Silly musings

"As we age we begin to forget stuff;

Our joints stiffen, our heads get a little soft.

Getting old is part of getting past

The illusion we have about ourselves.

It is part of getting free."-Rich Mullins.

Rich Mullins died shortly before his 42nd birthday so from my elderly perspective his journey into old age had barely begun.  His musings reflect, however, that he was beginning to "get it".

Funny how old age creeps up so silently. One day it's a piece of cake to remember with clarity a conversation containing an important piece of information that might be needed in the near future and the next day not only is that information gone but the entire conversation will have to be repeated.  One day going from a sitting to a standing position from an armless chair is effortless and the next day I find myself selecting my chair very carefully according to the assistance it will provide to get me upright once again.

My dad lived with us for three and a half years before he died at age 94.  Much of the time spent in conversation with him consisted of stories we had already heard a gazillion times and I sheepishly admit to nearly going berserk at times.  Now I silently ask his forgiveness for my lack of patience because I'm probably doing the same thing.  I will ask my family and friends to forgive me in advance and to love me in spite of myself as I am launched even further into old age.

I think what prompted these musings today was the realization that since the beginning of this blog I have more than likely visited the same subjects more than once and I have probably said the same things before.  But that's a blessing of old age.  As the brain cells check out, all things become new again😀

So what does any of this have to do with my cancer journey?  Absolutely nothing, other than the fact that since I was forcefully hit with the reminder and the reality that I'm not immortal, some very interesting reflections on life have resulted.....and it's actually been pretty freeing, as Rich Mullins wisely points out.

"And so, let me grow.  Let me grow old.  Let me grow free.  Even if I have to repeat myself to do it."-Rich Mullins.

On the health front:

My weekly blood draws will now consist of readings that can be reported on a STAT basis.  The benefit of knowing the state of my white blood cell count within hours is that I will know almost immediately whether or not Neupogen shots will be necessary to keep me on my prescribed chemotherapy schedule and I'm not about to sabotage that schedule if I can help it!  I'm ready to be finished with this.