Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, Who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay." Matthew 28:5,6.
Have a joyful Easter!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Celebrate!
"I am taking care of you. Trust Me at all times.....
Before you arise from your bed in the morning, I have already arranged the events of your day."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Today I am privileged to join in celebrating the upcoming birth of a sweet little baby girl who is already well loved. Tomorrow I am privileged to join in celebrating the resurrection of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
And, as always, I am celebrating the privilege of being alive.
"I lie down and sleep; I wake again because The Lord sustains me."-Psalm 3:5 (NIV)
"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8 (NIV).
Before you arise from your bed in the morning, I have already arranged the events of your day."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Today I am privileged to join in celebrating the upcoming birth of a sweet little baby girl who is already well loved. Tomorrow I am privileged to join in celebrating the resurrection of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
And, as always, I am celebrating the privilege of being alive.
"I lie down and sleep; I wake again because The Lord sustains me."-Psalm 3:5 (NIV)
"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8 (NIV).
Friday, March 29, 2013
Mixed blessings
The workmen are here, continuing on the bath remodel. The noise level is distracting and concentration is difficult. My house is a mess. My energy level is improving during this mini-vacation from chemo and while that's a good thing, I'm finding that my mind is falling back into the old patterns of trying to sort out which neglected projects should be addressed. I am not in a peaceful state of mind as a result of all this.
Sarah Young nailed it for me this morning:
"Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it's part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties.......a life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
The mixed blessings here?
The noisy, disorderly atmosphere is temporary and will result in a new, functional bathroom.
A re-ordered house will be an easy fix when the proper time comes.
Restored energy, if properly utilized, will result in a less constrained lifestyle, even if it's only temporary.
Even starting chemo again, with its accompanying lack of energy, will draw me back into extended quiet times with God.
Blessings are everywhere if I look carefully for them.
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."-Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV).
On the health front:
I did, indeed, get the miracle product from the dermatologist and enjoyed an itch-free night.
My energy level is improving and I'm enjoying it while it lasts:)
Sarah Young nailed it for me this morning:
"Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it's part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties.......a life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
The mixed blessings here?
The noisy, disorderly atmosphere is temporary and will result in a new, functional bathroom.
A re-ordered house will be an easy fix when the proper time comes.
Restored energy, if properly utilized, will result in a less constrained lifestyle, even if it's only temporary.
Even starting chemo again, with its accompanying lack of energy, will draw me back into extended quiet times with God.
Blessings are everywhere if I look carefully for them.
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."-Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV).
On the health front:
I did, indeed, get the miracle product from the dermatologist and enjoyed an itch-free night.
My energy level is improving and I'm enjoying it while it lasts:)
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Simple pleasures
Last night was a restless one for some reason and I didn't use the awake time well. My charge to self today is to regroup and get back on track. My mind is open to what I need to learn today, so here goes:
1. I woke up this morning, and for that I am grateful. The psalmist, David, says, "No wonder my heart is glad and I rejoice. My body rests in safety."-Psalm 16:9 (NLT).
2. My body, regardless of my diagnosis, is functioning well. "Be joyful always;...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."-1 Thessalonians 5:16, 18."-(NIV).
3. My blessings far outweigh my needs. "It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes the habit of life."-Elisabeth Elliot. ( I've used this quote in a past post but today I needed reminding again!)
4. I don't have to do this business of life alone. "Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, Who raises the dead."-2 Corinthians 1:9 (NIV).
5. I have the privilege of sharing God's comfort with others. "Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."-2 Corinthians 1:3,4 (NIV).
6. Even when I feel discontented, it is possible to have a peaceful spirit. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in You."-Isaiah 26:3 (NIV).
And I have the privilege of joining the unknown Puritan who prayed:
"When I think upon and converse with Thee ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up, ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed, ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart, crowding into every moment of happiness......"-The Valley of Vision.
"Thou Who hast given so much to me, give me one thing more-a grateful heart!"-George Herbert.
And the blessings just keep on coming.
On the health front:
Dermatologist appointment today. I'm hoping for a miracle product that will change my neck skin back into something that resembles a human being rather than a sheet of sand paper.
Energy level was encouraging yesterday.
Life is good.
1. I woke up this morning, and for that I am grateful. The psalmist, David, says, "No wonder my heart is glad and I rejoice. My body rests in safety."-Psalm 16:9 (NLT).
2. My body, regardless of my diagnosis, is functioning well. "Be joyful always;...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."-1 Thessalonians 5:16, 18."-(NIV).
3. My blessings far outweigh my needs. "It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes the habit of life."-Elisabeth Elliot. ( I've used this quote in a past post but today I needed reminding again!)
4. I don't have to do this business of life alone. "Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, Who raises the dead."-2 Corinthians 1:9 (NIV).
5. I have the privilege of sharing God's comfort with others. "Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."-2 Corinthians 1:3,4 (NIV).
6. Even when I feel discontented, it is possible to have a peaceful spirit. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in You."-Isaiah 26:3 (NIV).
And I have the privilege of joining the unknown Puritan who prayed:
"When I think upon and converse with Thee ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up, ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed, ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart, crowding into every moment of happiness......"-The Valley of Vision.
"Thou Who hast given so much to me, give me one thing more-a grateful heart!"-George Herbert.
And the blessings just keep on coming.
On the health front:
Dermatologist appointment today. I'm hoping for a miracle product that will change my neck skin back into something that resembles a human being rather than a sheet of sand paper.
Energy level was encouraging yesterday.
Life is good.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
The Big Picture
Our son, Pat, called on his way home from attending his church on Sunday and made me promise to listen to the sermon he had just heard when it became available online. No hints of why, just encouragement to listen. Yesterday I had the opportunity to do it.
The teacher- Jake Each. The subject-Habakkuk, one of the minor prophets of the Old Testament who was raised to be strong in his faith and who loved his God. Habakkuk dialogued with God and was completely honest in admitting that he just couldn't understand why God was seemingly favoring the wicked and turning His back on His own people.
Habakkuk's mistake here was a familiar one to me. He was focusing on the immediate picture while God saw the big one. I know from personal experience that trying to grasp God's plan can appear puzzling when I focus on my immediate circumstances.
Within Mr. Each's message were some extremely valuable take-aways:
"Faith puts problems in context."
"Our (my) circumstances are what we (I) see in front of us (me). Our (my) faith represents the 'Big Story'."
"Don't live by sight because what I see is limited."
"Our (my) faith brings perspective to our (my) problems."
"Our (my) faith needs to be more real to us (me) than our (my) circumstances."
And the most important truth, in my humble opinion:
"What God says trumps what I see."
My apologies to Jake Each for reducing his excellent message to a few seemingly simple points, but this is how I have learned to roll at my age. I will focus on the big picture in as concise a way as possible before I lose the reminders completely.
Thank you, Pat, for the valuable "heads up" and thank you, Jake Each, for the important reminder to always trust that God's "Big Picture" for me is far better than anything I could ever imagine.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares The Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8,9 (NIV).
"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands."-Isaiah 55:12 (NIV).
On the health front:
No changes. Still scaly.
The teacher- Jake Each. The subject-Habakkuk, one of the minor prophets of the Old Testament who was raised to be strong in his faith and who loved his God. Habakkuk dialogued with God and was completely honest in admitting that he just couldn't understand why God was seemingly favoring the wicked and turning His back on His own people.
Habakkuk's mistake here was a familiar one to me. He was focusing on the immediate picture while God saw the big one. I know from personal experience that trying to grasp God's plan can appear puzzling when I focus on my immediate circumstances.
Within Mr. Each's message were some extremely valuable take-aways:
"Faith puts problems in context."
"Our (my) circumstances are what we (I) see in front of us (me). Our (my) faith represents the 'Big Story'."
"Don't live by sight because what I see is limited."
"Our (my) faith brings perspective to our (my) problems."
"Our (my) faith needs to be more real to us (me) than our (my) circumstances."
And the most important truth, in my humble opinion:
"What God says trumps what I see."
My apologies to Jake Each for reducing his excellent message to a few seemingly simple points, but this is how I have learned to roll at my age. I will focus on the big picture in as concise a way as possible before I lose the reminders completely.
Thank you, Pat, for the valuable "heads up" and thank you, Jake Each, for the important reminder to always trust that God's "Big Picture" for me is far better than anything I could ever imagine.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares The Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8,9 (NIV).
"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands."-Isaiah 55:12 (NIV).
On the health front:
No changes. Still scaly.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Healthy prayer
I don't remember exactly when I first started to pray. Mom taught us early that we could talk to "god", whoever and whatever he was. (I didn't think of god with a capital "G" in those early years.) At bedtime my sister and I would pray with Mom to god and ask him to bless our family and whatever pets we had at the moment and even then I found an unidentifiable comfort in those prayers. I surmised that god was pretty much in charge of keeping us happy and healthy.
As I grew up and we went to church I began to recognize that this god was pretty important and I started to think of Him in capital letters. Life intervened, however, and God was pretty much relegated to Sundays only.
Fast forward to young adulthood. Somewhere along the line I found myself wanting to learn more about God and thankfully He became central to my life. God and prayer resided naturally within me and the knowledge that I didn't have to do this "life" thing alone brought me then, and continues to bring me now, indescribable comfort.
It took some pretty substantial U- turns in my life to kick my prayer life into high gear, however, and not once has God failed me, although I think I've probably saddened Him at times along the way.
I have learned to be specific in my prayers and not to dance around my requests as if to give Him an "out" should He choose to not answer that specific prayer in the way I asked.
Matthew teaches this to me in the Bible: "Ask and it will be given you, seek and you will find...."-Matthew 7:7 (NIV). And, "Which of you, if his son (or daughter) asks for bread, will give him a stone...?"-Matthew 7:9 (NIV). And then, "....how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!"-Matthew 7:11 (NIV).
I am taking God at His Word and I am praying for complete healing from this ugly enemy that has invaded my body. Please join me in this specific prayer.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:6,7 (NIV).
On the health front:
Suppressed immune system=dry, scaly face and neck=unattractive and uncomfortable!
As I grew up and we went to church I began to recognize that this god was pretty important and I started to think of Him in capital letters. Life intervened, however, and God was pretty much relegated to Sundays only.
Fast forward to young adulthood. Somewhere along the line I found myself wanting to learn more about God and thankfully He became central to my life. God and prayer resided naturally within me and the knowledge that I didn't have to do this "life" thing alone brought me then, and continues to bring me now, indescribable comfort.
It took some pretty substantial U- turns in my life to kick my prayer life into high gear, however, and not once has God failed me, although I think I've probably saddened Him at times along the way.
I have learned to be specific in my prayers and not to dance around my requests as if to give Him an "out" should He choose to not answer that specific prayer in the way I asked.
Matthew teaches this to me in the Bible: "Ask and it will be given you, seek and you will find...."-Matthew 7:7 (NIV). And, "Which of you, if his son (or daughter) asks for bread, will give him a stone...?"-Matthew 7:9 (NIV). And then, "....how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!"-Matthew 7:11 (NIV).
I am taking God at His Word and I am praying for complete healing from this ugly enemy that has invaded my body. Please join me in this specific prayer.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:6,7 (NIV).
On the health front:
Suppressed immune system=dry, scaly face and neck=unattractive and uncomfortable!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Thank you once again, Carson
Coffee bedside.....again. Reading materials bedside....again. Cheerful disposition.....again.
Have I mentioned that I love and appreciate my husband?
Thanks, my dear Carson. (And as my friend, Mary, laughingly asks, "Will we ever return to 'Chuck' again?")
Have I mentioned that I love and appreciate my husband?
Thanks, my dear Carson. (And as my friend, Mary, laughingly asks, "Will we ever return to 'Chuck' again?")
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Another lesson learned
I don't particularly enjoy being challenged intellectually at 6:30 a.m., before the caffeine has done its work and the brain cells start firing in earnest, but this morning I'm being challenged by a Bible verse that is resonating and just begging to be applied in life:
"Out of the spoils won in battle did they dedicate to maintain the house of The Lord."-
1 Chronicles 26:27.
At first glance a personal application doesn't jump off the page but further study reveals that for me the battle referred to in this verse is cancer and the spoils dedicated to the maintenance of the house of The Lord are the many lessons being learned and the myriad opportunities I have been given to praise God for Who He is and for what He has done throughout our battle here on the home front.
Thank you, Streams in the Desert, for reminding me that this personal battle is not just for my benefit but for others' as well.
Need encouragement? Please allow me to return the tons of encouragement that I have received, even if it's only through this blog.
On the health front:
Continuing fatigue and scaly, itchy skin, but nothing that can't be managed.
"Out of the spoils won in battle did they dedicate to maintain the house of The Lord."-
1 Chronicles 26:27.
At first glance a personal application doesn't jump off the page but further study reveals that for me the battle referred to in this verse is cancer and the spoils dedicated to the maintenance of the house of The Lord are the many lessons being learned and the myriad opportunities I have been given to praise God for Who He is and for what He has done throughout our battle here on the home front.
Thank you, Streams in the Desert, for reminding me that this personal battle is not just for my benefit but for others' as well.
Need encouragement? Please allow me to return the tons of encouragement that I have received, even if it's only through this blog.
On the health front:
Continuing fatigue and scaly, itchy skin, but nothing that can't be managed.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Enough whining!
My sister-in-law, Marge, ever the encourager, sent me a short devotion written by Joni Eareckson-Tada entitled Broken Cups. Joni broke her neck in a diving accident as a teenager and has been paralyzed ever since. Her examples of personal victory despite overwhelming challenges have impressed and inspired me time and time again over the years.
As I've re-read my last couple of posts I'm struck by how much I sound like a self-centered little baby. I study my Bible each morning and read of Moses, David, Paul and the countless other heroes of the faith who overcame odds so much greater than mine and I am humbled. I'm also convicted that it's time to stop whining and to get back to discovering the many ways in which I am being blessed.
Joni's Broken Cup musing demonstrates so well how God uses His "broken cups". It took breaking my life (my "earthen vessel") as I knew it and putting it back together again to open me up to seeing God with sharper, more focused vision, and what a gift that has been!
I may be broken today but The Potter is at work putting me back together again in a new and wonderful way. I am blessed!
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels (cups that can be broken), that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not of ourselves."-2 Corinthians 4:7 (ASV).
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise".-Psalm 51:17 (KJV).
On the health front:
Really, really, really tired but in better spirits!
As I've re-read my last couple of posts I'm struck by how much I sound like a self-centered little baby. I study my Bible each morning and read of Moses, David, Paul and the countless other heroes of the faith who overcame odds so much greater than mine and I am humbled. I'm also convicted that it's time to stop whining and to get back to discovering the many ways in which I am being blessed.
Joni's Broken Cup musing demonstrates so well how God uses His "broken cups". It took breaking my life (my "earthen vessel") as I knew it and putting it back together again to open me up to seeing God with sharper, more focused vision, and what a gift that has been!
I may be broken today but The Potter is at work putting me back together again in a new and wonderful way. I am blessed!
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels (cups that can be broken), that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not of ourselves."-2 Corinthians 4:7 (ASV).
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise".-Psalm 51:17 (KJV).
On the health front:
Really, really, really tired but in better spirits!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Out with the old, in with the new
We have started the remodel of our master bathroom. The old one has served us well for 34 years with a few cosmetic changes along the way. Our new one will meet our needs perfectly as we age.
I can't help but see an analogy here.
On Monday morning at 7:00 a.m. the familiar, previously satisfactory bathroom still existed. By 3:00 p.m. that bathroom was a demolished mess of hanging wallboard and gaping spaces where the toilet and cabinets had been. Today, Thursday, there is still a gaping space where the previous bathroom existed but the site is clean, defined, rid of what had previously served us well and ready for the new additions that will serve us even better for what will hopefully be a very long time.
On October 5 of 2012 my familiar, previously satisfactory body still existed. It had served me well for 73 years, with no cosmetic changes along the way (well....maybe acrylic nails and a little help in the hair color department!). By the evening of that day the remodeling of my no longer satisfactory body had begun. And today, thanks to radiation and chemotherapy, my body is being changed into one that will serve me well for what will, hopefully, be a very long time.
I'm sure that if the walls of my bathroom could speak they would tell me that the process of demolition was not comfortable, nor was it pleasant, and I would fully understand. My "demolition" has been neither pleasant nor has it been comfortable. But the "new" bathroom will be both beautiful and functional, as will be my "new" body when this demolition of cancer cells is complete. What a praise!
So, it's out with the old and in with the new! Today is a new day and I will continue to praise and thank my Lord and Savior as my remodel continues on its way to completion.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and a way in the desert."-Isaiah 43:18,19 (ESV).
"........The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."-2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV).
"For I know what I have planned for you, says The Lord. I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope."-Jeremiah 29:11 (NET).
I can't help but see an analogy here.
On Monday morning at 7:00 a.m. the familiar, previously satisfactory bathroom still existed. By 3:00 p.m. that bathroom was a demolished mess of hanging wallboard and gaping spaces where the toilet and cabinets had been. Today, Thursday, there is still a gaping space where the previous bathroom existed but the site is clean, defined, rid of what had previously served us well and ready for the new additions that will serve us even better for what will hopefully be a very long time.
On October 5 of 2012 my familiar, previously satisfactory body still existed. It had served me well for 73 years, with no cosmetic changes along the way (well....maybe acrylic nails and a little help in the hair color department!). By the evening of that day the remodeling of my no longer satisfactory body had begun. And today, thanks to radiation and chemotherapy, my body is being changed into one that will serve me well for what will, hopefully, be a very long time.
I'm sure that if the walls of my bathroom could speak they would tell me that the process of demolition was not comfortable, nor was it pleasant, and I would fully understand. My "demolition" has been neither pleasant nor has it been comfortable. But the "new" bathroom will be both beautiful and functional, as will be my "new" body when this demolition of cancer cells is complete. What a praise!
So, it's out with the old and in with the new! Today is a new day and I will continue to praise and thank my Lord and Savior as my remodel continues on its way to completion.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and a way in the desert."-Isaiah 43:18,19 (ESV).
"........The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."-2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV).
"For I know what I have planned for you, says The Lord. I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope."-Jeremiah 29:11 (NET).
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Resolve
Life is good, there are no new challenges to face, no responsibilities await that are troublesome, yet I seem to be stuck on a plateau where resolve is concerned. In all honesty, I am weary of this whole cancer thing and I seem to be at a mental crossroad of some kind.....one fork leading to victory, one leading to defeat. It's a good thing that I've been in training for this race for a while.
Anyone who has taken this journey knows the true meaning of weariness. It goes beyond tired. It sucks away at the spirit and can be devastating if coddled and embraced. Personally, I have chosen to acknowledge it, own it and push on through it. Wallowing in it is non-productive, at the very least.
I read Psalm 42 this morning and there I felt the deep distress of the psalmist as he fought the fear that God had deserted him as he ran from his very real enemy. He couldn't sleep, he wept constantly and cried out to the God that he had experienced so strongly in the past. "I will remember and weep. For once I was walking along with the great throng to the temple of God, shouting and giving thanks along with the crowd....".-Psalm 42:4 (NET).
Wow...I needed to read that! My enemy is indeed real but I feel a little foolish comparing myself to the psalmist of old since my drama has never reached the level of his. I will join him wholeheartedly, however, as he says, "Why are you depressed, O my soul? Why are you upset? Wait for God! I will again give thanks to my God for His saving intervention."-Psalm 42:5 (NET).
I really don't know how I could be doing this without my faith.
On the health front:
Boringly and blessedly the same.
Anyone who has taken this journey knows the true meaning of weariness. It goes beyond tired. It sucks away at the spirit and can be devastating if coddled and embraced. Personally, I have chosen to acknowledge it, own it and push on through it. Wallowing in it is non-productive, at the very least.
I read Psalm 42 this morning and there I felt the deep distress of the psalmist as he fought the fear that God had deserted him as he ran from his very real enemy. He couldn't sleep, he wept constantly and cried out to the God that he had experienced so strongly in the past. "I will remember and weep. For once I was walking along with the great throng to the temple of God, shouting and giving thanks along with the crowd....".-Psalm 42:4 (NET).
Wow...I needed to read that! My enemy is indeed real but I feel a little foolish comparing myself to the psalmist of old since my drama has never reached the level of his. I will join him wholeheartedly, however, as he says, "Why are you depressed, O my soul? Why are you upset? Wait for God! I will again give thanks to my God for His saving intervention."-Psalm 42:5 (NET).
I really don't know how I could be doing this without my faith.
On the health front:
Boringly and blessedly the same.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Trust and Common Sense
It's an ugly state of mind, this sense of being overwhelmed. Common sense tells me I'm not overwhelmed at all. My world has shrunk considerably, not much is asked of me, I have stellar help and support. So what's the big deal? Yet there it is, that unwelcome thought that I can't do this.
As a result, my verses today will be:
"So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough troubles of its own."-Matthew 6:34 (NET).
and
"I am able to do all things through The One Who strengthens me."-Philippians 4:13 (NET).
On the health front:
Garden variety cold, still irritating skin rash, excessive fatigue, but other than that, all is well.
As a result, my verses today will be:
"So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough troubles of its own."-Matthew 6:34 (NET).
and
"I am able to do all things through The One Who strengthens me."-Philippians 4:13 (NET).
On the health front:
Garden variety cold, still irritating skin rash, excessive fatigue, but other than that, all is well.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Until then...
I hit a brick wall yesterday. My resolve took the day off, my pain tolerance was at low tide and I just lost it. I was unkind and I yelled at Carson. Plus I cried a lot.
I didn't like me yesterday and I've resolved to do fewer blogs until I'm back on track.
I'll start from my first blog, re-read each one and I'll pray that I will rediscover the many miracles with which I have been blessed since our first step into this unknown territory.
Until then...
"This is the day The Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."-Psalm 118:24.
I didn't like me yesterday and I've resolved to do fewer blogs until I'm back on track.
I'll start from my first blog, re-read each one and I'll pray that I will rediscover the many miracles with which I have been blessed since our first step into this unknown territory.
Until then...
"This is the day The Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."-Psalm 118:24.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Spring has sprung....
Does anyone besides me remember the old Burma Shave signs that would spring up along the sides of the highways years ago? We kids used to love them. A particular favorite was:
Spring has sprung,
The grass has 'riz,
Where last year's
Careless drivers is!
I could probably find a Scriptural application for that this morning but I'm not even going to try.
The trees are budding, the flowers are beginning to bloom, the grass is beautiful and my eyes are so puffed up from it all that I'm taking the day off.
Today will be a blog-less day.
PS: I realized that this isn't literally a blog-less day since I have already blogged. I guess I should have said, "Today will be an inspiration-less blog day".
Whatever I should have said, in the whole scheme of things does it really matter? Probably not.
Spring has sprung,
The grass has 'riz,
Where last year's
Careless drivers is!
I could probably find a Scriptural application for that this morning but I'm not even going to try.
The trees are budding, the flowers are beginning to bloom, the grass is beautiful and my eyes are so puffed up from it all that I'm taking the day off.
Today will be a blog-less day.
PS: I realized that this isn't literally a blog-less day since I have already blogged. I guess I should have said, "Today will be an inspiration-less blog day".
Whatever I should have said, in the whole scheme of things does it really matter? Probably not.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Encouragement
I woke up tired again this morning. Thankfully I have no overwhelming demands on my time but it is disappointing and discouraging to look forward to the day with exhaustion rather than anticipation.
As I opened my Streams in the Desert, a gift from my thoughtful friend, Geri, I came across one of the many personal notes she penned throughout the book. Geri wrote, "Encouragement: To bring courage to one another." With these few words Geri brought encouragement to me.
The grounding verse of today's message is, "Fear not, thou worm of Jacob...I will make thee a threshing instrument with teeth."-Isaiah 41:15,16 (KJV). The updated language edition says, "Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob....I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp, with many teeth." From a worm to a powerful, useful tool. Now that's encouraging!
"Christ is building His kingdom with earth's broken things. Men want only to be strong and successful, the victorious, the unbroken, in building their kingdoms; but God is the God of the unsuccessful, the ones who have failed. Heaven is filling with earth's broken lives, and there is no bruised reed that Christ cannot restore to glorious blessedness and beauty."-J.R. Miller (Streams in the Desert).
Beautiful, encouraging words.
On the health front:
We met with Dr. Polowy yesterday and he laid out the plan for the next, and hopefully the last, phase of my treatment.
We will start infusion chemotherapy again in a few weeks and it will continue for three cycles, each cycle being one month. That should put me at mid-summer for the completion of treatment. At that point I will have a PET scan to determine where to go from there.
I am so grateful to my medical team. They are knowledgeable, personable and, above all, encouraging.
As I opened my Streams in the Desert, a gift from my thoughtful friend, Geri, I came across one of the many personal notes she penned throughout the book. Geri wrote, "Encouragement: To bring courage to one another." With these few words Geri brought encouragement to me.
The grounding verse of today's message is, "Fear not, thou worm of Jacob...I will make thee a threshing instrument with teeth."-Isaiah 41:15,16 (KJV). The updated language edition says, "Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob....I will make you into a threshing sledge, new and sharp, with many teeth." From a worm to a powerful, useful tool. Now that's encouraging!
"Christ is building His kingdom with earth's broken things. Men want only to be strong and successful, the victorious, the unbroken, in building their kingdoms; but God is the God of the unsuccessful, the ones who have failed. Heaven is filling with earth's broken lives, and there is no bruised reed that Christ cannot restore to glorious blessedness and beauty."-J.R. Miller (Streams in the Desert).
Beautiful, encouraging words.
On the health front:
We met with Dr. Polowy yesterday and he laid out the plan for the next, and hopefully the last, phase of my treatment.
We will start infusion chemotherapy again in a few weeks and it will continue for three cycles, each cycle being one month. That should put me at mid-summer for the completion of treatment. At that point I will have a PET scan to determine where to go from there.
I am so grateful to my medical team. They are knowledgeable, personable and, above all, encouraging.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Obedience
I'm in debt this morning to Oswald Chambers who leads me to the subject of obedience, or "yielding", as the updated language edition calls it.
For years I happily considered myself the captain of my own ship and the life with which I was blessed gave me no reason to believe otherwise.
Slowly but surely, as I grew into adulthood, I became aware that this might not be the best long-term plan for me and the quiet, consistent voice of God became more audible. He had been calling me and preparing me for the moment I would wake up to the beautiful gift He had for me.
Perhaps that yielding in obedience so many years ago was only to prepare me for this particular journey on earth. I will attest to the fact that I couldn't be enduring it with such confidence had God not drawn me to Himself, surrounding me every step of the way and making me continually aware of His perfect place awaiting me in which this body will be forever healed in every way.
How can I ever thank Him.
"If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame for it, because at a point away back I yielded myself to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because I yielded myself to Him."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest-Classic Edition).
"His servants are ye to whom ye obey."-Romans 6:16-(KJV).
"...you are that one's slaves whom you obey..."-Romans 6:16-(NKJV).
On the health front:
If I knew how to incorporate a picture into this blog there would be one of my graduation certificate. Who knew that a simple piece of paper could bring such satisfaction?
In an odd way I will miss the camaraderie of the radiation department and the new friends we made there, but thankfully that phase is behind us. Now it's back to Dr. Polowy and his medical staff to discuss the next phase.
There is usually a several week wait to get into Dr. Polowy's office but I was blessed by someone who cancelled his/her appointment and I will be seeing the doctor today. All I know at this point is that I will be back in my recliner in the Chemo Room for several more cycles of Gemzar. A PET scan will follow and the determination will be made at that time whether or not I will be enjoying a treatment-free summer. Right now only God knows the answer to that.
Please keep praying!
For years I happily considered myself the captain of my own ship and the life with which I was blessed gave me no reason to believe otherwise.
Slowly but surely, as I grew into adulthood, I became aware that this might not be the best long-term plan for me and the quiet, consistent voice of God became more audible. He had been calling me and preparing me for the moment I would wake up to the beautiful gift He had for me.
Perhaps that yielding in obedience so many years ago was only to prepare me for this particular journey on earth. I will attest to the fact that I couldn't be enduring it with such confidence had God not drawn me to Himself, surrounding me every step of the way and making me continually aware of His perfect place awaiting me in which this body will be forever healed in every way.
How can I ever thank Him.
"If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame for it, because at a point away back I yielded myself to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because I yielded myself to Him."-Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest-Classic Edition).
"His servants are ye to whom ye obey."-Romans 6:16-(KJV).
"...you are that one's slaves whom you obey..."-Romans 6:16-(NKJV).
On the health front:
If I knew how to incorporate a picture into this blog there would be one of my graduation certificate. Who knew that a simple piece of paper could bring such satisfaction?
In an odd way I will miss the camaraderie of the radiation department and the new friends we made there, but thankfully that phase is behind us. Now it's back to Dr. Polowy and his medical staff to discuss the next phase.
There is usually a several week wait to get into Dr. Polowy's office but I was blessed by someone who cancelled his/her appointment and I will be seeing the doctor today. All I know at this point is that I will be back in my recliner in the Chemo Room for several more cycles of Gemzar. A PET scan will follow and the determination will be made at that time whether or not I will be enjoying a treatment-free summer. Right now only God knows the answer to that.
Please keep praying!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Peace
"Learn to live above your circumstances."
These are the words that met me this morning as I opened Jesus Calling. I'm fairly certain that they particularly struck me because yesterday I was not at my best. This morning, my day to celebrate, I vow to make a concerted effort to "Learn", as that simple phrase instructs me to do.
There are days when I think it would be nice if God would just drop joy and peace on my head with no effort on my part, but even if this does happen occasionally, for me it's not the norm. My peace and confidence come more often after I spend time in the Word, reading, praying and learning. All I need for life is there. What a blessing!
"Trouble and distress are woven into the very fabric of this perishing world. Only My Life in you can empower you to face this endless flow of problems with good cheer."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Simple, but oh so true.
"These things I have spoken to you, that you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world."-John 16:33 (NKJV).
On the health front:
The last POUS was consumed twelve hours ago and I'm just a few hours away from bidding goodbye to my Radiation Team. Then it's back to my Medical Oncologist to discuss the next, and hopefully the last phase of treatment.
My friend, Beth, having been through this experience herself, correctly guessed that I would be celebrating with a nap :)
These are the words that met me this morning as I opened Jesus Calling. I'm fairly certain that they particularly struck me because yesterday I was not at my best. This morning, my day to celebrate, I vow to make a concerted effort to "Learn", as that simple phrase instructs me to do.
There are days when I think it would be nice if God would just drop joy and peace on my head with no effort on my part, but even if this does happen occasionally, for me it's not the norm. My peace and confidence come more often after I spend time in the Word, reading, praying and learning. All I need for life is there. What a blessing!
"Trouble and distress are woven into the very fabric of this perishing world. Only My Life in you can empower you to face this endless flow of problems with good cheer."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Simple, but oh so true.
"These things I have spoken to you, that you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world."-John 16:33 (NKJV).
On the health front:
The last POUS was consumed twelve hours ago and I'm just a few hours away from bidding goodbye to my Radiation Team. Then it's back to my Medical Oncologist to discuss the next, and hopefully the last phase of treatment.
My friend, Beth, having been through this experience herself, correctly guessed that I would be celebrating with a nap :)
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Attitude is everything
Today is going to be one of those "choosing" days.
I woke up with a headache and a cranky spirit. Carson is ever faithful in his attendance, my morning coffee is here, the newspaper awaits, a contented cat purrs at my side and I'm still crabby. Does God listen to the prayers of a crabby person? I sure hope so, since a serious attitude adjustment is in order here.
"You may talk to Me as much as you like about the difficulty of the path we are following. I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. You can ventilate safely to Me, because talking with Me tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from My perspective."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Note to self: Notice He says "...talking with Me", not to Me. This is a dialogue, not a monologue.
"If possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people."-Romans 12:18 (NET).
Note to self: "As far as it depends on you..." That would be YOU, Barb!
"A cheerful heart brings good healing but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."-Proverbs 17:22 (NET).
Note to self: Hmmm...which to choose; a cheerful heart, a crushed spirit or dried bones?
So, I choose to have a great day....eventually.
On the health front:
Two radiation treatments and one POUS to go...Hallelujah!
I woke up with a headache and a cranky spirit. Carson is ever faithful in his attendance, my morning coffee is here, the newspaper awaits, a contented cat purrs at my side and I'm still crabby. Does God listen to the prayers of a crabby person? I sure hope so, since a serious attitude adjustment is in order here.
"You may talk to Me as much as you like about the difficulty of the path we are following. I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. You can ventilate safely to Me, because talking with Me tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from My perspective."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Note to self: Notice He says "...talking with Me", not to Me. This is a dialogue, not a monologue.
"If possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people."-Romans 12:18 (NET).
Note to self: "As far as it depends on you..." That would be YOU, Barb!
"A cheerful heart brings good healing but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."-Proverbs 17:22 (NET).
Note to self: Hmmm...which to choose; a cheerful heart, a crushed spirit or dried bones?
So, I choose to have a great day....eventually.
On the health front:
Two radiation treatments and one POUS to go...Hallelujah!
Monday, March 11, 2013
Using sorrow
My reading this morning reinforces my intention to use this ugly disease, cancer, as a continuing opportunity to use sorrow as a building block to the wellness of my spirit.
Hearing my diagnosis last October 5 was surreal. I came out of the fog of anesthesia and asked the question, "Is it cancer?" Blessedly it was my dear daughter-in-law, Tami, who was at my side and she was the one who softly and simply said, "Yes." Until then I had assumed that my body was functioning well and I had become unconsciously dependent upon the impression that it would continue that way indefinitely.
The days that followed were extremely painful in several ways. I expected the physical pain but the emotional pain was something new. I had lost something precious and I needed to grieve that loss.
During that enforced two and a half week hospital stay I had ample opportunity to process what I had lost and by the time I returned home I had become familiar with the reality that I was indeed a "new" person in some very important ways. Now it was up to me, holding tightly to God's hand, to discover what that person would look like.
Today's reading points out so well that choosing to remain in the grieving stage is non-productive. "Weeping inconsolably beside a grave can never give back love's banished treasure, nor can any blessing come out of such sadness. Sorrow makes deep scars; it writes its record ineffaceably on the heart which suffers.....Indeed, they are poor who have never suffered, and have none of sorrow's marks upon them.... God has so ordered that in pressing on in duty we shall find the truest comfort for ourselves."-J.R. Miller (Streams in the Desert).
Looking at it that way, I am able to sincerely thank God for my sorrow.
"Creator and Redeemer God....
May I be always amongst those who walk and rejoice in Thee, who take Thee at Thy word and find life in Thee.
Keep me always longing...for spiritual graces and blessings, for help to value my duties as well as Thy privileges...."-The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
On the health front:
Today marks the beginning of my last week of radiation and oral chemo! If all goes as planned, my last POUS will be taken on Tuesday evening and my last radiation treatment will take place on Wednesday afternoon.
I won't miss the treatments but I will miss the smiling faces of the team at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center. These folks are incredible and we have come to believe that the men and women who choose cancer treatment and research as a profession are cut from a very special cloth.
Hearing my diagnosis last October 5 was surreal. I came out of the fog of anesthesia and asked the question, "Is it cancer?" Blessedly it was my dear daughter-in-law, Tami, who was at my side and she was the one who softly and simply said, "Yes." Until then I had assumed that my body was functioning well and I had become unconsciously dependent upon the impression that it would continue that way indefinitely.
The days that followed were extremely painful in several ways. I expected the physical pain but the emotional pain was something new. I had lost something precious and I needed to grieve that loss.
During that enforced two and a half week hospital stay I had ample opportunity to process what I had lost and by the time I returned home I had become familiar with the reality that I was indeed a "new" person in some very important ways. Now it was up to me, holding tightly to God's hand, to discover what that person would look like.
Today's reading points out so well that choosing to remain in the grieving stage is non-productive. "Weeping inconsolably beside a grave can never give back love's banished treasure, nor can any blessing come out of such sadness. Sorrow makes deep scars; it writes its record ineffaceably on the heart which suffers.....Indeed, they are poor who have never suffered, and have none of sorrow's marks upon them.... God has so ordered that in pressing on in duty we shall find the truest comfort for ourselves."-J.R. Miller (Streams in the Desert).
Looking at it that way, I am able to sincerely thank God for my sorrow.
"Creator and Redeemer God....
May I be always amongst those who walk and rejoice in Thee, who take Thee at Thy word and find life in Thee.
Keep me always longing...for spiritual graces and blessings, for help to value my duties as well as Thy privileges...."-The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
On the health front:
Today marks the beginning of my last week of radiation and oral chemo! If all goes as planned, my last POUS will be taken on Tuesday evening and my last radiation treatment will take place on Wednesday afternoon.
I won't miss the treatments but I will miss the smiling faces of the team at Ironwood Cancer and Research Center. These folks are incredible and we have come to believe that the men and women who choose cancer treatment and research as a profession are cut from a very special cloth.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Sunday morning
It has been a full weekend so far. Chuck's siblings and their significant others have been arriving since Thursday and there have been good times of looking at old pictures, sharing memories and getting to know each other all over again. It has been fun for me to observe the siblings' interaction and to note their similarities in speech patterns and mannerisms.
I have been cautious in my participation outside family settings since I don't want to knowingly sabotage my chances of completing this phase of treatment, but I'm grateful to have been able to get in on some of the fun.
There's nothing inspirational about this morning's post, but again I have become aware of how facing a life-changing event sharpens the senses. How clear it becomes once more that few things in life are more important than family.
I am so blessed to be a part of precious families here on earth and even more blessed to be a part of the family of God.
I have been cautious in my participation outside family settings since I don't want to knowingly sabotage my chances of completing this phase of treatment, but I'm grateful to have been able to get in on some of the fun.
There's nothing inspirational about this morning's post, but again I have become aware of how facing a life-changing event sharpens the senses. How clear it becomes once more that few things in life are more important than family.
I am so blessed to be a part of precious families here on earth and even more blessed to be a part of the family of God.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
"Forced Leisure"
My friend, Marcia, recently sent me a card containing a small page from her daily devotional in which a woman's journey with leukemia was chronicled. This woman was in partial isolation during those months, giving her much opportunity for reflection. She referred to that time as her time of "forced leisure".
Marcia had her period of forced leisure last year and I'm having mine now, and I look forward to the time when she and I can sit down over a cup of coffee and compare the many lessons we learned during that period of our lives. Thanks, Marcia, for your thoughtfulness.
I can again say with all honesty that I am grateful for this experience through which God is accompanying me and in a strange way I can say it is one of the greatest blessings in my life so far, and there have been many! I have never experienced God as I am experiencing Him now. Had He not called me through His Son, Jesus Christ, I would be a poorer person, unable to see the "Joy in the Journey", as musician Michael Card wrote and sang many years ago. ("There is a Joy in the Journey"-Michael Card).
I will not miss cancer when I am healed but I will miss my close times with God. I'm sure busyness will creep back but I know already that I will not allow that busyness to replace my precious times of communication with my Creator.
"The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."-Zephaniah 3:14-20.
On the health front:
Gratefully, things are pretty steady and if all goes well I will have only three more radiation treatments and four POUS until this phase is over. Then it's back to the forced leisure of our weekly visit to the comfy recliner and my infusion chemotherapy for an as yet unknown period of time.
Keep praying! Your prayers are getting us through this.
Marcia had her period of forced leisure last year and I'm having mine now, and I look forward to the time when she and I can sit down over a cup of coffee and compare the many lessons we learned during that period of our lives. Thanks, Marcia, for your thoughtfulness.
I can again say with all honesty that I am grateful for this experience through which God is accompanying me and in a strange way I can say it is one of the greatest blessings in my life so far, and there have been many! I have never experienced God as I am experiencing Him now. Had He not called me through His Son, Jesus Christ, I would be a poorer person, unable to see the "Joy in the Journey", as musician Michael Card wrote and sang many years ago. ("There is a Joy in the Journey"-Michael Card).
I will not miss cancer when I am healed but I will miss my close times with God. I'm sure busyness will creep back but I know already that I will not allow that busyness to replace my precious times of communication with my Creator.
"The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."-Zephaniah 3:14-20.
On the health front:
Gratefully, things are pretty steady and if all goes well I will have only three more radiation treatments and four POUS until this phase is over. Then it's back to the forced leisure of our weekly visit to the comfy recliner and my infusion chemotherapy for an as yet unknown period of time.
Keep praying! Your prayers are getting us through this.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Prayer
"Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly."-Psalm 5:3 (NLT).
I'm struck again while reading this beautiful psalm of David with the wonder of knowing that God not only listens to my prayers, He is always available and He always answers in His way, in His time.
Like David, for many mornings, afternoons, evenings and years I have prayed for my children and now I have the privilege of doing the same for my grandchildren. Often I would have preferred that my prayers be answered on my terms and on my timetable but God lovingly asked me to wait and to trust Him. I can't thank Him enough for that, as frustrating as it may have been at the time. And when a prayer is answered in the best possible way, the tears come and my gratitude knows no bounds.
God knows me so well. He places me in the most challenging of circumstances, draws me close to Himself, then unexpectedly gives me the sweetest of glimmerings of answered prayer in a completely unexpected way, completely unrelated to my personal situation.
God is so good, and again I am given new energy to keep praying and to keep expecting answers. I simply need to be faithful in those prayers and to trust that His timetable far surpasses my own.
"Thou incomprehensible but prayer-hearing God...
I bless Thee that Thou hast made me capable of knowing Thee, the Author of all being, of resembling Thee, the Perfection of all excellency, of enjoying Thee, the Source of all happiness.
O God, attend me in every part of my arduous and trying pilgrimage;
I need the same counsel, defense, comfort I found in my beginning....
Continue the gentleness of Thy goodness towards me, and whether I wake or sleep, let Thy presence go with me, Thy blessings attend me....
Thou hast led me on and I have found Thy promises to be true. I have been sorrowful, but Thou hast been my help, fearful but Thou hast lifted me up.
Thy vows are ever upon me, and I praise Thee, O God."-The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
On the health front:
I had an irresistible urge yesterday to go out for a meal with my husband. He has been so faithful in the kitchen and giving him the night off seemed like a good idea. We chose mid-afternoon where germ sharing would hopefully be at a minimum.
Fish and chips sounded heavenly, as did the strawberry limeade.
Not a good idea. Carson is back in the kitchen.
I'm struck again while reading this beautiful psalm of David with the wonder of knowing that God not only listens to my prayers, He is always available and He always answers in His way, in His time.
Like David, for many mornings, afternoons, evenings and years I have prayed for my children and now I have the privilege of doing the same for my grandchildren. Often I would have preferred that my prayers be answered on my terms and on my timetable but God lovingly asked me to wait and to trust Him. I can't thank Him enough for that, as frustrating as it may have been at the time. And when a prayer is answered in the best possible way, the tears come and my gratitude knows no bounds.
God knows me so well. He places me in the most challenging of circumstances, draws me close to Himself, then unexpectedly gives me the sweetest of glimmerings of answered prayer in a completely unexpected way, completely unrelated to my personal situation.
God is so good, and again I am given new energy to keep praying and to keep expecting answers. I simply need to be faithful in those prayers and to trust that His timetable far surpasses my own.
"Thou incomprehensible but prayer-hearing God...
I bless Thee that Thou hast made me capable of knowing Thee, the Author of all being, of resembling Thee, the Perfection of all excellency, of enjoying Thee, the Source of all happiness.
O God, attend me in every part of my arduous and trying pilgrimage;
I need the same counsel, defense, comfort I found in my beginning....
Continue the gentleness of Thy goodness towards me, and whether I wake or sleep, let Thy presence go with me, Thy blessings attend me....
Thou hast led me on and I have found Thy promises to be true. I have been sorrowful, but Thou hast been my help, fearful but Thou hast lifted me up.
Thy vows are ever upon me, and I praise Thee, O God."-The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.
On the health front:
I had an irresistible urge yesterday to go out for a meal with my husband. He has been so faithful in the kitchen and giving him the night off seemed like a good idea. We chose mid-afternoon where germ sharing would hopefully be at a minimum.
Fish and chips sounded heavenly, as did the strawberry limeade.
Not a good idea. Carson is back in the kitchen.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Contentment.....again.
Tuesday was as perfect a day as I've had for a long time. Aside from the usual fatigue, I was symptom/side effect free, even after downing the POUS. Stretched out on the sofa in the late afternoon, the front door open, I listened to the birds and thanked God that I was alive at that very moment to enjoy all that He offered.
Tuesday night brought fitful sleep. Wednesday I was light-headed and had stomach discomfort. Wednesday night brought fitful sleep again and here I am on Thursday morning half-dreading the requisites of the day ahead.
What's wrong with this picture? Unfortunately, it's me. I'm guilty of laboring under the misconception that because I'm not content at least most of the time, I'm falling short of some invisible mark....that discontent is a flaw and if I experience it, I haven't been listening to and applying the correct lessons. I try to tell myself that contentment is simply a choice and I should "just do it!", or "just be it!", in this case. But it's not that easy.
Jeremiah Burroughs, in his Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, points out that even the great apostle, Paul, had to learn contentment, so I'm in good company. I need to listen as he (Paul) says:
"Now godliness with contentment is great gain...and having food and clothing, with these we shall be content."-1 Timothy 6:6,8 (NKJV). Hmmm...Paul said "gain". That tells me that contentment didn't come instilled in me at birth. I must learn it in order to gain it.
Paul reminds me in Hebrews 13:5 that I must be content with the things I already have, and again in Philippians 4:11 he tells me, "...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."-(NKJV). There's that word "learned" again. Does this mean that I can be content even with having cancer? Of course it does.
Burroughs goes on to say, "A gracious heart is contented by the melting of his will and desires into God's will and desires; by this means he gets contentment..... This, too, is a mystery..."
There's so much more but this is plenty to chew on for one morning. Today's lessons are ready for me and waiting to be learned.
"Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident (or content, in my case) because My presence accompanies you all the days of your life-and onward into eternity."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Tuesday night brought fitful sleep. Wednesday I was light-headed and had stomach discomfort. Wednesday night brought fitful sleep again and here I am on Thursday morning half-dreading the requisites of the day ahead.
What's wrong with this picture? Unfortunately, it's me. I'm guilty of laboring under the misconception that because I'm not content at least most of the time, I'm falling short of some invisible mark....that discontent is a flaw and if I experience it, I haven't been listening to and applying the correct lessons. I try to tell myself that contentment is simply a choice and I should "just do it!", or "just be it!", in this case. But it's not that easy.
Jeremiah Burroughs, in his Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, points out that even the great apostle, Paul, had to learn contentment, so I'm in good company. I need to listen as he (Paul) says:
"Now godliness with contentment is great gain...and having food and clothing, with these we shall be content."-1 Timothy 6:6,8 (NKJV). Hmmm...Paul said "gain". That tells me that contentment didn't come instilled in me at birth. I must learn it in order to gain it.
Paul reminds me in Hebrews 13:5 that I must be content with the things I already have, and again in Philippians 4:11 he tells me, "...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."-(NKJV). There's that word "learned" again. Does this mean that I can be content even with having cancer? Of course it does.
Burroughs goes on to say, "A gracious heart is contented by the melting of his will and desires into God's will and desires; by this means he gets contentment..... This, too, is a mystery..."
There's so much more but this is plenty to chew on for one morning. Today's lessons are ready for me and waiting to be learned.
"Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident (or content, in my case) because My presence accompanies you all the days of your life-and onward into eternity."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
When short on inspiration....
....borrow from others' inspiration.
This is my prayer for today and every day, handed down to me from a Puritan prayer warrior from times past:
"Thou Eternal God,....I thank Thee for personal mercies, a measure of health, preservation of body, comforts of house and home, sufficiency of food and clothing, continuance of mental powers, my family, their mutual help and support, the delights of domestic harmony and peace, the seats now filled that might have been vacant, my country, church, Bible, faith.........."-The Valley of Vision.
So beautiful.
This is my prayer for today and every day, handed down to me from a Puritan prayer warrior from times past:
"Thou Eternal God,....I thank Thee for personal mercies, a measure of health, preservation of body, comforts of house and home, sufficiency of food and clothing, continuance of mental powers, my family, their mutual help and support, the delights of domestic harmony and peace, the seats now filled that might have been vacant, my country, church, Bible, faith.........."-The Valley of Vision.
So beautiful.
Caffeine, please
Short on sleep last night, short on inspiration this morning.
This just may be a blogless day.
On the health front:
Yesterday, for whatever reason, I had more energy than I have had for a long time. I think my body knows it's on the home stretch for this phase.
I'll take the blessings wherever and whenever they may be found.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV).
This just may be a blogless day.
On the health front:
Yesterday, for whatever reason, I had more energy than I have had for a long time. I think my body knows it's on the home stretch for this phase.
I'll take the blessings wherever and whenever they may be found.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV).
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
The Race
Twenty three treatments down, seven to go. The finish line, for this phase anyway, is in sight and I must admit I'm pretty pumped! I've spent so much energy training myself to take the "one day at a time" approach that it feels odd, and good, to mentally jump ahead for a change.
Looking at my journey as a race seems strange since I've always associated a race with speed. This race has been far from speedy, but it has been a race, nevertheless.
Dictionary.com has a couple of applicable definitions for my "race":
"Any contest or competition, especially to achieve superiority."
"Onward movement. An onward, or regular course."
"The course of time. The course of life, or part of life."
All great definitions, but my favorite is the one about superiority.
My personal opinion, regardless of the valuable lessons I'm learning, is that not having cancer is better than having cancer. My body is physically in competition with cancer cells and I'm in this race to compete fiercely against them and to attain victory over them. But I'm also in competition to win spiritually and emotionally, so I pray that I will never forget the irreplaceable lessons I have learned along the way and that I will never cease to apply them in my life.
"Again I observed on this earth: The race is not always won by the swiftest, the battle is not always won by the strongest...."-Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NET).
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it."-1 Corinthians 9:24 ((ESV).
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."-2 Timothy 4:7 (ESV).
"....and let us run the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, Who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross..."-Hebrews 12:1b-2 (NKJV).
The race is on and the finish line is in sight!
On the health front:
Doctor Day revealed that my numbers are holding steady and that my itching could be a Xeloda side effect or it could be a reaction to all the pollen in the air.
He ended the appointment with a fatherly smile and an encouraging, "You're doing very well!" This struck me as funny since he's younger than three of my kids :)
Looking at my journey as a race seems strange since I've always associated a race with speed. This race has been far from speedy, but it has been a race, nevertheless.
Dictionary.com has a couple of applicable definitions for my "race":
"Any contest or competition, especially to achieve superiority."
"Onward movement. An onward, or regular course."
"The course of time. The course of life, or part of life."
All great definitions, but my favorite is the one about superiority.
My personal opinion, regardless of the valuable lessons I'm learning, is that not having cancer is better than having cancer. My body is physically in competition with cancer cells and I'm in this race to compete fiercely against them and to attain victory over them. But I'm also in competition to win spiritually and emotionally, so I pray that I will never forget the irreplaceable lessons I have learned along the way and that I will never cease to apply them in my life.
"Again I observed on this earth: The race is not always won by the swiftest, the battle is not always won by the strongest...."-Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NET).
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it."-1 Corinthians 9:24 ((ESV).
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."-2 Timothy 4:7 (ESV).
"....and let us run the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, Who, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross..."-Hebrews 12:1b-2 (NKJV).
The race is on and the finish line is in sight!
On the health front:
Doctor Day revealed that my numbers are holding steady and that my itching could be a Xeloda side effect or it could be a reaction to all the pollen in the air.
He ended the appointment with a fatherly smile and an encouraging, "You're doing very well!" This struck me as funny since he's younger than three of my kids :)
Monday, March 4, 2013
Friendship
My friend, Mary, asks for prayer for her 94 year old mom who fell and broke her hip. This request for prayer, coming at a time when I am using a beautiful book from my dear longtime friend, Pat, as my morning quiet time reading, brings home to me the dual nature of friendship. Friendship both gives and receives. It's not just about having friends, it's about being a friend. Mary prays regularly for me and I will pray both for Mary and her mom. Thank you, Mary, for giving me the privilege of doing that for you and for the privilege of being your friend.
I have reaped the rewards of having good friends all my life, but never to the degree that I have experienced since my cancer diagnosis. I won't even attempt to tell the many forms those rewards have taken, and it has been a great time of growth.
I have always enjoyed the giving part of friendship but have had some difficulty with the receiving end of it. I have an observant cousin who has noticed a strong tendency in our genetic line to accept the "I'm not worthy" mindset. Perhaps that's it, but whatever the reason, I realize now that I am not being a good friend when I consistently say, "No, thanks".
So this morning I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I am sure that today I will concentrate on being a good friend.
"I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known to you."-John 15:15 (NIV).
"He (Jesus) wants to be the best Friend you've ever had-sharing every moment of your life. He wants to laugh with you, even through the slips and spills. He wants to relax with you in your weariness, to commune with you on those issues that affect you most."-Wayne Jacobsen (In My Father's Vineyard).
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."-Vivian Greene
On the health front:
Still itchy. Today is Doctor Day so I'll bring that up. Other than waking up tired every day, it's a good morning!
I have reaped the rewards of having good friends all my life, but never to the degree that I have experienced since my cancer diagnosis. I won't even attempt to tell the many forms those rewards have taken, and it has been a great time of growth.
I have always enjoyed the giving part of friendship but have had some difficulty with the receiving end of it. I have an observant cousin who has noticed a strong tendency in our genetic line to accept the "I'm not worthy" mindset. Perhaps that's it, but whatever the reason, I realize now that I am not being a good friend when I consistently say, "No, thanks".
So this morning I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I am sure that today I will concentrate on being a good friend.
"I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known to you."-John 15:15 (NIV).
"He (Jesus) wants to be the best Friend you've ever had-sharing every moment of your life. He wants to laugh with you, even through the slips and spills. He wants to relax with you in your weariness, to commune with you on those issues that affect you most."-Wayne Jacobsen (In My Father's Vineyard).
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."-Vivian Greene
On the health front:
Still itchy. Today is Doctor Day so I'll bring that up. Other than waking up tired every day, it's a good morning!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Legacy
Today I am missing my mom. She has been gone for nearly nineteen years but I still miss her and will continue to miss her until the day we will hopefully meet again.
Having cancer has brought me face to face with realities that I was able to keep on the shelf when I was my healthy self. Now that I am fully facing the immutable fact that my life will indeed come to an end, I am taking inventory of what I want to leave for my children and grandchildren.
When Jody went off to college she gave me a card that I still have. On the front it says, "Mom, you taught me everything I know." And on the inside it says, "Could we go over it again?" I love that card and it continues to bring home the reality that my life needs to be one that continually "goes over it again". My life example of what is right and what is good must be consistent and ongoing in order to model the legacy I want to leave.
I am incredibly blessed by the knowledge that God has prepared the hearts of each of my children and grandchildren to be sensitive to His voice. Are there questions? Are each of them at varying stages in their walks? Of course! And that's as it should be. No matter the godly example I leave for them, I can't give them their faith. They must own it for themselves.
I consider my cancer journey a gift that has been given to me as a vehicle to show and tell those I love that God is not only present in the good times, He is especially present in the challenging ones. He can and will do marvelous and mighty things. I just need to look for Him.
Thank you, Lord, that You have loved me enough to take me on this journey.
"Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband praises her..."-Proverbs 31:28 (NET).
This is my prayer.
On the health front:
Radiation and oral chemo have sucked my skin dry. I am tempted to scratch until I irritate it beyond repair. It's a good thing I'm a dairyman's wife. The only thing that soothes it is bag balm.
Having cancer has brought me face to face with realities that I was able to keep on the shelf when I was my healthy self. Now that I am fully facing the immutable fact that my life will indeed come to an end, I am taking inventory of what I want to leave for my children and grandchildren.
When Jody went off to college she gave me a card that I still have. On the front it says, "Mom, you taught me everything I know." And on the inside it says, "Could we go over it again?" I love that card and it continues to bring home the reality that my life needs to be one that continually "goes over it again". My life example of what is right and what is good must be consistent and ongoing in order to model the legacy I want to leave.
I am incredibly blessed by the knowledge that God has prepared the hearts of each of my children and grandchildren to be sensitive to His voice. Are there questions? Are each of them at varying stages in their walks? Of course! And that's as it should be. No matter the godly example I leave for them, I can't give them their faith. They must own it for themselves.
I consider my cancer journey a gift that has been given to me as a vehicle to show and tell those I love that God is not only present in the good times, He is especially present in the challenging ones. He can and will do marvelous and mighty things. I just need to look for Him.
Thank you, Lord, that You have loved me enough to take me on this journey.
"Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband praises her..."-Proverbs 31:28 (NET).
This is my prayer.
On the health front:
Radiation and oral chemo have sucked my skin dry. I am tempted to scratch until I irritate it beyond repair. It's a good thing I'm a dairyman's wife. The only thing that soothes it is bag balm.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
My perfect path
Sarah Young focuses on the word "path"; especially appropriate, I think, since we have considered this experience a journey from the start. She reassures me, through the words of Jesus, that I'm on the right path even though it doesn't seem so at times. And my path has been designed especially for me.
"Therefore it's a lonely way, humanly speaking."-Sarah Young (Jesus Calling).
She points out that the end of my path will not be visible right now since it has been designed to walk on a day by day, moment by moment basis. No worries, though. I have the best Companion to accompany me along the way.
"Often God seems to place His children in positions of profound difficulty, leading them into a wedge from which there is no escape...
It does seem perplexing and very serious to the last degree, but it is perfectly right...
He will not only deliver you, but in doing so, He will give you a lesson you will never forget, and to which, in many a song and psalm, in after days you will revert. You will never be able to thank God enough for having done just as He has."-Streams in the Desert (Author Unknown).
And, of course, again I find the perfect prayer in The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions:
"I hang on Thee; I see, believe, live when Thy will, not mine, is done...
If Thy mercy make me poor and vile, blessed be Thou!
Help me to honor Thee by believing before I feel, for great is the sin if I make feeling a cause of faith..."
How beautiful!
So today I am thanking my God for the unique path on which he has placed my feet. How perfect is His path for me!
Wow...introspection is good but "extrospection" felt even better!
(Rats...I thought I'd invented that word but it's in the dictionary.)
"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."-Psalm 119:105 (KJV).
"Your Word is a lamp to walk by and a light to illumine my path."-Psalm 119:105 (NET).
On the health front:
Tender abdominal area and dry, dry, itchy skin but that's about it so far. Of course I haven't been further than ten feet from my bed so things could change, but at the moment I am thanking God for small mercies.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Weary
I am writing this entry at night so it will be ten hours old by the time it is posted. This will be it for today.
I function very differently in the morning than I do at night and right now I am especially aware of that fact. Since this blog serves as a diary of sorts I want to capture as much as possible from the start, the middle and the end of my journey. I don't want to forget one minute of it when I am healed.
Tonight I am weary; not just tired, but weary. My body is letting me down. My brain feels the very real effects of "chemo fog". Tears of frustration suddenly appear. I feel useless and discouraged at times. But I have been prepared for these foreign experiences by wise friends who have walked their own walks through cancer and are well qualified to advise me, so I'm neither taken by surprise nor am I despondent. I know "This, too, shall pass". My friends Pati, Geri, Janice, Joyce, Ruth, Beth, Jerri, Jodi and Robyn understand. Dale knows this weariness, as do the new friends we have made during treatment so I am not alone.
Tomorrow is a new day and will bring with it renewed energy, or what there is left of it, but I don't ever want to push aside the negatives of this journey in favor of the positives. I might miss some important lessons to be learned along the way.
So tonight as I prepare for sleep I will accept the invitation of Jesus to "Come to Me, all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear and My load is not hard to carry".Matthew 11:28-30 (NET).
So, good night, friends, and sleep well.
I function very differently in the morning than I do at night and right now I am especially aware of that fact. Since this blog serves as a diary of sorts I want to capture as much as possible from the start, the middle and the end of my journey. I don't want to forget one minute of it when I am healed.
Tonight I am weary; not just tired, but weary. My body is letting me down. My brain feels the very real effects of "chemo fog". Tears of frustration suddenly appear. I feel useless and discouraged at times. But I have been prepared for these foreign experiences by wise friends who have walked their own walks through cancer and are well qualified to advise me, so I'm neither taken by surprise nor am I despondent. I know "This, too, shall pass". My friends Pati, Geri, Janice, Joyce, Ruth, Beth, Jerri, Jodi and Robyn understand. Dale knows this weariness, as do the new friends we have made during treatment so I am not alone.
Tomorrow is a new day and will bring with it renewed energy, or what there is left of it, but I don't ever want to push aside the negatives of this journey in favor of the positives. I might miss some important lessons to be learned along the way.
So tonight as I prepare for sleep I will accept the invitation of Jesus to "Come to Me, all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear and My load is not hard to carry".Matthew 11:28-30 (NET).
So, good night, friends, and sleep well.
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