Re-reading my previous posts I am struck with how often I refer to fatigue as being a prominent side-effect of this journey. And with that constant state of fatigue comes the feeling that I am aging rapidly....more rapidly than I was in my life BC. I expect it will take a while after my treatment ends to regain the energy I once enjoyed, but the aging process will continue along its merry way regardless.
My wish has always been to age gracefully. My mom did it, my dad outlived his ability to do it. But aging gratefully has become even more important to me since the onset of our journey through cancer.
Psalm 71 is rich in references to the aging process and it speaks so strongly to my increasing need for God's presence in my life as I walk, and often stumble, along this path to eternity. "My life is an example to many, because You have been my strength and protection. That is why I can never stop praising You. I declare Your glory all day long. And now, in my old age, don't abandon me when my strength is failing."-Psalm 71:7-9 (NLT). This is my wish, tempered greatly by the firm knowledge that He will never abandon me.
The psalmist goes on to say, "Now that I am old and gray, do not abandon me, O God. Let me proclaim Your power to this new generation, Your mighty miracles to all who come after me."-Psalm 71:18 (NLT). What an important prayer! It is my greatest desire in this life to pass my love for my Lord on to those who follow me. "If you're not yet elderly, you will be one day- or else dead! Pray for a good death and a good dying."-Ben Patterson (God's Prayer Book). Passing on God's love for me in all situations is a very important part of "a good dying" for me.
"All my life, I've been taught how to die, but no one ever taught me how to grow old."- Billy Graham.
"It's sundown, Lord. The shadows of my life stretch back into the dimness of the years long spent. I fear not death, for that grim foe betrays itself at last, thrusting me forever into life; life with You, unsoiled and free. But I do fear the dark specter may come too soon- or do I mean too late? That I should end before I finish or finish, but not well. That I should stain Your honor, shame Your name, grieve Your loving heart. Few, they tell me, finish well....Lord, let me get home before dark."-Robertson McQuilken.
Beautiful!
On the health front:
I enjoyed a chemo-free Thursday yesterday. Aside from needing multiple visits to my comfy couch, there's nothing of importance to report, and for that I am very grateful!
oh my gosh!! billy graham hit the nail on the head!! one of my friends told me "if i knew what growing older entailed i would not have signed on"
ReplyDeleteamen to that too. yes we as Christians know that dying is not the end but only the beginning so we look forward to that. now do we look forward to it because we are tired and weary of growing old and have no more patience for it? or do just think something better is going to happen someday but not right now. i don't want to play this game anymore. i see my friend barb doesn't want to either. i did not learn this lesson on growing old very well from my parents and grandparents. i wonder what they would say.
cathye
You are right, Cathy...this is a tough one! But you put it so well when you said that as believers we know we are not at the end of our road when we grow old and die...only the beginning of the one that will never come to an end! But until that day comes, Lord, have mercy :)
ReplyDeleteLove,
Barb