Weathering the Storms

I was raised in Minnesota, "The Land of 10,000 Lakes", but I never learned to swim well.  (Actually, there are 11,842 lakes according to Wikipedia.)  I was thrown into the deep end of a pool as a kid and was apparently traumatized by it because being in the water has never been a pleasant experience.  Maybe that's why I notice the many references to lakes, water and storms in the Bible.  I can identify with the disciples as they became uncomfortable and fearful during the times they were on lakes during storms, because our journey through cancer has involved storms. 

There is a very real sense of helplessness in a storm, whether the storm is literal or figurative.  There are forces at work far beyond our control.  Job wondered where God was in his distress as he observes, "You snatch me up in the wind and toss me about in the storm".-Job 30:22.  And in Isaiah I read of "the afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted"-Isaiah 54:11.  In Jonah I read, "Then The Lord sent a great wind upon the sea and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up."-Jonah 1:4.  I felt that helplessness in the periods of storm on our journey but God never left me to flounder during those times.  He regularly talked to me through Bible verses that reassured me that I was neither responsible for controlling my own ship nor providing for my own safety through those periods of helplessness.  

"You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in their distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat."-Isaiah 25:4.  I could, and did, count on God for shelter.  

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.  They were glad when it grew calm and He guided them to their desired haven."-Psalm 107:29, 30.  He did and I was!

"Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake so that the waves swept over the boat, but Jesus was sleeping.  The disciples woke Him, saying, 'Lord, save us! We're going to drown!'  ....then He got up and rebuked the waves, and it was completely calm."-Matthew 8:24-26.  And so it was.

So I have nothing to fear when those storms come along, even if I am a lousy swimmer.  I have the very best Life Preserver that anyone could hope for.

"The voyage is long, the waves high, the storms pitiless,

But my helm is held steady,

Thy Word secures safe passage,

Thy grace wafts me onward,

My haven is guaranteed."-The Valley of Vision:  A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.

On the health front:

I had my blood draw this morning so it's wait and see time again.  I'd sure welcome some improvement!

True Wealth

Jeremiah Burroughs, bless his old soul, has the ability to amaze me, to challenge me, to confuse me and to cause me to think outside the box.  And that's a lot, considering he only lived for forty-six short years.  Today his writings address the issue of wealth.
Burroughs uses the example of a man who was once very wealthy but lost it all.  He (Burroughs) hypothetically asks that man what it is that he misses the most about his loss.  The man replies that he misses the wonderful food that his wealth afforded him.  He misses the ability to dress like a prosperous man and he misses the respect his wealth brought him from others.  He misses not being able to store money away for his future and for the futures of his children.  He grieves the loss of his wealth.
Then Burroughs asks the same hypothetical question of another man who has also lost great wealth.  This time the man answers that he misses being able to share his wealth with others less fortunate than himself.  He misses being able to travel to far off places to benefit his distant "brethren", in Burroughs' language of the 1600s.  He admits to missing the creature comforts that his wealth afforded him but he is not grieving the loss of his wealth.  "And now that God has taken this away from me, if He will be pleased to make up the enjoyment of Himself some other way, will call me to honor Him by suffering, and if I may do God as much service now by suffering, that is, by showing forth the grace of His Spirit in my sufferings, as I did in prosperity, I have as much of God as I had before.  So if I may be led to God in my low condition as much as I was in my prosperous condition, I have as much comfort and contentment as I had before."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment).  Burroughs, having lived from 1600-1646, used a very different writing style than that of today but he spoke to me strongly through his words.
I had great health (my"wealth", for today's purposes).  If Jeremiah were to have asked me at the beginning of my journey through cancer what it was that I missed most about my great health I would honestly have had to answer that I missed the comfort and the freedom it afforded me.  I missed the ability to set my own agenda and carry it out.  I missed relying on myself for the comforts I enjoyed.  I was limitless in my choices.  I grieved the loss of my "wealth". 
But today I would answer very differently.  Today I honestly do miss my former health but I no longer grieve the loss of it.  Instead I thank God for it.  It has opened my eyes to needs of those who are less fortunate that those of us who have had the privilege of enjoying good health.  It has stretched my compassion capacity.  It has allowed me to see life through the eyes of those who are suffering.  It has increased immeasurably my dependence on God for all the things of this life.  I depend on Him for life's blessings and, as strange as it may sound, I depend on Him for sprinkling my life liberally with periods of discomfort and challenge, if only to keep me connected to those around me.  And given more time I could come up with more reasons for thanking Him for my present circumstances.
Thank you, Jeremiah Burroughs, for your great insights and for your ability to allow us to see what are the really important things in life through your beautiful words.

On the health front:
This promises to be another great day!

Total frustration

I have spent the last hour reading some exceptional writing by Jeremiah Burroughs and composing my post after applying it to my current situation.  Obviously there was something in that post that was not intended to hit cyberspace because my finger slipped from SAVE to DISCARD and the whole thing is gone!
Please bear with me as I attempt to get over some very non-productive emotions.  The post will appear, but I'm just not sure when.  Right now I need to get away from this computer in order to cool down.

The Bottomless Well

Re-reading a few of my last posts I see that I've overdone it in the whining department.  Before it gets to be a habit I'm going to focus on more positive things.

In My Father's Vineyard by Wayne Jacobsen always encourages me to look for the many parallels between a healthy vineyard and a healthy self, the intent being that sweet wine will result from both.

Mr. Jacobsen has brought me from Winter to Summer in the vineyard and the pressure is on to keep the grapes healthy through the season between promise and harvest.  His boyhood home and the site of his father's vineyard, the San Joaquin Valley, is irrigated desert and from mid- May until November there is little or no rain.  I am encouraged by the author to view myself in this season as the root of the vine with my primary need being the provision of nourishment in order that I may support this plant well.

"In a farmer's way of thinking, if a vine dies for lack of water, it's the farmer's fault. He is responsible to provide sufficient water.  Spiritually, however, the responsibility for how deep our roots plunge belongs to us.  God always provides sufficient water, but we must develop roots that go deep enough to absorb the water, to outlast the heat of summer."-Wayne Jacobsen (In My Father's Vineyard).

I'm reminded that I can expect "arid and brutal times", in the words of Jacobsen, as I proceed through the seasons of my life, but these times are not to be viewed as defeating.  Rather, they are to be considered as simply another necessary season in order to produce fruit.

"Roots that grow deep are not affected by temporal circumstances.  They can weather heat and pressure, drawing from God's life with the same joy as if it were raining in Spring."-Wayne Jacobsen.

So, it appears that the responsibility of drinking from the never-ending source of nourishment is mine.  If the well seems dry, I haven't gone deep enough.  My mandate from Mr. Jacobsen is to develop the deep root structure that results from "an abiding friendship with Jesus". 

Writing this blog has kept me in the abiding friendship to which Mr. Jacobsen refers, and for that I am grateful.  My Source of nourishment is there for the taking, regardless of the season of my journey. God promises that my vineyard need never run out of water.

"It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."-Jeremiah 17:8 (NIV).

"I, The Lord, watch over it; I water it continually."-Isaiah 27:3 (NIV).

On the health front:

It wasn't a great day yesterday but today is new and we'll see what it brings😊

Hands Off

I'm antsy and impatient.  This lull between my last treatment and my getting back to life seems as if it's taking forever.  Apparently I needed the gentle reminder again this morning that time exists only in my world, not God's, and that His plan for me is better than the one I would craft for myself.

A well- meaning Israelite, Uzzah, learned the hard way that God meant business when He told the Israelites to leave the things of God to God.  His instructions were to keep their hands off the ark of God as it was transported from place to place.  The oxen carrying the ark stumbled and well- meaning Uzzah reached out to steady the precious cargo and was dropped on the spot. Personally, I think that was a pretty stiff consequence but God obviously meant business when He said, "Hands off My plan for you!".

Thankfully I haven't been dealt with that sternly when I've attempted to mess with God's plan for me. I'd prefer that this recovery phase would move faster but again I'm reminded , "If we wholly trust an interest to God, we must keep our hands off it; and He will guard it for us better than we can help Him.  Rest in The Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not thyself..."-A.B. Simpson (Streams in the Desert-Classic Edition).  A timely reminder, and much needed.

"It is such a comfort to drop the tangles of life into God's hands and leave them there."-(Streams in the Desert).

I think I'll do just that....again.

On the health front:

I received a mixed report yesterday.  Though my hemoglobin and platelets show improvement, it is only slight.  My white blood cell count still renders me "slightly neutropenic", which means no movie theaters or group activities yet.  

Frustrating but not discouraging.  Things are moving, albeit slowly, in the right direction.

Thanks

It's a Psalms kind of day today. I often go to Ben Patterson's God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms for inspiration and I'm never disappointed.  (Thank you again, George, for the gift of this book.)

Many of the psalms were written by David and what a life he led!  When I'm discouraged I can read of David's challenges and I am ashamed that I complain. When he escapes his enemies, I can thank God that I have never had to face enemies of the magnitude that David faced.  When David thanks and praises his God for safety and victory, he (David) gives me the words with which to thank God for His faithfulness to me.

Today has started well and I will join with David as he gives thanks: 

"Let all that I am praise The Lord; with my whole heart I will praise His holy name.

Let all that I am praise The Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me."-Psalm 103:1,2 (NLT).

Remembering these verses will carry me through, regardless of what the day may bring.

On the health front:

Absolutely no complaints😊

Delayed answers

The message of a small book, Expectation Corner, now out of print, is the subject of today's reading in Streams in the Desert.  (I did find one used hardcover copy available at Amazon for a mere $150, but I opted to pass on it.)  The main character, Adam Slowman, is led into the Lord's treasure houses and sees a room labeled Delayed Blessings Office.  In this room are kept the answers to the prayers of many people that would be answered at the time God deemed appropriate.

I have learned (to a degree) after many years that when my prayers are not answered immediately it doesn't mean that they haven't been heard or that they have been denied.  Have I learned that truth peacefully and acceptingly?  Not always!  

Many times my prayers have gone heavenward as a result of frustration or dissatisfaction and were not God-honoring.  They didn't deserve to be answered immediately. And even now I struggle with prayers of frustration.  

Truthfully, I am ready to be finished with this cancer journey.  I am ready for a body that is as energetic as an old body can be.  I am ready to be able to go out among people whenever I choose and interact once again with friends. But when I look objectively at those prayers, I see Me! Me! Me! at their core.  And it's then that I realize that the answers to those prayers most likely are residing in God's Delayed Blessings Office and will probably stay there until I grow up.

How does He remain so patient with me! 

"The Lord...surrounds me with lovingkindness and tender mercies."-Psalm 103:2,4 (TLB)

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time...though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."-Habakkuk 2:3 (translation unknown)

On the health front:

No call from the oncologist's office regarding Tuesday's blood test results and since the office is closed today I can stay in my chosen state of optimism until I call them tomorrow.

Holding...

Pilots are often put into holding patterns as they wait for permission to land their planes.  I'm guessing that this could be frustrating for the pilot who has completed the hardest part of his journey and is looking forward to getting the plane on the ground and moving on to other things.  But it is the job of the control tower to see that the landing will be a safe one even if it involves keeping the pilot in the air and under its control for a period of time.

I feel as if I am in a holding pattern.  The toughest part of my journey has been completed and I am eager for my safe landing, but I'm still under the command of the control tower and have not yet been given permission to land.  It's not quite safe to settle firmly onto the runway, shut off the plane and walk away to other things.  And there are lessons to be learned here.

If I live my life only looking forward to the next step I will miss the lessons of the moment.  I will miss the comfort of being still, of being quiet, of being teachable. I will miss opportunities to hone my patience skills and I will miss opportunities to focus on the needs of others.

So as I pray for others today I will also thank God for this holding pattern in which He, my ultimate Control Tower, has put me.  And I look forward to my safe landing.

"Be still and know that I am God."-Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

"Indeed, I am composed and quiet, like a young child carried by its mother; I am content like the young child I carry."-Psalm 131:2 (NET)

"Teach me Your way, Lord, that I may rely on Your faithfulness."-Psalm 86:11 (The Message)

"For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."-Galatians 5:22 (ESV)

"My command is this:  Love each other as I have loved you."-John 15:12 (NIV)

On the health front:

No news from the control tower this morning, so I will again enjoy the benefits of an "Ignorance is bliss" mentality until I get more information😊

Faithfulness

As I get closer to stepping back into life I'm concentrating on my need to continue to stay close to The One Who has surrounded me throughout this journey through cancer.  The last couple of days have been less than conducive to sitting quietly to read and to contemplate and appreciate the truths that I have discovered and re- discovered over this past year.  I suspect that these challenges will do nothing but increase as I taste more freedom, and there's a sadness in that.  

Do I wish that I could remain in my limited life? In a way, yes... but that would mean staying up close and personal with cancer, and that's not an option I choose.  So, my assignment is to discover a way to keep myself in both worlds successfully.  And I believe I can accomplish that quite simply by continually remembering God's faithfulness to me throughout my challenges. Did He ever take a day off?  Did He ever say, "I'll get back to you on that"?  Of course not!  He never failed me and in my own limited way I never want to fail Him.  My world will change but God never does.

A simple assignment?  Maybe......and then again, maybe not.

"Know therefore that The Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments."-Deuteronomy 7:9 (NIV)

"I will always sing about The Lord's love; I will tell of His loyalty from now on.  I will say 'Your love continues forever; Your loyalty goes on and on like the sky'"-Psalm 89:1-2 (NCV)

On the health front:

I had my weekly blood draw this morning so by this afternoon I should know what's what in that department.

My PET scan is scheduled for July 30 and is scheduled to be interpreted for us on August 5.

Keep praying, please!

Sadness today

I have two friends whose parents are near death.  I have another friend who had to evacuate her home in Yarnell, not knowing whether or not her home survived the wildfire.  Nineteen families face the reality of not having their firefighters come home.  I am distracted and blogging inspiration is not forthcoming this morning. If it does, the post will be late.  In the meantime there is plenty to pray about.