My Rock

Our Daily Bread pointed me in the direction I needed to go this morning.  The writer, Jennifer Benson Schuldt, recalled a walk around a lake during which she passed a pile of rocks.  Upon closer examination she observed a small crack between the rocks where a tiny plant was growing.  At first glance the plant's surroundings did not appear able to provide what was needed for the plant to flourish, but just enough water and sunlight was able to reach the plant and sustain it.  What a nice mental picture!

I am that small plant trying to flourish in the hostile environment of cancer and God has not only provided room for nourishment in this hostile environment, He has built a fortress around me to protect me as I reach for the sun.  How often I have been nourished by the sun and protected by The Son.

I have nothing to fear.

"When I thought 'my foot slips', Your steadfast love, Oh Lord, held me up.  When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul........the Lord has become my stronghold, and my God the Rock of my refuge."-Psalm 94:18,19, 22 (ESV).

On the health front:

Today is Graduation Day.  I am realistic enough to know that I will not walk out of that chemo room immediately restored to my former self, but today is an important step toward toward re-entering life.

YOLO

If I took the time to read every unread book I have in my possession, be it hard cover or virtual, I would have reading material for the rest of my life and then some. It is a huge challenge for me to fight the urge to buy a new book, especially when I read a tantalizing review and, who knows, I may cave and purchase this one. However, whether I do or not, the review of Death by Living:  Life is Meant to be Spent by N.D. Wilson challenged me to look forward to the years I have left and to live them judiciously.

YOLO is an acronym for You Only Live Once, a popular attitude in today's hedonistic society.  As popular as this mentality is in our self-serving world, (and I am guilty of exercising it in self-service more often than I care to admit), it encourages me to remember to live in service to others as well.

Our journey through cancer has resulted in an inordinate amount of time being spent on self and I'm ready to be finished with that.  It's time to re-focus and to be constantly aware of how I am investing the time I have left as I move toward life's finish line. 

Brett McCracken, the reviewer of this book, chooses his words well:  "Death is not a shadow to be feared or an abstraction to be put out of our minds.  Rather, it is a part of God's creational good, a beautiful reminder of the brevity of breath and the urgency of life." I didn't have to reach 74 years of age to realize that I began my march toward death from my first breath of life but a reminder now and then is a good thing.

The author of the book, N.D. Wilson, sums up the thesis of his book when he says, "I am a man attempting to paint another picture of the same wonderful world, but I have turned my easel around. I've taken my best shot at the sunrise. Now for the sunset."  Age aside, we would all do well to examine how we are investing the gift of life with which we've been blessed.

(I feel a new book coming on.)

On the health front:

Good news and not-so-good news.  The not-so-good news is that today I must go in for another Nasty Shot but the good news is that I will get my final chemo treatment tomorrow.

I'm more than ready for whatever comes my way.

His plan, not mine

An odd bit of discouragement nags this morning.  I'm so close to the end of my treatment that I should be ecstatic but the fatigue that has dogged me throughout this journey robs my spirit of excitement.  My prayer is that this constant fatigue has a purely physical basis, not an emotional one. I loved the excitement and the stamina of my former life and the thought of it being gone forever makes me sad.

Proverbs 16:9 calls me to examine myself to see if I'm jumping ahead, trying to create my own blueprint for what will follow in this new this season, this culmination of our journey through cancer. "In his heart man plans his course, but The Lord determines his steps."-(NIV).  And Jeremiah 29:11 puts the exclamation point to that truth:  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-(NIV).

I need to focus on these two verses today and keep reminding myself that whatever this post-treatment life looks like, it is what has been created just for me and even if it doesn't resemble my pre-cancer one, it will be perfect.

Lord, whatever is to follow, let me be grateful.

On the health front:

Blood draw this morning, then discovering whether or not Neupogen will be necessary in order to receive chemotherapy on Thursday.  More waiting.  More naps.

Sound medical advice

I didn't sleep well last night, woke up with a headache and have no energy.  As I started my quiet time reading I was greeted with the words, "Learn to laugh at yourself more freely.  Don't take yourself or your circumstances so seriously."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).  (And why do I ever question God's constant awareness of my needs for every moment!)

Those words have encouraged me to look through my Bible for laughter-related verses.  I seriously need my "Hot Tip for the Day" and maybe what I find will fill the bill.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."-Proverbs 17:22 (NIV).

I'd better get to work on this one.  A crushed spirit doesn't sound very appealing!

"......and she always faces tomorrow with a smile."-Proverbs 31:25 (The Message- speaking of a godly woman.)

Wow.....that's confidence!

"When The Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.  Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy."-Psalm 126:1,2 (NIV).

This is how I hope to react when I'm brought back to good health from "captivity" to cancer!

"......Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh."-Luke 6:21 (NET).

Sounds good to me!

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful...."- Proverbs 15:13 (NIV).

A cheerful face it is!

"A twinkle in the eye means joy in the heart, and good news makes you feel fit as a fiddle."-Proverbs 15:30 (The Message).

I'll work hard on that twinkle today!

Mrs. Young sums it up well when she writes, "Laughter lightens your load and lifts your heart into heavenly places.  Your laughter rises to heaven and blends with angelic melodies of praise."-(Jesus Calling).

So, if I can't be happy after reading all those verses I will have no one to blame but myself.

On the health front:

The first sentence above pretty well describes it but I think I'll laugh it off😀

"For Spring will not last forever."

Wayne Jacobsen is back in his father's vineyard this morning, the vineyard of his childhood.  Winter has fully departed, the preparatory work has been done to ensure that the budding grapevines are in their best condition for surviving the precarious nature of the changing season and Spring has arrived in earnest. The vineyard is practically taking care of itself.  The rains nourish the soil and the weeds, while needing attention, have remained small and relatively insignificant.  The farmer, however, is never far away.  He tends to the small weeds and spreads fertilizer under the vines, ever watchful for anything that could jeopardize the growth and maturity of his "children".

Everything is well in the vineyard, but Summer is coming.  The big weeds arrive in Summer and can easily choke out the vine if ignored. The work that has been done in preparation for this approaching season will determine the vitality and productivity of the vine, and so it is with my life.

Springtime, that glorious season when life is good and challenges are minimal, will not last forever. Mr. Jacobsen cautions me to use these times of great blessing to build and strengthen my relationship with the Keeper of my vineyard.

"Complacency is the greatest danger we face when God blesses us in the springtime.  We don't need to participate, we think God will do it all.  How wrong that is!......The Gardener is doing all He can to ensure a future nourished by His presence.  We need to do likewise."-Wayne Jacobsen (In My Father's Vineyard).

Am I constantly developing patterns for a healthy relationship with God, especially when life is good? I can't honestly say that I am.  But I will not be discouraged since I know that He is the vigilant Keeper of my vineyard and will be ever ready to care for and teach me in good times and bad.

"This year you will eat what grows by itself, and the second year what springs from that.  But in the third year sow and reap, plant vineyards and eat their fruit."-Isaiah 37:30 (NIV).

On the health front:

Tired but ready to take on the upcoming week.

Kindness

My husband received a very special Father's Day gift from a very special family in Tucson yesterday. (Thank you, John, Wendy and kids!)   It was a beautiful handmade bell from the Ben's Bells project (www.bensbells.org).  The mission of this organization is "to inspire, educate and motivate each other to realize the impact of intentional kindness and to empower individuals to act according to that awareness, thereby changing our world."  I am "seasoned" enough to have observed and experienced untold examples of intentional kindness and I want to always remain child-like enough to believe that fulfilling the mission of Ben's Bells could actually change the world.

Intentional kindness has changed my world through our journey through cancer. From the moment of my diagnosis I have been overwhelmed in the very best of ways by the intentional kindness of others. Those kindnesses have come in more forms than could ever be summarized here.  My spirits have been lifted from the doldrums over and over again by unexpected outreaches of people who have set themselves aside for the moment and put another's needs before their own.

My prayer is that I never forget the powerful impact of a simple act of kindness and that I may be blessed by being allowed to forward those many kindnesses, and more, to others as I re-enter life.

"....dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you:  compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline."-Colossians 3:12 (The Message).

"Mighty God,

If by unkindness I have wounded or hurt another, do Thou pour in the balm of heavenly consolation.

If I have turned coldly from need, misery, grief,.........fill me with an over-flowing ocean of compassion, the reign of love my motive, the law of love my rule....."-The Valley of Vision:  A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions).

"The true meaning of life is to plants trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit"-Nelson Henderson.

On the health front:

Looks as if it will be a pretty good day😊

Leaning on the everlasting arms

Evidently a meeting of  Insomniacs Anonymous has been called and I'm not supposed to miss it. I can't talk to my fellow Insomniacs about tonight's topic because we're all, well, anonymous, but there is an element of excitement here since we know that we're about to be confronted with something tailored for each of us personally.  

Tonight, or rather this morning, I am being drawn again to the subject of faith, that mysterious but all-essential foundation of my relationship with God.  In a previous post I attempted to define faith in my own words but ended up quoting the verse in Hebrews that defines it so much better than I ever could.  I'll do it again:

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."-Hebrews 11:1 (ESV).

This was a tough concept to absorb in my "seeing is believing" world but years ago I stopped questioning whether or not faith existed and accepted what I really couldn't explain or fully understand.  It was at that point I began my serious walk with God. 

"Am I in trouble?  I can receive help by expressing faith.  Am I being battered by the Enemy?  My soul will find refuge by leaning in faith upon God.  But without faith I call to Him in vain, for faith is the only road between my soul and heaven.  If the road is blocked, how can I communicate with the Great King?"-Charles Spurgeon.  I would have loved knowing this man.

There's so much more to ponder about faith but I believe this meeting of Insomniacs Anonymous is drawing to a close.  I feel a few hours of restful slumber coming on, partially due to my faith in the reality that my God never slumbers.

  "...but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail...."-Luke 22:32 (ESV).

"......all things are possible for him who believes....."-Mark 9:23 (ESV).

On the health front:

Preceding my treatment was a good visit with my oncologist, Dr. Polowy,  and his Physician's Assistant, Jenna.

We learned that after my last treatment next week (Hallelujah!) I will be continuing my weekly blood draws until my levels indicate that my blood is recovering on its own.

My definitive PET scan will take place sometime near the end of July and my next appointment with Dr. Polowy will be on August 5.  At that appointment we will review the scan to discover whether or not this has all been worth it.

At this point it appears that my life as a hermit will continue for a few weeks until we see if my blood responds to its challenge of returning to acceptable levels, after which I will merge back into life as I once knew it.  I'm not sure how I'm feeling about all of this.  I think "excited and nervous" might apply at the moment.

And please forgive any typos you might find here.  My eyes are getting blurry.

God's accessibility

Our Daily Bread presented an interesting thought today and, as was intended, it got me thinking.

C.P. Hia, today's contributor, lost his Internet connection for a couple of days and found himself in a panic. He went on to wonder if he would be as panicked if his connection to God was interrupted for a day.  (I love it when my devotional reading doesn't require a rocket scientist's brain to unpack it.)

I'm as guilty as the next of falling headlong in love with the benefits of the Internet and my computer, in its various forms, has become one of my best friends.  A day does not pass that I don't access the wild beyond via the Internet and a meltdown of any part of the technology can put me into a very bad mood.

In pondering my appreciation for my access to God 24/7 I discovered (again) that there are many times that I have taken it for granted.  I have said this before and will say it again that one of the benefits of having cancer (that still sounds weird) is that I focus on God and His Word so much more now than when I was healthier. His voice is closer and clearer, and along with my dear friend, Ruth, I will miss that when I am healed and will once again be caught up in life.  Ruth has set the bar for me in not letting that closeness slip away and I only hope that I follow her example well.

God is only a thought and a prayer away and He promises that there will never be a disruption in His accessibility. What a powerful promise.

"Your Word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path."-Psalm 119:105 (NLT).

"To recharge your spiritual battery, plug into The  Source."-Our Daily Bread.

On the health front:

I got the reminder call from the oncologist's office yesterday for today's treatment so I'm assuming all is well in my numbers department.  

I do have some symptoms of the beginning of a cold and ask for your prayers. Under normal circumstances this would not be of the slightest concern but with my faulty immune system, even a cold could sabotage my treatment plan.

Many thanks.

The Great Physician

I've seen my share of doctors' offices since October of 2012 and today I am more well-versed in the things of medicine than I was then.  But regardless of how much I know today, there remains the great mystery of what is still unknown.  I have had to learn to trust my medical team in a way I have never needed to trust before. 

BFF Pat sent me a copy of something she found among her papers a few days ago.  She's not sure where she got it but she thinks it was from their friend, Skip Gray.  It's just too perfect to not share. Regardless of what is unknown, these are truths of which I can be sure:

A physician will ask you how you feel.  The Great Physician knows how you feel and understands what you are going through.

A physician will have you come to the office.  The Great Physician will stay with you and never leave your side.

A physician will show professional concern for you.  The Great Physician will show true compassion.

A physician will treat you with the best medicine.  The Great Physician will treat you with the riches of His grace.

A physician will follow your progress with periodic visits.  The Great Physician will keep you in His constant care.

A physician will send you a bill for services rendered.  The Great Physician does His work without charge.

A physician tries his very best to help you.  The Great Physician assures you that your life could not be in better hands.

Author Unknown 

Who could not have confidence knowing these truths?

On the health front:

Continuing, but lessening aches and pains from the Neupogen injections so today should be a good day.

"Come to me....."

Some days are better than others and I'm reminding myself this morning to celebrate the not-so-good days as well as the good ones.  Counterintuitive? Absolutely! But in the long run, without the occasional downer days I cannot fully appreciate the good ones.

God knows me well enough to know that on days when I'm not at my best, inspiration still comes but the ability to express that inspiration in my own words is at low ebb.  On days such as these I tend to quote the "Inspirer of the Day", and today is one of those days:

"Personal contact with Jesus changes everything.  Be 'foolish' enough to come and commit yourself to what He says. The attitude necessary for you to come to Him is one where your will has made a determination to let go of everything and deliberately commit it all to Him."  Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest-Updated Edition).  And this important counsel doesn't end here.  It's not simply a mind-over-matter transaction.  

The verses at the heart of this writing by Chambers are Matthew 11:28-30, oft quoted in these posts because they have met me where I stand on so many occasions, and they offer the ultimate reward for the "foolishness" of which Chambers speaks: ".....and I will give you rest-that is, 'I will sustain you, causing you to stand firm.'  He is not saying, 'I will hold your hand, put you to bed and sing you to sleep.' But in essence He is saying, 'I will get you out of bed- out of your listlessness and exhaustion, and out of your condition of being half-dead when you are still alive.  I will penetrate you with the spirit of life, and you will be sustained with the perfection of vital activity.'  Yet we become so weak and pitiful, and talk about 'suffering' the will of the Lord!  Where is the majestic vitality and the power of the Son of God in that?"-Oswald Chambers.

I'll choose letting Him get me out of bed this morning.  I've tried the "listlessness and exhaustion" approach.  It doesn't work.

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."-Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV).

On the health front:

Neupogen must be doing its job.  I'm achey and pooped.  Not looking forward to another round today. But, as brother Dave so often reminds me, "If you're feeling it, the medicine is doing its job."