Random thoughts

This morning my thoughts are scattered, but in a semi- organized way, if that's possible.  I think it has something to do with the approaching reality that I will soon be sprung from my "enforced rest" and allowed the privilege of re-entering life as I once knew it.  I hope I will re-enter it a different person.  I have been radically changed and I hope it has been for the better.

I have realized that a piece of my sense of self- worth had its basis in accomplishments (not that they have been of any particular significance in the whole scheme of things).  Another realization is that I took my good health completely for granted.  And yet another is that I could have been far more compassionate and caring than I was.  

I have learned that a major health challenge is not necessarily a bad thing.  I have gained a new appreciation for the kindness of others.  I have especially come to see a new depth in the love I have for my husband and the love he has for me.

Above all, I have discovered so much more about the sufficiency of my God.  He has met me at each of my needs, having charted my path even before I knew what that path would be.  He took me to a new level of dependence, both physically and spiritually, and when I had no earthly direction left, there He was, waiting patiently.  I hope I have finally and forever learned the simple but profound lesson that I always need to seek Him first, not just when my earthly options have run out.

I think of our Marine son, Chris, who first had to experience Boot Camp during which he was mentally and physically stripped of his former self and then rebuilt as a United States Marine.  I have indeed experienced Spiritual Boot Camp.  I have had all my earthly props removed and have been redesigned as a woman with a new appreciation of what my foundation should be. It has not always been a pleasant experience but for it I am so very grateful.  And there's so much more.

This may not be the most coherent of all my posts but that's where I am today. Thanks for bearing with me.

On the health front:

The constant fatigue has morphed into semi- constant fatigue so I suspect something positive is occurring inside.  I measure my energy level by meager accomplishments, such as being able to dry and style my hair standing up rather than sitting down and I've had a week in a standing position😊

I suspect that the hemoglobin and platelet counts are still unsatisfactory based on the occurrence of a relatively insignificant bumping of my arm that resulted in a bruise the size of a small lemon. (TMI?)

My weekly blood draws are continuing and our real day of celebration will occur when I hear from the oncologist's office that all is normal on the numbers front and I can cease those weekly visits.

Lots to be thankful for these days.