always sing about The Lord's love; I will tell of His loyalty from now on.  I will say 'Your love continues forever; Your loyalty goes on and on like the sky'"-Psalm 89:1-2 (NCV)

On the health front:

I had my weekly blood draw this morning so by this afternoon I should know what's what in that department.

My PET scan is scheduled for July 30 and is scheduled to be interpreted for us on August 5.

Keep praying, please!

Sadness today

I have two friends whose parents are near death.  I have another friend who had to evacuate her home in Yarnell, not knowing whether or not her home survived the wildfire.  Nineteen families face the reality of not having their firefighters come home.  I am distracted and blogging inspiration is not forthcoming this morning. If it does, the post will be late.  In the meantime there is plenty to pray about.