Slight change

My post will be delayed today due to life, in general. ("Life"......what a wonderful word!)

It was not a good night for sleeping thanks to an exhausted air conditioner that just gave up in the heat.  Thankfully, Manny of Manny's Air Conditioning (shameless recommendation) was able to make a stop first thing this morning and I can already feel the blissfully cool air, but Neupogen rears its ugly head shortly and will have to take the place of quiet time this morning.

Hopefully some peace awaits and I'll post later.

On the health front:

Aside from needing a nap already, no complaints, thankfully.

Never "suppose"

We all share the reality that some days are better than others. Since our journey through cancer began, my evaluation at the end of any given day is usually based on cancer related issues. A good health day makes for a good spirit and a bad health day is a spirit breaker. On a bad day it is easy to go to the "suppose I am always going to feel like this" mindset and down the drain goes the spirit.

H.W.S. draws my attention to the perfect antidote for this poisonous attitude when he says, "There is one text that will take all the "supposes" out of a believer's life, if it is received and acted on in child-like faith; it is Hebrews 13:5,6."-H.W.S. (Streams in the Desert).  That text reads, "......and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you or forsake you.'.  So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?'"- Hebrews 13:5,6 (NIV).  So simple, yet so hard to wrap my head around at times along the way.

Carson has run away from home for a few days (with my blessing) so I have time to ponder this beautiful truth uninterrupted.  Maybe this time I will get it once and for all.

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust Him and He will help you."-Psalm 37:4,5 (NLT).

On the health front:

Nothing specific to report other than the usual lack of energy.  Neupogen tomorrow and Tuesday ought to address that issue.  Until then, more opportunities to read.

Happy Anniversary to my dear husband

Today I am thankful and grateful to be here to celebrate the 51st anniversary of marriage to my husband, Carson, formerly known as Chuck.  

Fifty-one years ago we were two young people who came from very different backgrounds and had little in common, but we were committed to forging a future together, come what may. We have learned the truth to King Solomon's words when he wisely said, "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other.  Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future."-Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV). 

It has been a wild and wonderful ride and through it all God has been at the wheel. Challenges and blessings too numerous to count have combined to form a firm foundation for a very special relationship and my gratitude is beyond words.

Thank you, my dear husband, for fifty-one wonderful years.

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails...."- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV).

On the health front:

Yesterday the Neupogen injections kicked in before my body realized that it had been assaulted once again by chemotherapy so my energy level was up.  This is a day-by-day adventure and yesterday was a pleasant change😊

God's grace

Brennan Manning died recently.  When I read this, a dim light went on in my memory.  Why was his name familiar?

I looked for further information and read that Manning was a former Franciscan priest, author, public speaker and a man who fell fully, completely in love with God's grace.  Among others he wrote a book titled, "The Ragamuffin Gospel:  Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-up and Burnt Out."  It was that book that I had casually skimmed back in 1990 when it was first published.  I would like to think that I've matured in my faith since 1990 and that my journey through cancer has given me the eyes and the heart to give me deeper insight into the beauty of God's grace, so I'm going to really read the book this time.

"To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story; the light side and the dark.  In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God's grace means".  This quote was included in Manning's funeral video and it speaks to his gratitude to his "Abba", as he often called his God. 

Manning knew that he was loved by God not because of any merit of his own, not because of some mysterious test that he had somehow passed, but rather because God had first chosen to love him, Brennan Manning.  It was simply because of God's grace that he was a child of God.  Manning understood the truth of Ephesians 2:8,9 which told him, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves.  It is the gift of God-not by works, so that no man can boast."-(NIV).

I have tried to be honest throughout this personal journey and I know that I have not always been lovable.  I have not always responded to my situation in a manner that is appealing to God.  But it is God's grace, His never ending grace, that gives me the secure knowledge that I will always have His love no matter if I shine or if I fall flat on my face in ugliness.  

Our God is an Awesome God!  ( And for you fellow Rich Mullins fans, it was because of this book that Rich named his band The Ragamuffin Band.)

I'm looking forward to reading The Ragamuffin Gospel with seasoned eyes and a seasoned heart.

On the health front:

Chemotherapy took place as usual and I was told that I would be back on Monday and Tuesday for The Nasty Shots in order to keep chemo treatments on schedule. Ugh!  But....I will do whatever it takes to bring this old body up to speed in order that I might enjoy an active life once again.

Keep praying... and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Encouragement

Yesterday I felt 100 years old, both physically and mentally.  On the verge of discouragement, daughter Jody reminded me that the runner in a marathon crosses the finish line depleted and spent, not fresh and full of energy.  Why should I expect anything different?  Sage advice.

Today two of my readings draw me back into the "be still" mode.  "Let pain and problems remind you of your constant need for Me.....When you encounter trouble of any kind, reach into your arsenal of prayers.....the enemy will retreat and I will draw near."-Sarah Young (Jesus Today).

Psalm 27, one of the magnificent psalms penned by David, highlights David's full confidence in his Lord.  David's enemy had legs, and skin, and horses.  My enemy does not.  David could see his enemy.  I cannot.  But does this hinder God's ability to protect me and to meet my needs?  Of course not!

"Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid.  Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident."-Psalm 27:3 (NLT).  I'll second that!

So, encouragement surrounds me and is there for the taking.  Time to quit whining.

"Wait patiently for The Lord.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for The Lord."-Psalm 27:14 (NLT).

On the health front:

The remnants of the side effects of the two Neupogen injections are still hanging around. Today I get my chemotherapy treatment, leaving only two more until the completion of my therapy.  Good news!

Quiet , please

On the health front:

This week's lab results revealed more discouraging news about my white blood cell count, resulting in the need for two injections of Neupogen before treatment can take place tomorrow.  One of the side effects of Neupogen is bone pain and yesterday's injection resulted in this side effect for the first time.

This is particularly disappointing since this evening was intended to be spent in an enjoyable activity that has been planned for several months.  It's not going to happen for me, unfortunately.

Choosing my blog topic for today hasn't been easy because my spirit is less than quiet.  It took the words of an English Puritan preacher who lived from 1600-1646 to get me refocused:  "Those who are contented are fitted to receive mercy from The Lord."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment).

The good preacher points out that a vessel must be held still in order to receive its contents.  He points to the child who is throwing a tantrum and who must be quieted before anything of value can be accomplished.  And then he nails me with his words, "So if we would be vessels to receive God's mercy, and would have The Lord pour His mercy into us, we must have quiet, still hearts.  We must not have hearts hurrying up and down in trouble, discontent and vexing, but still and quiet hearts....".

I am mired in selfishness and disappointment this morning and my mandate is to be still and quiet. This may take a while.

"Be still and know that I am God."-Psalm 46:10a (ESV).

God in the commonplace things

I am looking forward to being treatment free!  There's just no way around it.... I'm flat out excited!

Throughout this journey I have learned many things, and one of the most important is that comfort and hope are to be found in the here and now, in this very moment; that trying to see into the future can rob me of blessings that are right in front of me.  And I believe that this important lesson has been learned. Nevertheless, here I am.....forging ahead mentally to that time in the not so distant future that my life will not revolve around my treatment schedule.

My friend Oswald Chambers brings me back to earth this morning by reminding me that "We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing-that He is preparing and equipping us for some extraordinary work in the future.  But as we grow in His grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, at this very moment.  If we have God's assurance behind us, the most amazing strength becomes ours, and we learn to sing, glorifying Him even in the ordinary days and ways of life."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest- Updated Edition).

Keep me grounded, Lord, in the commonplace things to be found in the here and now.  I leave my future to You with confidence and gratitude for what You are doing and have done already.  I will do as Paul encourages me to do; "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."-Romans 12:12 (NIV).

On the health front:

I'm awaiting the results of my latest blood test to see if this old body is capable of continuing to defend itself against the assault of chemotherapy.  It shouldn't be all that difficult, should it, to develop some kind of chemo that can take out only the bad guys and leave the good guys alone?

When short on inspiration.....

I slept poorly last night for some unknown reason and it was with a fuzzy brain that I tackled my devotional reading this morning. The written words of those upon whom I have come to depend were not sinking in with their usual clarity.  I had to chuckle when I looked at my "Psalms and Proverbs for the Day" and got a dose of God's sense of humor when I read, "He that hath knowledge spareth his words."-Proverbs 17:27a  (KJV).

Rather than say something stupid or trivial in my post today, I'm going to "spareth my words" and also heed Proverbs 17:28, which says, "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." (NIV).

So, in the immortal words of Porky Pig, "That's all, folks!"

On the health front:

Fuzzy, but fine.

Trimming my branches

I'm being called back into my Father's vineyard this morning where it is cool and refreshing.  I wonder what He will whisper this time.

Well, it's not exactly what I expected.  Personally, I would have preferred soft words of encouragement and gentle teaching but instead I get a dose of discipline.  Ugh!

Wayne Jacobsen paints the picture of a jubilant Spring vineyard, happily and gloriously blooming and shooting sprouts in every direction.  What a beautiful sight that must be!  But is it really beautiful in the hidden places?  Apparently not.

At the base of the plant there are new canes growing, called suckers.  Instead of supporting the mature branches, the suckers are actually drawing nourishment away from them, thus impeding the ability of the mature branch to be fruitful.  Not only must the farmer cut off the suckers, he must be willing to cut off some small clusters of grapes that have grown from them, allowing the remaining clusters to grow to their full maturity.  "The most vital training, however, is that done with the new vines, those just entering their first growing season.  The way the farmer trains these young vines will affect their fruitfulness for years to come."-Wayne Jacobsen (In My Father's Vineyard).  

Am I ready to have my unproductive shoots trimmed in order that my mature branches may become stronger, even if there may be a few grapes attached to them?

God speaks to me daily through His Word and guides me along the path of fruitfulness.  He waters me, floods me with His sunshine and, yes, He prunes away the unproductive shoots in my life. That's how He shows His love to me.  Now that's a loving Father!

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."-Hebrews 12:11 (NIV).

On the health front:

All is well at 7:00 in the morning on this Lord's Day.

The Captain of my ship

This morning I am weary.  We have had an enjoyable but exhausting week and it has taken its toll.

I know better than to be discouraged because I've been here before and this state always passes, but a good reminder of an important reality never hurts:

"You are aboard such a large ship that you would be unable to steer even if your Captain placed you at the helm.  You would not even be able to adjust the sails......Be quiet, dear soul."-Charles Spurgeon.

So today I will take these words to heart. I will be quiet and enjoy the rhythm of the waves as my Captain guides my ship to the port He has chosen for me.

"This is the time and place to rest, to give rest to the weary. This is the place to lay down your burden...." Isaiah  28:12-Eugene Peterson (The Message).

On the health front:

Nothing of importance to report, but I sure am looking forward to getting some of my energy back.