I am surrounded by angels. My Willow Tree angels have names. Lavender Grace reminds me daily of God's grace, especially in times of challenge. Angel of Prayer reminds me that God has no "Hours of Business" sign hanging on the Pearly Gates. He is available 24/7. Angel of the Heart encourages me to treasure the heart bonds of my earthly angels who have been so faithful in prayer, in calls, in delicious food and in every conceivable act and offer of service. Angel of Hope reminds me that the word Hopelessness need not be a word in my vocabulary. And I have just met my latest angel.
My dear brother-in-law, Dale, my companion on this journey through cancer, gave me a beautiful alabaster angel for my birthday. I have decided not to name her, or rather I should say she will have a new name each day as I seek encouragement for that particular day.
I have realized that God's angels appear in many forms. Some have feet, some do not. Some are recognizable, some work in the background. All work to God's glory.
Thank you to all who provide the many gifts that could only come from angels and that encourage me at all times and in so many ways.
"For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways."-Psalm 91:11 (NKJV).
On the health front:
Ten more radiation treatments, ten more POUS. I am more than ready to be finished with this phase.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Time alone
So much inspiration, so few words with which to express it!
Some mornings bring strong themes to mind, some offer small bites of many delicious themes. On these "buffet" mornings I try to find a common thread in what I read and today I'm sensing that my encouragement is to look for more opportunities to spend time alone with God and to listen carefully to what He is saying to me.
"Left alone! What different sensations these words conjure up in each of us. To some they spell loneliness and desolation and to others rest and quiet. To be left alone without God would be too awful for words, but to be left alone with Him is a foretaste of Heaven!"-Streams in the Desert (Author Unknown).
My alone times can occur in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night and I find myself looking forward to them. It's at those times that I most clearly experience the comfort and confidence in truths such as those expressed by Asaph of the Old Testament as he ponders why so often it seems like the people who are walking in their own strength, satisfying only their own needs, serving their own agendas, seemingly without a care in the world are the ones who seem to be free from the burdens of the world. But it's not long before his thoughts return to the blessings he receives as he walks with his God: "Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You will hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterwards receive me to glory."-Psalm 73:21-24 (NKJV)
Thanks, Lord, that You continue to refocus my attention onto Yourself as I experience these lovingly enforced times alone with You.
On the health front:
The cumulative effects of radiation and oral chemo are becoming more pronounced. I've been well counseled to expect this. My energy level continues to decrease and I have ongoing discomfort in the target area of my digestive system. However, I am on the home stretch of this phase of treatment so I'm claiming the words of Philippians 4:13 which give me fresh confidence: "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Some mornings bring strong themes to mind, some offer small bites of many delicious themes. On these "buffet" mornings I try to find a common thread in what I read and today I'm sensing that my encouragement is to look for more opportunities to spend time alone with God and to listen carefully to what He is saying to me.
"Left alone! What different sensations these words conjure up in each of us. To some they spell loneliness and desolation and to others rest and quiet. To be left alone without God would be too awful for words, but to be left alone with Him is a foretaste of Heaven!"-Streams in the Desert (Author Unknown).
My alone times can occur in the middle of the day or in the middle of the night and I find myself looking forward to them. It's at those times that I most clearly experience the comfort and confidence in truths such as those expressed by Asaph of the Old Testament as he ponders why so often it seems like the people who are walking in their own strength, satisfying only their own needs, serving their own agendas, seemingly without a care in the world are the ones who seem to be free from the burdens of the world. But it's not long before his thoughts return to the blessings he receives as he walks with his God: "Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You will hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterwards receive me to glory."-Psalm 73:21-24 (NKJV)
Thanks, Lord, that You continue to refocus my attention onto Yourself as I experience these lovingly enforced times alone with You.
On the health front:
The cumulative effects of radiation and oral chemo are becoming more pronounced. I've been well counseled to expect this. My energy level continues to decrease and I have ongoing discomfort in the target area of my digestive system. However, I am on the home stretch of this phase of treatment so I'm claiming the words of Philippians 4:13 which give me fresh confidence: "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Gratitude
If you have six minutes and ten seconds to spare, preferably before you start your day, go to YouTube and find Gratitude by Louie Schwartzberg. My brother, Hap, gave me the heads up on this beautiful short film and it impacted me greatly.
My journey through cancer has a way of distracting me these days and I realize that this doesn't happen without my permission. It's too easy to choose to let the things that are wrong dictate my outlook rather than the many, many things that are right.
"Help me to see how good Thy will is in all, and even when it crosses mine teach me to be pleased with it. Grant me to feel Thee in fire, in food and every providence, and to see that Thy many gifts and creatures are but Thy hands and fingers taking hold of me."-The Valley of Vision.
"The Lord strengthens and protects me; I trust in Him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to Him in gratitude."-Psalm 28:7 (NET).
I am grateful beyond words for the marvelous gift of each moment.
On the health front:
We had a short meeting with Dr. Ambrad after radiation yesterday and once again I am grateful to report that he found no reason for concern.
I'm not experiencing any side effects that can't be lessened by a pill or a nap so Gratitude is my choice for today...and beyond!
My journey through cancer has a way of distracting me these days and I realize that this doesn't happen without my permission. It's too easy to choose to let the things that are wrong dictate my outlook rather than the many, many things that are right.
"Help me to see how good Thy will is in all, and even when it crosses mine teach me to be pleased with it. Grant me to feel Thee in fire, in food and every providence, and to see that Thy many gifts and creatures are but Thy hands and fingers taking hold of me."-The Valley of Vision.
"The Lord strengthens and protects me; I trust in Him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to Him in gratitude."-Psalm 28:7 (NET).
I am grateful beyond words for the marvelous gift of each moment.
On the health front:
We had a short meeting with Dr. Ambrad after radiation yesterday and once again I am grateful to report that he found no reason for concern.
I'm not experiencing any side effects that can't be lessened by a pill or a nap so Gratitude is my choice for today...and beyond!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Good Morning
My siblings will be here for only a few more hours and I am holding inspiration at bay so I can enjoy the time with them. If the choice of blogging or sleeping comes up this afternoon, I suspect sleeping will win out.
On the health front:
Radiation and "Dr. Day" today. I expect another short and sweet meeting with Dr. Ambrad.
Seventeen treatments under my belt (both literally and figuratively) so I am pumped!
On the health front:
Radiation and "Dr. Day" today. I expect another short and sweet meeting with Dr. Ambrad.
Seventeen treatments under my belt (both literally and figuratively) so I am pumped!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
"He made the storm be still..."
Praise You In This Storm
Written and performed by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again I say "Amen"' and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are Who You are
No matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You?
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.
(Chorus)
I woke up to this beautiful song this morning and was encouraged. I have yet to reach the depths of despair of the person whose voice inspired this song and I have full confidence that I won't, but the truths of God's faithfulness resonate through these words, regardless.
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and He brought them to their desired haven."-Psalm 107:28-30 (ESV).
Written and performed by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again I say "Amen"' and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are Who You are
No matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You?
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you".
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God Who gives
And takes away.
(Chorus)
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.
(Chorus)
I woke up to this beautiful song this morning and was encouraged. I have yet to reach the depths of despair of the person whose voice inspired this song and I have full confidence that I won't, but the truths of God's faithfulness resonate through these words, regardless.
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and He brought them to their desired haven."-Psalm 107:28-30 (ESV).
Saturday, February 23, 2013
"...and there came a lion..."
One of the benefits of having cancer is that I have been given permission to start the day slowly rather than to hit the ground running as in times past. I have the luxury of spending time being inspired by many resources that have been somewhat neglected in times of good health. There is so much to be learned from others.
This morning I'm invited to view my cancer as a special blessing that has been given to me, as was the lion a gift to the shepherd David of old as he faced and killed it in order to protect his flock. The writer of this short, thought provoking entry saw that lion as a blessing in disguise, an opportunity for David to go the extra step in meeting his challenge and to experience victory rather than defeat had he failed or faltered in taking a positive approach. "The lion was God's opportunity in disguise. Every difficulty that presents itself to us, if we receive it in the right way, is God's opportunity."-C.H.P. (Streams in the Desert). So simple a concept, yet so profound.
Cancer is my "lion" and today I am encouraged by C.H.P. to view it as one more opportunity to share God's love and faithfulness to me in my time of challenge. And once again I thank Him for sending me this lion which can and will be defeated.
"...and there came a lion..."-1 Samuel 17:34.
On the health front:
Add one more side effect. My hair, what there is of it, is thinning. Not only am I discovering my real hair color, I am discovering my scalp color. I read somewhere that my hair will grow back when chemo stops. I sure hope so! I need every hair I can get.
This morning I'm invited to view my cancer as a special blessing that has been given to me, as was the lion a gift to the shepherd David of old as he faced and killed it in order to protect his flock. The writer of this short, thought provoking entry saw that lion as a blessing in disguise, an opportunity for David to go the extra step in meeting his challenge and to experience victory rather than defeat had he failed or faltered in taking a positive approach. "The lion was God's opportunity in disguise. Every difficulty that presents itself to us, if we receive it in the right way, is God's opportunity."-C.H.P. (Streams in the Desert). So simple a concept, yet so profound.
Cancer is my "lion" and today I am encouraged by C.H.P. to view it as one more opportunity to share God's love and faithfulness to me in my time of challenge. And once again I thank Him for sending me this lion which can and will be defeated.
"...and there came a lion..."-1 Samuel 17:34.
On the health front:
Add one more side effect. My hair, what there is of it, is thinning. Not only am I discovering my real hair color, I am discovering my scalp color. I read somewhere that my hair will grow back when chemo stops. I sure hope so! I need every hair I can get.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Insignificant, yet so very insignificant
When our son, David, was a kid, the beauty of Psalm 8 struck him and he asked some pretty significant questions about the truths it contains. "How could God have created everything around us?" "If we can see the moon and the stars, why can't we see heaven?" "If God could make so many big things, why did He make little things like us?"
As a parent I was challenged to condense the awesomeness of that psalm into words that could be understood by a child and I continue to be awed by the immense beauty of those words of the David of the Old Testament. Still today as I read them I try to digest them in a personal way:
"When I (Barb) look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and stars which You have set in place, what is man (what am I) that You are mindful of him (me), the son (daughter), that You care for him (me)?"-Psalm 8:3,4.
My God, in the midst of His indescribable universe, cares for me, Barb. He knows my needs at this very moment and will never let me fall. How significant is that!
And as if I needed more assurance of this truth, I open my Valley of Vision and read, "...Thy presence fills immensity, yet Thou hast of Thy pleasure created life and communicated happiness; Thou hast made me what I am and given me what I have; In Thee I live and move and have my being..."- The Valley of Vision.
Today I will claim the final words of that prayer:
"Impress me with a sense of Thy omnipresence, that Thou art my path, my ways, my lying down, my end."-The Valley of Vision.
On the health front:
Yesterday I celebrated the arrival of my siblings from Seattle, Tucson and Hawi, Hawaii, so while I have them here I have decided that if there are any side effects from my treatment they (the side effects, not the siblings) will be ignored!
And another cause for celebration...I am officially one treatment over the half way mark for this phase of treating the ugly enemy.
Those Chemo Marines are doing their job!
As a parent I was challenged to condense the awesomeness of that psalm into words that could be understood by a child and I continue to be awed by the immense beauty of those words of the David of the Old Testament. Still today as I read them I try to digest them in a personal way:
"When I (Barb) look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and stars which You have set in place, what is man (what am I) that You are mindful of him (me), the son (daughter), that You care for him (me)?"-Psalm 8:3,4.
My God, in the midst of His indescribable universe, cares for me, Barb. He knows my needs at this very moment and will never let me fall. How significant is that!
And as if I needed more assurance of this truth, I open my Valley of Vision and read, "...Thy presence fills immensity, yet Thou hast of Thy pleasure created life and communicated happiness; Thou hast made me what I am and given me what I have; In Thee I live and move and have my being..."- The Valley of Vision.
Today I will claim the final words of that prayer:
"Impress me with a sense of Thy omnipresence, that Thou art my path, my ways, my lying down, my end."-The Valley of Vision.
On the health front:
Yesterday I celebrated the arrival of my siblings from Seattle, Tucson and Hawi, Hawaii, so while I have them here I have decided that if there are any side effects from my treatment they (the side effects, not the siblings) will be ignored!
And another cause for celebration...I am officially one treatment over the half way mark for this phase of treating the ugly enemy.
Those Chemo Marines are doing their job!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Death and Legacy
Last night the 92 year old mom of a good friend earned her wings and this morning my thoughts are filled with her impact on so many of us.
Gramma Annie lived with and was loved by her daughter, Barbie, and her son-in-law, Jim. Whenever and wherever we saw Barbie, we saw Gramma Annie, both of them smiling, both ready with a positive word.
Today I am particularly aware of the legacy we leave when our time comes to leave this earth and our loved ones behind. My prayer is that my life will be a reflection of the One Who created me, nurtured me, challenged me, blessed me and is waiting for me with open arms when I am called home.
I look forward to seeing Gramma Annie again, as I know I will.
Until then, you will be missed by many, dear woman.
"For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: 'Death is swallowed up in victory'. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"-1 Corinthians 15:53-55 (ESV).
Gramma Annie lived with and was loved by her daughter, Barbie, and her son-in-law, Jim. Whenever and wherever we saw Barbie, we saw Gramma Annie, both of them smiling, both ready with a positive word.
Today I am particularly aware of the legacy we leave when our time comes to leave this earth and our loved ones behind. My prayer is that my life will be a reflection of the One Who created me, nurtured me, challenged me, blessed me and is waiting for me with open arms when I am called home.
I look forward to seeing Gramma Annie again, as I know I will.
Until then, you will be missed by many, dear woman.
"For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: 'Death is swallowed up in victory'. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"-1 Corinthians 15:53-55 (ESV).
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
"Recalculating"
We have a GPS in our car whose name is Rita. Because her voice is rather sultry we named her after a rather sultry actress of the '40s, Rita Hayworth. We depend on Rita to get us where we're going when entering unknown territory and she seldom fails us.
This morning Randy Kilgore chose this theme of recalculating, or "rerouting", as he calls it, for his short contribution to Our Daily Bread.
"The GPS not only recognizes when a driver is off course but immediately begins plotting a new path to get back on track."-Randy Kilgore (Our Daily Bread).
It's easy for me to get off track and to fall into the temptation of charting my own course, but my Bible, my trusty GPS, serves me well as it puts me back on track time after time. And the course charted for me by The Word is always far more beautiful than any I could have chosen for myself. I am so grateful that my trustworthy GPS will lovingly guide me through this chapter in my life.
"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.
Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5,6 (NET).
On the health front:
My abdominal area is becoming increasingly tender, my energy level remains low and I get a foul taste in my mouth which has been described, according to my Radiation Oncologist, as eating a cardboard pizza sprinkled with tin foil shavings. I have nothing to complain about, however, when I compare my situation to others who sit with us in the waiting area as we submit ourselves to the miracles of modern medicine. And most of us are smiling and friendly!
There are many things to like about this place.
This morning Randy Kilgore chose this theme of recalculating, or "rerouting", as he calls it, for his short contribution to Our Daily Bread.
"The GPS not only recognizes when a driver is off course but immediately begins plotting a new path to get back on track."-Randy Kilgore (Our Daily Bread).
It's easy for me to get off track and to fall into the temptation of charting my own course, but my Bible, my trusty GPS, serves me well as it puts me back on track time after time. And the course charted for me by The Word is always far more beautiful than any I could have chosen for myself. I am so grateful that my trustworthy GPS will lovingly guide me through this chapter in my life.
"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.
Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5,6 (NET).
On the health front:
My abdominal area is becoming increasingly tender, my energy level remains low and I get a foul taste in my mouth which has been described, according to my Radiation Oncologist, as eating a cardboard pizza sprinkled with tin foil shavings. I have nothing to complain about, however, when I compare my situation to others who sit with us in the waiting area as we submit ourselves to the miracles of modern medicine. And most of us are smiling and friendly!
There are many things to like about this place.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Drudgery
When I was a kid I learned a simple little song that still pops into my head occasionally. Its words encourage me to "Arise...and Shine....and give God the Glory, Glory!" Easy to sing but not always easy to do. "Arising" is a piece of cake. The "Shine" part, not so much.
I have to talk to myself regularly about the impact of my attitude on my sense of well-being, and there are definitely times when my attitude has not benefited my sense of well-being.
Oswald Chambers is my teacher this morning.
"Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character there is. Drudgery is work that is very far removed from anything to do with the ideal-the utterly mean, grubby things; and when we come in contact with them we know instantly whether or not we are spiritually real."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
While I'm not doing much physically in the drudgery department these days, I can easily fall into a negative mindset as I experience the drudgery of sitting still and not accomplishing much of anything. And here, Oswald teaches me again:
"Some people do a certain thing, and the way in which they do it hallows that thing forever afterwards. It may be the most commonplace thing, but after we have seen them do it, becomes different. When The Lord does something through us, He always transfigures it."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
So, today I'll take my cue from these teachings and from Eugene Peterson in his paraphrase of the Bible, tweaking the words a bit to make them speak to me as well as to Israel:
"Get out of bed, Barb! Wake up! Put your face in the sunlight! God's bright glory has risen for you."-Isaiah 60:1-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
On the health front:
Our meeting with Dr. Ambrad was short but only semi-sweet.
My blood numbers are close enough to the normal range that there are no worries but he cautioned me that the more pronounced side effects from radiation would be surfacing soon.
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
I have to talk to myself regularly about the impact of my attitude on my sense of well-being, and there are definitely times when my attitude has not benefited my sense of well-being.
Oswald Chambers is my teacher this morning.
"Drudgery is one of the finest touchstones of character there is. Drudgery is work that is very far removed from anything to do with the ideal-the utterly mean, grubby things; and when we come in contact with them we know instantly whether or not we are spiritually real."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
While I'm not doing much physically in the drudgery department these days, I can easily fall into a negative mindset as I experience the drudgery of sitting still and not accomplishing much of anything. And here, Oswald teaches me again:
"Some people do a certain thing, and the way in which they do it hallows that thing forever afterwards. It may be the most commonplace thing, but after we have seen them do it, becomes different. When The Lord does something through us, He always transfigures it."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest-Classic Edition).
So, today I'll take my cue from these teachings and from Eugene Peterson in his paraphrase of the Bible, tweaking the words a bit to make them speak to me as well as to Israel:
"Get out of bed, Barb! Wake up! Put your face in the sunlight! God's bright glory has risen for you."-Isaiah 60:1-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
On the health front:
Our meeting with Dr. Ambrad was short but only semi-sweet.
My blood numbers are close enough to the normal range that there are no worries but he cautioned me that the more pronounced side effects from radiation would be surfacing soon.
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Thanks, Paul
This morning I rediscovered a little collection of thoughts for each day that has been around as long as I can remember. It is titled Our Daily Bread and its purpose is to present a daily simple truth to chew on as we go about our daily activities.
Today's truth centers around the apostle, Paul, and the challenges he faced as he spoke to and with the people of Corinth, many of whom were well launched into their hedonistic lifestyles and had no intention of giving up their pleasures.
I like Paul, not only because he didn't hesitate to talk about his life before and after his encounter with God but because even though he became a powerful voice for God, he still had periods of uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy as he did what he was called to do.
"I was unsure of how to go about this and felt totally inadequate. I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it..."-1 Corinthians 2:3-5-Eugene Peterson (The Message). I can relate!
Paul opted to model for the Corinthians what he wanted them to know rather than depend upon his powers of persuasion, which were pretty impressive, to say the least!
"...nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But The Message came through anyway. God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else."-1 Corinthians 2:3-5-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
The takeaway? My words need actions behind them. I may not have fancy words or huge powers of persuasion but my message will be energized by God's power and His alone. My job is simply to model His goodness to me, then sit back and let Him do the heavy lifting.
Allow us, Lord, to demonstrate
Our faith by what we do,
So that the gospel can be seen
By those who seek for You.-Sper (Our Daily Bread).
On the health front:
Today is "Doctor Day". After my radiation treatment we meet with Dr. Ambrad to discuss the past and future week and to address anything of importance.
Gratefully, I have no huge issues so the meeting should be short and sweet.
Today's truth centers around the apostle, Paul, and the challenges he faced as he spoke to and with the people of Corinth, many of whom were well launched into their hedonistic lifestyles and had no intention of giving up their pleasures.
I like Paul, not only because he didn't hesitate to talk about his life before and after his encounter with God but because even though he became a powerful voice for God, he still had periods of uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy as he did what he was called to do.
"I was unsure of how to go about this and felt totally inadequate. I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it..."-1 Corinthians 2:3-5-Eugene Peterson (The Message). I can relate!
Paul opted to model for the Corinthians what he wanted them to know rather than depend upon his powers of persuasion, which were pretty impressive, to say the least!
"...nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But The Message came through anyway. God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else."-1 Corinthians 2:3-5-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
The takeaway? My words need actions behind them. I may not have fancy words or huge powers of persuasion but my message will be energized by God's power and His alone. My job is simply to model His goodness to me, then sit back and let Him do the heavy lifting.
Allow us, Lord, to demonstrate
Our faith by what we do,
So that the gospel can be seen
By those who seek for You.-Sper (Our Daily Bread).
On the health front:
Today is "Doctor Day". After my radiation treatment we meet with Dr. Ambrad to discuss the past and future week and to address anything of importance.
Gratefully, I have no huge issues so the meeting should be short and sweet.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Change
Old people tend to get stuck in their ways and I'm no exception. There's a comfort in sameness, in routine. Sure, we have our decisions to make but they are pretty much diluted compared to the decisions we were making earlier in our adulthood when we were raising kids and more actively participating in society around us. We old folks are no longer the heartbeat of the larger world that we once were. Those responsibilities have been passed to a younger generation, as it should be.
That comfort in sameness in my life went away in October of 2012 with my cancer diagnosis. My world would never be the same. Isn't that wonderful!
"Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old things passing away and new things on the horizon."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
"When you cling to old ways and sameness, you resist My work within you. I want you to embrace all that I am doing in your life, finding your security in Me alone."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
My friend of many years, Ruth, recently sent a card in which she shared a profound truth. Ruth is not only a sister of the heart but also a friend who walked this cancer journey years before I did. I spent quality time with her during that period in her life and marveled at her indomitable spirit as she walked her ugly path. She modeled for me the spirit of a truly godly woman.
The truth she shared in that card, now that she is cancer free, is that as she lives her busy life now, she remembers those times when her reliance on God was so clearly and beautifully focused. To use her words, "It brings a longing for that closeness of God" that she experienced at that time. I get that!
Ruth's life continues to be lived with total reliance on God, as mine will continue to be when I am cancer free, but there is a beauty in this time of closeness to God that is simply beyond words. It just has to be experienced.
So, this morning I can confidently believe and say that change is good and I thank God that my life has been changed in order that I may experience Him in a whole new way.
"Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray I will take care of you. I made you and I will take care of you. I will carry you and save you."-Isaiah 46:4 (NCV).
On the health front:
Something is a bit "off" today but since I can't identify it, I'm not going to worry about it.
I've had almost a free ride on the serious side effects scene so I'll take whatever comes my way with a grateful spirit.
It's 8:45 a.m. Time for a nap.
That comfort in sameness in my life went away in October of 2012 with my cancer diagnosis. My world would never be the same. Isn't that wonderful!
"Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old things passing away and new things on the horizon."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
"When you cling to old ways and sameness, you resist My work within you. I want you to embrace all that I am doing in your life, finding your security in Me alone."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
My friend of many years, Ruth, recently sent a card in which she shared a profound truth. Ruth is not only a sister of the heart but also a friend who walked this cancer journey years before I did. I spent quality time with her during that period in her life and marveled at her indomitable spirit as she walked her ugly path. She modeled for me the spirit of a truly godly woman.
The truth she shared in that card, now that she is cancer free, is that as she lives her busy life now, she remembers those times when her reliance on God was so clearly and beautifully focused. To use her words, "It brings a longing for that closeness of God" that she experienced at that time. I get that!
Ruth's life continues to be lived with total reliance on God, as mine will continue to be when I am cancer free, but there is a beauty in this time of closeness to God that is simply beyond words. It just has to be experienced.
So, this morning I can confidently believe and say that change is good and I thank God that my life has been changed in order that I may experience Him in a whole new way.
"Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray I will take care of you. I made you and I will take care of you. I will carry you and save you."-Isaiah 46:4 (NCV).
On the health front:
Something is a bit "off" today but since I can't identify it, I'm not going to worry about it.
I've had almost a free ride on the serious side effects scene so I'll take whatever comes my way with a grateful spirit.
It's 8:45 a.m. Time for a nap.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
"Shout with joy to The Lord..."
"Shout with joy to The Lord, all the earth!
Worship The Lord with gladness.
Come before Him, singing with joy.
Acknowledge that The Lord is God!
He made us and we are His,
We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving,
Go into His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For The Lord is good.
His unfailing love continues forever,
And His faithfulness continues to each generation."-Psalm 100 (NLT)
Ben Patterson's God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms drew me in this morning and it appears that Psalm 100 is calling. (And thanks again, George, for this great book.)
Ben reminded me that gratitude and joy are choices. "Gratitude and joy are organs of perception; we don't see in order to give thanks and rejoice, we give thanks and rejoice in order to see."-Ben Patterson.
I'm not sure I agree 100% with the first part of Ben's statement but I heartily agree that choosing to give thanks and to rejoice have changed my perception on many occasions when those two choices have not come naturally.
"Shout with joy to The Lord...."-Psalm 100:1 (NLT). Ben encourages me to "Just Do It!" And Eugene Peterson's paraphrase states, "Enter (His gates) with the password 'Thank You!' "-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
This beautiful psalm goes on to show me for the hundredth time that I have so much for which to be thankful and so many reasons to rejoice!
No sermon to follow...only the invitation to whoever may be reading this to join me in meeting whatever the day may bring with the choice to rejoice and be thankful.
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!"-Mr. Rogers, bless his beautiful soul.
On the health front:
Regardless of what my day brings, I feel great this early morning. I'm one day into my two day "radiation vacation" and so far I'm tolerating the reduced dosage of the POUS (Pills Of Unusual Size) well. And I received a gift of sorts yesterday when my Radiation Therapist announced that I had just completed twelve of my thirty treatments. I corrected her, pointing out that I was scheduled for thirty-two zaps and she said, "Nope...it says thirty on my schedule!" Two less radiation treatments = two less POUS. Life is good!
Worship The Lord with gladness.
Come before Him, singing with joy.
Acknowledge that The Lord is God!
He made us and we are His,
We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving,
Go into His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For The Lord is good.
His unfailing love continues forever,
And His faithfulness continues to each generation."-Psalm 100 (NLT)
Ben Patterson's God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms drew me in this morning and it appears that Psalm 100 is calling. (And thanks again, George, for this great book.)
Ben reminded me that gratitude and joy are choices. "Gratitude and joy are organs of perception; we don't see in order to give thanks and rejoice, we give thanks and rejoice in order to see."-Ben Patterson.
I'm not sure I agree 100% with the first part of Ben's statement but I heartily agree that choosing to give thanks and to rejoice have changed my perception on many occasions when those two choices have not come naturally.
"Shout with joy to The Lord...."-Psalm 100:1 (NLT). Ben encourages me to "Just Do It!" And Eugene Peterson's paraphrase states, "Enter (His gates) with the password 'Thank You!' "-Eugene Peterson (The Message).
This beautiful psalm goes on to show me for the hundredth time that I have so much for which to be thankful and so many reasons to rejoice!
No sermon to follow...only the invitation to whoever may be reading this to join me in meeting whatever the day may bring with the choice to rejoice and be thankful.
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!"-Mr. Rogers, bless his beautiful soul.
On the health front:
Regardless of what my day brings, I feel great this early morning. I'm one day into my two day "radiation vacation" and so far I'm tolerating the reduced dosage of the POUS (Pills Of Unusual Size) well. And I received a gift of sorts yesterday when my Radiation Therapist announced that I had just completed twelve of my thirty treatments. I corrected her, pointing out that I was scheduled for thirty-two zaps and she said, "Nope...it says thirty on my schedule!" Two less radiation treatments = two less POUS. Life is good!
Friday, February 15, 2013
"Fret not thyself...."
I woke up to a dark house this morning. "Carson" was nowhere to be found. I had to go to the kitchen to pour my own coffee and then haul my quiet time materials to my bed myself. How am I supposed to have a good day when it starts like that!
Carson showed up eventually and it took him a fraction of a second to see that I was not a happy woman. Didn't he care that my stomach was slightly upset and that crawling out of my warm bed was the last thing I wanted to do when I woke up? Where was he when I needed him?
Then I opened Streams in the Desert, only to read, "Do not get in a perilous heat about things....Keep cool! Even in a good cause (such as mine, of course), fretfulness is not a wise help-meet. Fretting only heats the bearings, it does not generate the steam."
And further into the admonition I read, "And is it not a suggestive fact that this word 'fret' is closely akin to the word 'friction', and is an indication of absence of the anointing oil of the grace of God?"-Edith Willis Linn (Streams in the Desert).
"Fret not thyself..."-Psalm 37:1 (Translation Unknown).
Thanks, God....I SO needed that!
Today I will choose my battles, and Carson's not meeting my self-perceived, selfish needs won't be one of them.
I love you, Carson.
On the health front:
Day 2 of the re-introduction of Xeloda and no complaints that can't be handled by the back up troops to the Chemo Marines. Having cancer in 2013 must be so much better than having it years ago since there are now so many meds available to counteract the side effects of treatment.
I am looking forward to a great, fret-free day.
Carson showed up eventually and it took him a fraction of a second to see that I was not a happy woman. Didn't he care that my stomach was slightly upset and that crawling out of my warm bed was the last thing I wanted to do when I woke up? Where was he when I needed him?
Then I opened Streams in the Desert, only to read, "Do not get in a perilous heat about things....Keep cool! Even in a good cause (such as mine, of course), fretfulness is not a wise help-meet. Fretting only heats the bearings, it does not generate the steam."
And further into the admonition I read, "And is it not a suggestive fact that this word 'fret' is closely akin to the word 'friction', and is an indication of absence of the anointing oil of the grace of God?"-Edith Willis Linn (Streams in the Desert).
"Fret not thyself..."-Psalm 37:1 (Translation Unknown).
Thanks, God....I SO needed that!
Today I will choose my battles, and Carson's not meeting my self-perceived, selfish needs won't be one of them.
I love you, Carson.
On the health front:
Day 2 of the re-introduction of Xeloda and no complaints that can't be handled by the back up troops to the Chemo Marines. Having cancer in 2013 must be so much better than having it years ago since there are now so many meds available to counteract the side effects of treatment.
I am looking forward to a great, fret-free day.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Rejoice!
My forever friend, Pat, was the one who so aptly re-named my husband "Carson", after the ever-faithful valet on Downton Abbey. My Carson has brought my first cup of coffee to my bed and I am now ready to Rejoice.
Today I'm encouraged to Rejoice (or to Choose Joy) whether or not it comes naturally at the moment. Since I haven't left my bed, it isn't yet a tough choice but I can be sure that before the day is out my resolve will be challenged.
"Never mind (when you don't feel like rejoicing), keep right on and when you cannot feel any joy, when there is no spring, and no seeming comfort and encouragement, still rejoice and count it all joy."-Author Unknown (Streams in the Desert).
Often during my Bible reading I note the use of song in rejoicing. I have found, personally, that it's easier for me to memorize a particular verse or passage if it can be set to a tune. In fact, I have even found a novel way to make my radiation treatments go more quickly. Rather than be freaked out by the weirdness of it all, I have discovered that by mentally singing two verses of "Peace Like a River", followed by two verses of "Be Still and Know...", rounded out by a chorus of Rich Mullins' "Our God is an Awesome God", the time flies and I'm out of there! Pretty clever, don't you think?
"Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident....."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
And rejoice along the way!
"And again I say, Rejoice."-Philippians 4:4-(Translation Unknown).
"Be filled with The Spirit...singing and making melody in your heart to The Lord."-Ephesians 5:18,19-(Translation Unknown).
Truly, attitude is everything.
On the health front:
I've started back on Xeloda but only once a day this time around. I've opted to take it at night, hoping to sleep through the side effects. Unfortunately at 2 a.m. a meeting of IA (Insomniacs Anonymous) was called, but I did get some significant praying accomplished. (And yes, Ruth...your prayer request was #1.)
Friday will be an anniversary of sorts. By 2 p.m. I will have completed one-third of my radiation treatments. I plan to celebrate with an extra Gatorade and staying up until 9 rather then 8:30. Whoopee!
Today I'm encouraged to Rejoice (or to Choose Joy) whether or not it comes naturally at the moment. Since I haven't left my bed, it isn't yet a tough choice but I can be sure that before the day is out my resolve will be challenged.
"Never mind (when you don't feel like rejoicing), keep right on and when you cannot feel any joy, when there is no spring, and no seeming comfort and encouragement, still rejoice and count it all joy."-Author Unknown (Streams in the Desert).
Often during my Bible reading I note the use of song in rejoicing. I have found, personally, that it's easier for me to memorize a particular verse or passage if it can be set to a tune. In fact, I have even found a novel way to make my radiation treatments go more quickly. Rather than be freaked out by the weirdness of it all, I have discovered that by mentally singing two verses of "Peace Like a River", followed by two verses of "Be Still and Know...", rounded out by a chorus of Rich Mullins' "Our God is an Awesome God", the time flies and I'm out of there! Pretty clever, don't you think?
"Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident....."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
And rejoice along the way!
"And again I say, Rejoice."-Philippians 4:4-(Translation Unknown).
"Be filled with The Spirit...singing and making melody in your heart to The Lord."-Ephesians 5:18,19-(Translation Unknown).
Truly, attitude is everything.
On the health front:
I've started back on Xeloda but only once a day this time around. I've opted to take it at night, hoping to sleep through the side effects. Unfortunately at 2 a.m. a meeting of IA (Insomniacs Anonymous) was called, but I did get some significant praying accomplished. (And yes, Ruth...your prayer request was #1.)
Friday will be an anniversary of sorts. By 2 p.m. I will have completed one-third of my radiation treatments. I plan to celebrate with an extra Gatorade and staying up until 9 rather then 8:30. Whoopee!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The verdict is in.
The not-so-good news: I'm back on Xeloda as of today.
The good news: My daily dosage has been cut in half.
Please pray that the old body doesn't rebel this time around.
Many thanks.
The good news: My daily dosage has been cut in half.
Please pray that the old body doesn't rebel this time around.
Many thanks.
Brokenness
I woke up this morning to a beautiful song on KFLR. The name of the song is Rise and it was written and performed by Shawn McDonald. A bit of research revealed that Mr. McDonald wrote the words and music at a time of personal brokenness. As he depended on his Lord he was able to write:
"Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found.
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true.
Well, I keep coming to this place
That I don't quite know how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise."
The chorus:
"Yes, I will rise
Out of these ashes I will rise.
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise!
I will rise!
I will rise!
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise!"
Many times the simplest of lyrics in a song have taught me valuable lessons and this morning was no exception. The first lesson I re-learned was that nothing is insurmountable with God at my side. With the confidence that comes only from God, I can trust that I, too, will rise.
And a second lesson alerts me to the fact that there are lessons just waiting to be learned all around me at all times, presenting themselves in many different forms, so I'd better be on my toes!
I believe we're all broken in some way. My brokenness is most obvious in my body at present but I believe that brokenness has served me well. It has led to the brokenness of my self-reliance and has focused my whole being on my Creator and Lord. Many blessings have come from this realization that I am powerless to arm myself for battle with this ugly invasion of my body without my hand being firmly covered by His.
"Now to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is within us."-Ephesians 3:20 (NIV).
On the health front:
I've been saying this for two days now, but I'll say again that I should be hearing the decision regarding my oral chemo today. Part of me knows that I need to get back on it but the other part of me is thoroughly enjoying my chemo vacation!
"Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found.
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true.
Well, I keep coming to this place
That I don't quite know how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise."
The chorus:
"Yes, I will rise
Out of these ashes I will rise.
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise!
I will rise!
I will rise!
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise!"
Many times the simplest of lyrics in a song have taught me valuable lessons and this morning was no exception. The first lesson I re-learned was that nothing is insurmountable with God at my side. With the confidence that comes only from God, I can trust that I, too, will rise.
And a second lesson alerts me to the fact that there are lessons just waiting to be learned all around me at all times, presenting themselves in many different forms, so I'd better be on my toes!
I believe we're all broken in some way. My brokenness is most obvious in my body at present but I believe that brokenness has served me well. It has led to the brokenness of my self-reliance and has focused my whole being on my Creator and Lord. Many blessings have come from this realization that I am powerless to arm myself for battle with this ugly invasion of my body without my hand being firmly covered by His.
"Now to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is within us."-Ephesians 3:20 (NIV).
On the health front:
I've been saying this for two days now, but I'll say again that I should be hearing the decision regarding my oral chemo today. Part of me knows that I need to get back on it but the other part of me is thoroughly enjoying my chemo vacation!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Serving
"Carson", for my fellow Downton Abbey fans, has delivered my morning coffee bedside and I am grateful for waking up in comfort. I look forward to a day of mild responsibilities and a radiation treatment...and, by the way, "looking forward to a radiation treatment" is only possible when I visualize what those beams are hopefully accomplishing! (My ever-encouraging friend, Beth, reminds me that there are three important things to remember during radiation treatments: 1. Nap,
2. Nap and 3. Nap! Great advice and heeded often!)
On these good days I can't help but think of others whose needs are so much greater than my own. I don't want to miss a moment of my own journey and its accompanying lessons to be learned and benefits to enjoy along the way, but I am very much looking forward to getting back to serving others in more physical, as well as spiritual ways. I really miss the hours Jody and I spent volunteering at a local women's center and I would love to reenlist in the army serving kids in uninvited situations. I am feeling somewhat useless as I spend inordinate amounts of time on the couch, wrapped in the comfort of the blanket given to me by a caring friend who spreads great joy by the gifting of her very special creations. (You know who you are, Michele!) But before I create the impression that I need to be told that I am not useless, I'll be quick to say that I do realize that this is my season to serve in other ways. My immediate mandate, cheerfully and gratefully received, is to share the goodness of a Great and Powerful God Who works in and through ALL situations, whether they are defined by the receiver (me, in this case) as positive or negative. In God's plan, it's all good!
So, today I will pray along with the Puritan of old:
"If it be consistent with Thy grace, and the great ends of Thy glory, then bestow upon me the blessings of Thy comforts;
If not, let me resign myself to Thy wiser determinations."-The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
On the health front:
Yesterday's weekly meeting with Dr. Ambrad was blessedly uneventful. The decision regarding my adjusted oral chemo treatment should be made today and his guess is that my dosage will be halved. No arguments there!
My blood and assorted other lab results revealed nothing unexpected and what few side effects I am experiencing are normal for my treatment.
I am thankful beyond measure for God's goodness.
2. Nap and 3. Nap! Great advice and heeded often!)
On these good days I can't help but think of others whose needs are so much greater than my own. I don't want to miss a moment of my own journey and its accompanying lessons to be learned and benefits to enjoy along the way, but I am very much looking forward to getting back to serving others in more physical, as well as spiritual ways. I really miss the hours Jody and I spent volunteering at a local women's center and I would love to reenlist in the army serving kids in uninvited situations. I am feeling somewhat useless as I spend inordinate amounts of time on the couch, wrapped in the comfort of the blanket given to me by a caring friend who spreads great joy by the gifting of her very special creations. (You know who you are, Michele!) But before I create the impression that I need to be told that I am not useless, I'll be quick to say that I do realize that this is my season to serve in other ways. My immediate mandate, cheerfully and gratefully received, is to share the goodness of a Great and Powerful God Who works in and through ALL situations, whether they are defined by the receiver (me, in this case) as positive or negative. In God's plan, it's all good!
So, today I will pray along with the Puritan of old:
"If it be consistent with Thy grace, and the great ends of Thy glory, then bestow upon me the blessings of Thy comforts;
If not, let me resign myself to Thy wiser determinations."-The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
On the health front:
Yesterday's weekly meeting with Dr. Ambrad was blessedly uneventful. The decision regarding my adjusted oral chemo treatment should be made today and his guess is that my dosage will be halved. No arguments there!
My blood and assorted other lab results revealed nothing unexpected and what few side effects I am experiencing are normal for my treatment.
I am thankful beyond measure for God's goodness.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Satisfaction
I'm learning more about myself on a regular basis these days. I'm learning that I could easily fall into the habit of grumbling about my present state. Discomfort could easily translate into dissatisfaction so I'm regularly encouraged to be on the lookout for reasons to be satisfied.
Right off the bat.... "See times of darkness as opportunities for My Light to shine in transcendent splendor. I am training you to practice Peace that overpowers darkness."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Lord, I am satisfied with my current state because I am confident that I am being trained by You in all things necessary for my well-being.
Streams in the Desert focuses on Joshua 3:13-"As soon as the soles of the feet of the priests....shall rest in the waters......the waters shall be cut off." The Red Sea wasn't parted as the people waited on the shore. The miracle didn't occur until they stepped into the water by faith. These words give me the confidence to pray, "Lord, You are not only walking next to me but ahead of me as well.....'parting my waters', clearing my path. How can I not be satisfied armed with that knowledge?"
"Satisfy us (me) in the morning with Your steadfast love, that we (I) may rejoice and be glad all our (my) days."-Psalm 90:14 (NLT). Thank You, Lord, that I can confidently claim complete satisfaction with the plan that You have created especially for me.
I came upon this silly little prayer by an anonymous author that encourages me to strive for a spirit of satisfaction today:
"Dear God,
So far today,
I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped,
I haven't lost my temper,
I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.
I'm very thankful for that.
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed;
and from then on I'm going to need a lot more help.
Amen."
"I am well pleased (satisfied) with Thy will, whatever it is, or should be in all respects....for Thou art infinitely wise and cannot do amiss, as I am in danger of doing."-The Valley of Vision.
On the health front, today I meet with Dr. Ambrad after my radiation treatment and get the news of what will happen with my oral chemo. I'm claiming Romans 8:26, 27 since I really don't know how to pray on that subject.
Right off the bat.... "See times of darkness as opportunities for My Light to shine in transcendent splendor. I am training you to practice Peace that overpowers darkness."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Lord, I am satisfied with my current state because I am confident that I am being trained by You in all things necessary for my well-being.
Streams in the Desert focuses on Joshua 3:13-"As soon as the soles of the feet of the priests....shall rest in the waters......the waters shall be cut off." The Red Sea wasn't parted as the people waited on the shore. The miracle didn't occur until they stepped into the water by faith. These words give me the confidence to pray, "Lord, You are not only walking next to me but ahead of me as well.....'parting my waters', clearing my path. How can I not be satisfied armed with that knowledge?"
"Satisfy us (me) in the morning with Your steadfast love, that we (I) may rejoice and be glad all our (my) days."-Psalm 90:14 (NLT). Thank You, Lord, that I can confidently claim complete satisfaction with the plan that You have created especially for me.
I came upon this silly little prayer by an anonymous author that encourages me to strive for a spirit of satisfaction today:
"Dear God,
So far today,
I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped,
I haven't lost my temper,
I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.
I'm very thankful for that.
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed;
and from then on I'm going to need a lot more help.
Amen."
"I am well pleased (satisfied) with Thy will, whatever it is, or should be in all respects....for Thou art infinitely wise and cannot do amiss, as I am in danger of doing."-The Valley of Vision.
On the health front, today I meet with Dr. Ambrad after my radiation treatment and get the news of what will happen with my oral chemo. I'm claiming Romans 8:26, 27 since I really don't know how to pray on that subject.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
More choices
Funny how life works. Personally, I wonder how much time I wasted as a healthy person looking ahead to our imagined future of travel, adventure, freedom from the mundane (however rewarding) responsibilities of raising a family and meeting the needs of others. Did I inadvertently make choices that resulted in my missing some blessings? I'll never know, but I am re-learning daily that the choices I make need to be choices for today, not for some time in the future that may never become reality. Am I disappointed that we may not experience some of what we imagined for our future? Of course! But I will choose to not allow those disappointments to alter the choices I make in my present state.
One of the good things that has happened since my diagnosis is that God has zapped me with a loss of energy that has resulted in my finally being content to sit still. I am now taking more time to get into God's Word and I've been having some killer "quiet times". "Trust Me enough to spend ample time with Me, pushing back the demands of the day." "Don't fall into the trap of being constantly on the go." "To avoid doing meaningless work, stay in continual communication with Me. I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). I am now enjoying the fruits of those admonitions, not because I made a choice but because a choice was made for me by a loving God Who convicts me daily that I am never too old to learn new lessons.
Good old Oswald Chambers invites me to "Lift up your (my) eyes on high to see Who has created these things....."-Isaiah 40:26 (NKJV). "We will see God reaching out to us in every wind that blows, every sunrise and sunset, every cloud in the sky, every flower that blooms, every leaf that fades..."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest). I'll choose that!
Ben Patterson took me to Psalm 1 this morning. Psalm 1 speaks of "those who do not follow the advice of the wicked." I have chosen to be one of "those", if not only to reap the reward that is promised in verse 3..."They (those who make the better choices) are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season." (NLT). That psalm doesn't say "bearing fruit in only the good seasons", but rather "EACH season in our lives". No free passes.
"Your choice is either to flourish like a well-watered tree or to allow yourself to be blown about as chaff, to be a person of substance or to be shallow and hollow inside."-Ben Patterson (God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms).
Cancer is not an excuse to stop flourishing. I may need a little extra help in order to flourish in this season but that help is all around me if I choose to utilize it!
Sorry to be so wordy today, but there were just too many choices to share :)
On the health front:
I had a couple of unpleasant days at the week's end but all is well today. Please pray that my body tolerates the adjusted dosage of my oral chemo this time around.
Many, many thanks.
One of the good things that has happened since my diagnosis is that God has zapped me with a loss of energy that has resulted in my finally being content to sit still. I am now taking more time to get into God's Word and I've been having some killer "quiet times". "Trust Me enough to spend ample time with Me, pushing back the demands of the day." "Don't fall into the trap of being constantly on the go." "To avoid doing meaningless work, stay in continual communication with Me. I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). I am now enjoying the fruits of those admonitions, not because I made a choice but because a choice was made for me by a loving God Who convicts me daily that I am never too old to learn new lessons.
Good old Oswald Chambers invites me to "Lift up your (my) eyes on high to see Who has created these things....."-Isaiah 40:26 (NKJV). "We will see God reaching out to us in every wind that blows, every sunrise and sunset, every cloud in the sky, every flower that blooms, every leaf that fades..."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest). I'll choose that!
Ben Patterson took me to Psalm 1 this morning. Psalm 1 speaks of "those who do not follow the advice of the wicked." I have chosen to be one of "those", if not only to reap the reward that is promised in verse 3..."They (those who make the better choices) are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season." (NLT). That psalm doesn't say "bearing fruit in only the good seasons", but rather "EACH season in our lives". No free passes.
"Your choice is either to flourish like a well-watered tree or to allow yourself to be blown about as chaff, to be a person of substance or to be shallow and hollow inside."-Ben Patterson (God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms).
Cancer is not an excuse to stop flourishing. I may need a little extra help in order to flourish in this season but that help is all around me if I choose to utilize it!
Sorry to be so wordy today, but there were just too many choices to share :)
On the health front:
I had a couple of unpleasant days at the week's end but all is well today. Please pray that my body tolerates the adjusted dosage of my oral chemo this time around.
Many, many thanks.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
The perfect prayer?
Today I am being nudged to share this beautiful prayer from The Valley of Vision; A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. If it isn't the perfect prayer, it's very close to it in my humble opinion:
Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
Let me find
Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.
Amen....and Amen!
Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
Let me find
Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.
Amen....and Amen!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Added thoughts on contentment
I'm doing just what I shouldn't be doing this morning: I'm wasting my time of respite by being anxious about the re-introduction of my oral chemo pill in a few days. As I anticipate what's in store for me in my quiet time I am praying that I will read the words that will ease me back into the attainable state of contentment for the few days of freedom that remain.
"It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than complain about what is not given."-Elisabeth Elliot (The Tremendous Power of Prayer). Lord, help me to be content with the gifts of today.
"It is the nature of grace to turn water into wine, that is, to turn the water of affliction into the wine of heavenly consolation."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment). Lord, the benefits of the wine of heavenly consolation far outweigh the benefits of earthly wine, and You know how I do miss that glass of earthly wine that I'm not allowed to enjoy during treatment!
"I guarantee you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say, 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged. I know your weakness and I meet you in that very place."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Lord, how can I not be content with a promise like that?
"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look at them with full hope as they arise. God, Whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father Who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it."-Frances de Sales (Streams in the Desert).
"Lo, I am with you all the appointed days."-Matthew 28:20 (Variorum Version).
Perfect words for what will be a perfect day! Attitude adjustment complete. Don't you love it when that happens?
On the health front:
Radiation treatments are going well and we're finding that the mood of the radiation room is just as upbeat as was the mood in the chemo room. I just need to adjust to this lack of energy and continue to fight the urge to lie down in the parking lot on the way back to the car after treatment for a nice nap.
Not only will I Choose Joy today, I will Choose Contentment!
"It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than complain about what is not given."-Elisabeth Elliot (The Tremendous Power of Prayer). Lord, help me to be content with the gifts of today.
"It is the nature of grace to turn water into wine, that is, to turn the water of affliction into the wine of heavenly consolation."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment). Lord, the benefits of the wine of heavenly consolation far outweigh the benefits of earthly wine, and You know how I do miss that glass of earthly wine that I'm not allowed to enjoy during treatment!
"I guarantee you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say, 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged. I know your weakness and I meet you in that very place."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Lord, how can I not be content with a promise like that?
"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look at them with full hope as they arise. God, Whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father Who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it."-Frances de Sales (Streams in the Desert).
"Lo, I am with you all the appointed days."-Matthew 28:20 (Variorum Version).
Perfect words for what will be a perfect day! Attitude adjustment complete. Don't you love it when that happens?
On the health front:
Radiation treatments are going well and we're finding that the mood of the radiation room is just as upbeat as was the mood in the chemo room. I just need to adjust to this lack of energy and continue to fight the urge to lie down in the parking lot on the way back to the car after treatment for a nice nap.
Not only will I Choose Joy today, I will Choose Contentment!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Friends
"...but your friends be like the sun as (it) rises in (its) might."-Judges 5:31 (ESV, slightly altered)
I've given much credit to my fantastic family for the way they have stepped up with love and service during this journey but I'm long overdue in acknowledging and thanking the many, many friends who have brightened even my lousiest days with prayers, cards, notes, emails, calls, morning messages with words of encouragement for the day and even chicken soup, all of which soothe both body and soul.
My friend, Barb, has discovered the cancer card section of her favorite Hallmark store, and until now I hadn't even realized that there was a cancer card section. Hardly a day goes by that there isn't a card in the mail from her with a message that just hits the spot for the day, whether it be funny or serious. Amazing! One example: On the front of the card, a stylish, beautiful, smiling gal holding a magic wand and announcing, "If I had a magic wand, I would make you 100% cancer free!" On the inside the lovely lady says, "Then I would make us both super-model billionaires, but first things first!" The card brought a ray of sunshine to an otherwise gloomy day. Thanks, Barb, for that card and for the many others that appear in my mailbox on such a regular basis.
I could cite so many other examples of encouragement from so many friends but I would still be blogging at sunset. Suffice it to say, each expression of love and support from each of you is gratefully and thankfully received.
My main reason for starting this blog was to share the reality that God does not merely sit back and observe as we walk the darkest walks of life's journeys. Whereas He has been there for me wherever I was in the past, I have experienced Him in new and powerful ways since my diagnosis and I needed to share those precious times and truths. When I check my Facebook page and see a quote from the blog from my good friend, Sharon, to whom the words of Jeremiah Burroughs spoke, I know that God is indeed at work through our adversities and His words are speaking not only to me but to many.
Thank you to you all.
"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity."-Proverbs 17:17 (ESV)
On the health front, eliminating (temporarily) the oral chemo pill has given my digestive system an opportunity to recoup and I am appreciating the respite from the pain and nausea. We are early enough in the radiation treatments that I am not experiencing side effects other than a distinct draining of my energy. And life is still, and always, good!
I've given much credit to my fantastic family for the way they have stepped up with love and service during this journey but I'm long overdue in acknowledging and thanking the many, many friends who have brightened even my lousiest days with prayers, cards, notes, emails, calls, morning messages with words of encouragement for the day and even chicken soup, all of which soothe both body and soul.
My friend, Barb, has discovered the cancer card section of her favorite Hallmark store, and until now I hadn't even realized that there was a cancer card section. Hardly a day goes by that there isn't a card in the mail from her with a message that just hits the spot for the day, whether it be funny or serious. Amazing! One example: On the front of the card, a stylish, beautiful, smiling gal holding a magic wand and announcing, "If I had a magic wand, I would make you 100% cancer free!" On the inside the lovely lady says, "Then I would make us both super-model billionaires, but first things first!" The card brought a ray of sunshine to an otherwise gloomy day. Thanks, Barb, for that card and for the many others that appear in my mailbox on such a regular basis.
I could cite so many other examples of encouragement from so many friends but I would still be blogging at sunset. Suffice it to say, each expression of love and support from each of you is gratefully and thankfully received.
My main reason for starting this blog was to share the reality that God does not merely sit back and observe as we walk the darkest walks of life's journeys. Whereas He has been there for me wherever I was in the past, I have experienced Him in new and powerful ways since my diagnosis and I needed to share those precious times and truths. When I check my Facebook page and see a quote from the blog from my good friend, Sharon, to whom the words of Jeremiah Burroughs spoke, I know that God is indeed at work through our adversities and His words are speaking not only to me but to many.
Thank you to you all.
"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity."-Proverbs 17:17 (ESV)
On the health front, eliminating (temporarily) the oral chemo pill has given my digestive system an opportunity to recoup and I am appreciating the respite from the pain and nausea. We are early enough in the radiation treatments that I am not experiencing side effects other than a distinct draining of my energy. And life is still, and always, good!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Focus
A very dear friend had a serious health scare this past week. Along with his family and many friends we prayed faithfully for his recovery and God answered those prayers, but our friend's focus, I dare say, has likely been sharpened to reconsider the preciousness of life on a day to day basis.
This friend has been an example to us all of how a godly man lives. God created him with a truly compassionate nature and he not only models that compassion daily to family and friends, it is also well utilized in his chosen profession. He takes the burdens of others onto his shoulders as naturally as he breathes. Today, as I continue my own personal journey of learning to focus on the immediate rather than on the unknown future, I hope to encourage our friend as well.
"Let Me prepare you for the day that stretches out in front of you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.......I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling)
"The world is before me this day, and I am weak and fearful, but I look to Thee for strength.....Be Thou my arm to support, my strength to stand, my light to see, my feet to run, my shield to protect, my sword to repel, my sun to warm...".-The Valley of Vision-A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
Hold tightly to our Master's hand, friend. He won't let you go!
This friend has been an example to us all of how a godly man lives. God created him with a truly compassionate nature and he not only models that compassion daily to family and friends, it is also well utilized in his chosen profession. He takes the burdens of others onto his shoulders as naturally as he breathes. Today, as I continue my own personal journey of learning to focus on the immediate rather than on the unknown future, I hope to encourage our friend as well.
"Let Me prepare you for the day that stretches out in front of you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.......I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling)
"The world is before me this day, and I am weak and fearful, but I look to Thee for strength.....Be Thou my arm to support, my strength to stand, my light to see, my feet to run, my shield to protect, my sword to repel, my sun to warm...".-The Valley of Vision-A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
Hold tightly to our Master's hand, friend. He won't let you go!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Choose Joy
My daughter-in-law, Lee Ann, used to drop her kids off at school each morning with the words for the day, "Choose Joy". There's much to be said in those two words. I have been attempting to choose joy for the last couple of days and have discovered again that choosing joy is not always a simple task.
Sunday and Monday were the worst days so far for side effects of my therapy. Between pain, nausea and exhaustion I wasn't fit to be around. Food was repulsive and even liquids were hard to manage.
I put in a call to my medical oncologist and was thankfully given permission to suspend my oral chemo pills for a while, which I suspected were the main reason for my discomfort.
Later in the day we met with my radiation oncologist who examined me, pronounced colitis as the likely source of the pain, suspended my radiation treatment for that day and sent me home with the admonition to hydrate and eat. A two hour nap, followed by a dinner of mashed potatoes and Gatorade laced with aloe juice gave me the necessary energy to get to the shower and to bed and a great night's sleep followed. Today I'm finding it easier to Choose Joy.
Thank You, Lord, that You are my constant companion through good times and bad.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds...."-James 1:2 (ESV)
Sunday and Monday were the worst days so far for side effects of my therapy. Between pain, nausea and exhaustion I wasn't fit to be around. Food was repulsive and even liquids were hard to manage.
I put in a call to my medical oncologist and was thankfully given permission to suspend my oral chemo pills for a while, which I suspected were the main reason for my discomfort.
Later in the day we met with my radiation oncologist who examined me, pronounced colitis as the likely source of the pain, suspended my radiation treatment for that day and sent me home with the admonition to hydrate and eat. A two hour nap, followed by a dinner of mashed potatoes and Gatorade laced with aloe juice gave me the necessary energy to get to the shower and to bed and a great night's sleep followed. Today I'm finding it easier to Choose Joy.
Thank You, Lord, that You are my constant companion through good times and bad.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds...."-James 1:2 (ESV)
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Contentment
I'm pouting today. I really don't like waking up with a stomach ache and knowing that in a short while I will have to swallow the POUS (Pill Of Unusual Size). My cat is especially needy this morning and I don't like her much at the moment. I have a slight headache. And tomorrow....oops, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."-Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
I am ripe for a few admonitions from Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment), although I must admit there is some perverse pleasure in feeling sorry for myself.
"I have learned to be content in whatever state I am."-Philippians 4:11. These were Paul's words as he spoke to the Philippians and his words ring true to me today.
Burroughs reminds me that "Contentment in every condition is a great art, a spiritual mystery. It is to be learned as a mystery." ("Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God."-2 Corinthians 3:5 (NKJV).) Of course Burroughs is right. It sure isn't coming naturally this morning!
Burroughs goes on to teach his grumpy student (me), "If the attainment of true contentment were as easy as keeping quiet outwardly, it would not need much learning. It might be had with less strength and skill than an Apostle possessed, yea, less than an ordinary Christian has or may have. Therefore, there is certainly more to it than can be attained by common gifts and the power of reason, which often bridle nature. It is a business of the heart." (How many times did we hear from a beloved Adult Sunday School teacher, "It's the Heart, Stupid!" You know who you are, Dave H!)
Burroughs goes on to teach me, "It is the quiet of the heart. All is sedate and still there." ("A heart at peace gives life to the body....."-Proverbs 14:30 (NIV) )
I think I'll stop here. This ought to give me plenty to chew on in my quest for a much needed attitude adjustment.
Thanks, Jeremiah. I needed that!
I am ripe for a few admonitions from Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment), although I must admit there is some perverse pleasure in feeling sorry for myself.
"I have learned to be content in whatever state I am."-Philippians 4:11. These were Paul's words as he spoke to the Philippians and his words ring true to me today.
Burroughs reminds me that "Contentment in every condition is a great art, a spiritual mystery. It is to be learned as a mystery." ("Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God."-2 Corinthians 3:5 (NKJV).) Of course Burroughs is right. It sure isn't coming naturally this morning!
Burroughs goes on to teach his grumpy student (me), "If the attainment of true contentment were as easy as keeping quiet outwardly, it would not need much learning. It might be had with less strength and skill than an Apostle possessed, yea, less than an ordinary Christian has or may have. Therefore, there is certainly more to it than can be attained by common gifts and the power of reason, which often bridle nature. It is a business of the heart." (How many times did we hear from a beloved Adult Sunday School teacher, "It's the Heart, Stupid!" You know who you are, Dave H!)
Burroughs goes on to teach me, "It is the quiet of the heart. All is sedate and still there." ("A heart at peace gives life to the body....."-Proverbs 14:30 (NIV) )
I think I'll stop here. This ought to give me plenty to chew on in my quest for a much needed attitude adjustment.
Thanks, Jeremiah. I needed that!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Tapas (small bites) to share
Some days I find random gems that speak to me. Today is one of those days and I'd like to share a few of them.
I am relying especially heavily on God these days as I continue my journey into the unknown. An old Puritan prayed, "Sovereign Lord.....give us the ear of faith to hear Him, the eye of faith to see Him, the hand of faith to receive Him, the appetite of faith to feed upon Him; that we might find in Him light, riches, honour, eternal life....."-(The Valley of Vision)- and Amen to that!
"Contentment is not by addition but by subtraction. Seeking to add to a thing will not bring contentment. Instead, by subtracting from your desires until you are satisfied only with Christ brings contentment."-Jeremiah Burroughs (1599-1646)-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"You do not find one godly man who came out of an affliction worse than he went into it; though for a while he was shaken, yet at least he was better for an affliction."-Jeremiah Burroughs-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"He giveth quietness."-Job 34:29. "Quietness amid the dash of the storm. We sail the lake with Him still; and as we reach its middle waters....a great storm sweeps us down. Then He arises from His sleep and rebukes the wind and the waves...His voice is heard above the screams of the wind in the cordage and the conflict of the billows, 'Peace, be still!' Can you not hear it? And there is instantly a great calm. He giveth quietness."-Mrs. Charles Cowman (Streams in the Desert)
Sometimes the small bites are the tastiest.
On the health front:
This radiation/oral chemo stage is not pleasant. It appears that the infusion chemo was just the appetizer and I have now been served the main course. I wouldn't recommend it.
Stomach discomfort and pain, vague nausea, disinterest in food and fatigue with interspersed periods of feeling decent pretty much describe the days. I feel best in a supine position, wrapped in my blanket, but that's not a realistic plan for all day, every day.
I have a two day respite from radiation. Wish I could say the same for Xeloda.
PS..Bea and I visited again yesterday. She is a ray of sunshine.
I am relying especially heavily on God these days as I continue my journey into the unknown. An old Puritan prayed, "Sovereign Lord.....give us the ear of faith to hear Him, the eye of faith to see Him, the hand of faith to receive Him, the appetite of faith to feed upon Him; that we might find in Him light, riches, honour, eternal life....."-(The Valley of Vision)- and Amen to that!
"Contentment is not by addition but by subtraction. Seeking to add to a thing will not bring contentment. Instead, by subtracting from your desires until you are satisfied only with Christ brings contentment."-Jeremiah Burroughs (1599-1646)-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"You do not find one godly man who came out of an affliction worse than he went into it; though for a while he was shaken, yet at least he was better for an affliction."-Jeremiah Burroughs-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"He giveth quietness."-Job 34:29. "Quietness amid the dash of the storm. We sail the lake with Him still; and as we reach its middle waters....a great storm sweeps us down. Then He arises from His sleep and rebukes the wind and the waves...His voice is heard above the screams of the wind in the cordage and the conflict of the billows, 'Peace, be still!' Can you not hear it? And there is instantly a great calm. He giveth quietness."-Mrs. Charles Cowman (Streams in the Desert)
Sometimes the small bites are the tastiest.
On the health front:
This radiation/oral chemo stage is not pleasant. It appears that the infusion chemo was just the appetizer and I have now been served the main course. I wouldn't recommend it.
Stomach discomfort and pain, vague nausea, disinterest in food and fatigue with interspersed periods of feeling decent pretty much describe the days. I feel best in a supine position, wrapped in my blanket, but that's not a realistic plan for all day, every day.
I have a two day respite from radiation. Wish I could say the same for Xeloda.
PS..Bea and I visited again yesterday. She is a ray of sunshine.
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Chemo Marines have landed!
Ugh! Don't get cancer if you can avoid it.
The battle has begun in earnest and I'm beginning to experience the side effects of the weapons that are fighting the enemy inside my body. My abdominal area, the battlefield, is tender and uncomfortable and food is rapidly losing its appeal. My bed is looking better and better at all times of the day and I'm already fighting the urge to take a nap. (It's 7 a.m.) But...enough whining. What is there to look forward to today?
My dear friend, Vickie, is relieving me of the task of cleaning my house today, as she has done for so many years. My daughter/temporary slave will arrive later to help me with the laundry and changing the sheets and, if there's time left over we'll watch another episode or two of Downton Abbey to catch her up to Season Three. My brother, Dave, is here from Tucson for a medical conference and we can look forward to seeing him again tonight for dinner and great conversation. And I get to visit with Bea, my new friend from the radiation department of Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.
I spotted Bea in the waiting room, a smile on her face, perfect makeup, sitting with two family members as she waited to be called to face The Big Machine. We were taken to the waiting bench together and had a chance to visit for a few minutes. She shared with a smile that this was her fourth week in treatment and, while not loving it, she reminded me sweetly that, "God never promised that our lives would be easy." I was called in first and as I left for treatment Bea called out cheerfully, "See you tomorrow!"
I returned to the main radiology waiting room and sought out her family members, who it turned out were her son and daughter-in-law. I told them that I appreciated Bea's great attitude and her son replied, "Yes...She really is something! She is 91 years old and raised six boys and two girls alone. She lived with my brother for 15 years but he died and now we get to have her!"...this statement made with a big smile on his face. I'm looking forward to seeing Bea again today and I've decided I want to be her when I grow up.
Plus, my two day vacation from radiation begins tomorrow... another positive thing. Who knows what other good stuff this day will bring?
And life is still good.....very good!
The battle has begun in earnest and I'm beginning to experience the side effects of the weapons that are fighting the enemy inside my body. My abdominal area, the battlefield, is tender and uncomfortable and food is rapidly losing its appeal. My bed is looking better and better at all times of the day and I'm already fighting the urge to take a nap. (It's 7 a.m.) But...enough whining. What is there to look forward to today?
My dear friend, Vickie, is relieving me of the task of cleaning my house today, as she has done for so many years. My daughter/temporary slave will arrive later to help me with the laundry and changing the sheets and, if there's time left over we'll watch another episode or two of Downton Abbey to catch her up to Season Three. My brother, Dave, is here from Tucson for a medical conference and we can look forward to seeing him again tonight for dinner and great conversation. And I get to visit with Bea, my new friend from the radiation department of Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.
I spotted Bea in the waiting room, a smile on her face, perfect makeup, sitting with two family members as she waited to be called to face The Big Machine. We were taken to the waiting bench together and had a chance to visit for a few minutes. She shared with a smile that this was her fourth week in treatment and, while not loving it, she reminded me sweetly that, "God never promised that our lives would be easy." I was called in first and as I left for treatment Bea called out cheerfully, "See you tomorrow!"
I returned to the main radiology waiting room and sought out her family members, who it turned out were her son and daughter-in-law. I told them that I appreciated Bea's great attitude and her son replied, "Yes...She really is something! She is 91 years old and raised six boys and two girls alone. She lived with my brother for 15 years but he died and now we get to have her!"...this statement made with a big smile on his face. I'm looking forward to seeing Bea again today and I've decided I want to be her when I grow up.
Plus, my two day vacation from radiation begins tomorrow... another positive thing. Who knows what other good stuff this day will bring?
And life is still good.....very good!
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