I'm learning more about myself on a regular basis these days. I'm learning that I could easily fall into the habit of grumbling about my present state. Discomfort could easily translate into dissatisfaction so I'm regularly encouraged to be on the lookout for reasons to be satisfied.
Right off the bat.... "See times of darkness as opportunities for My Light to shine in transcendent splendor. I am training you to practice Peace that overpowers darkness."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Lord, I am satisfied with my current state because I am confident that I am being trained by You in all things necessary for my well-being.
Streams in the Desert focuses on Joshua 3:13-"As soon as the soles of the feet of the priests....shall rest in the waters......the waters shall be cut off." The Red Sea wasn't parted as the people waited on the shore. The miracle didn't occur until they stepped into the water by faith. These words give me the confidence to pray, "Lord, You are not only walking next to me but ahead of me as well.....'parting my waters', clearing my path. How can I not be satisfied armed with that knowledge?"
"Satisfy us (me) in the morning with Your steadfast love, that we (I) may rejoice and be glad all our (my) days."-Psalm 90:14 (NLT). Thank You, Lord, that I can confidently claim complete satisfaction with the plan that You have created especially for me.
I came upon this silly little prayer by an anonymous author that encourages me to strive for a spirit of satisfaction today:
"Dear God,
So far today,
I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped,
I haven't lost my temper,
I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.
I'm very thankful for that.
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed;
and from then on I'm going to need a lot more help.
Amen."
"I am well pleased (satisfied) with Thy will, whatever it is, or should be in all respects....for Thou art infinitely wise and cannot do amiss, as I am in danger of doing."-The Valley of Vision.
On the health front, today I meet with Dr. Ambrad after my radiation treatment and get the news of what will happen with my oral chemo. I'm claiming Romans 8:26, 27 since I really don't know how to pray on that subject.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
More choices
Funny how life works. Personally, I wonder how much time I wasted as a healthy person looking ahead to our imagined future of travel, adventure, freedom from the mundane (however rewarding) responsibilities of raising a family and meeting the needs of others. Did I inadvertently make choices that resulted in my missing some blessings? I'll never know, but I am re-learning daily that the choices I make need to be choices for today, not for some time in the future that may never become reality. Am I disappointed that we may not experience some of what we imagined for our future? Of course! But I will choose to not allow those disappointments to alter the choices I make in my present state.
One of the good things that has happened since my diagnosis is that God has zapped me with a loss of energy that has resulted in my finally being content to sit still. I am now taking more time to get into God's Word and I've been having some killer "quiet times". "Trust Me enough to spend ample time with Me, pushing back the demands of the day." "Don't fall into the trap of being constantly on the go." "To avoid doing meaningless work, stay in continual communication with Me. I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). I am now enjoying the fruits of those admonitions, not because I made a choice but because a choice was made for me by a loving God Who convicts me daily that I am never too old to learn new lessons.
Good old Oswald Chambers invites me to "Lift up your (my) eyes on high to see Who has created these things....."-Isaiah 40:26 (NKJV). "We will see God reaching out to us in every wind that blows, every sunrise and sunset, every cloud in the sky, every flower that blooms, every leaf that fades..."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest). I'll choose that!
Ben Patterson took me to Psalm 1 this morning. Psalm 1 speaks of "those who do not follow the advice of the wicked." I have chosen to be one of "those", if not only to reap the reward that is promised in verse 3..."They (those who make the better choices) are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season." (NLT). That psalm doesn't say "bearing fruit in only the good seasons", but rather "EACH season in our lives". No free passes.
"Your choice is either to flourish like a well-watered tree or to allow yourself to be blown about as chaff, to be a person of substance or to be shallow and hollow inside."-Ben Patterson (God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms).
Cancer is not an excuse to stop flourishing. I may need a little extra help in order to flourish in this season but that help is all around me if I choose to utilize it!
Sorry to be so wordy today, but there were just too many choices to share :)
On the health front:
I had a couple of unpleasant days at the week's end but all is well today. Please pray that my body tolerates the adjusted dosage of my oral chemo this time around.
Many, many thanks.
One of the good things that has happened since my diagnosis is that God has zapped me with a loss of energy that has resulted in my finally being content to sit still. I am now taking more time to get into God's Word and I've been having some killer "quiet times". "Trust Me enough to spend ample time with Me, pushing back the demands of the day." "Don't fall into the trap of being constantly on the go." "To avoid doing meaningless work, stay in continual communication with Me. I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). I am now enjoying the fruits of those admonitions, not because I made a choice but because a choice was made for me by a loving God Who convicts me daily that I am never too old to learn new lessons.
Good old Oswald Chambers invites me to "Lift up your (my) eyes on high to see Who has created these things....."-Isaiah 40:26 (NKJV). "We will see God reaching out to us in every wind that blows, every sunrise and sunset, every cloud in the sky, every flower that blooms, every leaf that fades..."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest). I'll choose that!
Ben Patterson took me to Psalm 1 this morning. Psalm 1 speaks of "those who do not follow the advice of the wicked." I have chosen to be one of "those", if not only to reap the reward that is promised in verse 3..."They (those who make the better choices) are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season." (NLT). That psalm doesn't say "bearing fruit in only the good seasons", but rather "EACH season in our lives". No free passes.
"Your choice is either to flourish like a well-watered tree or to allow yourself to be blown about as chaff, to be a person of substance or to be shallow and hollow inside."-Ben Patterson (God's Prayer Book: The Power and Pleasure of Praying the Psalms).
Cancer is not an excuse to stop flourishing. I may need a little extra help in order to flourish in this season but that help is all around me if I choose to utilize it!
Sorry to be so wordy today, but there were just too many choices to share :)
On the health front:
I had a couple of unpleasant days at the week's end but all is well today. Please pray that my body tolerates the adjusted dosage of my oral chemo this time around.
Many, many thanks.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
The perfect prayer?
Today I am being nudged to share this beautiful prayer from The Valley of Vision; A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. If it isn't the perfect prayer, it's very close to it in my humble opinion:
Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
Let me find
Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.
Amen....and Amen!
Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
Let me find
Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.
Amen....and Amen!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Added thoughts on contentment
I'm doing just what I shouldn't be doing this morning: I'm wasting my time of respite by being anxious about the re-introduction of my oral chemo pill in a few days. As I anticipate what's in store for me in my quiet time I am praying that I will read the words that will ease me back into the attainable state of contentment for the few days of freedom that remain.
"It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than complain about what is not given."-Elisabeth Elliot (The Tremendous Power of Prayer). Lord, help me to be content with the gifts of today.
"It is the nature of grace to turn water into wine, that is, to turn the water of affliction into the wine of heavenly consolation."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment). Lord, the benefits of the wine of heavenly consolation far outweigh the benefits of earthly wine, and You know how I do miss that glass of earthly wine that I'm not allowed to enjoy during treatment!
"I guarantee you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say, 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged. I know your weakness and I meet you in that very place."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Lord, how can I not be content with a promise like that?
"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look at them with full hope as they arise. God, Whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father Who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it."-Frances de Sales (Streams in the Desert).
"Lo, I am with you all the appointed days."-Matthew 28:20 (Variorum Version).
Perfect words for what will be a perfect day! Attitude adjustment complete. Don't you love it when that happens?
On the health front:
Radiation treatments are going well and we're finding that the mood of the radiation room is just as upbeat as was the mood in the chemo room. I just need to adjust to this lack of energy and continue to fight the urge to lie down in the parking lot on the way back to the car after treatment for a nice nap.
Not only will I Choose Joy today, I will Choose Contentment!
"It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than complain about what is not given."-Elisabeth Elliot (The Tremendous Power of Prayer). Lord, help me to be content with the gifts of today.
"It is the nature of grace to turn water into wine, that is, to turn the water of affliction into the wine of heavenly consolation."-Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment). Lord, the benefits of the wine of heavenly consolation far outweigh the benefits of earthly wine, and You know how I do miss that glass of earthly wine that I'm not allowed to enjoy during treatment!
"I guarantee you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say, 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged. I know your weakness and I meet you in that very place."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling). Lord, how can I not be content with a promise like that?
"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look at them with full hope as they arise. God, Whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father Who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it."-Frances de Sales (Streams in the Desert).
"Lo, I am with you all the appointed days."-Matthew 28:20 (Variorum Version).
Perfect words for what will be a perfect day! Attitude adjustment complete. Don't you love it when that happens?
On the health front:
Radiation treatments are going well and we're finding that the mood of the radiation room is just as upbeat as was the mood in the chemo room. I just need to adjust to this lack of energy and continue to fight the urge to lie down in the parking lot on the way back to the car after treatment for a nice nap.
Not only will I Choose Joy today, I will Choose Contentment!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Friends
"...but your friends be like the sun as (it) rises in (its) might."-Judges 5:31 (ESV, slightly altered)
I've given much credit to my fantastic family for the way they have stepped up with love and service during this journey but I'm long overdue in acknowledging and thanking the many, many friends who have brightened even my lousiest days with prayers, cards, notes, emails, calls, morning messages with words of encouragement for the day and even chicken soup, all of which soothe both body and soul.
My friend, Barb, has discovered the cancer card section of her favorite Hallmark store, and until now I hadn't even realized that there was a cancer card section. Hardly a day goes by that there isn't a card in the mail from her with a message that just hits the spot for the day, whether it be funny or serious. Amazing! One example: On the front of the card, a stylish, beautiful, smiling gal holding a magic wand and announcing, "If I had a magic wand, I would make you 100% cancer free!" On the inside the lovely lady says, "Then I would make us both super-model billionaires, but first things first!" The card brought a ray of sunshine to an otherwise gloomy day. Thanks, Barb, for that card and for the many others that appear in my mailbox on such a regular basis.
I could cite so many other examples of encouragement from so many friends but I would still be blogging at sunset. Suffice it to say, each expression of love and support from each of you is gratefully and thankfully received.
My main reason for starting this blog was to share the reality that God does not merely sit back and observe as we walk the darkest walks of life's journeys. Whereas He has been there for me wherever I was in the past, I have experienced Him in new and powerful ways since my diagnosis and I needed to share those precious times and truths. When I check my Facebook page and see a quote from the blog from my good friend, Sharon, to whom the words of Jeremiah Burroughs spoke, I know that God is indeed at work through our adversities and His words are speaking not only to me but to many.
Thank you to you all.
"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity."-Proverbs 17:17 (ESV)
On the health front, eliminating (temporarily) the oral chemo pill has given my digestive system an opportunity to recoup and I am appreciating the respite from the pain and nausea. We are early enough in the radiation treatments that I am not experiencing side effects other than a distinct draining of my energy. And life is still, and always, good!
I've given much credit to my fantastic family for the way they have stepped up with love and service during this journey but I'm long overdue in acknowledging and thanking the many, many friends who have brightened even my lousiest days with prayers, cards, notes, emails, calls, morning messages with words of encouragement for the day and even chicken soup, all of which soothe both body and soul.
My friend, Barb, has discovered the cancer card section of her favorite Hallmark store, and until now I hadn't even realized that there was a cancer card section. Hardly a day goes by that there isn't a card in the mail from her with a message that just hits the spot for the day, whether it be funny or serious. Amazing! One example: On the front of the card, a stylish, beautiful, smiling gal holding a magic wand and announcing, "If I had a magic wand, I would make you 100% cancer free!" On the inside the lovely lady says, "Then I would make us both super-model billionaires, but first things first!" The card brought a ray of sunshine to an otherwise gloomy day. Thanks, Barb, for that card and for the many others that appear in my mailbox on such a regular basis.
I could cite so many other examples of encouragement from so many friends but I would still be blogging at sunset. Suffice it to say, each expression of love and support from each of you is gratefully and thankfully received.
My main reason for starting this blog was to share the reality that God does not merely sit back and observe as we walk the darkest walks of life's journeys. Whereas He has been there for me wherever I was in the past, I have experienced Him in new and powerful ways since my diagnosis and I needed to share those precious times and truths. When I check my Facebook page and see a quote from the blog from my good friend, Sharon, to whom the words of Jeremiah Burroughs spoke, I know that God is indeed at work through our adversities and His words are speaking not only to me but to many.
Thank you to you all.
"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity."-Proverbs 17:17 (ESV)
On the health front, eliminating (temporarily) the oral chemo pill has given my digestive system an opportunity to recoup and I am appreciating the respite from the pain and nausea. We are early enough in the radiation treatments that I am not experiencing side effects other than a distinct draining of my energy. And life is still, and always, good!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Focus
A very dear friend had a serious health scare this past week. Along with his family and many friends we prayed faithfully for his recovery and God answered those prayers, but our friend's focus, I dare say, has likely been sharpened to reconsider the preciousness of life on a day to day basis.
This friend has been an example to us all of how a godly man lives. God created him with a truly compassionate nature and he not only models that compassion daily to family and friends, it is also well utilized in his chosen profession. He takes the burdens of others onto his shoulders as naturally as he breathes. Today, as I continue my own personal journey of learning to focus on the immediate rather than on the unknown future, I hope to encourage our friend as well.
"Let Me prepare you for the day that stretches out in front of you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.......I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling)
"The world is before me this day, and I am weak and fearful, but I look to Thee for strength.....Be Thou my arm to support, my strength to stand, my light to see, my feet to run, my shield to protect, my sword to repel, my sun to warm...".-The Valley of Vision-A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
Hold tightly to our Master's hand, friend. He won't let you go!
This friend has been an example to us all of how a godly man lives. God created him with a truly compassionate nature and he not only models that compassion daily to family and friends, it is also well utilized in his chosen profession. He takes the burdens of others onto his shoulders as naturally as he breathes. Today, as I continue my own personal journey of learning to focus on the immediate rather than on the unknown future, I hope to encourage our friend as well.
"Let Me prepare you for the day that stretches out in front of you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.......I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling)
"The world is before me this day, and I am weak and fearful, but I look to Thee for strength.....Be Thou my arm to support, my strength to stand, my light to see, my feet to run, my shield to protect, my sword to repel, my sun to warm...".-The Valley of Vision-A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
Hold tightly to our Master's hand, friend. He won't let you go!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Choose Joy
My daughter-in-law, Lee Ann, used to drop her kids off at school each morning with the words for the day, "Choose Joy". There's much to be said in those two words. I have been attempting to choose joy for the last couple of days and have discovered again that choosing joy is not always a simple task.
Sunday and Monday were the worst days so far for side effects of my therapy. Between pain, nausea and exhaustion I wasn't fit to be around. Food was repulsive and even liquids were hard to manage.
I put in a call to my medical oncologist and was thankfully given permission to suspend my oral chemo pills for a while, which I suspected were the main reason for my discomfort.
Later in the day we met with my radiation oncologist who examined me, pronounced colitis as the likely source of the pain, suspended my radiation treatment for that day and sent me home with the admonition to hydrate and eat. A two hour nap, followed by a dinner of mashed potatoes and Gatorade laced with aloe juice gave me the necessary energy to get to the shower and to bed and a great night's sleep followed. Today I'm finding it easier to Choose Joy.
Thank You, Lord, that You are my constant companion through good times and bad.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds...."-James 1:2 (ESV)
Sunday and Monday were the worst days so far for side effects of my therapy. Between pain, nausea and exhaustion I wasn't fit to be around. Food was repulsive and even liquids were hard to manage.
I put in a call to my medical oncologist and was thankfully given permission to suspend my oral chemo pills for a while, which I suspected were the main reason for my discomfort.
Later in the day we met with my radiation oncologist who examined me, pronounced colitis as the likely source of the pain, suspended my radiation treatment for that day and sent me home with the admonition to hydrate and eat. A two hour nap, followed by a dinner of mashed potatoes and Gatorade laced with aloe juice gave me the necessary energy to get to the shower and to bed and a great night's sleep followed. Today I'm finding it easier to Choose Joy.
Thank You, Lord, that You are my constant companion through good times and bad.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds...."-James 1:2 (ESV)
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Contentment
I'm pouting today. I really don't like waking up with a stomach ache and knowing that in a short while I will have to swallow the POUS (Pill Of Unusual Size). My cat is especially needy this morning and I don't like her much at the moment. I have a slight headache. And tomorrow....oops, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."-Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
I am ripe for a few admonitions from Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment), although I must admit there is some perverse pleasure in feeling sorry for myself.
"I have learned to be content in whatever state I am."-Philippians 4:11. These were Paul's words as he spoke to the Philippians and his words ring true to me today.
Burroughs reminds me that "Contentment in every condition is a great art, a spiritual mystery. It is to be learned as a mystery." ("Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God."-2 Corinthians 3:5 (NKJV).) Of course Burroughs is right. It sure isn't coming naturally this morning!
Burroughs goes on to teach his grumpy student (me), "If the attainment of true contentment were as easy as keeping quiet outwardly, it would not need much learning. It might be had with less strength and skill than an Apostle possessed, yea, less than an ordinary Christian has or may have. Therefore, there is certainly more to it than can be attained by common gifts and the power of reason, which often bridle nature. It is a business of the heart." (How many times did we hear from a beloved Adult Sunday School teacher, "It's the Heart, Stupid!" You know who you are, Dave H!)
Burroughs goes on to teach me, "It is the quiet of the heart. All is sedate and still there." ("A heart at peace gives life to the body....."-Proverbs 14:30 (NIV) )
I think I'll stop here. This ought to give me plenty to chew on in my quest for a much needed attitude adjustment.
Thanks, Jeremiah. I needed that!
I am ripe for a few admonitions from Jeremiah Burroughs (Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment), although I must admit there is some perverse pleasure in feeling sorry for myself.
"I have learned to be content in whatever state I am."-Philippians 4:11. These were Paul's words as he spoke to the Philippians and his words ring true to me today.
Burroughs reminds me that "Contentment in every condition is a great art, a spiritual mystery. It is to be learned as a mystery." ("Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God."-2 Corinthians 3:5 (NKJV).) Of course Burroughs is right. It sure isn't coming naturally this morning!
Burroughs goes on to teach his grumpy student (me), "If the attainment of true contentment were as easy as keeping quiet outwardly, it would not need much learning. It might be had with less strength and skill than an Apostle possessed, yea, less than an ordinary Christian has or may have. Therefore, there is certainly more to it than can be attained by common gifts and the power of reason, which often bridle nature. It is a business of the heart." (How many times did we hear from a beloved Adult Sunday School teacher, "It's the Heart, Stupid!" You know who you are, Dave H!)
Burroughs goes on to teach me, "It is the quiet of the heart. All is sedate and still there." ("A heart at peace gives life to the body....."-Proverbs 14:30 (NIV) )
I think I'll stop here. This ought to give me plenty to chew on in my quest for a much needed attitude adjustment.
Thanks, Jeremiah. I needed that!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Tapas (small bites) to share
Some days I find random gems that speak to me. Today is one of those days and I'd like to share a few of them.
I am relying especially heavily on God these days as I continue my journey into the unknown. An old Puritan prayed, "Sovereign Lord.....give us the ear of faith to hear Him, the eye of faith to see Him, the hand of faith to receive Him, the appetite of faith to feed upon Him; that we might find in Him light, riches, honour, eternal life....."-(The Valley of Vision)- and Amen to that!
"Contentment is not by addition but by subtraction. Seeking to add to a thing will not bring contentment. Instead, by subtracting from your desires until you are satisfied only with Christ brings contentment."-Jeremiah Burroughs (1599-1646)-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"You do not find one godly man who came out of an affliction worse than he went into it; though for a while he was shaken, yet at least he was better for an affliction."-Jeremiah Burroughs-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"He giveth quietness."-Job 34:29. "Quietness amid the dash of the storm. We sail the lake with Him still; and as we reach its middle waters....a great storm sweeps us down. Then He arises from His sleep and rebukes the wind and the waves...His voice is heard above the screams of the wind in the cordage and the conflict of the billows, 'Peace, be still!' Can you not hear it? And there is instantly a great calm. He giveth quietness."-Mrs. Charles Cowman (Streams in the Desert)
Sometimes the small bites are the tastiest.
On the health front:
This radiation/oral chemo stage is not pleasant. It appears that the infusion chemo was just the appetizer and I have now been served the main course. I wouldn't recommend it.
Stomach discomfort and pain, vague nausea, disinterest in food and fatigue with interspersed periods of feeling decent pretty much describe the days. I feel best in a supine position, wrapped in my blanket, but that's not a realistic plan for all day, every day.
I have a two day respite from radiation. Wish I could say the same for Xeloda.
PS..Bea and I visited again yesterday. She is a ray of sunshine.
I am relying especially heavily on God these days as I continue my journey into the unknown. An old Puritan prayed, "Sovereign Lord.....give us the ear of faith to hear Him, the eye of faith to see Him, the hand of faith to receive Him, the appetite of faith to feed upon Him; that we might find in Him light, riches, honour, eternal life....."-(The Valley of Vision)- and Amen to that!
"Contentment is not by addition but by subtraction. Seeking to add to a thing will not bring contentment. Instead, by subtracting from your desires until you are satisfied only with Christ brings contentment."-Jeremiah Burroughs (1599-1646)-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"You do not find one godly man who came out of an affliction worse than he went into it; though for a while he was shaken, yet at least he was better for an affliction."-Jeremiah Burroughs-(Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment)
"He giveth quietness."-Job 34:29. "Quietness amid the dash of the storm. We sail the lake with Him still; and as we reach its middle waters....a great storm sweeps us down. Then He arises from His sleep and rebukes the wind and the waves...His voice is heard above the screams of the wind in the cordage and the conflict of the billows, 'Peace, be still!' Can you not hear it? And there is instantly a great calm. He giveth quietness."-Mrs. Charles Cowman (Streams in the Desert)
Sometimes the small bites are the tastiest.
On the health front:
This radiation/oral chemo stage is not pleasant. It appears that the infusion chemo was just the appetizer and I have now been served the main course. I wouldn't recommend it.
Stomach discomfort and pain, vague nausea, disinterest in food and fatigue with interspersed periods of feeling decent pretty much describe the days. I feel best in a supine position, wrapped in my blanket, but that's not a realistic plan for all day, every day.
I have a two day respite from radiation. Wish I could say the same for Xeloda.
PS..Bea and I visited again yesterday. She is a ray of sunshine.
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Chemo Marines have landed!
Ugh! Don't get cancer if you can avoid it.
The battle has begun in earnest and I'm beginning to experience the side effects of the weapons that are fighting the enemy inside my body. My abdominal area, the battlefield, is tender and uncomfortable and food is rapidly losing its appeal. My bed is looking better and better at all times of the day and I'm already fighting the urge to take a nap. (It's 7 a.m.) But...enough whining. What is there to look forward to today?
My dear friend, Vickie, is relieving me of the task of cleaning my house today, as she has done for so many years. My daughter/temporary slave will arrive later to help me with the laundry and changing the sheets and, if there's time left over we'll watch another episode or two of Downton Abbey to catch her up to Season Three. My brother, Dave, is here from Tucson for a medical conference and we can look forward to seeing him again tonight for dinner and great conversation. And I get to visit with Bea, my new friend from the radiation department of Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.
I spotted Bea in the waiting room, a smile on her face, perfect makeup, sitting with two family members as she waited to be called to face The Big Machine. We were taken to the waiting bench together and had a chance to visit for a few minutes. She shared with a smile that this was her fourth week in treatment and, while not loving it, she reminded me sweetly that, "God never promised that our lives would be easy." I was called in first and as I left for treatment Bea called out cheerfully, "See you tomorrow!"
I returned to the main radiology waiting room and sought out her family members, who it turned out were her son and daughter-in-law. I told them that I appreciated Bea's great attitude and her son replied, "Yes...She really is something! She is 91 years old and raised six boys and two girls alone. She lived with my brother for 15 years but he died and now we get to have her!"...this statement made with a big smile on his face. I'm looking forward to seeing Bea again today and I've decided I want to be her when I grow up.
Plus, my two day vacation from radiation begins tomorrow... another positive thing. Who knows what other good stuff this day will bring?
And life is still good.....very good!
The battle has begun in earnest and I'm beginning to experience the side effects of the weapons that are fighting the enemy inside my body. My abdominal area, the battlefield, is tender and uncomfortable and food is rapidly losing its appeal. My bed is looking better and better at all times of the day and I'm already fighting the urge to take a nap. (It's 7 a.m.) But...enough whining. What is there to look forward to today?
My dear friend, Vickie, is relieving me of the task of cleaning my house today, as she has done for so many years. My daughter/temporary slave will arrive later to help me with the laundry and changing the sheets and, if there's time left over we'll watch another episode or two of Downton Abbey to catch her up to Season Three. My brother, Dave, is here from Tucson for a medical conference and we can look forward to seeing him again tonight for dinner and great conversation. And I get to visit with Bea, my new friend from the radiation department of Ironwood Cancer and Research Center.
I spotted Bea in the waiting room, a smile on her face, perfect makeup, sitting with two family members as she waited to be called to face The Big Machine. We were taken to the waiting bench together and had a chance to visit for a few minutes. She shared with a smile that this was her fourth week in treatment and, while not loving it, she reminded me sweetly that, "God never promised that our lives would be easy." I was called in first and as I left for treatment Bea called out cheerfully, "See you tomorrow!"
I returned to the main radiology waiting room and sought out her family members, who it turned out were her son and daughter-in-law. I told them that I appreciated Bea's great attitude and her son replied, "Yes...She really is something! She is 91 years old and raised six boys and two girls alone. She lived with my brother for 15 years but he died and now we get to have her!"...this statement made with a big smile on his face. I'm looking forward to seeing Bea again today and I've decided I want to be her when I grow up.
Plus, my two day vacation from radiation begins tomorrow... another positive thing. Who knows what other good stuff this day will bring?
And life is still good.....very good!
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